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Hi

I just have to write this down here because I seriously can't tell anybody about how I feel. As far as I can say this by myself, I'm probably suffering under severe depressions since my acne started. Thanks to accutane I was clear for about 5 years but then it kept coming back and I've got even worse depressions since then. The acne is far from as bad as it was 5 years ago but I can't live with that anymore. I'm 23 and a nobody thanks to this. I can't achieve anything in my life because I always think I'm too ugly and have no self confidence at all anymore. I've been again on accutane for a year now, however very low dose treatment, sometimes 10mg a day, sometimes 20, at the moment 10 though. Sometimes I was completely clear, and sometimes (like now) I have about 3 little pimples. The pimples are of course a probem, but the worst is that I've been on this shit treatment (sorry...) for a year now with no end in sight, I'm flaky all over my body (if I undress in the evening I have everywhere white flakes under my shirt from my skin...veeeery nice) and pimples still pop up. Besides that I hate everything else about my look of course. I've been clear the past two weeks and now pimples are popping up again, right on time! Because in 3 days, I'll have the most important test I've ever had in my life. I finally could fulfill the dream since I've been a little child, becoming an airline pilot. But I haven't been able to learn the past few days because I'm so depressed and think I am a nobody and have no chance of passing this one.And I just don't see the sense in learning because I think I'm too ugly, looking to young and emotionally unstable, so they will never let me pass this test. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm 23, single for 3 years, I hate EVERYTHING about myself, my look, my character, seriously everything, and if I fail this test (I missed to mention that I only have one chance doing this test..) I don't have any hope or dreams anymore. If I wouldn't be so afraid I probably already have ended this life. It just sucks, everyday it's sufferin nothing more.

Had to get this off my chest...nobody of my friends or family know how I feel and they never will, unless they will have to attend a funeral some day...

Have a nice weekend...

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and if I fail this test (I missed to mention that I only have one chance doing this test..) I don't have any hope or dreams anymore.

Don't fail then. Concentrate on ur test now, worry about the things u hate later!

I'm 23, single for 3 years, I hate EVERYTHING about myself, my look, my character, seriously everything,

Just to let u know, I am 24, single for 24 years!

I don't like my look too!

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Hey, check your mailbox I just sent you a personal message. You just wrote my life story man. Everything. I totally understand and feel everything you do.

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perhaps you should postpone the test until you are feeling better. the acne will go away eventually. three little pimples isn't the end of the world although i know how it feels when you've been on accutane so long and still get them. the flakes are alarming until i got used to them. are you moisturizing? i use cetaphil cream all over. if im lazy i just take a bath in tepid water with some mineral oil that is a lazy way to moisturize.

maybe an antidepressant can help although a side effect could be weight gain which might make ur feelings about your appearance worse.

do you exercise? get the blood pumping with a jog that helps.

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