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Anastasia's Accutane Diary/Log

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Anastasia's Accutane Log


Hey! Welcome to my accutane log!
My name is Anastasia, I am 15 years old and I have cystic acne. I've had horrible acne since around the age of 10.
My father had it when he was younger, so I got it from him. It's super embarassing to walk around and see all of these pretty girls with clear skin, getting all of the guys who never even look at me. But, now, I have started Accutane, the supposed "miracle" drug for people with serious acne.



I started taking Accutane on March 5, 2007. I started an Accutane Diary on that day, but unfortunately did not keep it up. Here is my first and last diary entry:


First Day On Accutane
Monday, Mar 5, 2007


Dear Diary,

My first dermatologist appointment was on January 31, 2007 (which also happens to be my birthday). I had been to see dermatologists before, but none of them really helped me. My mom looked into other dermatologists around us and found a very good one about 15 minutes away. She made an appointment right away, the only day she could book was January 31, she knew I wouldn't be happy about that because it was my birthday, but she made the appointment anyway.

The day arrived and I dragged myself out of bed. I told my mom, "I will not go on Accutane, after all I've read about it I won't do it. Especially since one of the side effects is serious depression that has caused people to kill themselves." In reply she told me that I had to keep an open mind. You see, I was scared of Accutane because my father had been on Accutane when he was younger and from that he developed depression, but it had also cleared his skin.

I walked into the dermatologists office with my mother, we were told to sit and wait until the doctor came. I waited impatiently, I knew she was going to suggest accutane, I knew it. My acne was horrible of course she was going to suggest it and push it until I said yes.

The doctor was very nice, unlike the dermatologist I had beforehand (he was a jerk). She told us everything straight on, she said, "She needs accutane, I don't usually say that when I first meet a patient but in this case I am." I felt a tight knot begin to fill my throat, I wanted to cry. I was so scared of accutane, after everything I'd heard from my dad and from reading about it. I sat there, uncomfortably, trying to smile and not seem to upset.

After we'd left I began to cry. Why did this news have to come on my birthday?! Of all days. I just didn't know what to do. I wanted to go home and sleep the day away. Why did this have to happen to me? Why couldn't I be a regular kid without these big lumps all over my face? Why couldn't I have a boyfriend and clear skin and be a popular kid? Why? All the usual questions ran through my head.

I soon got over it, however. My mother took me out to lunch and we went shopping to celebrate my birthday, so the day wasn't all bad. And, I tried to keep my mind off of accutane and my acne.

I had my first blood test. I was so scared because I had never had it done before. After she put the needle in, I was fine, but then my whole body started to tingle. You know how it feels when your foot falls asleep? That's what my whole body felt like. My head began rushing, I could feel my heart sinking, I couldn't take it anymore. When she took the needle out I just looked around without saying a word and without getting up from my seat. She looked at me and asked if I was ok. I nodded, even though I wasn't. I ended up vomiting, it was a terrible experience. The girl that took my blood wasn't very nice and I just felt so sick. I hope next time goes better.

~~~~~~~~~~~
Anyway, here I am on Monday March 5th, 2007. I went to the dermatologist today and got my pills, moisturizers (the were recommended by the dermatologist), and a humidifier (that was also recommended). I took my first pill, and I couldn't believe how fast I dried out. Two hours after I took it, my face began to feel drier and my nose began to bleed it stopped quickly, but it still wasn't fun. I'm alright now, I'm not experiencing anything bad at the moment.

Anyway, enough for now. I will write at the end of the week to tell you how my first week on Accutane went.

Anastasia
01:19 PM




Now:
I am now quite a few months into my accutane adventure. I wish I had kept on writing in my accutane diary.. But, I didn't think that anyone would want to hear what I had to say. I mean, who cares about some 15 year old girl with cystic acne? But, I hope to keep up with this log. Even if no one reads it, it's nice to be able to write things down. Any troubles or triumphs.







Note: This will probably be more of a "Diary" than a "Log".

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I love reading these logs regardless of whats going on in them.

Keep it up.

Also very nice to talk with people who understand what your going through.

How are you doing now?

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I was babysitting my little brother and sister two weeks ago. We were playing Apples to Apples, it's a game where there's a card placed down and it says a word and then the players have to put down a card that says a word that goes with the word. The word happened to be "Lumpy". My little brother laughed and said:
"If I had an Anastasia card, I'd put it down. She has lumps all over her."


These words haunt me. I've heard it many times before. Nothing makes me more upset than little kids saying things like that to me. Just this weekend a little girl came up to me and asked "What are all the red bumps?" I explained it to her and her immediate response was: "Ew." I know that they are just little kids, but it hurts me to know that it is not just little kids who think "Ew." when they see my skin. Little kids are just more outspoken, I know that older people probably also think the exact same thing. They just don't say it to my face.

I wish the world was a more accepting place.

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I love reading these logs regardless of whats going on in them.

Keep it up.

Also very nice to talk with people who understand what your going through.

How are you doing now?

Hi! Thank you for stopping by :).

I'm ok.. I suppose.

Right now I'm on 60 mgs. My acne has not cleared up very much, it has actually gotten a bit worse. But, hopefully it will clear soon. I'm not about to give up on it, I'm going to stick it through until the end. I know, I just know that everything will work out. It has to. Nothing else has worked, so this has to.

I've been in a lot of pain lately, back pain, joint pain, muscle aches, head aches. No one understands though, I can tell them about it, but they don't listen. They don't know what I'm going through, I can try to explain, but again they don't listen. My family just doesn't seem to have time to listen to what I'm going through.

My skin has been very dry, I have to keep applying chap stick and moisturizer. I have to keep those things on me every second of the day.. Because it's become too dry to bare.

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Ya everyone with acne goes through the same thing. With everyone else just not understanding.

My dad thinks accutane is going to be a cake walk because he took it when he was young and didn't have problems.

He think that I "think about it too much"

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Ya everyone with acne goes through the same thing. With everyone else just not understanding.

My dad thinks accutane is going to be a cake walk because he took it when he was young and didn't have problems.

He think that I "think about it too much"

That's exactly what my mother thinks. She thinks that I just think too much into things. Or because I know the side affects that I will get them because I know of them and become paranoid. It annoys me to no end. She should go on accutane and see how she likes it lol.

The only person in my family that would understand what I'm going through, would be my dad. Because he was on it when he was younger, just like yours, only he did have problems with it. Unfortunately, I don't see him.. I see him, maybe once a year, if that.

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Side effects are quite frankly, bullshit. It's less than 0.1% that actually have anything happen to them.

Fuck kids, I have just about drop kicked several of the little demons for commenting on my face back when I had my giant breakout.

Make sure you drink plenty of water, and try not to think about it so much. You'll probably see all those pains disappear if you just ignore them.

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