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phaser

Expressing sadness ... nothing more

Yesterday I was at a double-birthday party. The apartment was on the top floor and the heat inside was UNBEARABLE. So I always stayed on the balconies with the lights off so no one would see my pathetic skin. Though to be honest, my skin hasn't looked that good in months. But still I got the funny feeling it was ugly as HELL. So, naturally I wouldn't show up in front of friends insite where the lights were on. I drank about 2-3 liters of water in the same time the others drank tons of alcohol and I was feeling ... ugh ... stupid. Then I poured myself a glass of beer but that's not important. I tried not to show any emotion that will activate my rosacea (damn) so I was only talking with no expression on my face whatsoever. I only smiled when a major joke was told but that's as far as I got.

In the end when I got home and looked myself in the mirror I saw that my face was almost clear.

I hate this thing. Will this behaviour and constant fear of rejection continue even if I do clear up ?

The shiny knife in the kitchen is starting to look more and more seductive.

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Yesterday I was at a double-birthday party. The apartment was on the top floor and the heat inside was UNBEARABLE. So I always stayed on the balconies with the lights off so no one would see my pathetic skin. Though to be honest, my skin hasn't looked that good in months. But still I got the funny feeling it was ugly as HELL. So, naturally I wouldn't show up in front of friends insite where the lights were on. I drank about 2-3 liters of water in the same time the others drank tons of alcohol and I was feeling ... ugh ... stupid. Then I poured myself a glass of beer but that's not important. I tried not to show any emotion that will activate my rosacea (damn) so I was only talking with no expression on my face whatsoever. I only smiled when a major joke was told but that's as far as I got.

In the end when I got home and looked myself in the mirror I saw that my face was almost clear.

I hate this thing. Will this behaviour and constant fear of rejection continue even if I do clear up ?

The shiny knife in the kitchen is starting to look more and more seductive.

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Yesterday I was at a double-birthday party. The apartment was on the top floor and the heat inside was UNBEARABLE. So I always stayed on the balconies with the lights off so no one would see my pathetic skin. Though to be honest, my skin hasn't looked that good in months. But still I got the funny feeling it was ugly as HELL. So, naturally I wouldn't show up in front of friends insite where the lights were on. I drank about 2-3 liters of water in the same time the others drank tons of alcohol and I was feeling ... ugh ... stupid. Then I poured myself a glass of beer but that's not important. I tried not to show any emotion that will activate my rosacea (damn) so I was only talking with no expression on my face whatsoever. I only smiled when a major joke was told but that's as far as I got.

In the end when I got home and looked myself in the mirror I saw that my face was almost clear.

I hate this thing. Will this behaviour and constant fear of rejection continue even if I do clear up ?

The shiny knife in the kitchen is starting to look more and more seductive.

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i know the feeling man.

whenever it's hot outside/inside/anywhere my skin feels appallingly disgusting. it just feels like my skin is churning out oil at superhuman rates which makes it hard to talk with people.

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Yeh acne sucks I'm always so embaressed and the people get embaressed for my..and it just feels wrong and I feel ashame...

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Yeh acne sucks I'm always so embaressed and the people get embaressed for my..and it just feels wrong and I feel ashame...

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Yeh and people are like why do you have so much attitute I'm like look at my face my past...I've also been abused..I have nothing good in my life...how would you react If you had my life..I also don't like it when people feel sorry for me...I had a classmate who did that when my acne wasn't eacne that severe..and I don't care what people think cause I'm demressed...

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Yeh and people are like why do you have so much attitute I'm like look at my face my past...I've also been abused..I have nothing good in my life...how would you react If you had my life..I also don't like it when people feel sorry for me...I had a classmate who did that when my acne wasn't eacne that severe..and I don't care what people think cause I'm demressed...

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Yeh and when they expect so much back cause they've hung out with you and then they diss you like hell to then be expecting you to continue your happy path in life...I had this friend who taught that my problems were becuase of my family and increased the fightings between me and my mother...then I have more problems now with my skin and also personlaity I go to extra classes cause I haven't finished my diploma. I have nothing to work with I'm not even as pretty as I used to be. My former friends and family are ashamed of me... Well well what to do. By the way my pride usually don't let me say nice things to people but I think you're a great girl...

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aND FOR ALL THOSe who sais that looks is not everything. Well guess what when I was in 8:th grade a guy used to like me for my beauty, he was average looking and had acne himself..and he thought that an other girl in our school was ugly...whi had acne and she was ugly.. then when I saw him at mcdonald's he just ignored me probably because of the scars and that he was ashamed of ever liking me....so looks do matter but then he probably just liked me for my looks...

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I know what you mean. It might take you awhile to get close to people (including me) I have trust issues with most people to. Ive never really been a happy person. My depression worsened when I was in seventh and eighth grades. I had a psychologist who made me even more depressed. I started fighting with my parents even more and I wouldnt talk to anyone. I would lock myself in my room. The psychologist told my parents Im so depressed that she needed to see me twice a week. Otherwise she wouldnt see me at all. She was horrible! She was not helpful either. She was just one of those therapists who would knod and didnt have any advice.

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I had a therapist who we paid a lot to and she didn't help at all. So my mum is like we paid the shrink and now you feel bad again...what is wrong with you how could you become our daughter...people in school have called me face through paper in my hair...you don't now what I've been through and on top of all my terrible acne...

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I had a therapist who we paid a lot to and she didn't help at all. So my mum is like we paid the shrink and now you feel bad again...what is wrong with you how could you become our daughter...people in school have called me face through paper in my hair...you don't now what I've been through and on top of all my terrible acne...

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It does help...but I don't feel better by seeing others feel bad like me..I just hope my future kids wil have a better life..my mum has abused me though and done worser things, but a lot of mum's do that and it makes their kids stronger, but in this case it's worse cause I don't even have my looks to love on....

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It does help...but I don't feel better by seeing others feel bad like me..I just hope my future kids wil have a better life..my mum has abused me though and done worser things, but a lot of mum's do that and it makes their kids stronger, but in this case it's worse cause I don't even have my looks to love on....

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Where did you go? Yeh and also get anxiety attacks for my acne scars if I took the pills earlier I would have looked better...

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Ooooh shiny! hehe

Well anyways eventually you will stop being so insecure as you just stop caring about what other people think... Just try and be happy, it what's on the inside that counts....

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Whatever people have treated me differently ever since I got acne and used it against me like it is my own faulth...

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