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cityofangels

Here We Go Again

So, this entry is pretty preemptive as I dont think I can jump on the Accutane bandwagon for another month. I am actually in an interesting dilemma as I jumped from derm to derm for a while trying to get one to prescribe Accutane. I finally got one to prescribe it, only to find that they rarely prescribe anything over 20mgs. The other derm I have seen said to give Ziana a month and if it doesnt work, we will go to Accutane and he is willing to do the full 40mg-80mg+ that I probably will need. If anyone has any suggestions on how to handle this situation, that would be great. I am already registered in the iPledge system - got my blood work and everything - but I dont want to stick to 20mgs. But I digress, lets start with some background info:

Background:

I am a 24 yr old male who weighs about 165lbs. In April of 2006, I started a course of Accutane which lasted until October 2006. The dosage was 20mg in the first month, 40mgs in the second and eventually 60mgs the rest of the way - I was a bit "skinnier" at the time. From that point on, I had the wonderous joy of having acne free skin. Yes, I had marks, but they were fading fast and I didnt think too much of them as I was so glad to be free of Acne once and for all, or so I thought.

In July of 2007, I got a new job which brought me from Chicago to Los Angeles. (I used to have an accutane blog under the name "thewindycity"). I was confident, excited and wanted to get on with my life after living in fear/shame/anger/embarrassment from my acne for years. Then, in late August 2007, I started breaking out a bit. I didnt think much of it until I started getting cysts again. Then, my entire left cheek erupted in little skin-colored bumps that are still there - persistent little buggers arent they? I decided I wanted to nip this in the bud while I still had time so I sought out derms near where I lived. So, exactly 1 year to the day I stopped my first course, I found a few derms and thus the situation described above.

Either way, I am going back on Accutane as this Ziana isnt doing much, neither are the washes and such that wereg given to me. I also refuse to go on oral anitbiotics as I had a horrid experience with them before going on Accutane the first time around.

So, I just thought I would introduce myself (again). I do hope the second times a charm as I would like to be clear before summer. It is a bit daunting to think of what I have to go through again though as 5-6 months is a long time but hopefuly this time I will be rid of this acne once and for all...

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How is it that when one side of my face starts to heal, the other side decides to flare up? Why do I have to resort to harsh chemicals and washes again? What did I do to deserve this persistant acne? I dont see how others can be so clear and have no worries and here I am always wondeirng what the next day will bring in terms of acne. The worst part is that I had a taste of the good life. For 1 year after my initial course of accutane, I was clear, I was happy and most of all, I was confident. Now, my left cheek is a mess, my right cheek just exploded and my chin and nose, usually very clear areas, are breaking out.

It gets to a point each day when I just want to take a knife and start slicing off all this acne on my face, but that prob wont help. How is it that the accutane didnt work either? 6 months of hell to deal with clear skin for 1 year? That doesnt seem like a fair trade off to me.

And what the hell is wrong with derms and insurance companies? Instead of listning to me say that every topical and antibiotic never worked for me, derms constantly prescribe the same things. What the hell kind of education do derms receive in terms of acne - a laundry list of product they should always prescribe no matter what? And why is it that derms keep trying to sell me their "home made " skin care lines. Get my damn skin clear first and quit pushing me to buy your stupid products. And insurance companies are retarded to. My insurance company wont cover accutane unless I use doxy or mino for at least 1 month. WTF - why would I want to go on things that I know wont help?

Frustration today has reached an all time high. In fact, im close topicking up smoking again...

Fucking skin.

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So, got my script for tane but apparently insurance wont cover it. Its always something with this crap.

Anyways, I am willing to pay out of pocket for it so no biggie I guess.

Does anyone know whether it is even worth it to take 20mg for 6 months? Last time I took accutane, I went from 20 to 40 to 60mg. My new derm now doesnt prescribe anything over 20mg. I really think its sham in order to have patients have to constantly come back. Does anyone have experience with taking a mid-higher does one time and then a low does the next? I just want clear skin and I dont want to have to constantly take low doses of accutante every year.

Also, does anyone think I can switch derms to one that will prescribe me a higher dose once I start? I dont think this current derm is gonna raise the bar at all since she thinks she knows all since shes been doing this for 35 years.]

Actually, does anyone actually read this thing?

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Derm Ordeal:

So I went back to the derm that prescribed me ziana. Now, heres what I think of ziana - it works well for some I am sure, but it made my skin feel weird and super sensitive. I also didnt use it on my forehead as my cheeks ar generally my problem spots as well as the chin now I guess, and I think the ziana makes me look flushed. If you look at my face, the top half is calm and bottom half is a reddish hue. Strange. Also, I been using it for weeks and I didnt see any improvement.

Anyways, I convinced my derm I didnt want to get put on antibiotic (did about 1 years worth a few years ago and dont want to do that again). The derm agreed and now will prescibe me accutane. I think I will be starting within 2 weeks at 40mg - 60g - 80mg+.

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And so it begins...

Today I began my course of Accutane. I had to opt for a generic (Sotret) as my insurance company is being a bit annoying and refusing to cover the drug so I have to pay out of pocket. Thats roughly $200-$300 a month from now on for the generic but its much better than paying between $500-$1000 for the brand name. My last course of Accutane was using the brand name and it seemed to work well so I am a bit worried that the Sotret wont work as well but everything that I have read thus far has said there is no difference between the brand and generics. Lets pray to God thats the case.

I will be taking 40mg for the first month with the rest of the course determined based on how I am doing after this month. I weight about 165lbs so I do think the 40mg is very low and most likely I will have to hit 80mg but we'll see how things go.

Things I need to get - Omega 3-6-9 complex at GNC and maybe some vitamin E. I dont remember what else I took last time so any suggestions on supplements and/or things that have helped you guys would be much appreciated.

Things I am using: Aveeno Calming Lotion SPF 15 moisturizer and Clearasil for Men Acne Energizing Scrub. I may switch out cleansers to something more gentle in a week or so but Id like to continue using the Clearasil since I just bought it. I also have some Aquaphor and Systane eye drops for the dry eyes. I dont remember horrible side effects last time, but maybe I just adapted well.

Well, heres to clear skin in 5+ months. I just hope and pray that this is the last course I will need. I dont know if I can put myself through this every other year...

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Sometimes I just wonder why me and why now. Arguably I can handle having acne at any other time of the year except the holidays. During the holidays I have to see people and it sucks that my face looks like a pepperoni pizza these days. Infact, someone Ive been wanting to see for a long time is coming into town and now my face is a mess. It just sucks that the first course of accutane didnt work. It also sucks that the derms dont lke prescribing accutane right away which if I went on back in september like i wanted to, Id be 3 months done. Last time I was on tane, I was clear by month 3...

Life is one big struggle these days...

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And so it begins...

Today I began my course of Accutane. I had to opt for a generic (Sotret) as my insurance company is being a bit annoying and refusing to cover the drug so I have to pay out of pocket. Thats roughly $200-$300 a month from now on for the generic but its much better than paying between $500-$1000 for the brand name. My last course of Accutane was using the brand name and it seemed to work well so I am a bit worried that the Sotret wont work as well but everything that I have read thus far has said there is no difference between the brand and generics. Lets pray to God thats the case.

I will be taking 40mg for the first month with the rest of the course determined based on how I am doing after this month. I weight about 165lbs so I do think the 40mg is very low and most likely I will have to hit 80mg but we'll see how things go.

Things I need to get - Omega 3-6-9 complex at GNC and maybe some vitamin E. I dont remember what else I took last time so any suggestions on supplements and/or things that have helped you guys would be much appreciated.

Things I am using: Aveeno Calming Lotion SPF 15 moisturizer and Clearasil for Men Acne Energizing Scrub. I may switch out cleansers to something more gentle in a week or so but Id like to continue using the Clearasil since I just bought it. I also have some Aquaphor and Systane eye drops for the dry eyes. I dont remember horrible side effects last time, but maybe I just adapted well.

Well, heres to clear skin in 5+ months. I just hope and pray that this is the last course I will need. I dont know if I can put myself through this every other year...

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Thanks indie. I am taking 1 40mg pill once a day, but that will change once my course gets bumped up. I think the derm is going to see how I react but I have a feeling I will need to get to at least 60mg but most likely 80mg or more to see results. I have a feeling that the last course wasnt a high enough dosage which led to the reoccurence of my acne, but then again Im not a doctor so who knows, it could have just been the LA air.

Day 6

So 6 days are past and no change in my skin. I am getting a few new ones here and there but nothing out of the ordinary. I had the derm inject all the big cysts on my face so at least the active ones arent these huge buggers. I wish I had an injection kit at home that I could use eveytime I see a cyst instead of having to make an apt and go to the derm's office. Ah well.

Skin: No real change, still oily and still have active acne, including a few new ones.

Side Effects: None at the moment. Doesnt seem like its kicking in at all but maybe itll take longer this time around to start working.

Also, I am still using BP on my active acne and using Clearasil Acne Engergizing Scrub to try and stem an IB. Do you guys think this is a bad idea?

I cant believe I am going through this now during the holidays and during a time when a girl I knew from HS is visiting me. I was looking forward to her visit for a longtime when I still had clear skin but now Im embarrassed...

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Hey good luck bud,

i started on November 21st, I think i may be beginning to see some improvements. Just make sure you take these with meals! Study suggest that the pills are up %50 more effective when taken with fatty meals.

I don't know what your situation is but since this is your second course I would definately try that.

Don't worry mate you're on your way to clear skin and your last course of accutane!

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Thanks Odaniv. Good luck to you as well. I do take my pills with food. I just think that the first course wasnta high enough dosage. That or maybe Im one of those unlucky ones...lets hope for the former rather than the latter.

Day 8

Skin: More bumps on the skin but not the big cystic ones. More like just small fleshy bumps. Skin overall looks bad b/c of the hyperpigmentation, red marks and active acne. Gotta love it. Its ok though as long as this accutane starts to kick in and work and hopefully a few months from now the active acne will stop. I believe it was the 4th month when I was completely clear last time. Hope its sooner this time around.

Side Effects: Dry skin but I am not sure if its the accutane since I have been using benzaclin at the same time for active acne. I dont think my skin is sensitive enough yet to stop. I prob will in about a week or so. Other than this, I have been getting pretty thirsty these days as well.

This past weekend some friends were in town for a few days. One person of particular note was a girl I knew since for a long time. Now for some background, shes the girl that Ive always had an interest in yet was never able to make do anything about it due to my own shyness, my fear that she feels its only platonic and other issues (job, etc.). Now, I just wonder what if...

10 th Grade

As I sat there in English class,

I stared at the girl next to me.

She was my so called 'best friend'.

I stared at her long, silky hair,

and wished she was mine.

But she didn't notice me like that,

and I knew it. After class,

she walked up to me and asked me for

the notes she had missed the day before.

I handed them to her.

She said 'thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

I want to tell her, I want her to know

that I don't want to be just friends,

I love her but I'm just too shy,

and I don't know why.

11th grade

The phone rang. On the other end,

it was her. She was in tears,

mumbling on and on about how her

love had broke her heart.

She asked me to come over because

she didn't want to be alone, So I did.

As I sat next to her on the sofa,

I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine.

After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie,

and three bags of chips, she decided to go home.

She looked at me, said 'thanks' and gave me a kiss

on the cheek..

I want to tell her, I want her to know that

I don't want to be just friends,

I love her but I'm just too shy,

and I don't know why.

Senior year

One fine day she walked to my locker.

"My date is sick" she said, "hes not gonna go"

well,

I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade,

we made a promise that if neither of us had dates,

we would go together just as 'best friends'.

So we did. That night, after everything was over,

i was standing at her front door step.

I stared at her as She smiled at me

and stared at me with her crystal eyes.

Then she said- "I had the best time, thanks!"

and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

I want to tell her,

I want her to know

that I don't want to be just friends,

I love her but I'm just too shy,

and I don't know why.

Graduation.

A day passed, then a week, then a month.

Before I could blink, it was graduation day.

I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel

up on stage to get her diploma.

I wanted her to be mine-but

she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it.

Before everyone went home,

she came to me in her smock and hat,

and cried as I hugged her.

Then she lifted her head from my shoulder

and said- 'you're my best friend, thanks' and

gave me a kiss on the cheek.

I want to tell her, I want her to know

that I don't want to be just friends,

I love her but I'm just too shy,

and I don't know why.

Marriage.

Now I sit in the pews of the church.

That girl is getting married now.

and drive off to her new life,

married to another man.

I wanted her to be mine,

but she didn't see me like that,

and I knew it.

But before she drove away,

she came to me and said 'you came !'.

She said 'thanks' and kissed me on the cheek.

I want her to know that

I don't want to be just friends,

I love her but I'm just too shy,

and I don't know why.

Death.

Years passed, I looked down at the coffin

of a girl who used to be my 'best friend'.

At the service, they read a diary entry

she had wrote in her high school years.

This is what it read:

"I stare at him wishing he was mine;

but he doesn't notice me like that,

and I know it. I want to tell him,

I want him to know that

I don't want to be just friends,

I love him but I'm just too shy,

and I don't know why.

I wish he would tell me he loved me !

........'I wish I did too...'

I thought to my self, and I cried.

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Last post was pretty sappy and lame so lets forget it ever happened.

Day 10

Things are going decent. I am def a bit dryer now than I was before. I was using AHA for awhile as a spot treatment, but last night it stung like hell so Ima stop. I will still spot treat with benzaclin though. I also need to pick up some chapstick as my lips are drying out.

Skin Condition: Decent but far from good. Its gonna be a long journey.

Side Effects: Dry skin but overall everything is mild.

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Last post was pretty sappy and lame so lets forget it ever happened.

Day 10

Things are going decent. I am def a bit dryer now than I was before. I was using AHA for awhile as a spot treatment, but last night it stung like hell so Ima stop. I will still spot treat with benzaclin though. I also need to pick up some chapstick as my lips are drying out.

Skin Condition: Decent but far from good. Its gonna be a long journey.

Side Effects: Dry skin but overall everything is mild.

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My derm told me that 90% are done with 1 course. She's probably a dirty liar.

Its funny, I would trust a lawyer more than most doctors after seeing the inside of the sick world of dermatology

:(

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My derm told me that 90% are done with 1 course. She's probably a dirty liar.

Its funny, I would trust a lawyer more than most doctors after seeing the inside of the sick world of dermatology

:(

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"....Man I hate my skin"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Honey, you just said what every person on this board feels, too. Just so you know - we're all in the same boat.

Keep your head up - you'll get thru this!

(and I'm about a month and a half behind you on the road of 'tane..... so i'll be bitching soon enough myself. Rather bitch about 'tane hopefully doing it's thing than bitching about these g.d cysts I'm getting every other day in multiples of three.....)

Patti

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Been a while since my last post, mostly because I am trying to keep the ranting and raving to a minimum. I still hate my skin and wish I could trade it in but since thats not possible, ill keep on keeping on.

Patti - thanks for the kind words. I guess I got to keep rememberin that this too shall pass.

On to the updates:

Day 31

I went to the doc expecting to be bumped up to 60mg or 80mg but instead he just reupped my 40mg script. I dont know how I feel about that. I really want to be bumped up because my thinking is that my last course wasnt strong enough as it was 20mg, 40mg, 60mg for the rst of the months. This time, I was hoping to go 40mg, 60mg, 80mg for the rest of the months which would be just about 1:1 ratio at 80mg. Lets see what happens this month and I guess next month Ill push for at least 60mg but hopefully 80mg. What does everyone think

Skin: Actives on both cheeks although I have maybe just 2 cysts now. The cysts arent gigantic anymore either which is good. What really annoys me though are these smaller zits and bumps that just wont go away. Its pretty frustrating.

Side Effects: Dry skin and dry lips. These days I have to moisturize a few times a day in a couple areas, esp around the mouth - weird. I also feel tired at times, like exhausted. Maybe Im just really tired of fighting this battle.

I have been using benzaclin as a spot treatment but maybe thats just irritating my skin - who knows. I really cant tell if its helping at all so maybe Ill experiment with not using it anymore. Actually, Id like to hear thoughts on my regimen:

Morning: Wash with Cleasasil for Men Acne Energizing Scrub (2% SA)

Shave with Aveeno Shaving Cream

Put on Benzaclin

Put on Aveen Calming Moisturizer (SPF15)

Take fish oil tablet

Take 1500mg of vitamin C

Noon: Eat lunch and take 40mg of accutane (1 pill)

Night: Wash with Clearasil again

Put on Benzaclin

Put on Aveeno Calming Moisturizer

You guys think the Benzaclin is too much and does the Aveeno break people out?

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HI there,

I get those small fleshy bumps all over my cheeks as well-- I always thought it was from old black heads, white heads, zits that never got extracted. If you find any info on them I would be really interested. I squeezed some of them, and stuff came out... but my cheeks are now red--- and it doesn't seem to be going away.

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Hey! I just wanted to offer some input about your regimen. I tried using the Aveeno lotion too and it had adverse effects. It made my skin redder, slightly bumpier (not like acne or anything though..weird), as well as i started to notice that my actives were not going away. I switched to CeraVe and BAM--instant relief, and it is much more hydrating, if your having problems with dry flaky skin, I HIGHLY recommend it.

The fish oil tablet is really good, it will keep your joints healthy (Tane has a habit of drying your joints out).

Just make sure your drinking TONS of water, especially since your taking a vitamin C supplement.

It might be hard, but I would really try to avoid the Benzaclin. Benzoyl peroxide and Tane just do not mix. BP is really drying, and when you add that to Tane...well you get the picture. I talked to a few friends who used that while on Tane, as well as my derm, and they said that their scarring was worse after the treatment. It's probably because of how it dries up those spots so much that your skin cant regenerate as well.

If you really want to use a spot treatment i would try Clean&Clear Invisible Blemish Treatment. It contains salicylic acid, which isnt drying, and is more mild. Definitely put some Aquaphor on those spots that are super dry or any areas you think might scar. It will really make a difference.

If you want to talk more, send me a message

good luck :)

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naturalgirl - I will let you know if I figure anything out about those lil bumps. They are a frustrating as anything arent they?

elvy - thanks for the suggestions. I got some Cerave today which I will begin using. I was always suspicious of the Aveeno cause it didnt seem to help and I started getting all these lil bumps while using it. Maybe they will go away now that Ima so using the Aveeno.

Onto the exciting (not) updates:

Day 32

Skin: More actives but thats par for the course on accutane. Im hoping that month 2 isnt that bad and that once month 3 rolls around, my skin will clear up more.

Side Effects - Dry skin and dry lips.

I am again wondering if I should be on a higher does of accutane. I guess the cumulative doage matters the most, but Im wonderingif 40mg is enough. I am about 75kg so i figure I should be on 80mg a day - guess it doesnt make sense to me.

Also, I hate the acne statistic saying x amount of people in the US have acne case I tell you, I am the only one amongst my friends that has acne. I am getting sick of it and I truly hate my skin (which I stated before). I really dont know what I did to deserve this crap but it kills me when I realize taht IM 24 going onto 25 and I cant enjoy this time of my life cause of my skin. Who knows if it will ever stop either. Maybe I will be 50 and still dealing with acne. I guess Im just real frustrated right now cause I already went through 1 course of accutnae and it only worked for 1 year and now Im wondering if Im just cursed....I hate everything...

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Day 36

Skin: Still breaking out - got a couple of new ones today. One is near the side of my mouth, another one is near the side of my eye - both of them suck. I also got a handful of cysts that I got injected yesterday. Two were on my right cheek with one of them near my jaw and three were on the left side on my temple, lower cheek and mid cheek - I basically could play connect the dots with them. I hate these cysts cause even if I get them injected, they tend to stick around and/or regenerate in the same spot a few weeks later. I esp hate ones near or on my jaw and cheekbone cause they seem to be more painful and getting them injected hurts alot. I guess theres a lot of nerves in these areas.

Side Effects: Dry lips. Loss of concentration and some back pain but I always have back pain so I dont know if its from accutane or something else.

I really dont know how to shave anymore either with all this crap on my face. Its like an adventure trying not to cut open one of these things while still trying to get a proper shave and no, I will not let it grow out as I have a job and cant look that messy. Although I dont know whats worse - a stubbly beard or acne.

I also discovered that I am scarring some on my right cheek which has me depressed right now cause I realize that even if accutane does its job, which it might not seeing as how this is my second course and the first course stopped working after 1 year, I am going to have these scars stuck on my face. The scarring is not too deep but Im worried that as I keep breaking out, more and more scars will appear - if its not one thing its another with acne. Sigh...

I am also seeing my derm tomorrow prior to my monthly meeting in February because I need to figure out what his plan is for me. I just dont see how 40mg is the right dosage considering my weight (75kg). I really feel I should be on 80mg or higher, esp since I dont want to keep having to do accutane and I think a higher dosage is better for longer term remission. I could be mistaken here but I guess I will find out tomorrow.

On a side note: I dont even want to go to the gym anymore because of my acne. That is how bad it is. I guess its affecting me more this time around cause Im in SoCal, the land of the beautiful people and here I am suffering with all this crap on my face. Double sigh...

My only hope at this point is that I get an upped dosage, that the dosage works and that the acne is stopped permantently. However, given my luck, I highly doubt it.

Forgot to add - Here is my new regimen in case anyone actually gives a crap:

Morning:

Purpose Gentle Cleaning Wash

CeraVe lotion

1500mg of Vitamin C

2000IU of Vitamin E

2 Omega 3-6-9 tablets from GNC

Night:

Purpose Gentle Cleaning Wash

CeraVe Lotion on dry spots

Maybe spot treat a little with Benzaclin or other BP

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Day 40

Skin: still breaking as usual. I really dont think accutane is working at the moment - maybe i need to start using the brand name vs the generic. who knows. I am glad that my derm and I came to an agreement and I will jumping up to 80mg a day next month. I am looking forward to that.

Side effects: Dry lips and fatigue.

I have a question - do girls care about guys with acne. I just dont know what to do. Although my acne isnt that bad, it still displays some big zits and I have marks galore. I think girls look at that and stop wantin to talk to me. This sucks.

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Day 42

Skin: Still breaking out. I seem to be getting weekly injections just to keep this stuff down which is freaking ridiculous. Im also getting spots in new areas like near the mouth and under the chin.

Side Effects - Dry lips, possible fatigue but I tend not to sleep alot and some back pain but again, I always have back pain. I may be also getting "drier" eyes but I can still wear contacts just fine. Maybe in a few weeks Ill switch to glasses.

Other: I want this IB/acne to be done. The puzzling thing about my acne this time around is how persistent it is in certain areas. For instance, i will get a cyst injected and it will decrease in size, but not all the way such that a small bump is left. Gradually this bump will grow again to become a zit again - do you think I should ask to have it injected with more med? Also, I always get a new zit right in an area where an old zit is dying down. It puzzles me and anger me because then its just a string of marks in that area.

I just want acne to leave me alone. Im 24 and want to enjoy this time in my life and already been through this accutane before. Why the hell was I one of the unlucky ones that it didnt work for completely the first time around??

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Day 42

Other: Also, I always get a new zit right in an area where an old zit is dying down. It puzzles me and anger me because then its just a string of marks in that area.

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Day 42

Other: Also, I always get a new zit right in an area where an old zit is dying down. It puzzles me and anger me because then its just a string of marks in that area.

Hey!

I just wanted to say my skin acts the same way. I get so frustrated with the same spot being attacked over and over.

I hope the rest of your course goes great.

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