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Weedman

Anyone got an abusive family??

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Um yeah, about acne. Other things as well, but that's not the issue here lol.

How do I deal with it? "Yeah yeah yeah whatever"

For all other violence does exist in my family and we need counseling or some sort of therapy but yet to go. We all handle it individually either by not talking to each other or after it happens and everyone is calm one approaches the other and explains how they felt, usually its me.

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Im talking verbal abuse. Im 19 btw jorrellpogi.

I know i shouldent really let it get to me but lately im really fed up with it.

for example my mum always has something nice to tell me, like for example what a useless person i am, how nothing i ever do is good, always shoutin at me for this and that, i'm just really annoyed at it. :doubt:

whatever i do she gets mad, if i go and play a game on the pc for 5 min she starts calling me an addict, if i take a shower she says im self obsessed, if i dont then im dirty and smell.

I dunno, its like i cant do anything right :unsure:

Lately i havent been spending much time at home on purpose so i dont have to put up with them, like during the week maybe 2 hrs a day at home max(apart from sleeping), on weekends more, unfortunatly.......

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Guest ilovepancakes

my dad used to be terribly verbally abusive to me especially, and some to my younger brother. I cant remember all the different times he was feeling angry and just flipped out at me, or both of us. he always would criticize us, and my mom never did shit to defend us. To name a few interestingly painful nights: broke my plastic chair when i was 5, threw it at the wall right by me. threatened to release my pet bird bc he was angry. (actually took the birdcage outside open) left my brothers backpack outside in the rain once, and didnt let him go get it. took a baseball bat and said he was going to break the tv i was watching, but just yelled at me and left. and recently, called me a SOB and a bstrd to my face, for no freaking reason. that was probably the worst. although he still tells my other relatives i looked like a lobster while on accutane.

lately ive been very very detached from my family. ive stopped talking to them. basically it feels like family are just people who treat you like shit because they can. and im guessing that when my parents get old and forget all the shit theyve done, theyll expect me to always be there for them. :mad:

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ya...my father was brutal...he mostly verbally abused his kids but went all out on our mother...so our mother left one day only she didnt take her kids with her.... some people shouldnt have kids or anything but their own self destructive selfish piece of shit selves....eh but maybe im bias...

far as your parents go....if talking to them will work then talk to them about it...but if youre in the boat where talking to them isnt an option....you gota build some thick skin and then learn to take it off when ur with other pl.....use it as an example of what u dont want to be

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my dad used to be terribly verbally abusive to me especially, and some to my younger brother. I cant remember all the different times he was feeling angry and just flipped out at me, or both of us. he always would criticize us, and my mom never did shit to defend us. To name a few interestingly painful nights: broke my plastic chair when i was 5, threw it at the wall right by me. threatened to release my pet bird bc he was angry. (actually took the birdcage outside open) left my brothers backpack outside in the rain once, and didnt let him go get it. took a baseball bat and said he was going to break the tv i was watching, but just yelled at me and left. and recently, called me a SOB and a bstrd to my face, for no freaking reason. that was probably the worst. although he still tells my other relatives i looked like a lobster while on accutane.

lately ive been very very detached from my family. ive stopped talking to them. basically it feels like family are just people who treat you like shit because they can. and im guessing that when my parents get old and forget all the shit theyve done, theyll expect me to always be there for them. :mad:

Your dad sounds like mine. And yes, my mum was terribly passive, she just let him ruin everything and never did anything about it, except show us kids as much love as she possibly could (I swear I have the best mum in the world and would never trade her for anything). I used to have daydreams about my dad dying because I thought our family would be so much better off (he's hooked on the juice BTW). But, I got out of the house fairly young, and although there was a period of time that I didn't even have much of anything to do with my dad, our relationship has gotten much better. He was just one of those people who should have never had kids cause he couldn't handle it.

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In case you havn't heard my x-mass stories..

At x-mas when the WHOLE family gets together...its not "Ohh i love x-mas!" its "OMG LETS LOOK AT HIS ACNE TODAY" and im pretty much the centre of every joke that night.

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In case you havn't heard my x-mass stories..

At x-mas when the WHOLE family gets together...its not "Ohh i love x-mas!" its "OMG LETS LOOK AT HIS ACNE TODAY" and im pretty much the centre of every joke that night.

That sucks :(

you can make jokes bout their defects instead, give them a taste of their own medicine, see how they like to be joked about.

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Guest Sincerely_Me

I was abused...but my thing is life doesn't happen to you, you make life happen, so I was emancipated at 14 to another adult,and at 16 was emancipated again to live alone and be my own guardian. Not the way to go for everyone...you need to have a stable job, and I workd 4 to support myself. Whenever I saw my dad, I would get it bad, but now my parents are divorced, and I haven't seen him in a year...and contemplating not speaking to my mom since she allowed the abuse....

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Yea, me and and my sis used to get our ass whipped with bamboo sticks, lol. Until the stick broke in half and it started giving us splinters. Then they just started using household items like a back scratcher with the shape of a hand(when I went to skool people would ask why my face had a shape of a hand on it), or a feather duster. The worse was the belt. If we were lucky it would be the leather parts, but if we really pissed them off it would be full metal(damn Levi's for making such huge belt buckles). I remember when I was younger I asked my dad, "How come I get beaten everyday(literally everyday after skool at 3pm)? Do other kids get hit too?". He replied, "Yes son, yes they do". The worse was my perverted child molester uncle. O god, I dont even wanna think about that. :(

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Being neglected of medical attention when you're a kid is pretty bad. I had horrible pains in my abdomen. Worse than growing pains, just basically collapsed to the ground frozen with insane pains. I think it was bad food poisoning. So luckily they went away. I was beat by my dad with his belt many times. It happened till I was 10 I think. I basically tried my best to avoid my parents, mostly my dad. Now my parents just cause a lot of drama since they've become more sensitive with age. Either that or they have nothing better to do. So I basically just leave the house. I'm moving out this Tuesday so I've very excited about it!

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Trix, I think you, me, and Sincerely should totally get together and go bowling. Sounds like we'd have alot of stuff in common!

And to the original poster: verbal abuse is what hurts the worst and the longest. All of the physical abuse I suffered - the last of it was 10 years ago. What hurts today are the words.

((((hugs to everyone in this thread)))))

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Guest Sincerely_Me

Trix, I think you, me, and Sincerely should totally get together and go bowling. Sounds like we'd have alot of stuff in common!

And to the original poster: verbal abuse is what hurts the worst and the longest. All of the physical abuse I suffered - the last of it was 10 years ago. What hurts today are the words.

((((hugs to everyone in this thread)))))

I know, right. The verbal abuse is the worst, my dad hurt me worse than anyone I've met to date. And it's sad how even after all of that, I still find it in my heart to be respectful to my parents... :doubt:

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I totally hear you on that one. I think it's social conditioning..............I will still feel, on occasion, feel almost....guilty for not returning my parents calls, even after all they've done to me.

I think it's because children are supposed to respect thier parents, especially during this time when as we get older, we are supposed to be "learning" that our parents really did have it right.

Except, ours didn't. And when we look at everyone else eventually "growing up" and recognizing how good their parents were, and we aren't, it sometimes feels like we aren't "growing up", in comparison to those around us.

At least, that's how I feel.

I also feel very sad that things worked out the way they did. I don't only grief what did happen, I grieve what SHOULD have happened and never did.

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Guest Sincerely_Me

I totally hear you on that one. I think it's social conditioning..............I will still feel, on occasion, feel almost....guilty for not returning my parents calls, even after all they've done to me.

I think it's because children are supposed to respect thier parents, especially during this time when as we get older, we are supposed to be "learning" that our parents really did have it right.

Except, ours didn't. And when we look at everyone else eventually "growing up" and recognizing how good their parents were, and we aren't, it sometimes feels like we aren't "growing up", in comparison to those around us.

At least, that's how I feel.

I also feel very sad that things worked out the way they did. I don't only grief what did happen, I grieve what SHOULD have happened and never did.

I grieve for the same thing. But I frustrate myself because i feel like there are so many people around who bitch and moan about everything, yet never really struggled.

What scares me though is that people who grow up in an abusive family tend to be abusive, too. Some people break the mold, most do not. I don't want to be that person...but it's like I am starting to be that way. I don't hit anyone, but I have said some very messed up things to my boyfriend, in this complete rage, a rage similar to my fathers and THAT scares me a lot. But I don't know how to be different.

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What scares me though is that people who grow up in an abusive family tend to be abusive, too. Some people break the mold, most do not. I don't want to be that person...but it's like I am starting to be that way. I don't hit anyone, but I have said some very messed up things to my boyfriend, in this complete rage, a rage similar to my fathers and THAT scares me a lot. But I don't know how to be different.

I think that, no matter what, we always have a bit of our parents in us that we can't lock away forever. All you can really do is just recognize when you are going down that path and put a stop to it. It sounds like you are already doing that. To everyone in this thread with abusive parents = Don't be like them - choose the path less traveled, stop the cycle, your life (and your future children's lives) will be so much more rewarding.

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Gonna go out on a limb here and say That I would guess the majority of the people in teh EMO board have been at least verbally abused. Depression and abuse seem to be linked pretty well. The abuse destroys the confidence. Low confidence and acne are a wonderful recipe for depression.

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My dad has anger issues, but he's gotten a lot better. He used to call me terms like "bitch," "slut," "lying little shit"- that kind of thing, maybe a few times a week. He also threatened to kill me a few times, but I knew he wasn't serious. Physically he was less abusive (he got in my face a lot but never hit me), but occasionally he would grab me by the shoulders, shake me, and then shove me into something. Other times he would grab my hair or my arm and yank me around. One time he kicked me a few feet across the room because I was being obnoxious to the cat, but it didn't really hurt from what I remember. The only lasting physical damage I ever had was a handprint-shaped bruise on my arm from when I was running late to the airport and he yanked me from the bathroom and to the front room. Reading over this again, it all sounds worse than it really was.

My dad never abused my mom or my half-siblings, physically or verbally.

Some of my friends, especially my male friends, had similar problems with their dads, so I figured it was pretty normal and never let it bother me too much. The daily ridicule I endured in grade school was a lot more damaging than anything my dad ever did. Not that what my dad did was acceptable; it wasn't, I just recognized that he was the one with the problem.

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Snow Queen...You just listed, and denied, pretty much flat out physical abuse. It sounds to me like you are in denial about what abuse is. Any number of the things you listed are grounds for a parent losing their child over to social services. I hope that you've truely gotten through it, but, the way you said it sounds worse than it was, make sme wonder.

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Snow Queen...You just listed, and denied, pretty much flat out physical abuse. It sounds to me like you are in denial about what abuse is. Any number of the things you listed are grounds for a parent losing their child over to social services. I hope that you've truely gotten through it, but, the way you said it sounds worse than it was, make sme wonder.

I say that it sounds worse than it really was because I knew my dad didn't really want to hurt me, he just couldn't take it when I "defied" him, and that knowledge prevented me from being emotionally scarred for life. He only hurt me once physically, and that was the bruise I mentioned. Compared with kids whose fathers or stepfathers raped them, truly beat them, and tossed them out on the streets, I have little to complain about. Of course I wish things were different when I was growing up, but what's done is done. Now my dad and I are on good terms, partly because my mom made us go to family counseling when I was fifteen. Also, you have to understand that every physical form of abuse I mentioned happened almost never, and for the most part every episode lasted less than a minute. That's why I said that overall the verbal abuse was worse than the physical abuse.

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