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rodd

lousy day, lousy life, lousy thread..

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im sorry to make one of those depressing self-absorbed threads, and i hope i dont bring anyone down but im feeling really miserable right now and i just need to talk about it or something. i usually leave any emotional bullshit at the door when i check in to the org, but im really feeling down today. like really rock bottom. ive had a crap day on top of a whole lot of crap days and i've come home on this cold rainy night to my cold dark lonely room after yet another day of doing what i hate blending into all the other days just like it, and its so depressing and im so sick of it all. im just so sick of everything, im even sick of myself. i hate it all so much i just want to run away and leave all my problems behind. but i cant run away from myself so im still here, stuck in this hole ive spent 28 years digging and i hate it so much it hurts but its all ive got. i sat down on my bed when i got home and actually broke down and cried for no reason and i feel so ashamed that i've become such a failure. i've let everyone down, but worst of all i've let myself down. its like all the courage ive kept up for so long has finally begun to crumble and i just cant fool myself that its gonna be ok anymore. im usually the sort of person who sees the glass half full, but tonight im sitting here and ive actually got tears in my eyes as i type this because i've realised that i've been wrong. i've told myself all this time that it would get better and it would all work out alright but i've been kidding myself and i was too stupid to even notice. ive realised that every time ive told myself that theres hope, its been a lie. and every time ive gone easy on myself for fucking my life up ive just been making it worse. i feel so alone and i hate everything about myself and who i am and what i do and how im living my pathetic life, and i hate that i dont seem to be able to do anything about it. i just want to go to sleep and pretend its all a bad dream, but i know that when i wake up tomorrow it's still going to be me and its still going to be my life, and that hurts so bad. im sorry to sound so melodramatic and im sorry to just let it all out like this, but please dont make any mean comments, i dont think i could handle it right now. thanks for listening.

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Gosh I am so sorry to hear about that rodd. :(

I hope you feel better soon, I will keep you in my prayers! And remember, making mistakes in life does not make someone a "failure". I don't think you are a failure.........I think you are going to be strong and get right back up on your feet again and fight! Keep strong! :cool:

BTW I think you are gorgeous. :wub:

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I'm sorry you are feeling so down. We all have rock bottom moments sometimes, there's nothing wrong with that. Just remember that you are defined by how you live your life NOW, not by your past or even by how you lived your life yesterday. You don't have to let "mistakes" define you anymore. If you don't know what to do, figure out a way to help yourself figure it out. You can do it! Just learn from your life. That's what mistakes are all about. We ALL make them. I know I have made plenty.

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rodd we all have these days, and sometimes these "days" are weeks or months.

From experience it seems to be especially around your age, because it becomes sort of a pseudo midlife crisis for younger adults when they realize all their dreams of fame and fortune did not materialize as immediatly as planned.

Best to realize this and know theyres sunnier times on the horizon.

You seem like a great guy and its tragic you should feel this way. All I can hope for you is that you realize satisfaction is self-derived and what your feeling will fade the happier you become with yourself and your own plight

just try to look at it in a new perspective and realize things dont always end up how we plan, but were all just players in this ridiculous game so try to enjoy the ride.

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why do you hate your life?

why do you hate your looks? (you look good dude)

why are you a failure?

how come you're alone? do you make attempts to be with others?

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Boy are we in the same boat. I'm so glad you posted, it really helped me feel less alone today. It takes a lot of courage to do what you did: reach out and be honest.

The last six months have been so hard, and some days I've wondered if my life is just a bad joke. But lately I've been feeling like I'll be damned if my skin and my shitty circumstances get the better of me. I'm reading Skin Deep by Ted Grossbart. It talks all about why we feel like failures and why our skin sabotages us. My skin has gotten worse since I've started finding out more about myself (almost like it's trying to get me to stay in the cycle of shame and hatred), but it's almost like it doesn't matter, because now I know a little more about why this all happens. I feel liberated. Plus I'm so damn sick of feeling so trapped and devastated.

Hang in. You are beautiful, smart and brave, and a shitty day is one shitty day. Sometimes a lot of them are strung together in a row, but they all pass.

p.s. smart observations coughdrop

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wow, i'm sorry to hear that you're going through this dark period... i feel the exact same way at the moment, every detail that you just listed about your feelings, i feel the same way. i hate everything about myself, i feel so alone, i feel like a failure, i have no self-esteem, i'm completely lost about everything, i don't know who i am, etc.

we all have our ups and downs. i believe that we were all brought into this world for a purpose, there's a plan for you, there's a reason why you're still alive.

btw, i took a look at your profile, electronic music is where it's at! :P

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I can relate. I don't see myself getting better anytime in the near future, and sometimes I wonder why I still bother to struggle on and I consider just giving up because it's so painful for me to just try to live like a normal person. But for whatever reason I'm still going, and hopefully I'll find the light at the end of the tunnel sometime soon. I hope you do too :comfort:

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I had a night like that recently and can't seem to get out of that funk. I have so many burdens and problems and caused so much for others that it really does rain down on you...I feel ya rodd.

Too bad youre so far away or we could, you know..be miserable together :doh:

I know its a long shot but there are people on here who are here for you if you need to talk...life can be such a pain in the ass sometimes.

I think its those really, really bad times that make the good ones so much better...

Just wish there were more of the good ones, no?

:comfort:

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thanks for all your comments guys, i wasnt in the mood to reply when i read them before but your posts definitely helped. although that rant was more for a chronic kind of vibe than an acute one, im in a much better state of mind right now. i realise that no one has anything to gain by making a comment in a thread like this, so the fact that you've all taken the effort to write something is really nice. cheers :angel:

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Rodd, you are smart, funny and sexy, and one of these days I am going to sneak off to Australia and go to a rave with you.

Glad to hear you're feeling better. :wub:

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