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scarred4lyfe

I dont know how to be strong

I'm siting here writing when I'm supposed to be at school..preparing for an exam I have thursday, and its getting near finals.... I skipped school yesterday and work... :wall:

Me like a F**king idiot decided to take a job at a cosmetics place...of all places!! what the hell was I thinking!!! I went on accutane about over year ago..and yes my face does'nt break out ass bad as it use too..and for a while there I did'nt break out at all....but now I got this massive bump on my jawline and its hurts...and having a sh*tload of discolorating scars on your face does'nt help :(

When I go to my job.... they make up my face...and I feel this sort of embarrassment being surrounded wit women wit perfect skin and perfectly appiled makeup :doubt: ...but when I look in the mirror :shock: all I see is a mess...that no matter how much I try I cant clean up...the sad part is..all I do is give out flyers for them but the girl I work wit...just got bump up a position...where's she making more money...why...because when they put makeup on her..she does'nt look like a hot mess... :cry:

I dont know what to do wit myself anymore, I've already put my life on hold in the past because of my face, that's why I'm where I'm at now...nowhere... and now its happening again...I dont know how to be strong....my family think I'm stupid and vain, and I'm starting to think the same thing...about two mths ago..my bf was thinking about proposing to me...but I figure out what he was planning and I shut him down...I told him some bullsh*t excuse why I did'nt wanna get married but the real reason...

lies on my face :doubt: I'm tired of stopping my life because of my face, I'm soo weak..there plenty people out there who deal wit worser things than me and they go on wit life...why cant I? :doubt:

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I'm siting here writing when I'm supposed to be at school..preparing for an exam I have thursday, and its getting near finals.... I skipped school yesterday and work... :wall:

Me like a F**king idiot decided to take a job at a cosmetics place...of all places!! what the hell was I thinking!!! I went on accutane about over year ago..and yes my face does'nt break out ass bad as it use too..and for a while there I did'nt break out at all....but now I got this massive bump on my jawline and its hurts...and having a sh*tload of discolorating scars on your face does'nt help :(

When I go to my job.... they make up my face...and I feel this sort of embarrassment being surrounded wit women wit perfect skin and perfectly appiled makeup :doubt: ...but when I look in the mirror :shock: all I see is a mess...that no matter how much I try I cant clean up...the sad part is..all I do is give out flyers for them but the girl I work wit...just got bump up a position...where's she making more money...why...because when they put makeup on her..she does'nt look like a hot mess... :cry:

I dont know what to do wit myself anymore, I've already put my life on hold in the past because of my face, that's why I'm where I'm at now...nowhere... and now its happening again...I dont know how to be strong....my family think I'm stupid and vain, and I'm starting to think the same thing...about two mths ago..my bf was thinking about proposing to me...but I figure out what he was planning and I shut him down...I told him some bullsh*t excuse why I did'nt wanna get married but the real reason...

lies on my face :doubt: I'm tired of stopping my life because of my face, I'm soo weak..there plenty people out there who deal wit worser things than me and they go on wit life...why cant I? :doubt:

Awww gurl :( i know how you feel when you say you dont know what to do with yourself anymore....im the same... i turn 18 next week and i dont have a job all because of my screwed up skin, im lucky to have a pretty supportive family but i feel like a pile of crap aswel! i really do want a job but i know i'll be an even bigger mess if i get one and im constantly worrying about my skin...it just wouldnt work atm. I also ge tthe feeling my family thinks im vain and stupid aswel...i may be stupid but im not vain...i dont care what other people look like and i dont judge them, i only judge myself. Fingers crossed all this will come to an end sooner or later. keep ya chin up ;) XxOoxX!!!

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