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So the usual conversation between my friends and i.

The thing that got me stunned was the following...

male friend: you seen his ex before right?

I: ye...

male friend: she is pretty right?

I: oh ye... *stunned coz i was feeling low 1 sec after i agreed*


That so totally got me although it was just another casual chat, my friend meant no harm.

I felt like i wasn't worthy enough for my guy after agreeing to my friend.

The thing is, the girl to me is pretty.

Yet admitting to that fact is demoralizing because of my skin.

And esp when i have no idea why my guy likes me.

I know that is one of my insecurities. And my guy knew about it. He was bothered too.

To make us both feel better, i asked him whether he got over his old relationship (which is one of my insecurities, because his ex is in the same sch as us. Whenever she sees me, she will look. But when she noticed i'm looking her way, she turns away QUICKLY. It's so


His reply was "past is past, i am just treating her as a friend". That was disappointing.

I told him "what past is past, but whether you gotten over the relationship, it is another issue".

He never did reply me a yes or no. I am not trying to be demanding. I told him i need to understand whether the few months, the time being single had helped him overcome...yet again, i cherish him. I am trying my best not to think too much esp when he started looking at other prettier, clearer skin girls after 2 months being together. Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy. He ain't flirting, he ain't doing nothing wrong to me. It's more of human nature to look at better things i guess. Hm.

To that, i usually PMS or now, i just try to take it easy. Afterall, i am accepting the fact - i am scarred.

And i noticed after talking to him about my insecurity, he ain't lookin at other girls that much now.

I guess i am too stressed up with my final year project (lots of programming shet), lack of sleep, skin condition is goin downhill ...

Just another long long post of my rant.


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