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my other thread got closed. even though i didnt say i was going to kill myself. just that i had been working on a suicide note.

it cant help thinking about it. its always on my mind. writing the note actually may have helped.

i know i need help. but im not sure where to go where i will TRULY get it. i've done all the things a person is supposed to do but they dont work well.

-therapy with several different kinds of professionals. even as much as four days a week at one point.

-antidepressants. a handful of different kinds. maybe helped a little. didn't feel as bad. but still felt bad.

-friends/family. probably more hurt than help.

-on my own. almost succeeded in turning things around by being positive and strong. but i fucked up and got tired of dealing with other negative people and tough situations. now im in an even worse position.

-a few other things i've tried like nutrition and exercise. help as much as therapy and anti-depressants.

my acne is gone cause i was on accutane too last year. that helps me feel better. but i have some other skin shit now that bothers me even more than acne did.

i realize that killing urself is worse than living a happy life. but i honestly and truly know that at my core i am fucked up. and i will never lead that happy life. if i really try i think i could be normal (but any little thing will bring me back down). so i think isn't it better to not be that negative person for another 60 years. why be in pain and a burden of a non-functional person on society.?

im worried i'll end up bringing kids into this world and fucking them up like my parents did me. or even if i manage to keep it in my pants i will be a bad example for anyone younger who is around me. like one of the deadbeat uncles i had as a kid.

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Look, my child, everything in life is sort of your choice in a way, you are nothing more than experiences and experiences stored in complex protein chains in your brain. The things you have seen, they are there, the people you've met, the time you've spent so many days gone by.... You can choose to stop your brains functioning, but what's the point? There's nothing really to gain in dying, and neither by living. Living, you never know, you could one day find a reason to live, a purpose in life. If you leave, you cannot find a reason, and for eternity are stuck in the cold emptyness of the universe. Life is suffering, it is true, what you think is right. There is really no point, feelings of sorrow will follow everyone through their days, but wouldn't you rather see what comes of this? Just even if it is just to experience what is left of life you have, rather than forcefully end it?

It is your choice after all, I cannot stop you, and I will not tell you it's wrong, it is simply just your choice, and whatever choice you make, I hope it will be for the better.

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If you want to think rationally about suicide than I suggest you listen to this

It's a dialogue between professionals on the philosophy and ethics behind suicide. I promise you'll find it interesting and by the end you'll not be so disposed to the notion. I'm George Zimmer and I gaurantee it

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Guest Kimmay

i cant imagine the point in someone's life where they think "wow, i really cant ever be happy". But although you may think that...... things really can and do change..... I'm guessing you're fairly young. anyway, if you need someone to talk to PLEASE pm me or IM me or something.

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i had really shitty things happen to me at an early age. but i battled and got over them. and i used to be very optimistic to the point of thinking id be president or change the world. i used to look at fat people or anyone with a problem and think it will never be me. one of my uncles used to do absolutely nothing and said he didnt care about life. and id spend hours trying to talk to him. i swore id never be like that.

and for years i fought the good fight. i fought against all the odds and heartache. but slowly over time little things started to get to me. then i had a handful of really big blows. things i couldnt even mention on here or theyd close the thread again.

so im sure you can't imagine a person saying it. but everyone has a breaking point. a point where you say ok. i realize that torture is worse than death. and my life is torture.

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hang on in there.. i feel exactly how you do.. yerr i thought about commiting suicide but i couldn't do it and i have been through everything you mentioned.. im still very depressed and stuff and at the moment im trying to be positive about everything.. so there are other people here that feel exactly how you do so dont feel alone because us people on acne.org are here to help.. oh if you want to talk to someone maybe me because i know what your going through just pm me..

take care of yourself ♥♥

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i have no friends either. i only have on friend who still calls me from time to time and i stopped answering his calls months ago. he doesnt even leave me messages anymore.

i realize i can't hold together any kind of relationship anyway.

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thats a load of crap. Things change in your life, there will always be new relationships in your life with various powerful dynamics you cant make a blanket statement like that and you know its not true.

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im soory to hear all that..i myself feel the same at times n its realli hard to snap outta it..all i can say is to hang in there!(not literally)..okay that was a real tasteless joke =/ no seriously...theres ppl out there that WILL b devestated if u do this n therefore it wud b a selfish act on ur behalf, as i always say..jus my persoanl opinion. I wish u all the best buddy XxOoxX!

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not a blanket statement. i really do believe most people are better off not having anything to do with me. i look at my mother and see how she literally attacks everyone in her life and brings them down. i dont want to be like that.

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wat about your dad. You said he cried when you told him you were going to leave. That doesnt sound like he would be better off without you. And perhaps there would be more people who had similar feelings towards you if you opened up to them.

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i dont know its not simple. opening up usually makes more of a mess. most people in my family have good intentions, but we are all so inept and fucked up that we make it worse.

like im sure my dad would perform brain surgery on me if he had too, but he'd fuck it up cause he doesnt know what he's doing.

in the same way when it comes to nurturing, emotions, being normal, productive, happy, my family just cannot do it. its not a matter of wants or needs. its mentally and physically impossible. we really have tried. we all have been diagnosed with mental illnesses. except the ones who refuse treatment (and they are the worst).

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If your capable of empathy and compassion than your capable of having a relationship with another human being. It's as simple as that. I don't know you personally, but after reading the things you write, intuition tells me you have these capacities

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If your capable of empathy and compassion than your capable of having a relationship with another human being. It's as simple as that. I don't know you personally, but after reading the things you write, intuition tells me you have these capacities

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so have I. Thats life, sometimes its the situation sometimes its the people. You may have had a run of bad luck and difficulty remember good relationships but you have to have faith there will be more in the future.

Is this really about friends or is this more about unsated romance?

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well every romantic relationship i have ends up fucked up just like friendships and relationships with family. its because of me. i mean the other people aren't perfect. and the few times i've been with good people i realize they're too good for me and it was f'ed up cause of me.

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Of course you should not kill yourself, you are obviously a brilliant person that is being controlled by your depression.

I am not a professional, so i can't give you medical advice, but this is what helps me

1. listen to music that you can take comfort in.

2. get something like a punching bag and hit it. a lot. until you feel drained. It's draining in a good way

3. draw. If you can't draw complex things, draw patterns.

4. write. everything and anything.

5. call your friends. Go out with them somewhere.

6. travel away for a night. Hotels are peaceful and clean and feel like a brand new start.

if you can't travel, go for a walk in the woods for an hour or two.

7. Make yourself go outside into daylight and interact with people for a day or more. Meet a new person or two.

8. read the memoirs or anecdotes of someone you admire. You can take solace in their words.

Kurt Vonnegut wrote "How beautiful it is to get up and go out and do something. We are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different."

With that being said, I hope you feel better. Much much better.

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i have no friends either. i only have on friend who still calls me from time to time and i stopped answering his calls months ago. he doesnt even leave me messages anymore.

i realize i can't hold together any kind of relationship anyway.

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I'm not sure how many here have actually experienced suicide, but the only way to fully understand is to have gone through the process, whether you've attempted to end your own life or have known someone close to you who has "succeeded."

I don't know much to say because every last comment would be what has already been murmured. I once tried to end my life, but I failed miserably. I was surrounded by darkness for many years, when suddenly I decided to slowly, but surely, change my life. It didn't happen over night; I did most of the work, but as I began changing the effects of what I incurred, other people began to take notice, and they saw that I wasn't a failure, that I wasn't a lost cause.

We can feed you clusters upon clusters of advice, but it's ultimately up to you to decide what you want your future to be. It's not our right to guilt you, judge you, or even try to coerce you into wanting to live a mindful life of happiness and prosperity. We all experience rough patches; oftentimes we have to go through murky waters, through treacherous valleys just to get to the zenith of all greatness we were destined to receive.

No matter where you follow, what you decide, just be sure that you have weighed the Pros and Cons. :comfort:

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