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Alright, not quite sure where to start, this will most likely be a very long post though, sorry in advance >_<. I've been through many things this past year and while this post is mainly dedicated to that, I'm going to try my best to highlight what has made me open my eyes and take a few steps back to see my true self.

A little over 2 years ago from today, back in August 06, I had what just became severe acne, after 3 years of having mild to moderate prior, I'm almost 20 now btw. On top of that, I was fairly skinny, 5'11 and only weighed in at about 134 pounds. In highschool I played football, basketball and track and continue to play basketball quite a bit today, so while it effected me on a personal level, it also effected me on a physical level since a little more weight would have helped me a ton on the court as well as the field. Even while I enjoyed playing sports quite a bit, I had one true love, which is competitive gaming. By competitive gaming, I mean playing video games for money, from a young age I've traveled to quite a bit of places and played in many tournaments, I've most likely earned about $14,000 in the spand ive 4 years from gaming, which may not be alot but something I'm now very proud of.

Anyway, to continue on with the story, by senior year of highschool I grew fairly depressed and very agitated. Though I had many friends from the school, unbelievable girl who actually cared about me, I felt very different. Much of it being due to my now severe acne, some to other things. To make a long story short, I had what I felt was two personalities, though the true one is 100% nerd, the other was me attempting to be someone I'm not. I hung out with alot of what most people would consider cool, but on the side, I hung out with what many people would consider the socially unacceptable. Anyhow, later in senior year moment of truth came, on a saturday I had a basketball game scheduled agaisnt our biggest rival team, and on that same weekend, I had a big gaming tournament where 250+ people would be sure to attend. I picked the gaming tournament and drove up with my crew, ended up taking 1st place and netting in some decent cash, so I was pleased over all. Anyhow at the time for missing the basketball game, I tried to get in contact with my coach to let him know that I couldn't go, so I let one of the friends on the team know to make everyone aware for me. That following monday it was brought to my attention very quick that they were aware of the reason I missed the game for a (geekfest) which resulted in the team losing the game by 5 points, not only did friends I have for years turn completely agaisnt me in everyway possible, the coach removed me from the team. Prior to all this I was pleased with the decision I made, but now I honestly felt terrible, not just due for getting made fun of, I truly felt I let the team down and I was the reason they lost. I think that was also the first team I labeled myself as a nerd and I felt truly isolated. Anyhow shunned by the cool crowd, I still had my side friends that didn't even go to that school your thinking right? Nope, I was so angry, feeling depressed due to my looks going downhill, I just began to stop talking to them as well and if anything considered them the reason I was a lame. This one absolutely beautiful girl from school that I had known while I was a little kid tried so hard to continue to be my friend however, I began making up false illusions in my head about it, I mean why would she want to be friends with a nerd like me, unless it was due to pity, so I ended up cursing her out and saying something ignorant like she only liked me due to fact I could pull money from gaming, which is what I truly felt at the time.

Alright, fast forward, I got stuck on that part of the story a little to long to give you an idea of my life, but now to get on to the real story about what I've done. I'm from Detroit Michigan, the only family I had there was my mom, so other than that, all in all, I got to point where I not only hated myself, I hated all my surroundings, my mom being the only highlight. After getting my highschool diploma, I decided it was best to leave Michigan. I had applied and been accepted to 3 universities there, but honestly felt like taking atleast a year if not 2 just to relax. Than I began this odd idea, which is why don't I just take a year off, truly for myself, and dedicating it all to improving myself. I began doing a ton of research, mostly about acne, I knew I had to get rid of this, if not nothing else, which is what made my stumble upon this site nearly a year ago. I've read literally 100's of articles about acne, acne cures etc etc. I ended up reading nearly all the post lionqueen and the snow queen have posted pertaining to acne, as everytime I read their stuff they seemed extremely knowledgable. So I made a list and ended up gathering what basically is the regime, as well as green cream and paula's choice BHA gel. However, when I got them all, I just put it in a bag, to be honest with you, I didn't think all those alone would help me much, as I had tried many cleansers coupled with BP. So I continued to keep researching and to make a long story short I gathered full supplies for an internal herbal body cleanse, colon cleansing, kidney, liver flush after reading that can cleanse acne from the inside. Anyway, I still wasn't pleased, I walked and looked in the mirror, then began looking at my body, even though I was in physical shape, it didn't look like it, so I went to a store and grabbed some Whey extra strength protein, gotta have the full body look to right?

Alright, the supplies for a new me is gathered, research is complete, list of what I must do is made, yet I'm still in michigan... Now I'm kind of odd, I could have started all this, but it would have felt odd infront of my mom I think was main reason lol. So me being the geeky guy I am, felt I had to set out before I began my true adventure. I had a decent amount of money saved up from my game tournament placings, about 3,000 still left to be exact, I had no idea how or where I was going to move to though. My mom then told me my half brother in Kentucky would help me get set up at an apartment there if i liked and could get me a decent job fairly easy. I bursted out laughing to be honest, the though of big city style life to kentucky, no thanks. Then I thought about it, it was just what I needed. so I set out. Plane fees, buying some furniture, 525 deposit to be able to get in apartment, turning on electric, a whole month before I started my job, my money was pretty much out. That was fine however, I had began doing the regime, coupled only with adding green cream and paula's choice bha gel to the mix, also this month of nothing and no one around me for the most part was a great time to begin the internal cleansing and set up a good work out plan.

Every single morning when I woke up at 5:30 am I jogged, showered, did the regime, went to work. 3 days of the week after work, I did some whey protein and jogged for about 10 mins to the local gym (no car, but everything of importance is within my reach), in 90 days, I could see and feel astonishing results. By 7 months I had gained 37 pounds, putting me at 172, not had more than 1 pimple at a time on my face for over 4 months. I rewarded myself by going to the tat shop, and getting a tribute RIP tat on my ubber arm dedicated to my dad, and my nickname going across my lower arm. At the time I had pretty long hair, I walked to a local drugstore and brought some hair clips, went home and basically just cut all my hair down shaped my goatee and realized I had obtained my dream look and body. I went to work that morning and all the women were talking about how they never imagined how handsome my face was, all my hair was covering it up. After that day, it felt like whenever I heard people whispering or talking low near me, they had to be talking about how good I looked. Amazing how a couple compliments can fluff the ego. 2 very pretty girls were asking me how come I never talk to them, everything just felt different to make a long story short. Anyhow, big game tourny in cali coming up, I take a bit of time out of work to fly down, "I havent practiced gaming in atleast a 9 month duration", all the old people I use to see, give me an absolutely spell bound look when they see me. I place horrible at that tourny, the first time I ever have, which is fine, it was expected though I would have liked a better placing. I had took a little over a week off from work, so after that cali tourny, I flew to Michigan, and upon my mom seeing me tears formed in her eyes and I knew I truly changed. I even called the old beautiful girl from highschool that actually liked me at the time back then and explained why I was acting so funny somewhat back then, so she actually came by and we hung out for awhile. Upon seeing me she gave me completely spell bound gaze for a couple seconds also.

I want to say with hard work and dedication you can achieve things or get what you want, but that isnt all true. Also when you really want something bad, let me just say this now, when you get it, it will just become the norm to you and you will want something else. I've been out with many good looking women and I find myself getting highly agitated if they talk about someones personal appearance around me, to the point I just dont fuck with them anymore. I have a personality I love, due to what I've been through, but the funny thing is I think to myself now even though I have what I desired, was it worth it. Im a year behind in school, the only talent I've ever had, which is gaming competetively, I've lost for the most part, the same type of people who give you compliments for how well you look, you will find are the same types of people who would laugh in your face if you looked any different.

Anyhow, from these boards in particular, I'd like to think lionqueen and the snow queen, for some reason reading your two post in particular always inspired me to go read up on even more stuff pertaining to acne, which in turn helped my acne condition.

Oh, and I have a new goal, which will most likely make me sacriface near all my workout time when I start school back up, since I'll be going to school + work. That goal is to obtain over 100k in a single year from gaming competitions, dont be ashamed of what you do, you'll later find out its your only love. I'll also probally get a tiny tat of an atari joystiq on my other arm, with its what i do under it, since thats what got me started on games once upon a time. Also I go to school for computer science, in hopes of moving to cali and becoming a game programmer, so when I stop gaming competitively, I can one day make a title that will do similiar stuff for someone else that gaming has done for me. Don't be ashamed of who you are, appearance does infact matter, but not matter what you look like, you will still be you in the end and maybe a you with many regrets when you think about how you handled somethings.

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