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Guest Calibos

Been talking to Samaritans today

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Guest Calibos

I phoned Samaritans a little while ago (those outside UK, Samaritans are a non profit help organisation, they help people with shit 24/7/365) i've been seriously depressed today, i've self harmed for the first time in a while and i think this is worst i've ever done it, my stomach looks like a warzone from the burns and cuts and i relished every second of it, the release was what i needed.

I've lost count how much i've cried today, my parents aren't talking to me because of what happened the other night at the club (those who cant be arsed to find out, i passed out in a road and had medical attention due to alcohol related properties) so i've just locked myself in my room all day, i haven't even bothered washing my face because i dont see the point now, my skin is the LEAST of my troubles which is a first since my teenage years.

I seriously just don't know what i have to do to snap out of this, someone kick my teeth in and knock some sense into me.

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Alright.

First of all, stop lazing around in your room. I've been down there, done that, it's a dead end. I'm telling you - when you're depressed, everythings fucked up. The best way for you to get better is definitely not to sit around.

I've been watching your posts on the forum recently; you seem like a pretty neat guy. Cut down on the alcohol, that's not doing you any good. Maybe you could use a girlfriend. You say you're in a band? Do you guys gig much? I always feel better when I'm playing a gig or something. Go out and meet some new people, do something different, you never know where it will lead.

I have been through stages recently, where I can't be fucked going out, I don't want to talk to anyone, and it's just a fucked up way to live. I mean come on - you could be living it up. It's a hard cycle to get out of - but there is a way out, and you can get out of it right NOW! Put it this way - over 20,000 people are going to DIE today from not having any food. It's amazing how people who suffer in places like that still have such amazing outlooks on life. People get tortured, raped, attacked, killed everyday. Real disasters happen and it's tragic. Anything could happen to us any day..you gotta appreciate life.

While it's nice to help people, sitting around on an acne forum too much can be damaging. It'll just feed your state of mind. Sometimes when you're depressed - you do whatever you can do get MORE depressed. You get this by listening to sad songs (deliberately), reading too much depressing stuff, reading depressing posts here, whatever it is. Sure, go on once a day, maybe at the end of the day, but that's it. Seriously - there's a world out there and you're missing out on it.

You can be anything you want. Work hard enough, and it's yours. Think about something you want, and then think about what you are going to do to get it. And then do it. Maybe travel? Explore the world. Meet some new people! It's seriously amazing what meeting a new group of friends can do to your life. You will just never know unless you do it.

Come on man. Go splash some water on yourself, wake yourself up and tell yourself you are NOT, I repeat NOT going to stay at home for so damn long anymore.

Life is wierd - you can add bits and take bits away and then you change. You're the person you want to be.

Pack your life like you pack a lunch box, and you'll be fuckin' sweet.

-Chris

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:(

I'm sorry to here that. I think you need to learn to be nice to yourself & have more respect for your body.

Maybe you should talk (or keep talking) to a professional about your depression & self-harming. At certain point, friends & family can only give so much support & they sometimes dont react in a way that helps much at all (ie. your parents).

This site seems pretty good, if havent seen it yet:

http://www.nshn.co.uk/index2.html :shrug:

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Alright.

First of all, stop lazing around in your room. I've been down there, done that, it's a dead end. I'm telling you - when you're depressed, everythings fucked up. The best way for you to get better is definitely not to sit around.

I've been watching your posts on the forum recently; you seem like a pretty neat guy. Cut down on the alcohol, that's not doing you any good. Maybe you could use a girlfriend. You say you're in a band? Do you guys gig much? I always feel better when I'm playing a gig or something. Go out and meet some new people, do something different, you never know where it will lead.

I have been through stages recently, where I can't be fucked going out, I don't want to talk to anyone, and it's just a fucked up way to live. I mean come on - you could be living it up. It's a hard cycle to get out of - but there is a way out, and you can get out of it right NOW! Put it this way - over 20,000 people are going to DIE today from not having any food. It's amazing how people who suffer in places like that still have such amazing outlooks on life. People get tortured, raped, attacked, killed everyday. Real disasters happen and it's tragic. Anything could happen to us any day..you gotta appreciate life.

While it's nice to help people, sitting around on an acne forum too much can be damaging. It'll just feed your state of mind. Sometimes when you're depressed - you do whatever you can do get MORE depressed. You get this by listening to sad songs (deliberately), reading too much depressing stuff, reading depressing posts here, whatever it is. Sure, go on once a day, maybe at the end of the day, but that's it. Seriously - there's a world out there and you're missing out on it.

You can be anything you want. Work hard enough, and it's yours. Think about something you want, and then think about what you are going to do to get it. And then do it. Maybe travel? Explore the world. Meet some new people! It's seriously amazing what meeting a new group of friends can do to your life. You will just never know unless you do it.

Come on man. Go splash some water on yourself, wake yourself up and tell yourself you are NOT, I repeat NOT going to stay at home for so damn long anymore.

Life is wierd - you can add bits and take bits away and then you change. You're the person you want to be.

Pack your life like you pack a lunch box, and you'll be fuckin' sweet.

-Chris

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Caliiiiiiiiiibos I didn't know you felt this bad

Is it over this drunken incident or is this depression also from before that?

Hope you feel better soon

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okay, some of these posts seem a bit absurd. "pack your life in a lunchbox?" if he could just sit up "splash some water on his face" and do that, do you think he would be burning holes in his freakin stomach? not to target chris cuz other posts also seem a bit la dee da.

calibos i think you are being struck with the dark side of the world. this happens. ive been in some bad places too(strangled someone)(they were fine though)(carved "fuck you" into my arm) and other lovely anecdotes lol. yeah a lot of people are shit. (just people in general, not those whos posts i disagreed with) people with a lot of violence inside of them need outlets. physical excercise helped me a lot, music, and most importantly a sense of humor. that literally saved my ass.

if you can laugh at a shitty world you can survive in it. laughter is the best drug i have ever taken. the violence you are turning againsed yourself can be turned elsewhere. when you get thru all this crap i promise you will be a stronger person. and you will pull thru although it is so hard. we all learn more everyday, and thats a good reason to live

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I too didn't know you were feeling this bad. Your posts in the lounge always seem pretty amusing. You should be proud that you had sense enough to pick up the phone and get some help. Thats always the first step in the road to recovery...

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Guest Calibos

thanks everyone for your support, it means a lot to me.

most people don't know how i'm feeling as it's very split personality sort of, i just post silly things in the lounge and other places cos it makes me laugh and makes other people laugh too, i like doing that, so i understand what you mean scooby about how you need a sense of humour.

my stomach kills so much this morning, im sitting at my desk at working and it just feels so sharp i have no idea how i'm going to suffer this all week, the inflammation of these "injuries" has gone down, the burns actually just look like spots tbh.

me getting drunk is just a very poor way of dealing with how i've been feeling for a few months now, infact its caused more problems as now my mum has disowned me for being so stupid and i made a cataclysmic error at work because i had been down the pub and had too many so im a bee's dick away from losing my job, this ontop of everything that was killing me in the first place isn't much help.

on the plus side, feel bit better today emotionally, physically its agony but maybe its what i needed to take my mind off everything else, thanks for your help everyone.

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This made me feel really said reading this :cry:

I probably won't say anything that will be of a great help to you, but i really hope u feel better soon and things start brightening up for you!

I hope the samaritans u phoned gave u some good advice

xxx

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i'm sorry to hear that you have been feeling like this, i had no idea that you are this down.i'm glad that you have spoke to samaritans and i hope that you will keep on speaking to them for a couple of weeks or whatever cause they are there to help you.but resorting to self harm is not the answer i know its hard but you gotta try not too. like i said if you wanna chat feel free to message me or whatever not that im any help..but i will try

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dont worry man time is all you need. Something that has been working for my skin as of latley is flax seed oil and fish oil eat it right after you eat any food.(2 pills of each from natures cure) I thnk my acne may have been getting aggravatied by salty foods and these two oils seem to counter salt. my piss is clear agian. It hasent been for like ever since Ive had acne and my skin looks a hell of a lot better.

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Guest Calibos

Hey Desenitized.

Thats a good point, i remember reading a little while ago they did clinical trials on these children in a school, they took a few fish oil pills everday for a month and the results were astonishing.

Not only were they children more alert, attentive, and well behaved, it also found that "unsettled" children seemed more vibrant and upbeat, and last but not least, academically, they had all improved!

I do have fish oil tablets, but i'm pretty sure i have an Omega 3-6 Imbalance because i used to take them for a couple of weeks and my skin just got worse and worse so i'm always weary about trying it, but thanks for the advice anywho.

Today is going well, yesterday evening was good fun, i went out with some friends down the pub and they cheered me up a bit, i did drink again but not as much. It was hard covering my stomach because they all come over my house and i was in my work clothes and wanted to get changed, so i took my clothes into the bathroom and they were just like "dude we've seen you naked many times we don't care" so that was hard to get out of.

The burn marks are going to leave a few nasty scars, one i did with a stretching needle for ears, i heated up the needle with a lighter and then cut myself with it (dramatic i know :boohoo:) and it kinda looks like a bruise does in its early stages (not purple or blue but weird yellow greeny brown colour) but with dead skin hanging off it, looks pretty gross. Does still hurt a lot and it's only really now i'm regretting it, stupid act of desperation from a stupid child.

I got a text from some girl i apparently gave my number too on friday, she sent me a picture and she's realy gorgeous, i have no idea why she's attracted to me but she wants to meet up, and obviously with these damn self injuries i just feel self concious and gonna worry if she tries to touch me or anything, added to the fact i seriously haven't ever had this sort of attention from anyone as nice as her just makes me feel like crap :doubt: which i spose is weird as i guess most people would think "wow, i must be great" but the way i've lived most my life is "Never trust a beautiful woman, especially one interested in you" and its served me well. To make matters worse, she's a bit older than me too (25) and i'm just wondering what the hell can i offer her? I'm terrible with money, i have a crappy job which pays minimum wage, i'm so unbeleivably immature at times AAAARRRGGH this is driving me insane, im just rambling on now.

Need a ciggarette, but to reiterate, i'm feeling a bit happier, but also worse if that makes sense, thanks again for your support people.

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Guest Calibos

been feeling shit again today, nose is still swollen and bruised and hate having to put up with petty comments from strangers walking home about how fucked my face is, its not even just cos of the physical damage, just how i am. words shouldnt bother me but they cut right through me to and im just self harming more and more and i actually cut my face today, today has been shit to the max, have so much anger inside me and i never feel hatred towards anything.

i'm not taking anti depressants anymore as ive lost faith in them, my anxiety has hit the roof, i am unable to relax or sit still and i just find myself smoking more and doing irregular things with my hands, im trying to calm down but its getting me nowhere, i just feel like destroying everything right now.

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been feeling shit again today, nose is still swollen and bruised and hate having to put up with petty comments from strangers walking home about how fucked my face is, its not even just cos of the physical damage, just how i am. words shouldnt bother me but they cut right through me to and im just self harming more and more and i actually cut my face today, today has been shit to the max, have so much anger inside me and i never feel hatred towards anything.

i'm not taking anti depressants anymore as ive lost faith in them, my anxiety has hit the roof, i am unable to relax or sit still and i just find myself smoking more and doing irregular things with my hands, im trying to calm down but its getting me nowhere, i just feel like destroying everything right now.

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All I can say is lift weight, it will help a lot. While your working you dont think or worry about anything jusy trying to lift something heavy. Afterwards you will be really tired which may hel pyour anxiety, and will relax you (if i work out hard usually i take a nap right afterward im so tired). As for your self injury problems I may be stretching it here but do some squats and lunges and deadlifts all on the same day it will hurt like hell for several days, did this on tuesday and couldnt walk up the stairs to my apartment, I had to take the elevator. And finally working out releases endorfin (think i spelled that right) which may you feel really happy and good afterwards (but you have to really work hard and push yourself to get this affect). One more thing, you have a really sweet mustache and goatee (dont know how you could be depressed with that thing), im so jealous, it looks way badass. Give it a shot, maybe weightlifting isnt your thing, but it cant hurt to try.

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Guest Calibos

thanks for the advice, working out isn't really my thing, smoking doesnt make me the most active or healthy person and im generally lazy, i also have no weights so maybe i could just lift my guitar a few times.

Feeling so burnt out today, my head feels likea laptop thats been left on over night and i'm just anticipating a blue screen of death or for it to overheat and fuck up.

I just want to hug someone and cry but im stuck at fucking work and just having to feel anxious and insecure and miserable for another 7 hours.

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thanks for the advice, working out isn't really my thing, smoking doesnt make me the most active or healthy person and im generally lazy, i also have no weights so maybe i could just lift my guitar a few times.

Feeling so burnt out today, my head feels likea laptop thats been left on over night and i'm just anticipating a blue screen of death or for it to overheat and fuck up.

I just want to hug someone and cry but im stuck at fucking work and just having to feel anxious and insecure and miserable for another 7 hours.

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Guest Calibos

to add to the shitness of my day, my friends have found out im seeing that girl tonight and they're all fucking coming along :doubt: some may think "Why is that a problem?" the problem is that my friends are cunts at things like this, its a goth club, they are borderline indie/chavs, they will spend the whole night taking the piss, making nasty comments, pointing out insecurites and making up lies (last girl i was friendly with they told her i had 2 children, never heard from her again)

I can only hope either I or my friends have a car crash on the way there and either die or cause too many problems to ruin my night.

though saying that i look and feel horrible and God's being a tosser to me at the moment so even if i got there no problems he would find some other way to destroy me, like make me piss myself or something.

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I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I wish I was a friend, i'd give you time to cry, talk and then give you a big hug and tell you everything will be ok.

Please don't give up on yourself, you're all you have.

Oh and good luck on your date tonight.... maybe you could go somewhere else - where your friends can't find you and avoid their dumb ass comments ;)

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yeh man i feel like fucking shit today

i dont self harm, never have, never going to, but I did punch a few walls as i was walking around thinking about the shite thats going on, and nearly smashed my head against the mirror, only I kinda ran away from it just in time.

I should be studying, i got my final exams comin up i nabout 5 weeks, havent done anything, but i jus cant concentrate, i thin about shit, then i jus shout and punch stuff, then I realsie how much I have to do and i feel even worse. Life is fucked. Thats what I wrote in my copy today, and drew a pic of a guy blowing his head off, ill show it if you want :)

Jus I dunno keep ploddin away, shit does ge less shit, you jus gotta be around when it actually does.

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Hi Calibos. Man when it rains, it pours! Sometimes you wonder how so many things could go so wrong in such a short amount of time. I have been through many cycles like that in my lifetime. I self-medicated with alcohol for 10 years before I hit rock bottom and there was no where to go but up. When I look back I see that many of the problems and situations I went through were self-inflicted because I didnt care about the consequences at the moment that I was doing stupid shit. I didnt care that I was drinkin and driving until my ass landed in jail for 3 days. I didnt care that I was too hung over to go to work until I lost my job and then lost my place to live. Nothing like calling your parents at 30 yrs old and begging for them to bail you out and then having to move back home and live off your parents for awhile. The point is, alot of us have been there. We fucked up bad but we got through it.

Alcohol was my way of self-medicating but like you my son used self mutilation. He was good at hiding it. He had been doing it for over a year before I found out. It wasnt until he started going to counseling that I was able to understand self mutilation. Its really not any different than doing drugs or drinking except that the harm it does is more visible. The results are the same though. KILL THE PAIN!

My son has been in counseling for over a year now and he no longer self-mutilates. I wish I knew exactly what it was that helped him. He's not exactly an open book when it comes to talking about that. I am guessing that it was the combination of having someone he trusts to talk to (his counselor) and his counselor showing him other ways to cope with his feelings. He went through a transitional period when he first stopped cutting where he would destroy my walls and furniture as a release for his feelings. He got through that though. I know he does relaxation techniques that his counselor taught him but I just dont know what the key factor was.

I really hope that you continue to talk to someone about what you are going through. Maybe you could find a counselor that you trust and feel comfortable talking with but whether its a counselor or the Samaritans please keep talking. Dont withdraw into yourself and isolate yourself. When you do that you dont have anyone to listen to but yourself and your self can be quite destructive without any outside influences. You are a handsome talented young man. Keep that in mind! I hope you feel better soon. Lorrie

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