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kanmi

Just can't stop crying right now

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I just noticed recently a lot of new scars appearing on my face out of nowhere. A while ago this happened, and my dermatologist told me it's just because accutane is drying my skin out. Well, even when I put lotion on, they're still there. And I just can't take this anymore. My face is a fucking battlefield of scars, and everytime, EVERYTIME I look in a mirror I want to cry. Most times I do.

I want nothing more than to fix them, and I have to fix them soon. I can't live much longer like this. Now i'm so paranoid accutane probably isn't going to work for me because I have been on this medicine almost 5 full months now. I still got new zits this month.

WHO THE HELL IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD STILL GOT ZITS ON THEIR 5TH MONTH OF ACCUTANE?! And to add on to that, even though I want to fix my scars, I don't know how i'll be able to. I never go out in public. I only go over to friend's houses. Straight from my house to theirs. I can't get a job because I can't go anywhere. Even when I try to go to Wal-Mart I get a horrible panic attack and I start crying. My family is very poor, so they can't pay for it. I don't know what to do.

If accutane doesn't work, I honestly believe i'll end back up at Timberlawn.

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Guest Sincerely_Me

Kanmi,

Number one you are a very beautiful girl, and I do not lie to people. I know you want Accutane to be that miracle and it probably will be, but sometimes people need more than one course and that's okay. It may be a long wait, but it's worth it, isn't it?

You can fix your scars when your skin is healed...you need to do one thing at a time, honey.

And as for the way you feel...i don't know if you are in therapy or are on antidepressants, but you absolutely need to speak to someone because of how paranoid you are, and how nervous you are in public and upset. Maybe depression coupled with anxiety? Maybe there are other issues. But I think that's in your best interest...and I care about you, and I want you to be okay...

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Hang in there. A 1st time through with Accutane doesn't always work, but usually a 2nd time does. I used accutane and it didn't 100% cure my acne, as I continued to get a few here and there, but it helped alot.

I don't know if this will help, but I see in your sig that you are 18. The chances are the acne will soon start to go away on it's own, the important thing is to remain strong and remember that acne is almost always a temporary struggle that people have to deal with. Temporary in that it's not permanenet.

So just keep hangin in there, keep believeing because one way or another you will get through this.

Kanmi,

And as for the way you feel...i don't know if you are in therapy or are on antidepressants, but you absolutely need to speak to someone because of how paranoid you are, and how nervous you are in public and upset. Maybe depression coupled with anxiety? Maybe there are other issues. But I think that's in your best interest...and I care about you, and I want you to be okay...

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Kanmi,

Number one you are a very beautiful girl, and I do not lie to people. I know you want Accutane to be that miracle and it probably will be, but sometimes people need more than one course and that's okay. It may be a long wait, but it's worth it, isn't it?

You can fix your scars when your skin is healed...you need to do one thing at a time, honey.

And as for the way you feel...i don't know if you are in therapy or are on antidepressants, but you absolutely need to speak to someone because of how paranoid you are, and how nervous you are in public and upset. Maybe depression coupled with anxiety? Maybe there are other issues. But I think that's in your best interest...and I care about you, and I want you to be okay...

Sincerely, thank you very much. And I honestly don't know if I can go through accutane again. My IB was HORRIBLE and it lasted for so long. I suffered terrible back and muscle pain. I even experienced sharp pains in my chest at the beginning. It would be worth it but I wanted this to fix my acne now because I can not go to college with a face full of acne. I can't do it. But i'm already signed up to go in January.

And I can't wait long to fix my scars, because the older I get, the harder it will be to fix my scars because I won't have as much collagen production in my skin.

I used to be on antidepressants, I was on them from the age of 10 until just a few months ago. But I stopped taking them because they weren't helping with anything. And everyone already knows how paranoid and nervous and upset I am. You know what they all tell me?

They tell me my problems are petty, and that there's nothing wrong with me, and to get over it.

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Guest T-Virus

Relena I was just thinking about you :comfort:

Please don't cry. You're a very beautiful girl :wub:

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Guest Sincerely_Me

Kanmi,

Not living your life because of acne is the biggest mistake you can make because you are so young and so beautiful, you are selling yourself short. I don't want you to be like this because I pissed away 10 years of my life because of my depression and being so out of my mind depressed that I wouldn't go for help, and I had crazy reasons. I wish I could get that time back.

You are still young, the last thing you need to worry about is slowed collagen production just yet! You have many years to go, I promise you. Not 20 yet? Well then good lord you've got time. 20 or over 20? You still have over a decade...so don't sweat that just yet.

And as for the antidepressants, I did the same thing, but what you really need to do is check with your doctor often. They don't work for you at that dose? Get another one, and maybe switch the brand. You ARE making it worse. I did that, and it is SO not worth it, Kanmi...especially when you know it could be better. You need to go back and explain to him or her, this didn't work, can I try a higher dosage of the medication. And keep in mind, it isn't a miracle, it takes TIME for it to work...so if you waited 3 months + and it did nothing, you need a higher mg, they tend to start you off low to cover their asses!

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Sounds like you need a new support group. It's easy for other people to say things are petty, and turely they are probably right, but let's be honest all thatdoes is make you feel worse doesn't it? But...the key is breakig the cycle of depression. Yeah jsut getting over it is the right thing to do, but how do you simply get over something when you don't have the 1st clue as to how to do so?

I used to have a terrible fear of snakes, they still aren''t my favorite things, but I concurred my major fear of them, by going to a friends ranch and rattlesnake hunting. Ok worst fear, worst possible source of fear. I never killed one, never even saw one, but I did learn that I could cope witht he fact that they were there. What that has to do with acne I have no clue, but Ithought it was a macho story or soemthin like that.

somehow, someway, and I mean this seriously you will need to learn a new way of thinking about yourself. You can do it, I don't even know you but I believe in you that you can. We all can, but we have to believe it, embrace it and take action with it.

5 years from now you'll look back on this period of your life and be thankful it is over, but also be thankful because you will have learned that you can concure anything you believe you can defeat. Defeat the depression for now. The acne will take care of itself.

REmember everyone in here believes in you, and the people that tell you to get over it believe in you too, they simply lack the words to relay it in a comforting maner.

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I know exactly how you feel. Except, I'm on Benz and it's drying out my skin from being oily to just flat matte look and it's exposing all the scaring etc that couldn't have been seen with the over production of oil. So, when started Benz, I started PCA Peels at almost the same time.

So, While my face is red as a lobster right now. The PCA is lifting a lot of that scaring away.

And yes, I was on anti-depressants as well. You name it, I've already been on them.

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Move to Denmark. Here, the government will PAY FOR YOUR TREATMENT if you're badly effected by it, which I can see you are.

In Denmark, we have a lot of lovely laws and all that - we don't have to buy a health insurance - our taxes are very high, but we get hospital treatments for free that way.

Dunno what we'd done with mt dad who is on A LOT of medication, if not it was paid by the government.

Cheers, and I hope you'll figure it out - keeping my fingers crossed!

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Seriously don’t worry, give it time to work. I’m almost finished my sixth month and am still getting the odd breakout. I know it’s hard but just give it time, you’re a beautiful girl and all this extra stress and paranoia can’t be helping. You’re young, you should be out there enjoying life instead of sitting here depressed over your skin. My advice to you is to try and forget about it, find something you enjoy doing and go out and do it. Anything to try and take your mind off this.

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Kanmi,

Number one you are a very beautiful girl, and I do not lie to people. I know you want Accutane to be that miracle and it probably will be, but sometimes people need more than one course and that's okay. It may be a long wait, but it's worth it, isn't it?

You can fix your scars when your skin is healed...you need to do one thing at a time, honey.

And as for the way you feel...i don't know if you are in therapy or are on antidepressants, but you absolutely need to speak to someone because of how paranoid you are, and how nervous you are in public and upset. Maybe depression coupled with anxiety? Maybe there are other issues. But I think that's in your best interest...and I care about you, and I want you to be okay...

Sincerely, thank you very much. And I honestly don't know if I can go through accutane again. My IB was HORRIBLE and it lasted for so long. I suffered terrible back and muscle pain. I even experienced sharp pains in my chest at the beginning. It would be worth it but I wanted this to fix my acne now because I can not go to college with a face full of acne. I can't do it. But i'm already signed up to go in January.

And I can't wait long to fix my scars, because the older I get, the harder it will be to fix my scars because I won't have as much collagen production in my skin.

I used to be on antidepressants, I was on them from the age of 10 until just a few months ago. But I stopped taking them because they weren't helping with anything. And everyone already knows how paranoid and nervous and upset I am. You know what they all tell me?

They tell me my problems are petty, and that there's nothing wrong with me, and to get over it.

Nothing petty about that, I did it 3 times, the last was years ago but had to do high dose for like 15 months.

dont fix nothing until you stop breaking out.

Then it is a long road, but well worth it.

Baby steps hunny, each little thing you do will make it a bit better.

Just think of taking tiny steps to being clear, and then the same with the scarring.

Now I am kinda done, I'll do tiny things now, but then you have other worries.

I have been up all night crying. I feel my whole life is fucked up except I did 2 good things and have 2 good kids. 8 and 5. both boys think I am fun and try to be the men of the house......

We should go for a stiff cocktail together........ :lol:

Pm me if you ever like, about where to start, whatever........

I know exactly how you feel. Except, I'm on Benz and it's drying out my skin from being oily to just flat matte look and it's exposing all the scaring etc that couldn't have been seen with the over production of oil. So, when started Benz, I started PCA Peels at almost the same time.

So, While my face is red as a lobster right now. The PCA is lifting a lot of that scaring away.

And yes, I was on anti-depressants as well. You name it, I've already been on them.

What is PCA peels exactly??

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Guest No Pride

Xanax.....Please, take Xanax. Its less expensive then Accutane and will help treat your problem. The stress you put on yourself is what is causing your acne.

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What is PCA peels exactly??

PCA Peel®

This is a safe and highly effective tx that has no dowtime. This light to medium peel formula is proven to effectively treat acne, control oil, smooth fine lines and also help to inhibit the pigment production providing a more even skin tone.

link

I'm doing an Ultra II, IIRC.

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Guest

Ok just to give you some practical advice, I had the same thing happen on accutane where indentations and what not appeared to be more noticeable. I think (this has already been said) it's due to your skin drying out and having that 1 or 2 layers off look to it, you know what I mean? Like it's not as plump and it makes any depressions looks more noticeable. I have been off tane about two weeks and those are already starting to fade (a lot faster and more dramatically than they did on tane).

You must be strong and ride this out. I don't know how recent your pictures are in your gallery but you're a pretty girl and really you shouldn't get let acne get you to the point where you can't leave your house. Get some help, many of us have been (and still are) in your state of mind.

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New scars soften and often fade away completely with time. There are a lot of scar treatment options available if at a later time you should want to pursue them. Give yourself a personal 'holiday' by going 48-72 without looking at any reflections of your facial contours or skin, it will help you refocus on other more important aspects of your life besides facial appearance.

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Everyone who is telling me to get help, I can't. I can't afford a psychologist and you know what?

They're not going to be able to help me. They never could. I've been to at least 20 different therapists/psychologists in the past and they were all a waste of money.

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I just noticed recently a lot of new scars appearing on my face out of nowhere. A while ago this happened, and my dermatologist told me it's just because accutane is drying my skin out. Well, even when I put lotion on, they're still there. And I just can't take this anymore. My face is a fucking battlefield of scars, and everytime, EVERYTIME I look in a mirror I want to cry. Most times I do.

I want nothing more than to fix them, and I have to fix them soon. I can't live much longer like this. Now i'm so paranoid accutane probably isn't going to work for me because I have been on this medicine almost 5 full months now. I still got new zits this month.

WHO THE HELL IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD STILL GOT ZITS ON THEIR 5TH MONTH OF ACCUTANE?! And to add on to that, even though I want to fix my scars, I don't know how i'll be able to. I never go out in public. I only go over to friend's houses. Straight from my house to theirs. I can't get a job because I can't go anywhere. Even when I try to go to Wal-Mart I get a horrible panic attack and I start crying. My family is very poor, so they can't pay for it. I don't know what to do.

If accutane doesn't work, I honestly believe i'll end back up at Timberlawn.

You are still super pretty - and I know what pretty is as I always tell the truth. Maybe it is a test. After you pass the test, you will becoming a movie star and be famous!!! :D Happy Thanksgiving. Case closed.

:ninja:

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Guest No Pride

Did you have a troubled childhood?

All I can say...keep coming in here and posting threads about how you are in a horrible situation and you need help..and keep ignoring everyone who tries to help you, and keep ignoring everyones advice. One day you will mature enough to realize that you are better off then most people and will actually make an attempt to follow peoples advice. Money problem? Get a job. Face problem? Stop stressing and get Xanax. Depression problem? Get anti-depressants. Depressants arent working? Up the dose.

Anything else?

Its sad to see such a waste. I know a lot of people who have it FAR FAR worse but I respect them because they actually TRY to make themselves better.

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Well, you know you're a very pretty girl .. however, juding from your posts, this is more of a mental issue. Sounds like you just need someone to talk to.

And trust me, breaking out on your 5th month is normal. As long as it isn't rough, then I wouldn't worry about it. Remember, there's always a 2nd course available if need be. Accutane also messes with emotions big time. My skin is clearing too, but i'm still alot more depressed than I was before. It's a rough medicine, but just hold through.

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kanmi, do you have insurance?

Yes.

Money problem? Get a job. Face problem? Stop stressing and get Xanax. Depression problem? Get anti-depressants. Depressants arent working? Up the dose.

Already told you, I can't get a job, I can't go outside. And i'm not going to take any pills. I don't want to be dependent on pills for the rest of my life. Or ever. Xanax is what low lifes take to get fucked up.

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kanmi, do you have insurance?

Yes.

Money problem? Get a job. Face problem? Stop stressing and get Xanax. Depression problem? Get anti-depressants. Depressants arent working? Up the dose.

Already told you, I can't get a job, I can't go outside. And i'm not going to take any pills. I don't want to be dependent on pills for the rest of my life. Or ever. Xanax is what low lifes take to get fucked up.

I see your local is TX. I've heard the Mental health care isn't the best down there. But, when I couldn't afford health care, I ended up applying to a program @ Harvard U as a paid study (Who is acclaimed to be the best in Mental heatlh care).

Eventually they seen how depressed I was and I was recommended over to MGH. I didn't have to pay for one visit or anything. I used to have to pay for the meds. But, due to a few changes in government, it was all straightened out.

I was on Wellbutrin XL 400mg (FDA only recommends 300mg) and I tried Zoloft and any other SSRI that was available on the market. The Wellbutrin mellowed me out to a point where I can actually leave the house when I -Wanted to-. Not when I -Had to-. (Work, school) (Social Anxiety Disorder, depressive symptoms)

Today, I'm no longer on WellButrin or any other meds. They are very strong and do have their side effects (loss of libido :wall: ). But, you have to learn sacrifice one thing for another in order progress in life. Why live this long if you don't have an agenda?

This forum is Group therapy for you. But, if you don't atleast put in some kind of effort, then there is only so much that can be done.

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Already told you, I can't get a job, I can't go outside. And i'm not going to take any pills. I don't want to be dependent on pills for the rest of my life. Or ever. Xanax is what low lifes take to get fucked up.

true that! xanax is very addicting stuff!!

i hope you feel better soon kanmi!! .. just hang in there, it will take time, but eventually things will get better, and you'll end up being a stronger, more compassiate person because of it :comfort:

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