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I really do confuse myself. At times I adopt this attitude of headstrong, confident woman, now entering her freshman year of university. Usually I hold this attitude, and go through long periods of loving life, of looking forward to the next day, acne or not. Sure I have fleeting thoughts of "Oh no...somebody is noticing that HUGE pimple on my chin, what they must be thinking!" but I push it down and go on with my life, acting as nonchalant about the entire situation as possible.

And then comes the fallout. Like today, I woke up and made my way to the dorm showers, too tired to even look at my face in the mirror. After I was through, I walked back to my dorm room, wrapped in a big fluffy towel. As I got dressed, I took a chance to look at my face. What I saw was nothing unusual, a few pimples here and there, this really ugly one on my jawline...thankfully covered up by hair. But the thing was, it reallly upset me. I had to bite down on my lip hard to keep from crying. After the moment passed, I was angry...really angry. At myself for getting upset over something like that, and for my nasty pimple, plus the red marks. Just for once I would like to go out without makeup, but I can't, cause my face is full of redmarks.

I get so sick of this crap. Acne drives me to the limits of my patience, of my character. I can keep myself physically fit, healthy, and adequate looking in every other respect, but this damn acne won't go away. It just frustrates me, to the point of feeling defeated. Which I abhor.

Hmmm...so this post wasn't really much, besides an outlet of my feelings. I let them culminate so far, and ocassionally the dam breaks and they overflow. It's nice to know that other people here feel the same as I about this problem, some have it worse than me, which only perpetuates the cycle of self-anger. I wish I could handle this problem...

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I go through pretty much the same thing once or twice a week. After having dealt with acne for so long I like to think that I have become more even keeled about my situation, i.e. feeling more confident about myself, no longer asking "why me?!", taking pride in my emotional strength, and keeping a positive outlook in life. It is amazing, though, how after 3 or 4 days, or perhaps even an entire week of maintaining that kind of attitude I can relapse so quickly into utter frustration. Be it new pimples, the look of old scars or my reflection in bad lighting, all of that strength can just go *poof* right out the window. Before I know it I'll find myself in a two-hour stare down with the bathroom mirror inspecting in excruciating detail every pore on my face with disgust. Then I don't know whether to cry or break the effing mirror with a bat. Again, it's a feeling of total, TOTAL frustration because you have so little control with this socially debilitating disease.

The good news, however, is that after taking some deep breaths I can pull myself back out of that hole of desperation by focusing on the big picture in life; that I am my own worst critic, that people are interested in my personality and care about my face .0001% as much as I do, that I have much to be grateful for, and that I can choose to be happy. Sometimes it takes a long reassuring talk with a family member or my therapist, and sometimes a good cry does help to calm you down and release pent up emotion (as well as release stress relieving endorphins). Before I know it I'm back on the roller coaster and heading to class or work.

I'm not sure this could be considered advice, but I think more importantly it's just an acknowledgment that you are definitely not alone in going through these kinds of situations. I think helps to know that. :)

Good luck in school, and remember to take the time to slow down and enjoy your experience there. Your skin really does not matter to other people!

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Hey at least you have the right attitude in not letting acne hold you back in life,unfortunately it has overwhelmed me but thats another story .

I know like you say it's really testing your character and patience and that is hard to deal with but you sound like a really bright and generally nice person that has a lot to offer to the world and your friends.

I guess for the short term you'll need to cover the red marks until you can afford a cosmetic procedure to make them disappear completely and for the long term try a stronger medication like roaccutane to prevent acne etc. in the meanwhile just keep posting cos their's always gonna be someone to support you here.

This may be of no help whatsoever but i guess i just dont want to see more people ending up in the same situation as me .

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I'm new to these boards and I have to say it's a relief to know I'm not the only person to struggle like this. The emotional aspects of dealing with acne hit hard during my second semester of college. Although things are going well since I've managed to control my outbreaks and just need to get rid of scarring from previous years etc., I did go through great depressive spouts and it hit me hard with my overall performance in school, life, sports, and maintaining connections with friends.

Can't offer much advice since I'm entering into a phase in life where I actually feel confident to walk out the door and enjoy myself. I don't know about you, but it certainly helps me to know others had/are struggling like I did; you just don't feel so alone with your issues.

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