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I feel so ugly

I can't stand this anymore. Do any of you just get so discouraged?

I told my Mom last night how I feel. I've never told anyone but you guys, and she just didn't get it. She's never had a pimple in her life, so I guess she would never be able to understand. She says I'm pretty, but I don't feel pretty, and I have a mirror, so I know what my face looks like. I hate these bumps that won't go away and that no one can diagnose. It makes it seem so hopeless. If I knew what they were, I could treat them, but as it is, I can't. I think that's what is making me feel like this. I've been very optimistic and patient until recently that they would go away, but after three years, I feel like it's a lost cause. I'm practically crying right now, and I feel so silly about that.

I told her about people on the boards, and how awful some people feel, and that she just doesn't understand how this makes us feel, and it's more serious than she thinks.

I know looks aren't everything, but I want to be able to look into the mirror and look like myself again. I want to stop worrying if I have a new pimple. I want to stop looking at myself under one kind of lighting and thinking I look good, only to see myself in another lighting to realize it's worse than ever. I just want to look normal and I can't understand why I can't have that small wish bestowed upon me. I don't have anything else.

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My Mom doesn't really have anything to do with it. I just happened to reach out to her and tell her what I've told no one else(except the boards). Also, it just demonstrates that most people don't understand us. In my case, it's probably because I don't tell anyone what an impact it has on me. I think people close to us need to know about it if it is impacting us so much, otherwise, they'll never be able to know us.

I've tried many medications. The Dr.'s don't know what my bumps are, but they know they aren't acne. Medication doesn't do anything for them.

I do still get acne in other places though, and am using meds for that.

I also have scars, but my main problem in my appearance is the bumps.

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Are these bumps possibly rosacea or even a skin allergy? It seems they should be able to tell you what they are. I have never heard of a Doctor saying they don't know what something is and not send you to someone else who might know. Someone I know had strange rash like bumps and could not figure out the cause of them. Turned out to be a skin allergy. Anyway, I just think there has to be some Doctor who might know what they are because untill you find out, it'll be very difficult to treat them. Peace.

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Emma, I'm sorry, I know I've mentioned this before, but it is possible that this book could throw some insight for you: Skin Deep by - Ted Grossbart.

I totally agree with you about trying to let all those near you understand how your skin/scars affect you. Some of my friends 'try' and understand but I guess they never will unless they have the same sort of problems. Still, some of my friends do totally understand and that's a comfort, to be able to go and speak to others openly about how we feel.

My mother is quite understanding, but my dad does not undertsand (and he's a retired derm!).

Emma - I can only tell you that there HAS to be a solution to those bumps - there is an old saying..'if you keep throwing mud at the wall, eventually some of it will stick' ... keep knocking on doors Emma .. at some stage someone will be able to help you gett rid of those damn bumps.. until that time, I and others are here to support you.

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Guest ObiWontonKenoli

Yes, I have a friend with clear skin- he admits clearly he cannot relate to my problems. You're not alone.

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Emma,

I think we all know how you feel. Just don't give up hope. You weren't born with the bumps so somehow something must be causing them. Maybe you could scan some high resolution pictures of your skin and send them to the Mayo Clinic or Dermatology Heads at leading universities. Somebody has to know what you have!

We are here for you Emma! Don't ever forget it.

Anna

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Hi Emma,

Yes, I get discouraged often. Most of the time I am hopeful but there are moments that I just can't stand it.

I don't think that anyone with perfect skin is really capable of understanding how much a skin disorder can affect someone.

I wish I knew what to tell you about your bumps. If I were in your situation I'd probably schedule as many free consultations as possible to try to get to the bottom of it.

Don't feel silly for expressing your feelings. Most of us here understand some of what you are going through. We all have some sort of skin imperfection - some of ours are worse than others.

It's easy for people with perfect skin to say "looks aren't everything", isn't it? I also know it's not everything, but I can tell you that it affects people. It can affect the way you feel about yourself and that translates to other people. Hang in there Emma, we are here for you.

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Emma, I'm sorry, I know I've mentioned this before, but it is possible that this book could throw some insight for you: Skin Deep by - Ted Grossbart.

I totally agree with you about trying to let all those near you understand how your skin/scars affect you. Some of my friends 'try' and understand but I guess they never will unless they have the same sort of problems. Still, some of my friends do totally understand and that's a comfort, to be able to go and speak to others openly about how we feel.

My mother is quite understanding, but my dad does not undertsand (and he's a retired derm!).

Emma - I can only tell you that there HAS to be a solution to those bumps - there is an old saying..'if you keep throwing mud at the wall, eventually some of it will stick' ... keep knocking on doors Emma .. at some stage someone will be able to help you gett rid of those damn bumps.. until that time, I and others are here to support you.

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Almost had an outr loud sympathy laugh at the "looking at yourself in different lighting" part. That's part of my daily routine. Look at my face from front, from sides, in sunlight, in overhead bathroom light...LOL.

Most doctors aren't up on the newest treatments. Even here in the beauty capital of the US (Los Angeles), many top Beverly Hills derms told me NOTHING could be done for my scars. I come here and find out they are wrong.

I'd find out who the chief of dermatology is at a local hospital, or perhaps find an eager young resident at a hospital. Someone will figure your bumps out. Good luck.

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Hi Emma: I know exactly what you mean. My husband is wonderful and supportive, but he doesn't even remotely "GET" why I've gotten so down and depressed and cried my heart out over my skin issues. I don't think that people can really understand if they have never been through it.

Regarding those bumps.....you know, I've had a lot of sebacious hyperplasia lesions on my face. There is no "cure" for them, either. However, I kept hearing that aggressive exfoliation could help them. I have applied tca to some, gotten some needled, and some have gone away because of all the stuff I've done to my face (lots of peels, V-beam laser, etc....). But I still think they will all go away once I finish flushing my liver of the thousands of gallstones lodged in it (already removed almost 500). You should go to a plastic surgeon type derm and see if any of the new lasers supply any hope. I did my own search for cures and treatments for sebacious hyperplasia bumps and found a german study that used the pusled dye laser 3-4 times over a month and the laser totally shrunk the bumps. The V-beam laser (a type of pulsed dye laser) did seem to help some of these bumps.

Be proactive; don't give up!!!!! Please share your heart here as often and as much as possible. Consider the fact that something going on INTERNALLY is causing your problems. Consider doing a detox regimen, a parasite killing regimen, etc......

We all are here to support you through this difficult time, and although I don't know you, I think you're beautiful, so how about that? smile.gif

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Wow! I don't even know where to begin. You've all given me really good advice and much needed and genuine support. This board blows me away in a good way.

I think I purged a lot of pent up emotions yesterday and I feel better for it today. It was good to vent to a person that knows me in person. It got a lot out, and it wasn't my dirty little secret anymore. Then, sharing my feelings this morning with you guys helped a little more. I'm not going to lie, and say I am suddenly content with my condition, but I feel more peace, and that has a lot to do with your support, so thanks smile.gif

My Mom actually got me a book that gives lists of doctors who are the most revered by other Doctors. We looked up derms, and I sort of fixated on one; I don't know why. Anyway, I did a search on his name(this gets kind of cool), and I couldn't find him. I decided I wanted to see someone at the University of Pennsylvania since I couldn't find him. I had thought of going there before, and had previously searched their site for derms a long time ago and saved it in my favorite places list. I never followed up on it because I didn't just want to pick some random person. Anyway, I went to my favorite places, and lo and behold, the page I had saved and which appeared on my screen was the exact Doctor I was looking for from the list, but was unable to find! It was damn strange. So, I guess I'll make an appointment with him. Tanpuppies, he happens to be the chief of dermatology there.I don't know if he will be able to diagnose me, but chances are he'll know someone who will. He is also a dermapathologist. It gives me some hope.

Denise, someone on here used to have sebaceous hyperplasia, and he just had it burned off. I don't remember who he was, but maybe he's reading this and can help you.

Tamara, I don't think derms give free consults. Plastic surgeons do, but only for cosmetic reasons. I saw one PS, and he sent me away saying he didn't know what it was sad.gif

Trying, I don't think it's rosacea, because my derm is really up on that. Also, he gave me rosacea meds just to see they would help. Unfortunately they didn't. As for the allergies, I don't know...maybe?

Maya, I can't believe your Dad doesn't understand. Maybe he got so conditioned to seeing people with skin disorders that he became numb to them. I remember you recommending that book. I agree that the skin is really affected by emotions. I guess I need to relax more. I do think I'll eventually find out what they are, and maybe get rid of them. It's hard to go to a bunch of different Doctors right now since I'm without insurance. Eventually, that will change, and I'll see every derm I can until I get an answer.

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Emma: You can treat the sebacious CYSTS, but not the small impacted whitehead type things (which are the lesions, the things that I have). There is LITERALLY nothing you can do to them but try various things as different people have various success with different treatments. Some people have had them cut off or some kind of other thing done to them, but that leaves a scar too. Believe me, I researched this and talked to about 3 plastic surgeons/derms; they are literally considered "non treatable". I used to literally have dozens of these things on my face; that's one of the reasons I wear bangs.... ](*,) #-o ](*,)

But anyway....I'm still hopeful that they will go away. These things don't just appear out of nowhere for no reason.

In any event, we are here to support you!

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Denise,

dont know if you've already looked into this but have you tried castor oil? I've read it can get rid of lots of odd skin bumps, warts, tags etc and without leaving a scar.

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Maya, I can't believe your Dad doesn't understand. Maybe he got so conditioned to seeing people with skin disorders that he became numb to them.

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Joylovepeace....no, castor oil wouldn't work for sebacious lesions. Copper peptides works for odd bumps too (including skin tags...I oughta know, I took some off my neck with copper peptides), but copper peptides hasn't removed these lesions. Keep in mind that many have disappeared; these aren't huge; they can mostly be covered with makeup, so it's not like facial warts or anything. They are totally flat and the same color as your skin, mostly.

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Maya, I can see why acne, and scars don't bother him if dealt with leprosy!

I agree, someone has to know what this is. I can't be the only person with it, that's what makes it so frustrating. I know a derm must've seen it before. The reason my other derm didn't recognize it is because it's atypical, not acne, not roscaea, or a normal rash. My chances at a teaching hospital with many derms on staff will at least make my chances better of getting a diagnosis. Thanks for your prayers.

Who knows, maybe it will just go away one day on its own smile.gif

Denise, can you tell me more about your skin bumps? When did you get them? How have they changed over that time? Where are they?

Emma

P.S.- I don't know if you guys caught my post on my homemade ALA, but I think it's helping my scars/skin tone. It's good for people that are prone to break-outs.

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Emma: The only suggestion I have for you is to go to google and do a word search that says: sebacious hyperplasia - pictures

That's the only way you can understand what they look like. They look a bit like closed comedones. That's the best way I can explain it. I started getting them a few years ago, probably 5 years ago. They increased really bad and started popping up in a lot of different places, and they varied in size and shape. Some are very small, some bigger. But like I said, they are much improved now. smile.gif But I was told that they really are hard if not impossible to treat, so that's why I'm encouraging you to NOT give up on your own skin condition. I still think and believe they are tied to something going on internally.

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Denise,

It sounds like you have them in various places. I only have them on my chin and around my nose--that's what makes it weird(at least to me).

What do you think could be going on internally?

I'm glad yours have gotten better! smile.gif

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Hang in there. I'm now on Lactic peels, mandelic and intense gel for rough texture and horrible red marks from several years of moderate to severe acne. I don't know when it will get better & I'm 27 now! My parents don't understand it either, they tell me it's not big deal. Well, it is, even for my career it matters ("lookism") in terms of moving up a corporate ladder I have to look a certain way at all times.

I've noticed in the past few years how few photos there are of me because I don't like my picture/video taken anymore. In high school, I was in every picture or video. But all hell broke loose after that!

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[but I still think they will all go away once I finish flushing my liver of the thousands of gallstones lodged in it (already removed almost 500). [quote

Hi Denise! I am very curious as to the above statement that you made. I have had acne since I was 12 and is hormonal related-getting worse at different stages of my cycle-and nearly disappearing during my pregnancies. Approx. 7 years ago, I had my gallbladder removed due to multiple gallstones. 2 years prior to that I began birth control pills for polycystic ovaries-which the higher amounts of estrogen helped clear the acne, such as estrogen levels are higher during pregnancy. The ovaries are supressed in both cases. Gallstones are listed as a side effect in the pill insert. Another thing I know is that my derm/Dr. told me Accutane is stored in the liver-which is why the liver is monitored when on Accutane because liver enzymes can elevate. Most of my scars are post Accutane. I've been off 2 years and my skin is just now returning to it's pre-Accutane state. How are you flushing your liver and how do you know you've removed 500 stones??? What is the connection between the liver and all this??? Very interesting... :-k

Thanks for your time!!! Sapphire

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Sapphire...for whatever reason, doctors don't understand that gallstones are also contained and lodged in the bile ducts of the liver, not just the gallstone. That's why when people have their gallstones removed, they still have lots of problems.

For more information, go to: www.curezone.com; look on the right of the page and click onto "liver flush/cleanse"

All the information you need is included there. It very explicitly explains all of this there.

Acne is always always always always a bowel/liver problem. It's only "hormonal" in the sense that excessive hormones like estrogen are pulled out of the body via the bowel/excrement by fiber. If the diet is low in fiber, or if the liver isn't working properly, then excess bile and hormones are re-circulated through the body. This is one of the reasons why women get breast cancer....you always hear about how "excessive estrogen" is linked to breast cancer, and how HRT has recently been proven to be linked to breast cancer too. When you have excessive estrogen or progesterone re-circulating through the bloodstream, the body becomes very toxic as this isn't normal. This contributes to acne as well. That's why keeping your bowel/liver clean is the easiest way to "cure" acne.

Hope that helps!

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