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exhausted

Finally accutane at last!

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Christmas came early this year! I picked up my prescription for accutane this afternoon. I have been battling with different derms and ipledge for almost 6 months now; I’m pretty sure I have tracks in my arms from all the unnecessary blood work I’ve had done in the last two months ;) anyhow here it is - a beautiful little package. I thought today was only going to be a happy day but when I got home today I cried. I was surprised because this wasn’t just a happy cry. It is exciting that this is a good step in the direction of getting my life back but at the same time all of the hurt is just sitting in front of my face. All of this is just one more painful and unavoidable reminder of all the hurt that is already there. All of the time I have lost and all of the scars (emotional and physical.) Sorry if this sounds hokey to some of you. Anyhow I just realized how angry I still am and how far I have to go. Today is only day one of a very very long road to clear skin, and even that may only last a few years just as my previous treatments have. (This will be my third course of accutane.) How angry I am with ipledge, with superficial people, with the world all flooded back. So I cried until my head hurt and my eyes burned. I’m feeling better now, slightly numb, but better. It is difficult to let go of the bad memories and the pain that is already there but it must be let go. You can either suck it up and accept that shit happens or you can let it ruin your life. It’s crap, but it’s the way it is. ANYHOW, this was intended to be a happy post.. I am looking forward to days of clear skin!! Yay. Day 1 - 40 mg in the tank :D and the waiting begins.

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Hey! I really hope your Accutane treatment goes well (third time's a charm, right?). Let us know how it works out...and I completely understand how you feel happy but distressed at the same time...It just seems like the more we hope, the more we are let down, but we can't stop hoping and trying!!!!!!!!!!

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