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Beezer101

How to suggest treatment diplomatically

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hi there,

I was hoping to hear from people suffering from Adult acne how I might as a boyfriend gently suggest some of the things I have heard on this board. The gentle regimen seems like a great method that I would like to show to her but I don't want to totally offend her either. I feel like I shouldn't even discuss it. I know that she would feel and look better if her acne improved.

And hey I know it might sound shallow but if I were in the same boat I think I would like some good advice.

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I would approach her only if she is bothered by her acne. If she makes despariging comments, then definatly bring it up. But if she doesn't, there's no reason to bother her about this site if she isn't bothered by her acne.

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tough call, most acne sufferers are acutely sensitive to their acne...if you say something she could take offense and think that when you see her all you see are her pimples even if you don't...have you two ever openly discussed her acne at all?

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Thanks for your advice both of you. No we never have. I think if she brings it up I might respond but otherwise not. Along the lines of - a friend of mine had acne and checked out some ideas on acne.org.

R

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Good plan not to mention acne at all unless she does it first! We acne sufferers tend to get HIGHLY pissed when our skin gets mentioned. You might have a mad as a wet hen woman on your hands if you mention her acne.

If she mentions it, just say truthfully that you were curious about treatment options and surfed the internet and found this site. Then it's up to her if she does anything with the information or not.

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I think another question is how long have you known her/ gone out with her? If it's still relatively early into the relationship, I wouldn't bring it up... She may feel embarassed or upset even though in her heart knows you're trying to help her.

If she brings it up, i.e. "I am so upset about my skin... etc" then casually mention that she search website forums for advice.

It is a touchy subject, esp. if she has been suffering from it for a long time. I usually don't have a problem talking about it because this is still a new development for me and my SO has known me with clear skin for many years before. Even so, it still brings me down and I get angry when he mentions "acne" at all.

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i agree with the above posts. it's an extremely delicate subject. don't discuss it unless she brings it up. and if she does, make sure she knows that she's beautiful just as she is. she's probably very sensitive about her skin and the last thing she needs is to worry about how her face looks through your eyes. you wouldn't want her turning her face away every time you try to look her in the eyes.

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You know, it's really sweet that you care enough about your gf to find us here at acne.org - it seems that you really want to help out.... but agree with the other posters! (sorry!) :confused:

Like it was asked before, how long have you all been together? If it's a relatively new relationship, I'd say HELL NO, don't bring it up. That could be a deal breaker right there. But if you've been together for a longer period of time, wait until she brings it up. If you're together long enough, it's inevitable that she will discuss it with you. I don't think there's anyone on these boards who hasn't vented to their spouse/SO about our complexions..... my poor husband hears me b*tching on almost a daily basis about my cysts.... and he's a wonderful "ear" - always tells me that I look great (good liar) and it's not that noticeable (sure!)..... Hopefully you can do the same - it's hard enough to see our faces everyday in the mirror ..... the truth is already pretty obvious. So if and when she does bring it up to you, do your best Academy Award winning performance - and tell her she looks beautiful - b/c she is - acne or not. She'll always remember that - even when she feels bad about herself and doubts that you're being completely honest, she'll appreciate your kind words and caring attitude.

But the mere fact that you're here, checking out how to bring up her acne in a tactful way, just shows that you are a good guy - compassionate, sweet..... But I wouldn't let her know that you've been reading here, just yet..... she may take it the wrong way. We acne folks can be sensitive - ANY remarks about the complexion can be taken as criticism.....we criticize ourselves enough anyway, believe me!

Good luck - - and let us know what happens! Patti

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I think it will be better not to mention treatment at all unless she suggested it first. As an acne sufferer, i get real touchy when my hubby bring up my acne problem. I knew that he is checking on my acne when his eyes strayed away from mine while we are talking. It pisses me off!

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I agree that it's best not to mention treatment options unless she brings it up. There's a good chance she's already tried many of the things recommended here. When I was a sophomore in high school I had a boyfriend that told me if I washed my face everyday I wouldn't have acne. Little did he know, I was using my whole little arsenal of products and doing everything I could, it just didn't work. I know you want to give actual educated advice instead of saying something like "wash your face and you won't get acne" but the point is, don't assume she's not doing anything for her acne or that she hasn't tried the things you would suggest from this website. If she's like 99% of women, she's knows exactly what is wrong with her and she's put a lot of research, time, and money into treating it. Telling her about the regimen would be kind of a slap in the face in that case -- she's spend significant chunks of her life and money on the problem and her boyfriend says "oh, just use cleanser and zit cream and moisturizer and that'll fix it."

IF and only if she is talking to you about methods of treating acne, bring up this site. Don't even bring it up because she brings up acne. If she's talking about how her acne upsets her and how ugly she feels or just saying "ugh, my face is gross" or "ugh, I have a big zit today" don't start talking about the regimen. In that case, she wants your reassurance that she's attractive and the acne isn't really as big of a deal as she thinks it is. Responding to her voicing insecurities about her acne (even if it doesn't sound like an insecurity, just an "ugh I have a zit" complaint) by telling her how to fix it -- which, as stated, she probably already knows and is trying -- just validates her concerns and makes her think "Oh, it is as bad as I think, it's ugly and he's grossed out by me."

The bottom line is (sorry guys) we don't need advice on beauty from men, we need compliments on it. We already research how to treat our beauty issues and if we get stumped we ask a woman, or maybe a gay friend. We just don't go to straight guys looking for beauty advice, and we don't like to hear it from them, especially our boyfriends.

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Yeah, if I were you I wouldn't mention it to her. If you have never talked about it with her before then there are probably two good reasons..either it is a delicate subject and she doesn't want to discuss it or she isn't self-conscious about it and it doesn't bother her. Either way I wouldn't bring it up.

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