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daydreaming about the day i have clear skin

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i wish for the day i have clear skin. im getting married next year and all i can think of is when my fiances family see me for the first time (those who haven't met me) they will all be judging me on the way i look and gosh what a sight they'll see... i cringe just thinking about it.

or the day that i can go out or even walk down my own stairs and into the kitchen without thinking what people, family, friends are thinking about my skin.

or having my mum say "look at the state of your face" like its my fault...

or people telling me "you have spots/a spot" why do they say that? like HELLO DO YOU NOT THINK I LOOK IN THE MIRROR EVERY MORNING AND SEE A FACE FULL OF SPOTS, I AM NOT BLIND!

my brother,, who think hes so smart telling me i should steam my face 'cause it'll get rid of my spots... yeah bro, ITS THAT EASY!

i think my father is the only person who actually never says anything... all he says is don't worry dear it'll pass,,, god i love him.

or how it feels like when im with my fiance and he turns to look at me and all im thinking is how ugly i must look to him, why do i think these things? i knew once when he met me i was some what beautiful looking and i hope he hasnt forgotten that...

i wish i could see my friends and be happy and not have to cancel dates with people because my skin is looking shit. i wish i could just stay in bed all day and no one have to see me.

will this shit ever end?

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i'm a 21 year old male filipino with dreams of either having the baby-smooth skin he once had at the age of 13 or have the amazing skin jt and lance bass had during their younger years in nsync (maybe it was the makeup???)

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