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So I moved accross the country with 2 friends about 6 months ago. One of my friend's parents came out to visit. The second his mom comes into the house shes like "oh my god! what happened," motioning to her face -- "what did you eat?!?" .. I didn't even know what to say. I half heartedly laughed and said "too much sugar." In reality, I eat probably the cleanest diet in the city (plenty of salmon, omega-3s, broccoli, berries, teas.) Anyways, after that confrentation my anxiety kicked up about 20 notches and I'm sitting on the couch trying to take my mind off it while I shoot the breeze with his dad. About 15 minutes later the next thing I know theres an intervention happening about how I should treat my acne. "Have you seen a doctor??" .. "You should try this, you should try that," "Maybe you're allergic to the soap!" .. So the parents are bombarding me, and my roommates are just standing there kinda playing it off (I'm sure they know it bugs me, even though we've never verbally talked about it.) Suffice to say, for the rest of the day I wore a hat and a hoodie and I didn't leave the house.

I'm dying here. I need some consistancy in my day to day routine. I work from home (online,) so I don't need to go out a lot. Hell, I'll only go out once a week to get groceries. But, I fly home for Christmas to see my family, and I don't want them to pity me either. Just because I've got some hormonal imbalance or whatever the fuck causes my acne I don't see why people should automatically pity me. Financially speaking, I'm extremely successful. I don't want any fucking pity. If I had presentable features, people would be looking up to me, asking me for advice. Instead I'm nothing but a hermit and an eye soar.

I told myself a month ago I would go to the clinic and get referred to a dermatologist. But I just can't seem to bring myself to do it. Even thinking about the situation makes me break down in anxiety.

Brutal.

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I feel for you and your pain. But your first step really is getting to a doctor, any kind of doctor would do. You do need to fight that anxiety and a doctor can help with it. Your acne is secondary to the anxiety you feel about your skin.

I'm sorry that the roommate's family went on and on; that's so very hard to deal with. It made me want to shout, "YEAH, I FREAKING KNOW I HAVE ACNE!!! Don't tell me about it." But I didn't and sometimes I probably should have!

Once you work on the anxiety, you can work on the acne. If your acne is severe, I do strongly recommend seeing a doctor as soon as you may. Any treatment will take time, but in the long run you will be very glad you went. I was similar to you, but I did get treatment and now I'm pretty much sociable and outgoing.

You do also need an outside outlet for your life. It just hurts socialization skills when you're always stuck inside and don't interact in person with other people. The constant lonerism (hey, made up word) gets you in the habit of being alone and not being sociable.

First: go to a doctor about the anxiety and possible depression.

Second: work on the acne.

Third: Work on you and try to be involved in life, outside of your home. You'll be amazed at how much better you begin to feel when you have outside interests, too. Something as simple as taking a short walk can begin to help cure you!

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I feel for you and your pain. But your first step really is getting to a doctor, any kind of doctor would do. You do need to fight that anxiety and a doctor can help with it. Your acne is secondary to the anxiety you feel about your skin.

I'm sorry that the roommate's family went on and on; that's so very hard to deal with. It made me want to shout, "YEAH, I FREAKING KNOW I HAVE ACNE!!! Don't tell me about it." But I didn't and sometimes I probably should have!

Once you work on the anxiety, you can work on the acne. If your acne is severe, I do strongly recommend seeing a doctor as soon as you may. Any treatment will take time, but in the long run you will be very glad you went. I was similar to you, but I did get treatment and now I'm pretty much sociable and outgoing.

You do also need an outside outlet for your life. It just hurts socialization skills when you're always stuck inside and don't interact in person with other people. The constant lonerism (hey, made up word) gets you in the habit of being alone and not being sociable.

First: go to a doctor about the anxiety and possible depression.

Second: work on the acne.

Third: Work on you and try to be involved in life, outside of your home. You'll be amazed at how much better you begin to feel when you have outside interests, too. Something as simple as taking a short walk can begin to help cure you!

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lorazepam does slow your thought processes which is why you have to time when you take it. also an antidepressant like wellbutrin isn't sedating, in fact its a bit of a stimulant often perscribed for ADD so you may find yourself more focussed and less depressed.

if you ever want to talk pm me. this is the world i live in, so i live and breathe this kind of thing and am unfortunately very very well informed through experience.

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That sucks mate, it is brutal.

Go to the doctors though, I know its hard but seriously just go. I remember when my skin was at its worst and i had to go to the derm, I must have chain smoked 4 cigs in a row before going in. And then sods law would have it that while i was in the waiting room (which was busy as fuck) someone i knew from school (and her parents) walked in. Fun stuff. Now that was brutal.

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Hey, I'm glad you're posting! Venting helps SO much. :)

Hmm. Going to a doctor is not admitting weakness. It's just taking advantage of the services a doctor provides that one happens to need on occasion. You're just there to fix something that's broken! That's all, really. When you're whole again, you'll be able to find the potential in yourself to enjoy life. That's what I found in me, too. I have major depressive disorder and have since I was probably 10. With my current treatment, I'm in complete remission. I'll be on treatment for life, but hey, so are diabetics, transplant patients, hypertensive patients, etc. It's not a weakness, it's an illness that one can't help.

I myself do not like Ativan for anxiety. It's better to take an antidepressant that also works for generalized social anxiety disorder. The antidepressant will help with anxiety without affecting your higher functioning abilities and will not make you forget things.

Remember that untreated depression over the long term WILL shrink the hippocampus. The hippocampus is one brain location for memory and mood. Some cognitive processing occurs there, too. It is in your best interests to fix the depression and anxiety so that you can begin to live a full life to your full potential.

I do wish you the absolute best. I've been there. I've recovered. You can, too! It sometimes takes many trials to find the right medication for you, but sometimes one lucks out and the first medication works within a month. Treatment of depression, just like treatment of acne requires patience, consistency, and unfortunately sometimes more stamina than a depressed person has in the first month of therapy. But remember, you CAN do it.

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That sucks mate, it is brutal.

Go to the doctors though, I know its hard but seriously just go. I remember when my skin was at its worst and i had to go to the derm, I must have chain smoked 4 cigs in a row before going in. And then sods law would have it that while i was in the waiting room (which was busy as fuck) someone i knew from school (and her parents) walked in. Fun stuff. Now that was brutal.

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I must second and HEARTILY recommend cognitive behavioral therapy. Incredibly useful therapy.

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i won't lie. my nightmeds are zombi-tastic. so i did some research (before i had my first major psychotic break i was on the fasttrack to med school, i graduated top of my university class with a degree in forensics/medical anthropology) and together me and the doctor realized we could counteract some of the effects with daytime meds, i take adderall and have switched my antidepressant to wellbutrin. in the evening its not a big deal if i'm zombified as well...worst case scenario i suck at video games :P

during the day i seem to function fine.

one day i'll be back in the career track. shitty thing about canada's free health care. can't get a psych that works weekends so for now while i'm "in care" once a week i have to work retail.

remeber folks that person pouring your coffee or selling you that shirt may be damn smart so don't be a smartass with the service industry! people do what they can to survive.

plus we know where to hide the bodies. :ninja:

I must second and HEARTILY recommend cognitive behavioral therapy. Incredibly useful therapy.

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My story sounds almost identical to yours. I dropped out of high school as well...there would literally be days I would hide in the unfinished part of our basement, just dirt, all day so my Mom couldn't come find me and make me go to school. The part about teenagers and early twenty somethings was exactly my issue. I had no problems with adults and jobs where there are only adults, but if I met a teen or anyone up until about age 27...I totally used to freak out and think they were judging me about anything I could possibly imagine. I actually had two anxiety disorders, social anxiety as well as generalized anxiety disorder. My experience with medication was similar to yours, I was literally a walking zombie. I left the program where they had me on the meds and started getting something called cognitive behavior therapy, its very effective for anxiety. Within about a month I had perfect attendance at college, and within two months I started working AND going to school full time...within 6 months I felt normal again. There are lots of options for you, but you can't hear about any of them until you get yourself to a doctor. There is help, anxiety is very, very responsive to the right treatment.

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That's not uncommon with depression: it can be very cyclical. You may also have some other variant of depression such as a dysthymia or bipolar. That boost you felt during those years can be yours again with therapy and medication! :D

I do hope you do get up the ability to go to a doctor; for your sake. Please do try to get an appointment and actually go.

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i won't lie. my nightmeds are zombi-tastic. so i did some research (before i had my first major psychotic break i was on the fasttrack to med school, i graduated top of my university class with a degree in forensics/medical anthropology) and together me and the doctor realized we could counteract some of the effects with daytime meds, i take adderall and have switched my antidepressant to wellbutrin. in the evening its not a big deal if i'm zombified as well...worst case scenario i suck at video games :P

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My story sounds almost identical to yours. I dropped out of high school as well...there would literally be days I would hide in the unfinished part of our basement, just dirt, all day so my Mom couldn't come find me and make me go to school. The part about teenagers and early twenty somethings was exactly my issue. I had no problems with adults and jobs where there are only adults, but if I met a teen or anyone up until about age 27...I totally used to freak out and think they were judging me about anything I could possibly imagine. I actually had two anxiety disorders, social anxiety as well as generalized anxiety disorder. My experience with medication was similar to yours, I was literally a walking zombie. I left the program where they had me on the meds and started getting something called cognitive behavior therapy, its very effective for anxiety. Within about a month I had perfect attendance at college, and within two months I started working AND going to school full time...within 6 months I felt normal again. There are lots of options for you, but you can't hear about any of them until you get yourself to a doctor. There is help, anxiety is very, very responsive to the right treatment.

The thing is, when I left school, I hit a really good patch. I don't know what was going on in my brain, but I had a solid flow of motivation and inspiration. I would wake up every morning, get fully dressed, and just work at my desk all day (I'm a web developer.) I even would go and meet with clients, and took a 2 months job at an office downtown. I had next to no anxiety! I think those 3 or 4 months were the happiest of my past 3 years. I don't know what to attest it to. I was on no medications to speak of. My skin was as clear is it has been in a long long time. Again, I can't put a reason to why my skin cleared up so nicely, but I think its safe to assume it was tied together with my sky-high mood.

I guess I'm sitting around now, waiting. Waiting for another seratonin blitz from my brain that will bring me back to life again. I won't take it for granted like I did last time. I started taking testosterone boosters as part of my weight lifting regimen and all of a sudden I started getting these crazy cysts and scabs as if spawning from nowhere. I stopped using the t-boosters, but the damage was done. I guess its been about 10 months since the acne started back up.

Waiting........................!

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i won't lie. my nightmeds are zombi-tastic. so i did some research (before i had my first major psychotic break i was on the fasttrack to med school, i graduated top of my university class with a degree in forensics/medical anthropology) and together me and the doctor realized we could counteract some of the effects with daytime meds, i take adderall and have switched my antidepressant to wellbutrin. in the evening its not a big deal if i'm zombified as well...worst case scenario i suck at video games :P

Funny you say that about video games. I used to play an online game competitively, but had to stop once the meds started screwing up my reaction time and ability to make quick decisions.

I'm really reluctant to start taking meds. I just don't want to get stuck hoping from one prescription to the next for the next 5 years, each one trying to elude my bodies resistance to the last, and while after each cycle I get a little less self-sustainable (without meds that is.) I guess I want to function like I used to when I was a kid. No worries in the world.

Man, you really take those days for granted don't you.

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That's not uncommon with depression: it can be very cyclical. You may also have some other variant of depression such as a dysthymia or bipolar. That boost you felt during those years can be yours again with therapy and medication! :D

I do hope you do get up the ability to go to a doctor; for your sake. Please do try to get an appointment and actually go.

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...Similar with me, which is how I got into college, I was doing fine and I thought I had kicked the anxiety. About 3 months in to school it started, dropping classes left and right, absent this absent that, grade markdowns for being late with a paper cause I missed. The behavior therapy teaches you how to change the anxiety by changing your behavior. For me, I hit the good patch because I started getting up in the mornings, exercising, and stuck to a schedule, I never allowed myself to sit at home all the time, it was sort of accidental success with amateur behavior therapy...once I broke that schedule though I was done. I had no idea how to get it back or handle the anxiety. The behavior therapy just teaches you get back to the good patch and learn how to maintain it. Its very encouraging to me that you had a good patch, to me that means you are totally treatable.

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so you had a patch of clairity? have you had periods of clarity before? if so you could have something other than just run of the mill anxiety. if you notice trends you coud have a bipolar illness. (type 1 and 2 are not all she wrote...there is NOS which i have btw)

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That's not uncommon with depression: it can be very cyclical. You may also have some other variant of depression such as a dysthymia or bipolar. That boost you felt during those years can be yours again with therapy and medication! :D

I do hope you do get up the ability to go to a doctor; for your sake. Please do try to get an appointment and actually go.

(I know I keep lassoing you back into my self-pity with every post, sorry!)

Back when I was in Toronto, my physician retired literally the same month my problems started to kick up. I was still living with my parents at the time, and my mom took the liberty to find me a new physician and schedule in an appointment. I'm not sure the series of events that happened in between the scheduling and me actually going, but I freaking snapped on my mom and I never went. Now, I live on my own accross the country, and I have no physician. There are a few medical clinics near by, but in my head its so much more difficult to go to a clinic than your personal physician. By no means was I close with my doctor, but I knew him and he knew me, I was confident in his ability to diagnose and prescribe. But, going into a clinic is just so.. blah. I seriously wish there were some MDs on this forum who could shoot off prescriptions to members via private messages.

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Next time someone asks you about your acne, don't act like it is okay for them to do so. You shouldn't be embarrassed, they should be ashamed for being so rude. Look at them in the eye and say "Why would you think it is okay to ask me that? It is very rude to comment on a person's appearance that way."

If they say they are only trying to be helpful, then tell them that if you wanted help you'd ask, and that you are well aware of what you look like & that it occurred to you a long time ago to do something about it. I would probably even say something sardonic like "I own a mirror", but that is me.

And yes, I have given similar responses to people who insulted my physical appearance, whether intentionally or not, and they shrunk back & realized they were wrong to say what they did.

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I hear you on the getting clear thing. and i agree. do that first. thats what i did actually. and once i was clear and things acutally got WORSE i realized that i had a bigger thing to deal with.

Its too bad you're not in Toronto anymore. i'd totally recommend the Toronto Acne Clinic they're self referral and you don't wait. in and out and they offer pretty much every treatment. hey, next time you're in town look them up

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I hear you on the getting clear thing. and i agree. do that first. thats what i did actually. and once i was clear and things acutally got WORSE i realized that i had a bigger thing to deal with.

Its too bad you're not in Toronto anymore. i'd totally recommend the Toronto Acne Clinic they're self referral and you don't wait. in and out and they offer pretty much every treatment. hey, next time you're in town look them up

I think there are a few places in town here that are similar. I need to gather the courage to actually call. I don't know about anyone else, but actually verbalizing the word "ACNE" is probably the hardest thing in the world for me. When I say the word my mind goes blank, my stomach drops and I feel worthless. I know I shouldn't, because its just another ailment. I doubt people with arthritis have the same problem. Anyways, I will definitely start leaving myself little notes to make the call. Maybe I'll stumble on a little sticky note in a week saying "[email protected]%ING CALL" and I'll actually do it.

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like i said. baby steps. you have an anxiety disorder! i mean don't beat yourself up about this, this is the way the game is played, hell it takes me a long time to do a LOT of things, just put notes EVERYWHERE. one day won't be as hard as the others and you'll have that one moment of hey...maybe today. but don't push yourself. just knowing you're getting there on the path sometimes will help a bit. hey, its a long journey, you gotta buy your ticket before you can get on the plane and even then its a long flight :)

just remember. slow steps. thats it. you're a bright guy clearly. you can do it but do it at YOUR pace. and you set the pace. first rule of being anxious. work out a schedule for YOU. nobody else. fuck the rest of the world this is about YOU. and you matter.

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