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Past few weeks, i've felt like killing myself again, i've had to stop drinking which was about the only thing keeping me sane as i've spent my whole months wages, and extended my overdraft, simply so i can drink morning and night, every day, everything feels magnified when fighting an addiction and i have been incredibly unhappy past few weeks, nothing i have in life makes me happy anymore.

Another fantastic reason i thought is that once i'm gone, i can go and punch God in that great stupid Bearded face of his and tell him what a happyflowers i think he is, hypocritical i know since i frequently state i have no belief in him but sometimes in life things seem too surreal to just be put down to chance.

Since i don't see any point doing any work at my job as it's so very pointless, mundane, soul draining, and the fact i couldn't give 2 fucks what the inspection rate on a fuel analysis done in Nigeria costs, I decided to see if Google could provide me with any promising or hopeful reasons why i shouldn't end this life of mine and i found this.

"My dear one,

You are not alone. I am with you. I have loved you since before you were born. I was with you though all the hurt and pain. Only I understand how you feel inside. I am with you. I will go through this time with you. I can bring you through it. Ask Me to help you. I have a wonderful plan for your life.

Search for Me.

I will never let you go."

Having never cared for religion or "God" in general, i have no idea why this struck a nerve with me. I guess it's because i'm past the point where "talking about my problems" ceases to make the least bit fucking difference and it's time for drastic action.

Even if you don't believe in a some hairy guy sitting on a cloud in the sky, just try and understand the message there, it doesn't necessarily even have to be from God, Buddha, Mohammed, Dave Mustaine (He's my true God) it can be from anyone or anything, it could even just be from inside yourself.

Feeling low? Search for that thing, it will guide you.

Sorry if this has made no sense, i've taken some of my friends Pain Killers and feel bit weird.

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god is such a touchy subject.

going into that of subject, no one can win or defend it.

religion works in unique ways and its very awkward and wrong to see how society has already put a firm stamp on religion. religion is something that should go no where.

but i do indeed take in your thread post.

i hope you get a resolved point of the matter.

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Past few weeks, i've felt like killing myself again, i've had to stop drinking which was about the only thing keeping me sane as i've spent my whole months wages, and extended my overdraft, simply so i can drink morning and night, every day, everything feels magnified when fighting an addiction and i have been incredibly unhappy past few weeks, nothing i have in life makes me happy anymore.

Another fantastic reason i thought is that once i'm gone, i can go and punch God in that great stupid Bearded face of his and tell him what a happyflowers i think he is, hypocritical i know since i frequently state i have no belief in him but sometimes in life things seem too surreal to just be put down to chance.

Since i don't see any point doing any work at my job as it's so very pointless, mundane, soul draining, and the fact i couldn't give 2 fucks what the inspection rate on a fuel analysis done in Nigeria costs, I decided to see if Google could provide me with any promising or hopeful reasons why i shouldn't end this life of mine and i found this.

"My dear one,

You are not alone. I am with you. I have loved you since before you were born. I was with you though all the hurt and pain. Only I understand how you feel inside. I am with you. I will go through this time with you. I can bring you through it. Ask Me to help you. I have a wonderful plan for your life.

Search for Me.

I will never let you go."

Having never cared for religion or "God" in general, i have no idea why this struck a nerve with me. I guess it's because i'm past the point where "talking about my problems" ceases to make the least bit fucking difference and it's time for drastic action.

Even if you don't believe in a some hairy guy sitting on a cloud in the sky, just try and understand the message there, it doesn't necessarily even have to be from God, Buddha, Mohammed, Dave Mustaine (He's my true God) it can be from anyone or anything, it could even just be from inside yourself.

Feeling low? Search for that thing, it will guide you.

Sorry if this has made no sense, i've taken some of my friends Pain Killers and feel bit weird.

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You ARE the "Play" Button, Necro. And Calibos, by cutting back on the drinking, you are saying Yes to yourself, to life, to all that is out there for you. Too many people drink as a way to keep the gauze around their heads, to numb them, to make them not be able to see.

The real kicker is when we finally step back and let ourselves be able to see what's really going on - most of the time, we're just lonely. Just a little lost. Just needing a little direction, a little human connection. It's not serious. It's not life-threatening. It's just LIFE. We run so hard and so fast away from something that really, in the end, isn't so scary at all.

If God does it for you, at least for now, then by God Ryan, hold onto that. God is my own rock, God is what keeps me level. Somedays at least. That's partly why the 12 step programs have worked so well for me - they add God into the mix and suddenly I'm not so alone. Not God as in that eternal basterd who keeps tabs on everybody, but God as the ever loving force of animation and creation that is a part of us all.

Sometimes we feel shame when we start thinking about wanting to find spirituality, because we're afraid we're just going to become like those zeolots that turned us away from religion to begin with. But there's so many ways of believing in God, so many names for God, that to be ashamed or embarressed or worried or angry at just one version seems like such a waste.

As a friend of mine said once "Religion is for people who don't want to go hell. Spirituality is for people who have been there and don't want to go back."

It's about what comforts you, about what gets you through the day in a healthymanner.

Don't be ashamed that you need comfort. Don't be ashamed that you're lonely. Every single human being on the planet has felt like that. Isn't that the kicker - that the very nature of the emotion alientates us, even though it is something we all feel? Still, know that you are not alone and know that whatever it takes - as long as it's healthy - to get you through another day is a sure sign of strength.

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Sorry Calibos, I can't really relate as I have never turned to drink when depressed but I agree with what Elsewhere says and I agree that in the long run you're doing yourself a favour by not relying so much on the alcohol.

Just so you know I'm thinking about you and I hope you get through this.

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I have a friend that drinks because he's unhappy.

and more than I wish my acne would go away, more than I wish that I was happy, more than I want anything in the world...I wish he would stop drinking and killing himself and find some happiness.

And someone feels this way about you. More than anything in the world someone wishes you would stop drinking and stop killing yourself and be happy because you are a wonderful person and deserve that. Maybe they just can't find the words to say it, or are afraid to seem weird or be rejected, or maybe they ARE saying it, and you have trouble listening or believing them. But it's true. Please slow down the rate at which you are bestowing toxins upon your liver, and perhaps spend that money on a counselor, or at least something vaguely de-stressing so that you can start to find some sort of peace with yourself. I hope that quote continues to help you, and that your depression goes away. You're worthy of happiness and life and being loved. Don't forget that.

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Instead of killing your self you have to find the reason for you feeling like this and kill that.

You say you hate your job, get a new one..........maybe do something part time whilst you set up your own business, can be very rewarding.

Obviously I dont know you and dont know what your into, but maybe just going out there and meeting some new people with new interests could give you that pick me up you need.

Also, killing yourself is painful and sometimes messy......prob not a good idea.

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