Jump to content
Acne.org
Search In
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
User28456

I need help with something

Recommended Posts

i am having a little problem with women. for me, there's women that i think are hot and want to get together w/, and there's girls that i want to be friends with.

sometimes the girls i want to get together w/ become my friends. they start spilling their beans to me, telling me things they won't tell anyone else, and they talk about their problems with me. :boohoo::boohoo: often relationship related (with other guys :doubt: and that kind of shit i really don't care to talk about with women i like...)

they say a relationship is all about trust, and yet most if not all of the girls i've dated and been in a relationship with would never share their life stories with me. :wacko: and then there's these girls who only want you to listen to their problems and tell you everything, and then end up only liking u as a friend.

this immediately puts me into this so called "friend zone", and therefore no longer datable material or any kind of sexual option. this happens to girls i like and girls i like as a friend.

the annoying thing is that this happens unintentionally, and just becomes this way. i don't want to be a jerk to them, so i listen to them and i feel like i'm some psychic hotline. ms cleo can't even touch this. :dance::shifty::doubt:

when this happens to the girls i like to get together with, i end up giving them all the hints i can think of all the way up to straight up telling them how i feel, and they end up telling me that they just like me as a friend. (no longer datable material or any kind of sexual option) i'm thinking there's something i did wrong up around when i meet the girl to when i start talking to her. it's like 2 paths in a forest. Friend or Relationship, except their disguised and u can't tell them apart.

they end up thinking i'm a really nice guy, and are so happy they have me in their life to listen to them. i've made some great friends, friends who really help me out of problems, probably lifelong friends, but only friends. this kind of thing has happened to me a few times, a few times too many, and i need some way for it to either stop, or for me to turn things around. i'm not saying i want to start acting like a jerk, but there has to be something i can do.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is a tough situation to be in. And trust me, I, as well as many other people I am sure, have been in this situation. There's really nothing you can do to change the girl's mind. I went through this many times before I would finally find someone.

 

The only advice I can give, is be patient. It takes time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

its cos you're a nice guy and nice guys finish last. you gotta be an ass if you want that ass my friend.

of course now all the girls will flame me for that comment but its the truth. ive had that happen too many times in my life, and ive seen the guys that get it how they want it all the time and they are all selfish assholes. whereas guys like us who are prepared to actually care about someone get hit with an ljbf. what ive found can help is to 'lead' the direction of the relationship by dropping subtle hints that you want her from the very beginning.. or else (assuming she is not attracted to you otherwise) she will rule you out and its cuddle-bitch territory. dont let yourself be used. good luck

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think that teenage girls are often attracted to jackasses because they don't have the experience to know that a jackass is just that - a jackass. Too many people associate aggressive behavior with a strong and loyal personality, when in reality, that's not what it points to AT ALL.

The whole "nice guys finish last" thing only comes in when you are under the mistaken impression that love and relationships are a race or a contest of sorts - in which case, no wonder so many people lose out. Relationships aren't about winning, it's about work.

At least, long term relationships. I have to concede to the point that if you are only looking for a one (or two or three) night stand, then maybe the jackass thing is the way to go. It is, I'll admit, a very flashy and immediate way of catching someone's attention.

But it's not a good approach to finding a long term relationship.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The friendzone thing sucks doesn't it? It's happened to me a few times. I think the problem is that you are being too friendly at first. You want to spark an attraction with the girls, not a friendship. For that to happen try not to be too chit chatty with them, but rather show them that you are interested in them. Joke with them, flirt with them, and have fun with them. Try not to let them talk to you like you're their buddy. Really it comes down to the first few impressions I think, don't talk to them too much and b.s. with them, take action towards what you want, don't give the impression you want to be their buddy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah. I hear this from a lot of guys. They're really into a girl but somehow get sucked into friendshipland because they're too nice and too easy to talk to. Women really do want a guy that they can trust and really open up to. But if you're that guy straight off the bat, yeah, you're going to end up being "just a friend". Be a little less accessible. Once you're dating and the intentions are clearly defined, you may want to work on building a solid friendship too. Then you won't be "oh, he's just this guy i'm dating" OR "oh he's just a good friend". You'll be "this amazing guy i'm dating, we can talk about anything".

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

thx for the replies. i've heard this before tho. be a jackass if u want ass, be a nice guy if u want to talk about some other jackass. ultimately the idea is to give off an impression that you're an asshole, and stay that way until you're in a relationship, then start to show the softer side. i don't really know how to do this tho. i've never really been an asshole to anyone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
thx for the replies. i've heard this before tho. be a jackass if u want ass, be a nice guy if u want to talk about some other jackass. ultimately the idea is to give off an impression that you're an asshole, and stay that way until you're in a relationship, then start to show the softer side. i don't really know how to do this tho. i've never really been an asshole to anyone.

You don't have to be an asshole, exactly. Just keep your schedule about 95% booked for a while.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest No Pride

Theres plenty of time to get to know deeply the women you are dating. Just don't do it in the beginning. You see, there are special chemicals inside the body that fire in the beginning with dating. Very strong, addictive, and good feeling chemicals. When you act like a friend (or a wuss) around a woman, she will think of you as just a friend, the chemicals stopped firing and they won't be coming back. Focus on teasing, jokes, playfulness. Bust on her playfully. Dont smile too often or laugh at your own jokes. Watch the new James Bond movie thats out. Watch how he speaks with the girl, how he holds himself. Be charming. Be a little too confident but have a funny spin with it. However, DO NOT come across as arrogant. Women hope very strongly for a guy that can turn her chemical valve and can keep her wanting more. Be that man.

OHHH

And by the way...Most women DO NOT like or want abusive, arrogant jerks. Guys like this can turn her valve with their confidence and attitude, but it just turns out bad because they are BAD GUYS. They really really want a guy who can turn their valve and still be a really nice, caring guy. This type of guy is very hard to find so many just sleep with a jerk-guy and try to turn him nice (hardly ever happens). And if they do turn him nice, they'll either ditch him or marry him.

Let her know your intentions but don't be a baby about it. OR, this ones really good. After you are teasing and having fun and shes totally digging you, tell her, "Its going to be great having you as a friend..". She'll think.."WOW finally, a guy that gets it...why doesnt he want me like all the other wuss boys? I'm going to make him want me and if he starts falling for me, ill just ditch him like the rest". LOL, keep it going for the first month or so. Tell her, "You'll make a good friend", then kiss her.

Use your imagination, there are plenty of ways to GET THAT VALVE GOING and you will win her body and her heart.

They don't care about you, they care about how you make them FEEL around you or when thinking of you.

Lead the whole way, period. Some women will lead some as well. I like these women as most of them are strong willed, intelligent, interesting and sexy. I got a txt message the other day from this AMAZINGLY beautiful and intelligent woman I've had my eye on lately. She said "Meet me at *coffeeshop* at 8 15 Monday night, bring that hat I like with a bow on top and you'll get something good". I LOVE LOVE LOVE women like this. It shows they have drive, that they are secure in life, know what they want, and go after it. Its very sexy.

Hope that helped ya (and others on here) to get on the right track. No matter how far down the wrong road you are going, TURN BACK. Evaluate yourself, improve things about your personality. Augment your personality to make it SEXIER and more attractive. Attraction isn't a choice, you can't logically make a woman attracted to you.

Good luck and report back!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest molly_jean_comments
its cos you're a nice guy and nice guys finish last. you gotta be an ass if you want that ass my friend.

of course now all the girls will flame me for that comment but its the truth. ive had that happen too many times in my life, and ive seen the guys that get it how they want it all the time and they are all selfish assholes. whereas guys like us who are prepared to actually care about someone get hit with an ljbf. what ive found can help is to 'lead' the direction of the relationship by dropping subtle hints that you want her from the very beginning.. or else (assuming she is not attracted to you otherwise) she will rule you out and its cuddle-bitch territory. dont let yourself be used. good luck

OMG do you only care about looks, boobs, and sex?! Its men like you I hate :evil:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

well it seems like your attracting people to you so thats good even if their just friends. Notto be mean but maybe those girls were looking for some1 else, so would you rather them not go for you,or not go for you but be your friend atleast?

Just keep being a nice guy and you should meet some1 just right.

I mean your attracting all these people thats a huge start. And keep them as friends because any of them can realize that you are what they were looking for and they just missed it the 1st time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Personalized Advice Quiz - All of Acne.org in just a few minutes

×