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Hey guys..

I know this isn't directly related to acne (though it is indirectly), but there really is nobody else I can talk to; my parents just intensify my problems, and I have no close friends IRL either, I'm alone.

I'm 21 years old now, I still live at home, I work a dead end job at a liquor store, study in a course that will almost certainly result in not any kind of career (Games Development), I have no close friends IRL nor have I ever had any.

During high school I was bullied relentlessly for four years straight, simply because I had acne, it somehow become "cool" to bully me, and so everyone had a go. During these years my self-esteem shrivelled in to nothingness, I completely gave up on trying to be presentable and stopped showering and brushing my teeth because no matter what I did, people would abuse me. I spent the days playing video games, busying my mind with escapism to avoid the depression. It only worked to a certain extent, in 11th grade while I was on accutane, I couldn't take it anymore. I dropped out of high school. My acne was clearing, but I had no self-esteem, paranoia, severe social anxiety and depression, and I was completely devoid of social skills.

About 2 years after I left high school, I spontaneously decided to stop being so shut-off, I didn't want to grow old and be a creepy nerd with no social skills who has never had a friend or felt love; so I opened up myself emotionally, and somehow through becoming more open, I earnt some friends on the net, whereas before, I was always completely alone. After this, I met up with a few people from high school that were my supposed "friends" back then, but I was kind of the "group verbal abuse target", apparently this hadn't changed at all, but I digress. I took up drinking and ended up doing the thing every 18+ does in Sydney. You go to town with your friends and get really drunk and/or stoned, dance around, try to pick up chicks, you know, usual crap. I never really became comfortable dancing no matter how much I drank, and I was never actually able to try and pick up a girl either, I liked talking to people while drunk, because it seemed I was a "happydrunk" and it was the only time I had ever felt so comfortable with people, it was great.. But after a few months more, I realised I was still just a little bitch to my friends, they were peer-pressuring me in to drugs anyway, and ontop of this, I didn't want to be socially reliant on alcohol; so, I dumped my friends.

Now I'm 21. I'm alone again. My social anxiety isn't nearly as bad, but I still have pathetic social skills, a tiny scrap of confidence, I have no close friends, and I still dont know love, my life is going nowhere. To make matters worse, back when I used to drink, I was trying so hard to be less like I used to be, that I seem to have convinced my subconscious that "games are bad" (most girls don't like games/geeks), I don't even enjoy them much anymore.

So I'm curious to see what you guys think, where do I go from here? To be honest, the only thing I really want in the world right now is someone to love, who can be that close friend I've never had and more. Due to my confidence issues, crappy social skills, and complete lack of substance as a person due to having spent my entire youth escaping into video games, I'm really worried that my chances of filling this wish are essentially nil. There are people on this website who I know are similar to me, but maybe because they didn't do what I did in high school, they seem to be more well adjusted and are interested in more things.

I really do want to move forward in life, but I simply have no fucking clue what to do. Elsey once said to me in the chat that you "Can't help the unwilling", which is a thing I've heard a few times before, it seems that people believe that deep down, I don't really want to get better. If this is true, what is the point in me living at all? I only have a few more years before all the "good ones" will be taken, and when love is all that really matters to me, what worse fate is there than to be left with people that I can't ever truly love?

My broke mind is ruining my chance at any kind of future, I just can't gain any ground socially IRL because of my shitty social skills, but it isn't social ANXIETY so what the hell would pills do for me? WHAT DO I DO? I'm pathetic. :doubt:

Please help. :(

PS: Sorry if the post seems like a huge ramble, today was a terrible day.

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First of all, you're NOT pathetic. Whatever you dou, never ever bash on yourself, it will only make things worse. easier said then done, i know..it's clear that you need to get your life back on track. the best way to do this I think, is to find something meaningful in life, like hobbies and passions. try to pick up gaming again. also try to find other interests. is there anything you're slightly interested in, besides gaming? maybe even a new major in college or something? or a new job? this might also be a way to meet new people, people who don't know about your past. then you can work on your social skills. I don't know if this post will help you, because it's all quite general, but I sure hope it does! remember, everyone has shitty days, don't let them take you down even more. also try to learn from your mistakes. good luck!

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First of all, you're NOT pathetic. Whatever you dou, never ever bash on yourself, it will only make things worse. easier said then done, i know..it's clear that you need to get your life back on track. the best way to do this I think, is to find something meaningful in life, like hobbies and passions. try to pick up gaming again. also try to find other interests. is there anything you're slightly interested in, besides gaming? maybe even a new major in college or something? or a new job? this might also be a way to meet new people, people who don't know about your past. then you can work on your social skills. I don't know if this post will help you, because it's all quite general, but I sure hope it does! remember, everyone has shitty days, don't let them take you down even more. also try to learn from your mistakes. good luck!

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Oh Blake :cry::comfort: I really thought you were getting better. I have no clue as to what to you... I just wish that girl would show up sooner! :pray:

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Oh Blake :cry::comfort: I really thought you were getting better. I have no clue as to what to you... I just wish that girl would show up sooner! :pray:

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About gamers and geeks and girls not liking them... my friend, you have not met the right girl. My boyfriend and I game together on Xbox and we talk about XML and Flash ActionScripting from time to time. So cheer up, do what you love and be the guy that you KNOW you should be, innately...

I'll tell you what girls like... Girls like men who are comfortable in their own skins. Not necessarily the most the confident guy at the table, but the guy who knows what he wants in life.

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well, it seems to me you really are a extrovert, reading your post. so your problem basically is, that you need interaction with other people to be happy and have fun, but just aren't able because of your past, your past social tendencies. if you have people here on the org whom which you chat with, maybe you should try that microphone thing again. pick someone you really trust and take babysteps, half an hour a day maybe? it probably isn't that much compared with the time you actually spend on the org chat, right? (not to offend you mate). then try to build up the microphone time, maybe? then maybe even a meet IRL? you could give it a try with someone you trust and knows your problem.

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About gamers and geeks and girls not liking them... my friend, you have not met the right girl. My boyfriend and I game together on Xbox and we talk about XML and Flash ActionScripting from time to time. So cheer up, do what you love and be the guy that you KNOW you should be, innately...

I'll tell you what girls like... Girls like men who are comfortable in their own skins. Not necessarily the most the confident guy at the table, but the guy who knows what he wants in life.

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I really hope you try the mic thing! I think it could really help you overcome your fears. it will probably be very awkward in the beginning, but eventually if you do it a lot, it will become natural I think. plus, it will make the bond you have with that person even better.

i'm from Belgium by the way :angel:

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Thats not nice of that person to tell make a statement about you not wanting to change. A lot of people with depression want to change but its hard because youre so used to being in that lonely place. I have a similar life. This is my life: working eight hours in a nursing home, going on my computer, eating, sleeping and I do that five days a week and then on my days off I shop for hours at the mall looking at shoes and I usually buy a pair, I go on the computer, eat and I sleep. Its this same repetive cycle. If you ever need to vent I am here to listen because I know what its like to feel lonely and sad

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yeah, fcourse it's much easier to type than to speak, that's the beauty of the chatroom, safe environment. but looking at your post history and profile and such i'd say you have some real friends on this site. I'm sure they all understand (can relate to) what you're going through. so with the mic, they wouldn't mind if you shut down a couple or minutes or appear to be different, I think. You might be suprised at how little time it might take before you open up to a person on that mic.

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yeah, fcourse it's much easier to type than to speak, that's the beauty of the chatroom, safe environment. but looking at your post history and profile and such i'd say you have some real friends on this site. I'm sure they all understand (can relate to) what you're going through. so with the mic, they wouldn't mind if you shut down a couple or minutes or appear to be different, I think. You might be suprised at how little time it might take before you open up to a person on that mic.

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you know the answer bj..

My broke mind is ruining my chance at any kind of future, I just can't gain any ground socially IRL because of my shitty social skills, but it isn't social ANXIETY so what the hell would pills do for me? WHAT DO I DO? I'm pathetic.

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Guest T-Virus
ps it's not fair... your teeth are whiter than mine and i brush mine everyday :mad:. i blame genetics.

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what about Romania? :cry:

I mean to say "most of you".. :shifty2:

I really hope you try the mic thing! I think it could really help you overcome your fears. it will probably be very awkward in the beginning, but eventually if you do it a lot, it will become natural I think. plus, it will make the bond you have with that person even better.

i'm from Belgium by the way :angel:

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I can tell you from personal experience that you are stuck in a rut because you no longer have the will to change: your mind has become complacent in its suffering and believes you are too weak, too fragile to ever achieve anything. Unless you break through that wall of non-confidence, your life will never change. No one wants to date a depressed loser gamer, even you don't.

Start exercising. I don't care who you are or what you look like, just do it. Maybe being around some testosterone will keep you from whining your life away. Read some guides for weight training on the internet and go to the gym and bust ass. Run and lift until you puke and spit blood. Don't give me your shitty excuses because there aren't any: you have no friends and hence tons of free time to go to the gym. Beg your parents for a pair of running shoes if you have to. Just go there NOW.

Burn your stupid video games and quit your stupid studies. Stop watching anime because that stuff is cancer to your brain and will keep you in a state of pre-pubertal idiocy. Since you spend all your time on the internet, spend your days reading fashion guides or something like that.

You are at the bottom of your life and have nothing more to lose, from here you have nowhere to go but up. Grow some balls and some pride, maybe friends will follow.

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I'd appreciate if you didn't bump threads from over a month ago, dog20.

Also, yersi, that all sounds really superficial. Going to the gym may help, but fashion guides?.. Anyway, if I didn't play games or watch anime, I wouldn't really do much of anything. I'd have even less substance as a person, so telling me to give up the only things that interest me remotely doesn't seem like good advice.

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I'd appreciate if you didn't bump threads from over a month ago, dog20.

Also, yersi, that all sounds really superficial. Going to the gym may help, but fashion guides?.. Anyway, if I didn't play games or watch anime, I wouldn't really do much of anything. I'd have even less substance as a person, so telling me to give up the only things that interest me remotely doesn't seem like good advice.

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I know this thread is a month old, but your story hit lots of common points with myself. I'm not sure how good my advice will be, as I seem like I can't take it myself, but I hope it's useful to you.

You should start by expanding on the things you do enjoy. So you study Games Programming? Surely there are other people on your course? You said that you often felt most comfortable in class and more confident. Why don't you see if anyone on your course wants to get together? Do you do any group work? What about organising a class night or day out - you don't have to be drinking, you could try any number of activities; paint-balling, bowling, or maybe a trip related to your course etc. When I was studying, I was very lonely for about 18 months of my course. Then one day I said to everyone in class "Let's all go out one night". People agreed and over the space of the following year I made some really good friends from that day. Shame we all went our separate ways after studying, but it was really good for me socially.

Don't think about the big picture here; take one step at a time and things will start rolling.

How about jacking in the job? Can you get a job somewhere of more interest? You must have a computer games shop in your city? You'll meet heaps of people who have similar interests there. Or what about expanding your skills into computing hardware or general programming? There's great career prospects there. Maybe you could talk to an advisor about your course and see what they suggest?

As I said, start with small things and work up. Try saying hello to someone on the bus; doesn't have to be a beautiful girl, I have great conversations with grannys on buses!! Then try having a quick conversation with someone on the bus; about the weather, compliment them on what they are wearing, ask where they got their coat/shoes/bag etc. By trying it out on strangers, you shouldn't care as much about it but it will do wonders for your confidence. Take small steps and work up from there.

Good luck, sometimes I really wish we were all closer together on the org, it would make so many lonely people happier! Myself included!

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You don't really want to change, do you?

I'm telling you these things because I am the same age as you and have experienced exactly the same things. This is good advice. In fact, it is the best advice you can get. When I read your post I could hear myself saying exactly the same things a year ago. I too watched tons of anime and played videogames, and it wasn't until I made a conscious effort to improve my physical appearance that I managed to retain a level of confidence that made me attractive to others. Especially the opposite sex.

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