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Why can't I see the lounge yet?

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You haven't been intiated yet, its not just about the post count, We have to haze you now.

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How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Important as me

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? Because

Can you cry under water? No, I swim when I'm happy

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? Yes

Why are you "in" a movie, but you're "on" TV? Because I said so.

Why does a round pizza come in a square box? Because a round box is just stupid

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Because it's America

Why aren't there bullet-proof trousers? Because I have nuts of steel

Sooner or later, doesn't everyone stop smoking? No, they just die a smoker

Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead? Because if I press hard enough, the batteries will work

Why don't you ever see the headline Psychic Wins Lottery? No such thing as psychics

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? It's a friggin cartoon

Can atheists get insurance for acts of God? Yes

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called "rush hour"? I like the movie

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? -0...duhh

Why is it that when someone tells you that there's billions of stars in the universe, you believe them. But if they tell you there's wet paint somewhere you have to touch it? Because!!

How can there be self-help "groups"? Me, Myself, and I...that's three

Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window? You're breath smells

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? HUH?

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? Because Chuck Norris wanted so

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? To help us

Do people who spend £2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards is Naive? I don't know

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth one enjoys it? Yes

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? Shut up

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? Because your mother is still alive

What was the best thing before sliced bread? Chuck Norris

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? Because it is...

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it? Bill Clinton

Why do you call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere, yet call it hemorrhoid when its in your arse? Because I said so...

You have 5 minutes.

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