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I never would of imagined I'd think of dying as much as I do, until now. I can't seem to stop thinking about it...it's relentless and won't ever stop. Truthfully, acne isn't even the main reason I feel the way I do. I've been in the Navy for 3 1/2 years and I hate it - hate. I've been in an extreme manic depression for the last year, I go on and off...I can almost feel it coming...and no one seems to understand why - hell, I don't even know why. The only logical explaination is the Navy. I can't focus anymore, on anything...all I want to do is cry - and I do. I cry walking down the passage ways underway - but no one seems to care. No one enjoys my company anymore, and I can understand why...no one likes to be around a mope, you know? I feel so goddamn alone. Now I'm plagued with severe acne...and it's been advancing for the last couple of months. I can't go out anymore...and that was my only get away from it all - my escape from this grim reality that is my life. I don't understand why I hate my life so much when other's have it worse. Maybe that's actually the reason why I picture myself dead...I'm ungrateful...I guess ungrateful people deserve to die. I'm sorry...it's just how I feel. I will get flamed for this I understand....but I just wanted to say what's on my mind because I never do. God, I'm so sad.

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sorry to hear your feeling that way mate..

I don't know anything about the Navy or Military (except ones on a boat and ones on the ground) and i'm guessing you can't just quit. If you're sure that your duties are what's causing this then there must be a resident psychiatrist or a Doctor there that you can talk to, perhaps you coud try anti depressants (never did anything for me but they might work for you)

as far as your skin goes, how severe is it? Perhaps you could try Accutane if it's that bad, i don't know what else to say as i don't have a lot of information to go on, but i know what you mean when you picture yourself dead, i have thoughts like that almost everyday, the only thing i've found that helps is too just keep busy and not think about it.

yeah somtimes, i would even go so far to say that i actually like thinking about the things that upset me and let my emotions out, but as you said noone wants to be around a mopey guy, not even yourself.

Keep posting and keep us updated mate, send me a PM if you ever need someone to vent at.

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