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everyone has been a victim of something at least once in their life. i dont mean u stubbed your toe and you were a victim of the door, i mean something that traumatized you. traumatized people can be bitter and fearful of life, its easy to look at yourself as a victim and use that as an excuse to fuck up and fail constantly. people: if you think you are a victim then you will be just that. i want to hear about how you guys overcame a bad situation and took back what was yours. this thread could help a lot of people.

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i like it, scoobydoo. still workin' on it tho.

one thing is you have to turn your depression into anger. anger --> action. although.... i don't want to be angry all the time either. and i also haven't completely mastered the transition. lol. or maybe i'm just in a funk, i dunno.

anyway, i like the thread topic. =]

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ok im gonna help this thread out because people are looking and nobodys posting. ok we need some positive shit here in emo.

i grew up with my mom who has serious mental problems. dad was too busy working and supporting us so he could not take me in with him.(they are divorced)

mom was severely depressed, alchoholic, hi on med cocktails and what they called "rage addict" basically pissed at life and ready to take it out on you. home=fight club

punishment includes but is not limited to: attempted brainwashing and other fucking with your head, sleep deprivation, annihalation of your personal space(following you around and sticking herself whithin half an inch of you then screaming to the top of her lungs) sabotaging your relationships with the rest of the world(calling up your friends parents and insulting them) tackling, hitting,body slamming, etc..

having endured this constantly from since i was 8, i slowly realized that most people around me did not understand the world i lived in. they had not the foggiest idea of what i came home to. i was trying to explain, but words always fell short of the pain i felt, and peoples reactions were usually lame."oh thats too bad etc..' whem mom had an episode in front of my friends they would get so scared they would run out of my house and leave me there. i hated this motherfucking world and i hated her. i did not give a rats ass about my life. i did some bad shit, but i never really cared cuz i felt desensitized. i felt like everyone was an egocentric fool. i had let go of everything and hate was burning me alive.

the first step to recovery was running away from home. i found out that my friends were willing to help me once they had a concrete way of doing it. even there parents helped me out by feeding me and letting me crash at their places. not wanting to parasite too much i went on to live with other family members. my uncle took me in while i was still in hi school, then my aunt when i stopped attending. they treated me like a real human being and i was so glad my heart nearly burst. then i moved into a storage space where i lived with my boyfriend(who is now my husband) the first peace and quiet i had in years, gave me a chance to think: i was acting crazy, taking drugs, being violent, acting like the one who gave me life but made me suffer like nobody else.

then came the breakthru: realizing i am an evolved fuckin life form, with the power to make my own decisions, either be an insane harmful, yucky fool or be an intelligent, positive compassionnate being. I realized that no matter what she'd done to me, it was not entirely her fault. she is mentally ill and suffering more than i am today. my goal became clear. i am not going to be another statistic of how abused kids grow to be all fucked up. i want to show everyone who helped me how much it mattered and everyone who turned there back on me how much they could kiss my ass. just the fact that i had survived, that i was still sane, that all those years of nightmare were behind me, filled me with a joy that is impossible to describe.

side effects: i still enjoy hearing family members speak ill of my mom.

i feel intensly uncomfortable talking with her.

i am still afraid to tell people this story although i often want to talk about it(thank god 4 online forums)

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Guest Sincerely Me

However many times anyone gives the "stop being the victim" speech, it usually doesn't help. When it comes to traumatizing events, and it psychologically effects you, you don't play the victim, you don't want to be a victim, you are just so messed up that the only that will help is by someone else helping you. You cannot talk yourself out of depression, or any disorder, point blank. The people here aren't playing the victim, they are just hurting and struggling, and they are doing something to stop what is causing the hurt and the struggle, but not paying much attention to how they feel emotionally. Saying you are depressed or sad isn't playing the victim, it is just life.

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However many times anyone gives the "stop being the victim" speech, it usually doesn't help. When it comes to traumatizing events, and it psychologically effects you, you don't play the victim, you don't want to be a victim, you are just so messed up that the only that will help is by someone else helping you. You cannot talk yourself out of depression, or any disorder, point blank. The people here aren't playing the victim, they are just hurting and struggling, and they are doing something to stop what is causing the hurt and the struggle, but not paying much attention to how they feel emotionally. Saying you are depressed or sad isn't playing the victim, it is just life.

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I'm not a victim of anything. There have been bad things in my life like everyone, but nothing I felt victimized by. The problem is ME, I have this horrible shyness. I do make efforts to get over it, but it's a constant struggle.

Feeling angry doesn't do much for me. I have to feel encouraged by something/someone to stick my neck out there every now & then & brave rejection. If I am upset, I wont do it.

Shyness & depression are funny things; they lead to a vicious cycle that is hard to break & you cant even blame anyone for it but yourself. I agree you do have to change your outlook though, even though it is hard. Especially when you try & try & nothing improves.

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However many times anyone gives the "stop being the victim" speech, it usually doesn't help. When it comes to traumatizing events, and it psychologically effects you, you don't play the victim, you don't want to be a victim, you are just so messed up that the only that will help is by someone else helping you. You cannot talk yourself out of depression, or any disorder, point blank. The people here aren't playing the victim, they are just hurting and struggling, and they are doing something to stop what is causing the hurt and the struggle, but not paying much attention to how they feel emotionally. Saying you are depressed or sad isn't playing the victim, it is just life.

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Guest Sincerely Me
i did not say talking about being sad was "playing the victim" nor did i use the term "playing" to describe people being victims of something beyond their control. i am a little confused by the sentence "the only help is by somebody else helping you" because i dont see how somebody else can be the sole help to a problem in your mind. whether you have a clinical disorder or you were traumatized by a specific event. of course others can help you and i sincerely hope people that are victims and that are traumatized can get exterior help. the point of this thread was discussing what the concerned person can do for themselves so hopefully inner and outer help can work together. also, some people cannot count on others helping them when they need it most.

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I'm not a victim of anything. There have been bad things in my life like everyone, but nothing I felt victimized by. The problem is ME, I have this horrible shyness. I do make efforts to get over it, but it's a constant struggle.

Feeling angry doesn't do much for me. I have to feel encouraged by something/someone to stick my neck out there every now & then & brave rejection. If I am upset, I wont do it.

Shyness & depression are funny things; they lead to a vicious cycle that is hard to break & you cant even blame anyone for it but yourself. I agree you do have to change your outlook though, even though it is hard. Especially when you try & try & nothing improves.

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If you can't do anything to help yourself, if you are in a mind state that is incapable - who helps you? Do you have it come out of nowhere? No. Usually people with issues, who have been victimized by abuse, etc, anything need therapy, maybe medication, and maybe some counseling. Some don't because they don't want to, but most do. If you are that bad, you never go through it alone, or else...I wouldn't be guaranteed a job. If a person is THAT messed up, like I said, the motivation and the will to do anything for yourself is gone. I know because that is my life and has been for the past decade. Inner and outer help can work together, but usually it doesn't work inner first and outer second. There are many options to get better, but if you have real, significant, profound issues, you usually don't get that help from yourself - because if you could, then you wouldn't be that bad off now would you? lol

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Guest Sincerely Me

Lol, No, I am not a therapist...yet. Gimme a few years! The point I am trying to make is that when you are that bad, most people I have known and myself have found it very hard to get themselves to start feeling better without getting a push from someone who is there to help. No one finds help in a psychiatrist, but in a psychologist...yes. It depends on what you think they are going to do for you. Their job is not to relieve you of your stress, but give you a place where someone can put your thoughts into perspective and help you find the answer - that is what I'm saying. Outer help usually comes before inner help. Outer can inspire inner. But let's face it...the majority can't pull themselves together enough to snap themselves out of their horrible state...it usually takes a lot, or someone else to be like hey, this is how it is. I'm sooo not offended by your post, don't worry! lol

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However many times anyone gives the "stop being the victim" speech, it usually doesn't help. When it comes to traumatizing events, and it psychologically effects you, you don't play the victim, you don't want to be a victim, you are just so messed up that the only that will help is by someone else helping you. You cannot talk yourself out of depression, or any disorder, point blank. The people here aren't playing the victim, they are just hurting and struggling, and they are doing something to stop what is causing the hurt and the struggle, but not paying much attention to how they feel emotionally. Saying you are depressed or sad isn't playing the victim, it is just life.

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arabianlites i know where your coming from. im also an only child and i know how lonely it can be. reading ur post then rereading my long ass story, realizing i made it sound like i had gotten all better and fine and dandy although that is not the case. specialy when you talk about the conflicting sides of yourself, i so much understand that!! theres certain stuff that you cant get over, you just have to try and accept it, which i s so hard, and i have not been able to do yet.

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ok maybe i just talk too much! lol

but i wanted to remind people that the base of this thread was coping mechanism, people tell me: i got through this terrible situation but im still sad.

hon, you got thruthe situation, thats what im talking about. how did you keep on going and get on with your life? (even if you are not exactly sure of how)

of course its also useful to mention how the situation affected you cuz thats also important.

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Guest Sincerely Me

Each day, you get on with your life. The question is about moving on from the painful situation. I don't think many people truly move on from something painful, they just learn to accept it. Once you understand that you cannot change the past, you start to realize that a big part of moving forward is in letting go of the guilt and anger or sadness and accepting your life for what it is. I started doing just this when I was told I "desperately needed" psychotherapy to help me put the past in the past because it was truly holding me back in my life. It helped a lot. Even now I am working to accept things, and while it's hard, I know that if I can never forget it, if I can't change it, I might as well learn to accept it and deal with it.

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everyone has been a victim of something at least once in their life. i dont mean u stubbed your toe and you were a victim of the door, i mean something that traumatized you. traumatized people can be bitter and fearful of life, its easy to look at yourself as a victim and use that as an excuse to fuck up and fail constantly. people: if you think you are a victim then you will be just that. i want to hear about how you guys overcame a bad situation and took back what was yours. this thread could help a lot of people.

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However many times anyone gives the "stop being the victim" speech, it usually doesn't help. When it comes to traumatizing events, and it psychologically effects you, you don't play the victim, you don't want to be a victim, you are just so messed up that the only that will help is by someone else helping you. You cannot talk yourself out of depression, or any disorder, point blank. The people here aren't playing the victim, they are just hurting and struggling, and they are doing something to stop what is causing the hurt and the struggle, but not paying much attention to how they feel emotionally. Saying you are depressed or sad isn't playing the victim, it is just life.

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ok maybe i just talk too much! lol

but i wanted to remind people that the base of this thread was coping mechanism, people tell me: i got through this terrible situation but im still sad.

hon, you got thruthe situation, thats what im talking about. how did you keep on going and get on with your life? (even if you are not exactly sure of how)

of course its also useful to mention how the situation affected you cuz thats also important.

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arabian lights

:comfort::comfort::comfort::comfort::comfort::comfort::comfort::comfort::comfort:

shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. dosent it sometimes feel like your 60 years old?

often i wonder, how can so much stuff happen in such a short life.

reading your story, i felt a familiar pain many times. your parents screaming at you for no particular, logical reason. (thats so confusing, especially when you grow up with it)

physical fights with your mom ( the most disturbing fights i have ever gotten into)(shook me to the bottom of myself)

and the general feeling of being alone, alone, alone.

maybe the abusive relationship of freshman year was able to take place because you learned that love and abuse come hand in hand. now it seems you are learning that they dont have to.

why does it seem that some of us always learn the hard way? at least we wont carry around the delusion that life is fair. i am gathering more and more evidence that life is absurd, and humanity is desperately scratching around, trying to make sense of it.

i am deeply saddenned, but not surprised at the fact you were often blamed for your misfortunes.

it is easier to blame you then to accept the general injustice of the situation. those people were pathetically trying to convince themselves there was a fair and logical explanation to the fact you had to endure so much. that is complete and utter BULLSHIT. but i dont think you buy that anyway, it seems that you are just trying to move on and continue your life whithout the past interfering any more. i totally understand your desire to distance yourself from those who knew you back them. i find myself doing the same thing. sometimes i want to talk about what happenned to me so bad, but in the offline world(my job, college, new friends etc..) i cant get the words out of my mouth, because i am afraid of what reaction i could get. pity? judgement? a lame stammering? so i dont mention it, but its always lurking around in my mind.

however, i think the past will always interfere with our lives, and we cant run from it. our parents will always be our parents (i am lucky enuff to have an awesome dad, though he really knows how to pull a dissapearring act) ( as for my mom, she is lost as ever, threatening to commit suicide, doing anything possible to create drama. she has been cruel to many people in my family like my aunts and my cousins, so nobody pays her any mind. sad actually) even if we get all new friends, the memories will still be there. my goal is to deal with these memories and accept them. (not there yet) and i am trying to do that thru dealing with my mom. its soo hard i could just go bezerk. no matter how much i hate her, i still love her and most of all i pity her. now that i have my own life and i no longer depend on her, i see her in a different light. no offense, but your parents also sound pitiful. strict workaholics that are mean and stressed out, plus they didnt even properly care for their child??? wouldnt want to be them.

The good news is i dont beleive we will turn out like our parents. so much suffering has made me value the good parts of life even more, like a contrast effect. knowing, feeling pain makes you more sensitive to other's pain, and you can put other stuff, like acne , in perspective.(ok thats pretty easy to say 4 me cuz my acne is not severe though.) i am looking forward to the daywehen i will find rest and closure. when i will be at peace with myself and i could remember the earlier years whithout pain, guilt or confusion.

right now i try to live in the moment, enjoy the taste of roasted chicken, a pretty flower in the window box, a good book. socially i try and have a good time, laugh as much as i can and not bring up the past, except maybe to laugh at it. i know this is not the answer but it gets me thru today and into tomorrow. im sorry you had such a rough morning. that happens to everyone. i hope you are feeling better by the time you read this and the roast chicken makes you smile!

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arabian lights

:comfort::comfort::comfort::comfort::comfort::comfort::comfort::comfort::comfort:

shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. dosent it sometimes feel like your 60 years old?

often i wonder, how can so much stuff happen in such a short life.

reading your story, i felt a familiar pain many times. your parents screaming at you for no particular, logical reason. (thats so confusing, especially when you grow up with it)

physical fights with your mom ( the most disturbing fights i have ever gotten into)(shook me to the bottom of myself)

and the general feeling of being alone, alone, alone.

maybe the abusive relationship of freshman year was able to take place because you learned that love and abuse come hand in hand. now it seems you are learning that they dont have to.

why does it seem that some of us always learn the hard way? at least we wont carry around the delusion that life is fair. i am gathering more and more evidence that life is absurd, and humanity is desperately scratching around, trying to make sense of it.

i am deeply saddenned, but not surprised at the fact you were often blamed for your misfortunes.

it is easier to blame you then to accept the general injustice of the situation. those people were pathetically trying to convince themselves there was a fair and logical explanation to the fact you had to endure so much. that is complete and utter BULLSHIT. but i dont think you buy that anyway, it seems that you are just trying to move on and continue your life whithout the past interfering any more. i totally understand your desire to distance yourself from those who knew you back them. i find myself doing the same thing. sometimes i want to talk about what happenned to me so bad, but in the offline world(my job, college, new friends etc..) i cant get the words out of my mouth, because i am afraid of what reaction i could get. pity? judgement? a lame stammering? so i dont mention it, but its always lurking around in my mind.

however, i think the past will always interfere with our lives, and we cant run from it. our parents will always be our parents (i am lucky enuff to have an awesome dad, though he really knows how to pull a dissapearring act) ( as for my mom, she is lost as ever, threatening to commit suicide, doing anything possible to create drama. she has been cruel to many people in my family like my aunts and my cousins, so nobody pays her any mind. sad actually) even if we get all new friends, the memories will still be there. my goal is to deal with these memories and accept them. (not there yet) and i am trying to do that thru dealing with my mom. its soo hard i could just go bezerk. no matter how much i hate her, i still love her and most of all i pity her. now that i have my own life and i no longer depend on her, i see her in a different light. no offense, but your parents also sound pitiful. strict workaholics that are mean and stressed out, plus they didnt even properly care for their child??? wouldnt want to be them.

The good news is i dont beleive we will turn out like our parents. so much suffering has made me value the good parts of life even more, like a contrast effect. knowing, feeling pain makes you more sensitive to other's pain, and you can put other stuff, like acne , in perspective.(ok thats pretty easy to say 4 me cuz my acne is not severe though.) i am looking forward to the daywehen i will find rest and closure. when i will be at peace with myself and i could remember the earlier years whithout pain, guilt or confusion.

right now i try to live in the moment, enjoy the taste of roasted chicken, a pretty flower in the window box, a good book. socially i try and have a good time, laugh as much as i can and not bring up the past, except maybe to laugh at it. i know this is not the answer but it gets me thru today and into tomorrow. im sorry you had such a rough morning. that happens to everyone. i hope you are feeling better by the time you read this and the roast chicken makes you smile!

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