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Since having acne i think i have an issue with letting people close to me?

This really annoys the hell outta me ](*,)

I can meet someone.. go on dates,get on great ...alls rosey blah de blah.. but as soon as it gets so far like heading relationship stage =; Up goes the wall

This really must baffle the hell out of men ive dated as i have become totally stand-offish at times.

I also make them do all the work/chasing and give little back..Now theres only so much people will give isnt there before they think you aint interested.

How my mind works really confuses me somedays, its as if i can sort of understand it but carnt change it :-s

Im guessing its something to do with loosing self-esteam maybe? sad.gif And everyone ive dated has perfect skin.. Which doesn't help

Does anyone else have this problem or can try and help me understand and overcome it ?

My last "relationship" if you wana call it that #-o ended quite raw.. He was a %£$*! - That being another problem..i tend to go for "one of the lads type" which isnt a good mix now im feeling like this eh :-s ? ](*,)

Well now theres someone else... I like him but im tired of going through the same thing over *frustrated smilie*

i just dont kno what to do sad.gif

maybe i should just leave alone until i sort myself out...?

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hmm, getting into a good relationship (long lasting ones) is pretty hard i think, doesnt have to be acne that causes it.

I dont know if you had any 'serious' ralationships before you had acne, but everyone, acne or not, has problems with their first serious relationship, it is scary to make decissions that might effect your entire life after it, there is no turning back!! So people are nervous and try to avoid having to make that choice ('he might ask me to merry him, i dont want to make that decission!!').

I am not an expert on this biggrin.gif but i hope someone else comes to give you some advice, and good luck O:)

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Guest ObiWontonKenoli

yes- you should sort out your issues first before finding yourself a bf. I said that to my friend too.

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('he might ask me to merry him' date=' i dont want to make that decission!!'). quote']

shock.gif Wow leon !! That way beyond this hun! :lol: Thanks for the input anyway.

And no ive not had problems with this before. Its since acne got little worse early last year.

Obi i think that to, Just gona have to make some lame excuse to this guy i guess.

Can anyone relate to this tho.. or help me get out of it ](*,)

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Hey Rachel, I can sort of relate - I was in a serious relationship already when I started having problems with my skin, but it really shot my confidence. The thing you have to remember, though, is that people are really much more understanding of this sort of thing than you would think... and everyone is insecure about something. We have this idea that "oh, if only my skin were perfect, I would be able to be so happy in a relationship", but it's not true. You just start worrying about your nose or your ass or whatever else it is. It's really much more about self-acceptance than perfection. And guys LOVE confident girls, bad skin or no.

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Guest ObiWontonKenoli

I've been in a couple of those situations where I think the woman is leading me on and what not, and suddenly they're getting standoff-ish or giving you the 'you're too nice' 'i like you as a friend' speech. I'm like, hey- its not like we gonna go to Vegas and get married tomorrow!

A little flirtatious tease can be fun, but being 'push and pull' caused by issues can be pretty frustrating.

Not directed to you Rache...just voicing what some guys may feel too.

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Hey Rachel, I can sort of relate - I was in a serious relationship already when I started having problems with my skin, but it really shot my confidence. The thing you have to remember, though, is that people are really much more understanding of this sort of thing than you would think... and everyone is insecure about something. We have this idea that \"oh, if only my skin were perfect, I would be able to be so happy in a relationship\", but it's not true. You just start worrying about your nose or your ass or whatever else it is. It's really much more about self-acceptance than perfection. And guys LOVE confident girls, bad skin or no.

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Guest ObiWontonKenoli

I looked at your acne before, I didn't think it was that bad...but that's because I was admiring other parts of your body lol :lol:

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Yer i kinda guessed that from offering to rub bp on me :lol:

But you kno from that picture obi.. Thats when my last relationship fooked up with ro-acc breakout causing that.

Surely you could see why i became standoffish :roll:

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Hey R4chel,

I totally know where you are coming from. I find forming friendships easy but relationships hard. For me I've gotta say that I don't think this particularly related to my skin. I think it is very connected to trust issues and getting hurt by people in the past. While I have a great bundle of platonic male friends and get on with men very well generally. In my recent past men who have been romantically interested in me have done quite a bit of manouvering and lying and this has been a) giant turnoff and B) made me suspicious and guarded. And simply relationships don't grow in those conditions.

The only thing I suggest is to change the dynamic by taking the lead with this guy. I disagree that one should figure themselves out before they get involved....because everyone is always a little confused and conflicted...we're human. That doesn't mean that you can't be happy with someone or make them happy. As V says improving how you feel about yourself has a lot do with self acceptance rather than seeking perfection.

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Guest ObiWontonKenoli

Hmmm..Reading Frances' post, I wonder how many times and/or how bad you have to get hurt by people to actually be really standoff-ish.

Cause I've been hurt, betrayed and other fun stuff before..but for some reason, I'm still willing to invest and open up my feelings a little bit to people, hey that's why I get hurt a little bit more than the average people (but no way I'm a wimp.. [-X ).

btw- are you saying your relationship fouled up because of roactuanne gave you breakouts then you broke up? That is kinda jacked up. :-k

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Hmmm..Reading Frances' post, I wonder how many times and/or how bad you have to get hurt by people to actually be really standoff-ish.

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Guest ObiWontonKenoli

Wow..you must be one sensitive soul then.. :-k

but you're married now, yes?

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Guest ObiWontonKenoli

#-o I thought you mentioned somewhere about being married? #-o #-o ](*,) :-s

Pardon me if I was mistaken.

Actually I'd prefer if you were single 8-[ (I don't hit on married ones O:) )

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Lol Just remember...I am not Vanessa.

Don't you start flirting with me Obi otherwise I will bring out the =; biggrin.gif

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. As V says improving how you feel about yourself has a lot do with self acceptance rather than seeking perfection.

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btw- are you saying your relationship fouled up because of roactuanne gave you breakouts then you broke up? That is kinda jacked up. :-k

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Guest Crooked I
This really must baffle the hell out of men ive dated as i have become totally stand-offish at times. 

I also make them do all the work/chasing and give little back..Now theres only so much people will give isnt there before they think you aint interested. 

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I kno its great Leon... biggrin.gif

But i aint been hurt hun... I just do that to myself :roll:

Anywayz ive decied im avoiding all males until ive got my issues sorted smile.gif

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Rachel - glad I could help. O:)

Crooked - people do behave like this, and it is up to you to remember that it is about them and not you. I'm glad Rachel expressed it so overtly so you can realize that this stuff really happens, and it's about the other person's issues, not whether you are worth it or not. I'm sorry it hurts you. sad.gif

Frances - It's true, I think everyone thinks we are the same person. I guess we could just get a new username - frannessa or s/thing - and both log on using that. I don't think anybody would know the difference, lol. smile.gif

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I know you have a problem, and im not criticising, but i got quite annoyed after reading that.  Its behaviour like that, that makes people think they're not worthy of your, and by extenstion any female attention.

Its sort of like saying to them, you ain't shit and you ain't good enough for me.  I hate when people do this to me - it makes me feel so low, and it hurts even more if ive been building myself up for a while.

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Guest ObiWontonKenoli

I heard that acutanne can cause lots of moodswings. That's one of the many reasons why I don't take that kind of medication.

Why don't you ask Scorpion Vixen which herb she can advise to take. She's quite knowledgable in this area.

I said this before. I'll say it again...docs can only take care of you from the outside. You're responsible from the inside.

I know my face will always have imperfections (trust me), scars and stuff. I'm not aiming (and never since the beginning) for 100%. Just have to accept a moderate improvements and be happy with it.

That's it smile.gif

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