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still cant believe i did this

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im a 19 year old male and am on my 2nd month of accutane. my face has been clearing up for a while now so i decided to take advantage of my new face and the christmas break by meeting up with my best childhood friend. :dance:

well what do ya know, i get a cyst on my jawline the day before but already told him i would be there so i just tried to ignore it. i get to his house last night and it turns out that all of my friends that i havent seen in years are there. i walk in and i can just feel everyone looking at all the scars on my face and they were probably thinking "glad that didnt happen to me." so the whole time im hiding my face and just thinking how badly i just wanted to crawl into a little hole where no one could see me. :redface:

they started talking about going out all night and meeting up with more ppl so i was freakin out because i am so antisocial because of my face. so as soon as some of them left on a beer run, i grabbed my stuff, hopped in my car, and drove two hours back home without even saying buy. :(

i felt horrible and just wanted to cry for not even being able to have some fun with old friends but you can only handle so much depression before you just become numb to the pain. so i just sat there, thinking about how much i hate my life. IT SUCKS!!! i wonder what they think of me now :boohoo:

sorry for the long post and i dont want any sympathy, i just had to vent some frustration. has anyone done anything similiar? i feel like the biggest loser

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Guest Locked In Grace

Hey mate, i can completely relate. Kudos for having the balls to even show up, and try not to stress too much. You'd be surprised how short people's attention spans are, they've probably forgotten about you leaving. Especially given the fact they were about to start an all night drinking spree!

Life can be pretty tough at times, i know what you're going through. Sometimes you have to choose to move forward, it's so easy to just wallow in your troubles. I've found that focusing my energies on positive things has helped me move forward. Just little things, but any progress helps.

Either way, although depression and social anxiety seem so complex, they really aren't. That's just your mind complicating everything because you're scared. The key is to simplify your problems. Don't throw yourself in at the deep end. You just need to slowly re-introduce yourself into the real World and take reasonable steps toward accepting who you are.

12 months ago i'd have laughed if someone told me i could feel good again, and perhaps even function in public. Now i really am, and i'm so proud of myself for getting where i am.

Be proud of yourself.


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Try not to let it get you down, chances are that some of them have struggled with acne within the past. You said they were looking at you, they were probably looking at how much you grew up and changed over the years and thinking how good it was to see you after such a long time. No one is going to remember you leaving without saying goodbye, they’ll remember the effort to made to drive that two hours just to catch up.

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Try not to beat yourself up about it. You did what you needed to do at the time. The chances are that your accutane course will be successful (sounds like there has already been alot of progress :dance:) and that you will be able to put these kind of problems behind you. Good luck!

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thanks for all of the positive feedback. my friends would be my friends no matter how many scars or acne i have but i cant imagine going back and facing them all. atleast now i have hope that one day i might get over my face and be able to :)

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