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Hi all

Sometimes when I really have trouble sleeping i like to write down all my thoughts on an A4 sheet of paper and fill both sides then stick it in this box i have, kind of like a really disorganised journal. Anyway ive just had one of those sleepness nights/mornings (its 10am and still no sleep) so i wrote another entry in. I wouldnt normally show anyone these private tatters of my life but i think alot of people who have experienced severe acne can relate to this particular entry so i thought id share it with you. here goes...

Everyone knows that severe acne more often then not leaves behind physical scars but only the people who have actually experienced it will know about the mental scars that it can leave behind.

I used to read on these forums about people who had gone through extended periods of severe acne but had finally cleared up, yet they were still unhappy. I remember thinking to myself "well your clear, you should be crying tears of joy". But now as my severe acne has toned down somewhat and my skin is finally slowly on the path to recovery, I finally understand what these people meant.

How do you return to your old life when everything you have ever known has been taken away from you, when the friends you once had have become strangers, when the places you once called your second home have become distant memories, When the person that you once were has been crippled in front of your very eyes. The Wall that took you so many years to build has been knocked down by some uncontainable force.

The answer is you cant, and so your old life becomes a fantasy that you can only reminisce over. Starting anew is the only option, but how do you do that? When one has been out of touch with reality for so long where does one begin? Like a newborn baby seeing the world for the first time having to learn everything again.

You have to somehow build a new life from the ground up and although you've done this once already now you dont have the time you once had. Life is slipping away and time waits for no-one.

This is a daunting task, and i believe that this is what people in a similar position as myself mean when they talk about the emotional after effects that follows severe acne. I suppose i am in the process of finding out if this is the case, and if indeed it is, then this is where the real battle starts.

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How do you return to your old life when everything you have ever known has been taken away from you, when the friends you once had have become strangers, when the places you once called your second home have become distant memories, When the person that you once were has been crippled in front of your very eyes.

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Hi all

Sometimes when I really have trouble sleeping i like to write down all my thoughts on an A4 sheet of paper and fill both sides then stick it in this box i have, kind of like a really disorganised journal. Anyway ive just had one of those sleepness nights/mornings (its 10am and still no sleep) so i wrote another entry in. I wouldnt normally show anyone these private tatters of my life but i think alot of people who have experienced severe acne can relate to this particular entry so i thought id share it with you. here goes...

Everyone knows that severe acne more often then not leaves behind physical scars but only the people who have actually experienced it will know about the mental scars that it can leave behind.

I used to read on these forums about people who had gone through extended periods of severe acne but had finally cleared up, yet they were still unhappy. I remember thinking to myself "well your clear, you should be crying tears of joy". But now as my severe acne has toned down somewhat and my skin is finally slowly on the path to recovery, I finally understand what these people meant.

How do you return to your old life when everything you have ever known has been taken away from you, when the friends you once had have become strangers, when the places you once called your second home have become distant memories, When the person that you once were has been crippled in front of your very eyes. The Wall that took you so many years to build has been knocked down by some uncontainable force.

The answer is you cant, and so your old life becomes a fantasy that you can only reminisce over. Starting anew is the only option, but how do you do that? When one has been out of touch with reality for so long where does one begin? Like a newborn baby seeing the world for the first time having to learn everything again.

You have to somehow build a new life from the ground up and although you've done this once already now you dont have the time you once had. Life is slipping away and time waits for no-one.

This is a daunting task, and i believe that this is what people in a similar position as myself mean when they talk about the emotional after effects that follows severe acne. I suppose i am in the process of finding out if this is the case, and if indeed it is, then this is where the real battle starts.

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Billyboyuk, that was excellent! :clap: I know exactly what you are saying! Its like once you are in a place you are so accostumed to it. For example with anyone who has suffered from depression (due to acne or other reasons), its like you are so used to being in that uncomfortable place because you dont know anything different.

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I've always had moderate acne and it used to bother me a lot.....but it seems to me that began a whole new chain of physical and mental flaws that angered me. It started out with acne, then unwanted body hair, then weight......grrr and then I started hating myself for sucking at school, feeling like my boyfriend was way too good to me, then i actually started to betray my own personal beliefs.....started to punish myself for being so disgusting....

Now I'm slowly recovering and trying to like me again.....acne isn't my number one issue any more....but I'm afraid if I keep having bad breakouts like I've been, that it's going to start another big mess....

It's good to finally admit how badly I was treating myself.....

And it was very difficult to figure out how to start all over....it just seemed like I needed a lot of time away from any intimate relationships to figure out what was sorta going on in my head.

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I hear where you're coming from, even though I've never really experienced the same thing as a result of acne.

Truth is, it's not just a 'phase', it's a part of your life that will be with you forever. You need to take it and use it to grow (oii does that sound corny, sorry!).

Eventually, the misery will become something that helps you become the person you WANT to be. The insecurities will fade, especially once the acne's gone.

You have to work to be happy, it's not some instant thing. But I'm sure it will happen for you.

Best of luck.

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WoW! This is really deep! I can certainly relate both with acne and my own personal inner evil, gambling. The emotional and psychological damage is far more difficult to manage. Recovery is a difficult road to walk and there are certainly may road blocks along the way. I sometimes live in fear both the fear that my acne will blow up the next morning and the fear that I may never be able to quit gambling. You know what they say... one day at a time... it is so hard to take things one day at a time sometimes! I wish everyone the best in their recovery.

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Hi everyone sorry to bump such an old thread but I feel its kind of appropriate.

When i wrote that first post at that time I had believed my skin was finally starting to clear up but I was wrong, only now am I starting to clear up thanks to accutane (6 months later!)

And now that I have finally started to clear up I have found that my first post to be even harder hitting for me now then when I wrote it. The true extent of the damage that severe acne has had on my life is finally unfolding now and its left me more depressed then when I was actually going through it. I have lost 90% of my friends, I dont go out anymore, I have the confidence of a timid shellfish, I have developed some psychological problems and well..my life is pretty pathetic.

But you guys (tearless + xxletsxrock )are right, I have to move forward somehow. And I have to take what I can from this seemingly pointless experience. It just feels like my heart is being squeezed when I think of the time it has stolen from me. I mean Im almost 20 years old and Ive got absoloutly nothing to show for it, and considering how my life was going before all this it feels like someone is taking the piss. I sometimes think that all the unfortunate things that happen to us are because of some alien race out there getting there kicks, doing shitty stuff to us little humans and laughing at our hopelessness on their big galactic tv screens.

I feel like a complete failure. Maybe 1+ 1/2 years is not a long time considering how long life is but its long enough to fuck you up. I struggle to comprehend how people survive severe acne for several years. Much respect to you guys :) Anyways I am rambling on and on and talking some random shit so take what you will from this. I guess I just needed to rant a little. And I do actually feel a tiny bit better! so I suppose it worked :D

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Good that you brought it up again, it's a great post and I think it illustrates one of the major issue of people who suffer mentally from Acne.

It is quite strange that people who already have cleared up still suffer a lot because of their skin. My skin has cleared up radically over the last few months altough my skin is still very sensitive, has a lot of red marks and some scars. I find it quite ridicolous that i have to persuade myself to go out.. even if it is for some minutes to the store because i feel dejected due to my skin which is rather ok now. Clearing up didn't really help too much in that case.

Starting a new life was what I did more or less. When I had to find a college i have chosen one which is rather far away from my home city. Moving to another city, leaving my parents house, trying to find new friends. trying to start over didn't really help me tough, sadly.

20 years is young. I'm 21 and like you didn't really have anything to show for. Like already said, you have to accept the fact that those years were "taken away" from you. You don't want to have more years taken away, right? :surprised:

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Well actually I went to university for a bit but ended up dropping out as I wasnt anywhere near gaining control over my skin yet. I found that being in a new place with new people made it easier for me to go out. I think one of the things that stops me is the possibilty of bumping into someone I know and them seeing what a complete mess I am.

So being in another city allowed me to forget about that (although unfortunately still bumped into people I knew :/ )

Anyway same as you going to uni didnt really help me move on either. I think the only time I will be comfotable with my skin is when my red marks completely fade, the scars I can deal with , Have to deal with so that makes it easier. the fact that there is no cure for them and I will have to have them for the rest of my life.

Its like now that I have red marks all over my face I look in the mirror and it reminds me of the time I had severe acne and if I am still associating my face with the severe acne I used to have then I still have a problem. Albeit a slightly psychological problem

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