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nique

Getting there...?

Hi, i'm nique, and i have acne. :rolleyes:

Now you'd all have to go "Hi nique!", anonymous alcoholics style.

Anyway, i am female, 20 (soon 21, so i think my teen acne is about to become of age!), and have been dealing with this shit for the past 8 or 9 years of my life. My dad, who still features some nice scars, took me to the derm for the first time when i was 12 or 13 i think.

For years on end i tried everything the derms would let me be their guinnea pig on - most of which didn't seem to bother my acne at all, some however worked - not for long though.

Have been through the B-Vitamins, Pro-craptive, various pills, eating healthy and god knows what else. I have no idea how much money i spent on this in the past (almost-)decade.

I'd currently describe my acne as mild. maybe medium. I know for sure that a couple of years ago i'd have killed to have skin like i do now, but it still IS acne, and i am so sick and tired of it.

I recently got engaged and decided that i am finally going to go for the last resort now. Is it too much to ask for to at least have somewhat normal skin at your wedding? Should be a basic human right.

So yes, i should be getting my tane tomorrow or the day after.

Let's hope this works for me. It's my last chance (writing this actually scares me. for as long as i can remember accutane was always the "last option, the thing that'll work for sure". Don't put out the light at the end of my tunnel please :confused: )

So, here are pictures of T-1. Not as bad as others, i know. But enough to bother me a lot =)

Edit: Geez, look at my reg date....

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Good luck!!! Our stories sound verrrrrry similiar, Im starting Accutane in a little more than 2 weeks..I feel exactly the same way you do, about Accutane being the last resort! I hope we both have an easy ride!

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Thanks Kiwi, crossing fingers. Let's hope we will have an easy time.

I feel kind of like after playing lotto - before the draw - right now. This kind of feeling where you know your chances of winning are slim, but you might.

Except the chances of getting clear skin on accutane are way higher than 1 in 81 millions :P

My tane didn't arrive yet. =(

My S.O. sent me a mail when i was at work, telling me a packet for me had arrived - got my hopes up, and it ended up being some crafting supplies i had ordered. :cry:

I soo hope it'll be there tomorrow....

On a side note, i took my first flax seed oil cap today, and damn those things are huge.

I wouldn't recommend taking them on an empty stomach either. :rolleyes:

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Its still not there and for some reason, that's seriously stressing me out.

It's pretty much all i think about at work, then i get home, find out it's not there and sulk. :confused:

Can't believe i screwed myself so hard just to save 40€ by getting the prescription filled by an online pharmacy. Even paid extra for "express delivery".... It's somewhat ironic.

Funny enough, i've been experiencing strange things that i'd probably have considered side effects if i'd already be taking accutane. Cracked lips, dry eyes which then give me headaches, pretty extreme fatigue. Oh and i'm also getting spots in weird places.

Does anybody know those things that look like whiteheads, except they are hard as rock and can't be popped and stay for ages? I had a little one that below my eye and for some weird reason, it got infected and then popped itself yesterday. I swear that one has been around for at least 2 years.

Placebo effect anyone? :think:

We'll be at my parents until tuesday, so i hope it'll be there by then...if not, i'll be kicking some online pharmacy's ass.

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I'm at work right now, and got a mail from my boyfriend, telling me a packet arrived for me - since i'm not expecting any other delieveries, that's finally got to be my accutane!

About time....the first parcel apparently was lost (i thought that kind of stuff doesn't happen, with registered mail and all?), took me a while to prove it to the pharmacy and to finally get them to reship it.

Yayayay, i'm sitting here with a giant smile on my face, my coworkers are already giving me weird looks :D

Wish i could drive home in my lunch break to get it, but there's no way i'd make it back here in time and we have a major project today too.... i so can't wait!

Kind of funny that after waiting for like 10 years, a couple of hours seem like way too long to survive.

HALELUJA! :dance:

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Hey! Im so glad youre finally going to start! I JUST started..and yes, I totally believe in the placebo effect!! I mean, I shouldnt be having side effects yet, Im on day 2, but I could swear Im having an IB already..Its probably just because Ive been stressed about finally starting, but who knows haha..Good luck! Keep in touch

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So you actually ended up with a 1 day headstart, Kiwi ;D

The accutane DID indeed arrive, and i actually drove home in my lunch break to get them (45 mins each way) - good thing i did though, was just told we'll probably have to work overtime today, the waiting would have killed me.

So this officially is DAY 1! :dance:

Since i'll be on 40mg for now, i took both in the car on my way back to work, with a snickers and some milk too make sure i get enough fat with them. Also had my fishoil and flaxseed capsules then (which i learned are essentially the same, but can't hurt, can it?).

Gonna take zinc in 10 minutes aswell, but a ridiculously small dose until i run out, because the ones i have right now are 300mg vitamin c plus 5mg zinc.

Will probably hunt for blackheads a little (FUN!) when i get back home, to try and get as much as possible out before my skin becomes too thin for that. =)

And then do one, hopefully last, "for disgusting oily teen skin"-type facial mask and wait for the first things to happen.

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Day 2

Side effects? Skin might be a little dryer than usual, not sure. I played two sets of ITG songs (dancing game thing) and my face was red for about 15 minutes afterwards. Never happens to me usually :think:

Other than that, nothing extraordinary to report. Saw Billy Talent today tho. =)

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Day 2 1/2

Good morniiiiing! I just awoke to definately dry skin and lips, even though i used moisturizer last night which i usually don't. Yay! :dance:

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Day 3

Still dry skin, using moisturizer mornings and evenings now.

Hello Mr. Tane Burn :redface:

On the bright side, my skin feels amazingly soft, and my forehead and chest look a lot better than a couple of days ago. =)

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Day 3 1/2

I'm at work and a little bored right now, and thought i'd report some of the things i have noticed since getting up today=)

I can tell my eyes are pretty dry (airconditioned office and starring at a screen all day don't really help that either). Using eyedrops every two hours or so when i think i need them, my eyes are a little bloodshot too.

My skin is dry, but not too bad. My make up looks kinda crap on my forehead, when you are close you can see that some areas peeled off and there's no makeup on those spots. Not too bad though and you can really only see it when you are way closer to me than a coworker ever should be :shifty:

The skin on my face hurt/burned a little when i was under the shower today, i guess i just have to shower a little cooler. AND my skin basically sucked in the bodylotion i put on afterwards. The same stuff usually takes about 15 minutes to absorb properly and then still leaves a sticky film...

Acnewise? Pretty good. I can tell something cystic is building up on my right cheek, apart from that, 1 mini-whitehead and maybe 1 other small bump, i'm clear.

Got a really annoying one on the back of my ear though - but then again, noone sees that and it doesn't hurt unless i touch it.

As i said before, my chest and especially my forehead are virtually clear. Only a couple of days ago i had a bunch of whiteheads and small red cysts all over my cleavage - which sucks in summer, being female.

I'm so digging this =)

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Day 4 (5 pills popped)

SOMETHING'S HAPPENING! =D

Yesterday evening after washing my face i noticed that the pores next to my nose, under my eyes were being funny. You could basically see the crap halfway poking out of some of them.

Couldn't resist :shifty:

And the washing apparently popped a mini cyst that i didn't even know had been there - it definately hadn't been there 4 hours before that.

This morning i awoke to a couple of whiteheads, 3 little bumps on my forehead, 2 on my chin and i still have the big bump on my cheek. Oh, and the pores on my nose seem to be starting to do the funny thing too! :dance:

Seeing how my skin was basically hibernating and not doing anything evil the days before, i guess these might the beginnings of my IB? Especially seeing how my pores are starting to push everything out now?

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Hi nique, thanks for stopping by my log. LOL, I like how you do the "Day 'X' 1/2" thing - that's pretty cool :).

It's funny because I experienced sort of the same thing during the first week on the tane. I used to wake up with loads of whiteheads and cysts and I was feeling shitty and depressed a lot of the time because it didn't look like the tane was doing anything. Well it's weird how things have changed.. I'm reaching the end of my second week and my skin is totally dry and the old spots are beginning to heal. I only woke up with one tiny little whitehead today which was awesome!

Just hang on in there - it will get better! :D

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alreadyover (wishful thinking, huh? ;D), thanks for saying hi.

Actually i'm not worried at all, i'm more like...thrilled. It's like i'm actually hoping to break out in a way that definately has to be my IB, so i won't be standing in front of the mirror and going "cool, theres a new one coming up just there! :dance: " anymore. Kind of weird.

Day 5, 5 1/2 or 6, depending on how you'd like to count

Took 40mg yesterday evening (and already had the same in the morning) because we actually had the time to eat properly, and i thought it would be good to take them with a full meal as opposed to having them with a glass of milk and some rice pudding.

Decided to start 60mg now (which i wasn't supposed to until after day 7) since it seemed like a good way to get used to the new pattern. Now i'll have 40mg in the evenings and 20mg around noon or a bit before that. I hope the new dose won't make the sideeffects too extreme, i weight around 59kg though, so that seems like a good dose for me.

My Skin seems like it can't decide wether to be dry or oily. I get the burning feeling when using moisturiser (as in dry skin), but my forehead is back to "a little oily" now.

I had a couple of whiteheads yesterday evening, but they went away over night. The big bump on my cheek is starting to develope a head now, and there are a couple suspicious medium sized bumps scattered around my face, mainly on my cheeks though.

My lips are really dry, i get a really tight, dry feeling when i'm not using lipbalm every hour or so. You know the way your lips feel when you've been lying in the sun for a couple of hours, not drinking enough? Yeah, like that.

There's white stuff (dead skin) on them in the evening, which i tried to sort of exfoliate gently with my toothbrush, but the feeling afterwards told me that it's not a good idea to do that.

My nose has been itching for a couple of days, and the rest of my body followed this morning. Face, skalp, back, legs....arrrrrrrr.

Worst part is that i can't scratch my back because it feels like i got a sunburn there then.

Probably sounds like i'm suffering like hell, but in fact, it's all ok. My dry lips are the most annoying, really. I think i need a better lipbalm. The neutrogena norwegian formula chapstick i have is nice, but you need to really rub it on for half a minute to have enough on your lips to survive for a while - and that hurt's a little.

Just calculated that i have 260mg in my body as of now.

And now for something completely different....the vending machine in our office is bugged.

When you play around with it for long enough, the prices will go from whatever they were before to 10 cent.

We noticed that on monday, raided the whole machine, and today they refilled it - you think they'd notice they only have like 5 Euro in the machine when everything's sold out and then fix it - but no!

Nice, BLT+Muffin+Cranberry Juice for 30 cent. Thats one cheap lunch :whistle:

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Day 7

One week down :dance:

Didn't wash my hair this morning and used body lotion - and tada, the itching was almost gone =D

I bought myself some Carmex and i LOVE it! Smells great, the texture kicks ass, its not uber shiny, doesn't look white in the cracks and goes on really easy. It keeps my lips non-owie for at least 4 hours, i was even able to eat a muffin without feeling the skin crack ! :shifty:

Really happy about it, since the dry lips are by far the most annoying side effect for me and that stuff really takes care of it without me looking hideous afterwards or having to put it on every 15 mins.

Anything else? Mhm...no. My eyes are fine, my skin isn't all that flakey now that i'm using moisturizer 2 or 3 times a day, i found a great lip balm, the itching is just a question of regime. So, yeah....i'm perfectly fine =D

The only thing i'm having a little trouble with is having proper meals for my pills. I just don't really eat "meals", more like tons of snacks (unhealthy ones...) throughout the day, but so far it seems to be ok. Need to see how my bloodwork comes out though.

Skin? Don't really know, there's things coming and going (except for that fucker on my cheek, though he's going down now), and i don't really keep track because the only times i see my face without makeup are in the morning and in the evening, and i'm usually either late or dead.

Mhm, another thing i thought i'd share....i cried at work today o.O . Not like at my desk, my boss pissed me off big time, i tried to fight it and then made it to the restroom in time. Don't know if accutane is in any way contributing to that, i do have to cry every couple of months when too much stuff is building up, but i usually do that when i'm alone, and definately not at work.

Then again, i've been pretty stressed lately, moving house which turned out to be just AAAARGH, i just learned that my stalker will be starting at my new office next month (that's the 2nd job he followed me to, after moving to the same country...), work is generally stressful at the moment and we still have plenty of wedding stuff to sort out too.

So...don't know. Tane might just about have driven me over the edge there, i doubt it though.

Anyway, its PICTURE DAAAAAAAY - see first post!

Okay, i just took the pictures and am looking at them.... What the? Am i the only one who's seeing some improvement? Odd. IB must be coming soon :whistle:

I hope they get approved fast, you need to see this :dance:

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Hi Nique! :). It looks like you are progressing very well on the tane. Maybe you won't get an IB? ;).

Sorry to hear that you cried at work, but sometimes it's better to let things out when you feel emotionally consumed.

You know, I've noticed that you can get away with quite a few things while on the tane. For example, if I'm asked to do the washing up I can just say, "Mum, I would really love to do it, but my back is really sore from taking accutane and I don't really want to risk permanently damaging it from strenuous tasks". ;)

You have a stalker?? That sounds really scary.. Have you tried changing your name or even tried telling him to "f-off".

BTW, I saw your pictures - your acne doesn't look bad at all! But I can appreciate that acne is also a psychological thing too as it has made me angry and depressed in the past.

Good luck Nique and keep us updated!

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alreadyover, no IB would be great, but i'd rather not count on it.

Washing dishes is indeed extremly streneous, triathlons are a joke compared to that

;P

And yeah, i know my acne isn't that bad (anymore), problem is that just about everything gives me scars, and i already got plenty of them, no need to get more.

Stalker...well, changing my name would be a little extreme, and wouldn't really help unless i moved away too (which i plan to do in late autumn). Told him to fuck off? About a gazillion times.

He doesn't do really annoying stuff like calling me all the time or anything, the main thing he does is following me to (work)places and then kind of hang around near me whenever he can and try to corner me when i'm alone, getting a coffee or something. Oh well, just means i'll have to switch back to my old habit of always having someone else near me again, i thought i could stop that when i started here.

On the bright side, our human resources people are apparently having a meeting about the issue today, i hope they have the balls to fire him (he signed the contract but hasn't started yet, + he'd be on probation anyway). Fingers crossed.

Anyway, Day 7 1/2

Nothing to report, really. Lips are dry but fine with Carmex. Scalp is a little itchy, but hey, i still have to wash my hair at least every 2nd day right now...

I'm hungry all the time, but then again its been like that for years ;D

The badass on my cheek is still there, its rather entertaining to watch it. Every other day it will come to a head which then vanishes over night, the next day its relatively flat and you think it's going away, but then the next day it'll have a nice big head again.

I haven't really looked at the other stuff, but i know there are a couple of really small ones scattered around, and frankly i don't give a shit. Almost went to work without make-up today =D

Almost.

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Day 8

I think my log is going to be boring. Carmex is taking care of my lips and i'm basically side-effect-free. Oh, not quite. Sex sucks, dry as hell. And itchy.... :(

Face? Dunno. The big one on my cheek is going down, but then again he's been doing that and then flare up periodically for quite a while now. Skin feels really smooth in most areas, but i have some..mhm..like almost invisible mini scabs that suck because i always scratch them off subconsciously.

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Hey you =) Looks like things arent going to shabby! I took your advice on the Carmex, gonna give it a whirl tomorrow haha, thanks! Hopefully we can both miss the nasty IB phase! Keeping my fingers crossed for the both of us! Gosh I have one on my right cheek just like youre talking about..You think its gone, then BAM there it is again like 2 days later..sucky! Hopefully they will just leave for good soon! Good luck with everything to come, keep in touch =)

Oooo EDIT! Ha I just scrolled up and saw the new pictures..your skin looks absolutely AMAZING!

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Hey Kiwi, thanks for the comment ;D

IB phase...well, normally it should be like...now or within the next few days - or the end of the first month, if we are like really unlucky, but i doubt it :pray:

Thanks, i thought my skin looked really good that day too (it either changes on a daily basis or i'm being a little psychotic...i'd opt for the latter). Showed the pics to H2B and he was like *shrugs*. :rolleyes:

Day 9

The Carmex is still doing it's job extremly well, i can really tell now because i get this really tight feeling when i havent used it for like 3 hours or so...and the corners of my mouth cracked open because i don't put it there....

My skin is peeling in so many places....around my lips, under my nose, ON MY EYELIDS, just above the lashes...cheecks and temples a little...oh well, still tolerable, i'll need to moisturize mid day soon though, i get this tight feeling after like 10 hours.

Dunno what my skin is doing. The big bad one on my cheek is still there, relatively flat but with a white center, don't know what to make of that. I have a couple of big skin colored bumps around my face that peel like crazy, i hope they won't turn into equally big zits.

Don't think they will though, seeing how my face seems to be too lazy to do anything exciting.

Overall my face looks really good, as long as you don't see me from the side. But then again it's always been like that. Except its now mainly red spots, bumps and scars....i really hope the scars will become less visible in time and maybe won't be that noticable once the redness is gone. :pray:

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Day 10

OMG! I overslept this morning and skipped the moisturizing.....BAD BAD mistake!

Next mistake was that i forgot my carmex in my car and only had my crappy blistex in my bag...

By 10 (I got up at like 10 past 8) the skin around my mouth, on my chin and on my lips was peeling sooo bad and hurt so much that i couldn't take it anymore and went to buy some crap moisturizer in a shop nearby and got the carmex from my car (quite a walk)....

Didn't help much, my skin is still dry as fuck, burns, is tight and generally blah.... :cry:

And it's all my fault.... meh.

Anything else? The big fucker on my cheek finally seems to be going away permanently, means both of my cheeks are basically free of actives. In return, i'm predicting a little breakout on my chin. Got 2 zits there and can see a lot of medium sized wannabe-whiteheads there when i bite on my lower lip. Oh well, won't be all that bad i guess.

Now if only my face wouldn't hurt so bad =(

Edit: Nevermind, i just noticed a GIANT bump on my upper right cheek, just below my temple. IB time?

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Day 11

Things were better today. Was a good girl and splashed on my mositurizer whenever i could, only peeled a little below the corners of my mouth (i wonder why that place is so bad?).

My lips are getting gradually drier, something i thought was impossible. I only noticed because they are now sort of sore aswell. I pretty much have to use my carmex every hour now, i tried switching to the neutrogena one for like 2 hours earlier today and that just doesn't work out at all, so at least i know that the carmex is doing its job and its just my lips being so so so so dry.

When i got out of the shower today i had really dry, rough patches on my shoulders and upper back, even though i used a really rich vaseline bodylotion yesterday and always shower with the dove "1/4 of moisturizer" shower gel stuff. Means bodylotion after every shower now, which i wouldn't mind if only that stuff wouldnt feel so sticky even when its absorbed quick.

Face? Had 2 zits on my chin this morning, with tiny white heads (saw it coming, after all), and funny enough, they dried up and peeled away during the course of the day, now i am left with 2 red bumps, i hope they're done with their business :think:

I've had this really hard bump on my left cheek for about a week, and when i got home from work and had my fun game of "gently pull off lose skin with pincers", i noticed a piece of skin there and got it off, it almost fell off on its own....

Almost had a heart attack because there was what looked like this kind of watery wound fluid you often get after sqeezing a pimple too hard, and for me, seeing that basically means i'll end up with a dented scar there.

BUT! Looked closer, realized that it wasn't, ran my finger over it....and in fact it was a pretty big chunk of what's best described as "rock hard blackhead", it basically pushed itself out.

After the initial shock had settled, i decided to look at my cheek to see if i was bleeding or so - and couldn't even find the "exit wound" anymore =O Coooooool :dance:

Went to the gym yesterday and today, first time in like 6 months, and i didn't get sore at all (had some extra magnesium and stretched well though).

I have no stamina whatsoever, but i still managed to run for 35 minutes and could have gone on because i was sooo high on endorphines. Very proud of myself =D

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Day 12 1/2

Not much to report, things haven't really changed.

Lips and corners of mouth still superdry, have to moisturize my chin area every 3 hours in order to not look like i'm falling apart.

Since the area was peeling like hell those last couple of days, it was really red and sore. Used some zinc cream that is supposed to help with healing yesterday evening, and the redness did go back quite a bit.

The new big bump on my right cheek is still growing slowly, no head yet. Starting to be a little painful to the touch now though, so i think that'll happen soon. Had 2 more of those "rock hard blackheads" come out yesterday, though i must admit that i kind of helped one of them on his way out :ninja:

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Hey nique =) Sounds like youve been doing alright so far! Just think, were almost half way down with the first month, and doesnt everyone say the first month is the worst? Hopefully no one takes a super bad turn for the worse! Take care

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Kiwi, yep i'm fine, its just the heavy flaking around my mouth that starts to be wayyy annoying. I don't think i can go on like this for several months unless it gets a little better. I might always get used to it, but if it doesn't go down a little in the next couple of weeks or i find some kind of magic moisturizer, i think i might ask for a lower dose instead of getting myself bumped to 80mg as i was planning to...

But yeah, i think things will be fine for us, overall.

Day 13

Quick update... remember Mr Big Cheek Bump II? I doesn't have a head.

It has 4 - FOUR!

Okay, so it's a fairly big bump, about the size of my pinkies nail, but my gosh, multiheaded?

They are still in development and if they get bigger, i guess they will optically merge into one big head, but this is something that has never happened to me before xD

I don't really know why, but it amuses me. =D

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