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So if it's one thing I have learned and I'm new here but I have had this in real life too due to whatever reasons and that's self-reinforcing behaviour. I'm aboriginal and have to put up with racism so in my life I know of natives whether friends or family who believe the whole world is racist no matter what and so they find people who agree with them so that they can be surrounded with this and so they never see there may be non-racist people in the world.

The same can be said of my friends with flaws whether they are too chubby or whether they are not pretty or handsome, so they find others who say that it's not about how you look. My whole life I've blathered on being myself a very strong personality and I can see that a lot of people have issues with their self esteem due to skin problems and it prevents them from seeing themselves or the world as a beautiful place.

How do we get over the reinforcement problem where the very act of trying to find people who will view us as beautiful finds ourselves in the mix of other people who think they may not be nice to look at and so we get this self-reinforcement from the people we know due to their being less or more superficial and it limits our viewpoints. The act of feeling ugly finds other people who think they are ugly and how can this process be stunted? Is it possible? Are we wrong or is there a better way?

I'm new here and whereas I come across as perfectly confident it does get annoying to have to limit myself due to skin problems and whereas I'd love to wear open shirts on the beach I don't cause I can understand how I am perceived prevents immediate relationships from forming. So i guess I have bowed to the god of looks in my life regardless of my own talk.

Where do we begin? I say this now because as I have looked at these boards it would appear that I have a serious problem with acne that I did not know I had compared to a lot of people on these boards. Some of you people are positively clear compared with what I have had my whole life and I'm like wow. Am I weird for not caring all these years or am I just now realizing I have a problem?

The New Guy Tony

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Guest T-Virus

I have a friend who is Sri Lankan. He calls himslef curry muncher, chocolate man and a lot of things like that. He's quite attractive too.

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Guest dingybobstuart

I sorta get what your sayin....

I think its important to learn how to accept yourself as what you are before trying to get others to.

Trying to get other peoples acceptance by being someone your not will lead to problems.

If a person can learn to do that, then they will naturally attract like minded people. If you see yourself as attractive, confident, smart or whatever... those same people will be attracted to you because you have those similarities.

If a person spends their time complaining about crap... the people who never complain about anything will get sick of it and not want to be around them. The kinds of people they attract are just as bitter as they are....

I thinks its about finding that re-inforcment on a subconcious level... if your not liking the kinds of people your hanging around, only one person can change that.

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You've already taken the first step, which is realizing you're not the only one in the world with insecurities, and those who have insecurities (which is pretty much everyone) don't necessarily share the same insecurities you have. The problem with going any further is that people like to think that their problems are worse than the problems of those around them, whether or not they really are, which is why these people cling to others, who in turn empathise with them. However, because many of these insecure people irrationally distort the severity of their situations, you should know that it's highly unlikely that they're focusing on your appearances in addition to their own. If they're not focusing on how you look, why should you? Instead of worrying about your outward appearance, worry about what kind of a person you are, what your talents are, what you have to offer; these are what really make a person beautiful. Once you accept yourself as being truly beautiful, you'll find yourself acceptable to wonderful people.

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