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dyst0pia

Wondering...when it's over...

What do you do when you think your skin is better? And that you can no longer use the excuse of having bad skin to avoid facing the realities of life?

What do you do if now you can't compare yourself with the damaged, since the damage has now more-or-less healed, and now you are among the "normal"?

But you still feel off, nervous around others, always on the edge like they are going to see through your lies and find out there had been something very wrong with you. Maybe you want them to know...

I may look like I have okay-skin at this point, but in my mind, it's never good enough. If it's not skin, it's something else...but I realize this is never going to end. This never-ending cycle of self-deprecation and finding faults. At some point you just have *live with yourself as you are*. What do you do if you realize this and you still just *can't*?

Sorry...I realize this probably makes little sense...and I don't know what kind of answer I'm planning to hear from you all. I guess just share your thoughts...or whatever else you feel like.

Thanks...

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well put. But everyone caries that insecurity of "will people see through me?" the only consolation, for me atleast, was truely understanding this as a human condition; and than I was able to work past my own perceived shortcomings.

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You have a great deal of insight! Many of us pin our happiness on getting rid of our acne (or our scars) when that's really only part of the problem. It seems that now you've reached that point and there's an emotional adjustment to make. With every change there's something lost, even if the change is a positive one.

It's really an issue of self-acceptance and self-esteem now, isn't it? You say there's a point where you have to just live with yourself as you are, and to some extent that is true. But that's just the deepest personality traits & inborn qualities. So much of what you are IS changeable. You can change your behavior, your attitudes, your beliefs (you may hold some that are self-defeating)--and when you change them, your feelings will also change. I don't know what it is about yourself that you don't want to accept, but I'm not convinced that you have to, either. Some people insist that "This is the way I am, and I can't change what I am," but I have seen it done, and I think it's more a matter of choice. You decide for yourself whether you want to change, whether it would benefit you, or not.

Don't let who you've been in the past keep you from what you want to be. Go for it! :D And congratulations on your new look!

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i c yalls point. However I have had clear skin only a handful of times through out my adult life. mainly after finishing accutane my skin will stay pretty good for about six months or more. during those times i have never felt so alive and unafraid of showing my face and looking people in the eye with great confidence. I love who I am and what I look like. Unfortunately i have fallen into that shit 5% of the population who suffer from moderate/severe acne! I am not afraid to admit it has pretty much ruined my life. After tasting the forbidden fruit of clear skin and then having a regression....it almost makes it worse after seeing and feeling the life I always wanted. I am on accutane for the third time and it just seems like its not working as well or somehting. I hate how big my zits are when they form..i rarely get small ones and then I am left with a spot on my face for a long time. I am pissed off at the world and resent anyone who has clear skin. I can't stand walking into a room and finding the best place to sit or stand where the lighting won't make my face look horrific. I am four and ahalf months into my accutane and it seems like it made me get acne where i had been clear for a long time. I feel like i am now left with more scars than I can bare and just want to go live in a fucking hole. My insecurity has driven my girlfiriend, whom I loved deeply, off and has prevented me from going on a date since. Fuck this life...I wish everyone had acne as bad as me...then it wouldn't be an issue. I hate to look in the mirror and feel as though my flesh has completely rotted off over the course of ten years. Many times i just want to burn, and or stab my face just to get it over with and accept that I will never have skin. since my forehead broke out sooo bad this last time I can no longer gel my hair up because i am too self fucked up. This disease has definatley prevented me from living a full life. So you can speak for yourself that once your skin is clear its just on to the next thing you hate about yourself cuz for me it is simpley the acne which i just have no fucking control over! FUCK THIS LIFE!

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You have a great deal of insight! Many of us pin our happiness on getting rid of our acne (or our scars) when that's really only part of the problem. It seems that now you've reached that point and there's an emotional adjustment to make. With every change there's something lost, even if the change is a positive one.

It's really an issue of self-acceptance and self-esteem now, isn't it? You say there's a point where you have to just live with yourself as you are, and to some extent that is true. But that's just the deepest personality traits & inborn qualities. So much of what you are IS changeable. You can change your behavior, your attitudes, your beliefs (you may hold some that are self-defeating)--and when you change them, your feelings will also change. I don't know what it is about yourself that you don't want to accept, but I'm not convinced that you have to, either. Some people insist that "This is the way I am, and I can't change what I am," but I have seen it done, and I think it's more a matter of choice. You decide for yourself whether you want to change, whether it would benefit you, or not.

Don't let who you've been in the past keep you from what you want to be. Go for it! :D And congratulations on your new look!

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i c yalls point. However I have had clear skin only a handful of times through out my adult life. mainly after finishing accutane my skin will stay pretty good for about six months or more. during those times i have never felt so alive and unafraid of showing my face and looking people in the eye with great confidence. I love who I am and what I look like. Unfortunately i have fallen into that shit 5% of the population who suffer from moderate/severe acne! I am not afraid to admit it has pretty much ruined my life. After tasting the forbidden fruit of clear skin and then having a regression....it almost makes it worse after seeing and feeling the life I always wanted. I am on accutane for the third time and it just seems like its not working as well or somehting. I hate how big my zits are when they form..i rarely get small ones and then I am left with a spot on my face for a long time. I am pissed off at the world and resent anyone who has clear skin. I can't stand walking into a room and finding the best place to sit or stand where the lighting won't make my face look horrific. I am four and ahalf months into my accutane and it seems like it made me get acne where i had been clear for a long time. I feel like i am now left with more scars than I can bare and just want to go live in a fucking hole. My insecurity has driven my girlfiriend, whom I loved deeply, off and has prevented me from going on a date since. Fuck this life...I wish everyone had acne as bad as me...then it wouldn't be an issue. I hate to look in the mirror and feel as though my flesh has completely rotted off over the course of ten years. Many times i just want to burn, and or stab my face just to get it over with and accept that I will never have skin. since my forehead broke out sooo bad this last time I can no longer gel my hair up because i am too self fucked up. This disease has definatley prevented me from living a full life. So you can speak for yourself that once your skin is clear its just on to the next thing you hate about yourself cuz for me it is simpley the acne which i just have no fucking control over! FUCK THIS LIFE!

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you know, we are all never too happy with what GOD has given us. If its not 1 thing, its the other. We are all constantly looking to look perfect, but in reality we will never achieve that look.

Once, you accept yourself for who you are, look at yourself in the mirror and say "Damn I look good today ;)" and forget what other people have to say about you. Because we arent perfect! Then, thats the day.

For me, I have acne. But thats just external, like most of you here. I also have seizures, but thats also regulated. I have to take medications everyday of my life to control them. But thats nothing (honestly). I also have cerebral palsy that is that one side of my brain doesnt function as well as the other, which also means in my case that my right side is lazy/ weak. I limp n I cant use my right arm. I should be very self conscious about it, but at the age of 22. I have lived with this since birth, there isnt much I can do except stem cells :lol: that'll be the day. But I hate my nose, I want to have whiter teeth, and the list goes on. I say this because most of you guys here take your physical abilities for granted and the fact that you dont have to take medications for the rest of your lives, all of you are hoping and will get off the antibiotics. Another handful of you, do drugs. When in reality, I fight not to take the drugs, because they cause depedency but there isnt much I can do, I need them.

I'm very happy with who I am and look at myself in the mirror and be like "yeah ;)" well...it took me like 15 yrs to get where I am , where I'm self confident .. I hope you all get there as well... sooner rather than later ;]

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A lot of people here think the only way to self-confidence is acceptance, but this isn't always true. Ofcourse, to a certain degree it is, but standing infront of a mirror and trying to convince yourself you look good while you know you don't is not acceptance in any way.

I for one find a lot of confidence in the everyday actions I take. I take pride in taking care of myself, working out several hours a day, moisturizing, smearing retin all over the place. This all takes an extreme amount of time (which I don't have to tell most of you), and when I look around me, and see people with clear skin who haven't taken a shower all week, it does make me mad and insecure, but I don't let that control me for one second, I throw all that in my workout routine and use it as a motivational tool.

I'm not telling you to work-out, I'm telling you to seek distraction and a release from the everyday feelings that you have. Seek knowledge cause knowledge truly is power, I can't even begin to explain how much I've learned about my fears and insecurities since I've had acne, which I still haven't figured out if it's a good thing or not.. and just try and live life at the moments that you're supposed to be living, a skill that so many people take for granted.

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I guess I never really believed in all this inner beauty crap. It's just that atleast for me all this crap started with acne, so it's only natural that I intend to fight it to gain back what I've lost. Besides, why would being ugly on the outside all of the sudden make you realize how beautiful you are on the inside, it doesn't really make sense to me anyway. I want back what's mine, and so does every other person on this board, no matter how pretty you may be on the inside.

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A lot of people here think the only way to self-confidence is acceptance, but this isn't always true. Ofcourse, to a certain degree it is, but standing infront of a mirror and trying to convince yourself you look good while you know you don't is not acceptance in any way.

I for one find a lot of confidence in the everyday actions I take. I take pride in taking care of myself, working out several hours a day, moisturizing, smearing retin all over the place. This all takes an extreme amount of time (which I don't have to tell most of you), and when I look around me, and see people with clear skin who haven't taken a shower all week, it does make me mad and insecure, but I don't let that control me for one second, I throw all that in my workout routine and use it as a motivational tool.

I'm not telling you to work-out, I'm telling you to seek distraction and a release from the everyday feelings that you have. Seek knowledge cause knowledge truly is power, I can't even begin to explain how much I've learned about my fears and insecurities since I've had acne, which I still haven't figured out if it's a good thing or not.. and just try and live life at the moments that you're supposed to be living, a skill that so many people take for granted.

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i dont think my life will change after acne(if it ever goes away)

i will probably be crazier

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my skin will never be better, I have actually accepted the fact that I will have bad skin for life. It is hard to deal with, but I am working on just trying to accept it so I can move on and not be so depressed over it.

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i c yalls point. However I have had clear skin only a handful of times through out my adult life. mainly after finishing accutane my skin will stay pretty good for about six months or more. during those times i have never felt so alive and unafraid of showing my face and looking people in the eye with great confidence. I love who I am and what I look like. Unfortunately i have fallen into that shit 5% of the population who suffer from moderate/severe acne! I am not afraid to admit it has pretty much ruined my life. After tasting the forbidden fruit of clear skin and then having a regression....it almost makes it worse after seeing and feeling the life I always wanted. I am on accutane for the third time and it just seems like its not working as well or somehting. I hate how big my zits are when they form..i rarely get small ones and then I am left with a spot on my face for a long time. I am pissed off at the world and resent anyone who has clear skin. I can't stand walking into a room and finding the best place to sit or stand where the lighting won't make my face look horrific. I am four and ahalf months into my accutane and it seems like it made me get acne where i had been clear for a long time. I feel like i am now left with more scars than I can bare and just want to go live in a fucking hole. My insecurity has driven my girlfiriend, whom I loved deeply, off and has prevented me from going on a date since. Fuck this life...I wish everyone had acne as bad as me...then it wouldn't be an issue. I hate to look in the mirror and feel as though my flesh has completely rotted off over the course of ten years. Many times i just want to burn, and or stab my face just to get it over with and accept that I will never have skin. since my forehead broke out sooo bad this last time I can no longer gel my hair up because i am too self fucked up. This disease has definatley prevented me from living a full life. So you can speak for yourself that once your skin is clear its just on to the next thing you hate about yourself cuz for me it is simpley the acne which i just have no fucking control over! FUCK THIS LIFE!

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