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im sitting here having one of those days where you've just had enough of everything. i really cannot think of one happy thought right now. i look just completely disgusting after a giant breakout, my face is sore and im just so miserable i just wanna curl up in bed and cry.

im 21 years old, never go out with my friends anymore, never try to hook up with anyone ive been single forever. its fucking sad. im imprisoned in my own home because of the way i look and feel about myself, i hate it beyond words. no one i know understands the shit im going through. whenever my mates want to go out i have to make an excuse to skip it. the other week i even lied that a family member had died just to get them off my case.. desperate enough?

These days i cant even go out down the shops without having panic attacks. how sad is that?! i went out to get some milk yesterday morning and had a giant panic whilst paying for it. i got paranoid that everyone was looking at me in disgust (i do that everyday, i dont even make eye contact anymore or conversation. ive lost all will to bother communicating with people) and couldnt breathe. i ran out the shop without even getting my change and jogged home. i just look at myself and feel physically repulsed.

just wanted to get it off my chest, no one need reply. if anyone else wants to vent/feels the same, id love you to say. ive had enough man :cry:

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I feel this way all the time. Feeling like everyone is staring at me repulsed and thinking I'm dirty or something for having all these scars. No matter what I wear or how hard I try to look normal. I dunno what to suggest to you. But you aren't alone. Does that help at all? And the panic attacks may subside with meds. They're cheaper than therapy. But remember, most people are pretty wrapped up in their own faults and problems, and probably aren't even noticing yours.

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Sorry to hear you're feeling that way, everyone has a boiling point and it sounds like you've reached yours.

It's the isolation i think that's making life hell for you, it's a terrible paradox because you want to just go out have fun and get on with life, but at the same time you're completely bound by something you have no control over and lack the self esteem to do anything.

Have you tried to see a Dr. or professional regarding your anxiety?

For all those feeling like they're being stared at and have anxiety issues, I give you all a big hug and ask you to read a post i made about Body Dysmorphic Disorder, hopefully it might change your outlook on things.

I'll share with everyone a few home truths that took me quite a lot of time to believe, but the fact it was drummed into my head by a lot of people almost constantly made it a lot easier to remember.

Just walking down the street and you see hundreds, perhaps thousands of people. Each with their own unique face, body, clothes, and prowess. Some are dressed in the best high street brands, walking with their heads up high and smiling smugly at the world - some are just dressed casually and are in a rush to meet their friends, not paying attention to anyone around them ; just trying to get to where they need to - some are covered in hats and hoods looking at the ground walking quickly trying to avoid making eye contact with anyone who walks past. Incase your wondering what catergory I used to (sometimes still) fall under, its the last one.

In my mind, as i'm walking down the street, everyones eyes are glaring at me, they've noticed i didn't do my hair properly this morning, they've noticed that big zit on my chin, they've noticed my ears are sticking out slightly more than usual, they've noticed my eyes are a bit too far apart, they can see my scars, they can see that my nose is a bit wonky, and they're thinking to themselves "Ugh, gross..."

Funny thing is, in reality, they're looking at me because all MY attention is on me, this is pulling their attention directly at me.

If i was just walking down the street, just casually minding my own business, not trying to hide anything, not trying to walk through as many dark vacant alleys, they would not bat a fucking eyelid, why do you think spies and undercover agents do their job so well? Because they know how human psychology works, if they're trying so hard to avoid making eye contant, or talking to someone, or evading any social interation of any kind, people will notice.

I know what you're thinking "Yeah but the whole reason I do those things is because I feel insecure, I don't want people to look at me and realise how ugly I am"

Well here's another newsflash, and this is the one you REALLY need to grasp, noone cares!!!

Remember all those people down the street, i bet every single one that walks by you secretly envy one way or the other, you admire the fact they're laughing and having fun, the way their hair or make up looks, the fact they have a pretty boy/girl on their arm, they have clearer skin than you, they're thinner than you, they're prettier than you. You noticed that guy with the ever so slightly long nose hair, or that girl with the big mole on her neck, or that person with the big chin, or that other person who was slightly overweight.

But what did you do about it? What did you think when you saw them? Did you immediately recoil in horror, did you laugh point and stare? Are you thinking about them still when you got into bed that night? No of course you're not, because that is not what people do. You looked at them, saw nothing of interest, and walked on, besides everyone looks different, and it would be boring if we all looked the same.

Perhaps you're thinking on the lines i used to, which is "Noone finds me attractive, anything nice anyone says to me is a lie and they just don't want me to feel bad, it's just like when friends lie to friend's about their problems"

Well shocking polls have found that some people, REALLY do mean what they say and are sincere in every sense of the word. Ok so maybe we're all no Brad Pitt's or Angelina Jolie, beauty is found in absolutely everything, and what you may hate someone else may consider the epithany of perfection.

I've had so many girls tell me what they hate about themselves, it's all the usual suspects (Weight, Breasts, Skin, Legs, Nose, Lips, etc) and how they wish they could change it, when they look at themselves, they see these hideous flaws that they have to change. I look at them, and I see a beautiful girl looking back at me, and the objects she's identified to me that she hates about herself, i consider to be what makes her stand out and the reason why i'm so attracted to her.

Can any of you honestly say you've never had an experience like this? Has anyone ever said to you they hate something about themselves and you instantly think "What's wrong with it?" or "I LOVE that part of you, i wish i had that!!"

Now, reverse the roles, you're bitching to a friend/partner/whatever - about something you hate about yourself, they tell you that they see nothing wrong with it or that they wish they had a characterstic you had, what do you instantly think? You think they're just adding a positive spin on a negative statement you've made, and even if they were, this is one persons opinion - there are millions of people out there that would like it, equally, there are probably millions that are indifferent to it and millions who won't like it, it's impossible to please everyone. The sooner you realise that, the easier coping with how you look will be.

I always wanted to be absolutely stunning to everyone, i wanted to walk down the street and have everyone turn their heads in amazement and have women drop like flies as i strolled on by. Well, that's not ever gonna happen, even Hollywoods most desired actor would be hard done by to appeal to every single person of the opposite sex. Just accept this is life, just because you don't appeal to everyone doesn't mean you don't appeal to anyone! There have probably been hundreds of admirers in your life, how many times have you walked down the street, or been in a bar or a club, or sitting in school, and saw someone who you considered attractive and thought "Wow, he/she's beautiful/hot/sexy!!" 9/10 you won't express this vocally, or even bring attention to the fact you like this person, you will keep it in your head and that's where it will stay. This happens to everyone on a daily basis, if you had a line up of everyone in your life who has complimented you in your head you would have an incredibly long line of people, some you would suspect, some you could only dream of, that's the wonder of this world because you have no idea what another human is like!!

If someone compliments you on something, just say thank you. The transaction is complete, the acknowledgement has been received and you are grateful, it's very patronising when you compliment someone and they instantly reel off 10 reasons why you are wrong, it makes you feel as if you are wrong to think what you do and that you are weird. I used to do this to my ex all the time, she would always say to me before i went out "Don't go chatting up any girlies while you're ok ;) " and my instant reaction to this was always "Don't worry, no girls are ever interested in me because i'm so ugly, so you don't need to worry, noone will ever steal me away from you..." Depressing i know, can you say you've never felt that way? It's just genuinely how i felt, my ex had enough of it one day and confided in me, she told me that when i say things like that, it makes her less attracted to me because it makes her feel that she is somehow a weirdo for liking me and noone else will, this obvioulsy hurt my feelings because there was nothing i could do as it was how i truly felt and she just didn't understand because she was beautiful and everytime she went out guys would hit on her and confirm she is attractive. This used to cripple me and make me feel a lot worse because i would feel totally unworthy for her, despite my many other good qualities, i could never shake off the fact that an early relationship is majorly based on raw physical attraction. Silly ol me never realised while i was with her that she was so attracted to me, and that gorgeous sexy guy i thought she deserved was with her, in her eyes, the whole time.

NEVER compare yourself to anyone else, it's not an accurate comparison, what you like is hideous to someone else, and vice versa, you are unique and not comparable to anyone else, someone elses bone structure would look weird on you, someone elses eyes would not suit you, you are your own person and you should love yourself, even with what you consider your flaws.

This has been a long post and i'm sorry for anyone who feels their time has been wasted reading it, i need to go buy some Cigarettes, I don't expect anyone to read this and instantly say "I'm cured" and most likely you've heard it all before, but it never hurts to keep beating it into that beautiful head of yours ;)

Ry

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i too feel like that, have done for the past 3 years,hasnt got any better...i always think people are staring at me when i go out and laughing at me.so i try to stay in the only time i go out is with my mum and if anybody walks past i try to hide behind her and i just look down trying to get my hair to cover up my face..most of the time i go red to cause of the embarassment...i spend my whole live indoors,have no friends cause i dont think anybody would want to be friends with someone as ugly as me..so im just on my lonesome all the time..the only thing that gets me through eachday is music...

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i too feel like that, have done for the past 3 years,hasnt got any better...i always think people are staring at me when i go out and laughing at me.so i try to stay in the only time i go out is with my mum and if anybody walks past i try to hide behind her and i just look down trying to get my hair to cover up my face..most of the time i go red to cause of the embarassment...i spend my whole live indoors,have no friends cause i dont think anybody would want to be friends with someone as ugly as me..so im just on my lonesome all the time..the only thing that gets me through eachday is music...

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Ash your on the same boat as me, Firstly like me you need to find a solution to your acne say roaccutane for example so go see a dermatologist as soon as you can because your skin wont get better by itself.

Secondly you should see your GP about your mental health and ask to be referred to a phsychologist becase you need a cognitive behavioural therapy based treatment to overcome your anxiety/panic attacks in the meanwhile though i think an antidepressant might ease your depression (not that i encourage anyone to use antidepressants) but yeah if you can address these problems then i hope you will look better and of course in turn feel better.

But for the short term just take one day at a time... ( i know easier said than done when each say is so fucking miserable)... and and keep using this website for support .

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im in the same boat as you to, im 19 right now, and turning 20 soon... and i had just been getting acne recently this year, had it for like 5 months or so... and its fucking shit, ruined my life. Before i used to look heaps good, everyone used to comment on how good i looked and i always went out with friends to go partying, and now i just cant anymore, cos i look like shit. When my mates told me to go out, i would be like you too - make up some excuse as to why i cant go, simply cos i dont want them to see that i have acne and say things like "wtf, what happened to your face? you look hot before, now you're not" and shit like that..

So ever since then i've been hoping for my acne to get better, and until now i've been clearing up... but still left with some scarring and its getting better, and i cant wait for it to go away, then i can be happy again.

Anyways, i hope you'd get better fast too!

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im sitting here having one of those days where you've just had enough of everything. i really cannot think of one happy thought right now. i look just completely disgusting after a giant breakout, my face is sore and im just so miserable i just wanna curl up in bed and cry.

im 21 years old, never go out with my friends anymore, never try to hook up with anyone ive been single forever. its fucking sad. im imprisoned in my own home because of the way i look and feel about myself, i hate it beyond words. no one i know understands the shit im going through. whenever my mates want to go out i have to make an excuse to skip it. the other week i even lied that a family member had died just to get them off my case.. desperate enough?

These days i cant even go out down the shops without having panic attacks. how sad is that?! i went out to get some milk yesterday morning and had a giant panic whilst paying for it. i got paranoid that everyone was looking at me in disgust (i do that everyday, i dont even make eye contact anymore or conversation. ive lost all will to bother communicating with people) and couldnt breathe. i ran out the shop without even getting my change and jogged home. i just look at myself and feel physically repulsed.

just wanted to get it off my chest, no one need reply. if anyone else wants to vent/feels the same, id love you to say. ive had enough man :cry:

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i know how you feel. i've been that way for 10 years. it's like i'll have 1 good day for every year of suffering.

i always remember this.

"no body gives a shit about me. everyone has their own battle to fight"

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I will the same way. Im on accutane I dunno if that make me more depressed, but some days i love life....i feel good.....other days I hate my life

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Acne is just that way... I've had that panic attack/people problem for a long time...

I hate being around people because I always feel judged, and if I have to be alone to feel happy then I'm fine being by myself.

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Wow, I know EXACTLY how you feel.

Im 19 and I never had acne before until about 5 months ago. So as you can imagine, I am extremely depressed and confused as to how this all happened. It's like one day I woke up and I suddenly had acne. Before that people used to compliment me on my skin all the time! I had a boyfriend, I had a lot of friends and went out to tons of parties....

NOW.. Since my second yr at college started I drive all the way back to homestate (PA) from Rutgers (NJ) because my roomates invite people over all the time and go out every weekend.. Im so embarrassed that I go home every weekend and do absolutely jack shit like a LOSER. And just like you, when I go to the grocery store I look like Im on crack because I'm like, tweaking out and paranoid that everyone is staring at my nasty red marks and thinking im some horrible ugly monster. it's so depressing. i can't even get gas or my car!!! im so embarrassed to walk inside the brightly lit gas station.. so i make my dad fill my tank up....

there are so many fun events going on at my college that i can never even THINK about attending because of the way i look. ive lost all my self esteem and all my friends. im so depressed and so envious of people who have perfect skin. i just cry every time i see a picture of me last year when i had clear skin. its so unfair that i waste over $350 on over the counter meds, prescription meds, makeup, dem visits, etc. etc. And for WHAT. i still have these redmarks.

the acne all came so quickly..

so why is it taking so long for the redmarks to go away.............

le sigh

once again, its afriday night. and im home. alone. cooked dinner for myself. watched tv by myself. ill probably be myself for the rest of my life. i dont know how to talk to people anymore.

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I understand where your coming from. I too am feeling like crap today. I haven't had any friends to hang out with in over a year. I am 20 years old, but I Never have anywhere to go on a friday or saturday night. I need things to change... It is very difficult. My acne is finally leaving which is boosting my confidence massivley thank goodness, but i just can't seem to find anyone to hang with. I am by myself this friday night. Gonna have a couple drinks by myself, watch a movie by myself, go to bed, go to work, and do it all over again. I look forward to the day things change, until then you gotta keep plugging away because as i get older i see that things really do get better. When i was 18 i wanted to commit suicide, but i held on for my fathers sake, and now i realize just how worth it it was.

Hang in there things will get better!

Jason

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^get your life back on track. You're only 20 years old, if you're studying at university, why not join a club or something, try to meet new people, talk to them, make new friends. Be part of a youth group, meet people from there i guess.

Well, the aim is to meet more people i guess, and you're not gonna achieve that by being by yourself.

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These days i cant even go out down the shops without having panic attacks. how sad is that?! i went out to get some milk yesterday morning and had a giant panic whilst paying for it. i got paranoid that everyone was looking at me in disgust (i do that everyday, i dont even make eye contact anymore or conversation. ive lost all will to bother communicating with people) and couldnt breathe. i ran out the shop without even getting my change and jogged home. i just look at myself and feel physically repulsed.

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I totally know how u feel.The feeling of begin avoided and looked down upon, no words can describe.I too tend to avoid eye contact and i often stay away from crowds as much as possible for 1 year now , but alway try to act nature as much as possible. it'll make u feel slightly better. :rolleyes:

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great great read calibos.

What you wrote really connected with me and it makes so much sense. THX!

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Hey Ash, I've just stumbled across this topic. I've known you for years now & this doesnt sound like you at all!

A part of me is wondering as to whether accutane is playing a part in these feelings that you are having. It's common for people to feel depressed on accutane, and I'm wondering if that's one of the side effects that you are experiencing?

I also think you need to work on your self-confidence. Remember, that we are our own worse critic. We often think our skin is a lot worse than what other people think, probably because we have time to stare at ourselves and examine and analyse our skin in a lot more detail than others.

Firstly, I think you should speak to you GP or even your derm regarding these feelings and this sense of anxiety. Secondly, I think you should join a club, or do something that you enjoy by doing this, in time you will feel happier and this will help increase your self-confidence, which I feel that you might be lacking right now.

You have to remember though, only you can help yourself. You need to need to be strong. Seriously though, if you ever wanna chat, you know I'm a pm away, k?! :)

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thanks all for the support. treasure, your a treasure darling! :P always got wise words for me haha even after all these years! and ryan cheers for what you posted, was an awesome read man

you know what it is, ive just had enough of not being able to live my life how i want to. i seriously thought id be over this now. 21 for fucks sake and im nowhere. i KNOW for a fact if i was clear id be out with my friends, probs with a gf and having the time of my life. and people cant say 'dnt let it rule you' because it does lol. Appearance is the be all, end all of this generation, its the way everyone is portrayed these days. its disgusting. and i hate myself for feeling this way. i cant even have my brother around without being paranoid that he's assessing my skin. im mental!

if this tane does what im hoping it will do (and that seems an awful long way off, seeing as i look worse than ever at the mo) then 2008 will be the START of my life. im just dying to get out of this place and live!

god i love a good rant, that felt great

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:cry: I know exactly how you feel. Acne affected me so much to a point i asked my GLC in my high school for alternatives in attending high school. Now i go to a center where i pick up the hw and take tests once per week so its like attending high school for about 2-4 hours once a week. I secluded myself from all my friends. The only hope i have is the hope that its clearing and it is clearing! :D that i'm happy about. I too, think that after this acne is over i'll be able to live my life again! I hope that you will have a speedy recovery ! I know that i'll be happy once acne is over and i know you will be too since i'm very similar to you =]

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