Jump to content
Acne.org
Search In
Find results that contain...
Find results in...

GOD. i want my old life back. i rememer being happy. i remember the perfect girlfriend that i had. i remember when i was satisfied with my life. i wish that so many things didnt remind me of my ex.

geeze WHO AM I?

now a days it just seems like i am a walking fake.. i pretend to be happy around everyone i know, but i am slowly dying on the inside. and i am tired of bitching about this. i am tired of feeling sorry for myself. im tired of thinking about "what could of been" if i didnt have acne. i hate looking in the mirror and knowing i could look good but yet i see new breakouts all the time even though i spend countless amounts of money on "treatments" that are supposed to work.

i cant stand my self esteem anymore. two years ago i was so full of life... and now i am a zombie.

fuck, i really hate bitching about this, but i dont know what else to do.

i dont want to have to come to acne.org to express how i truly feel because in reality no one would understand me.

i know you understand me. right?

all i want is to be a normal teen. i want to be able to go out to a club and go dancing.

i want to be one of those kids who has a million pictures of himself and his friends doing stupid random shit.

i wish i wasnt afraid of cameras because i love visual memories.

all in all, i feel like i have lost my soul. everything that made me, ME... is slowly being drained from me.

i read a qoute the other day. it read:

"once you wear a mask for so long you forget who you truly are."

and i'm afraid that, that is just what might happen to me.

i dont want that to happen.

but i dont know how to fix it.

no, i cant have that happen to me.

im sick of this. i am even willing to try accutane. but once again, i'm afriad.

godbless.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

if you really want accutane dont be afraid to talk to your derm, see what the effects are, etc. research it, plently of people will offer support on these boards that have gone through it.

hang in there! i know its rough.

your sig is from Dr. Seuss right? hehe love it! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

accutane isnt as scary as some make it out to be. i avoided going on it for years. finally at 25 i did. my skin went from maybe 25-30 zits on my face to 0. 8 months it took, and i was clear. do your research, talk to your parents and go and do it as soon as u can. a year from now u will be in the place that u want to be. i would have given anything to be your age and reading this post right now..it really will change your life..but right now u have to be strong and not slip into any depression. even at your worst, just know that it's not going to be like this forever.

i couldnt beleive how i was 2 yrs ago and how i am now. so dont put it off any longer..i tried everything and this is the only thing that worked for me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

if you really want accutane dont be afraid to talk to your derm, see what the effects are, etc. research it, plently of people will offer support on these boards that have gone through it.

hang in there! i know its rough.

your sig is from Dr. Seuss right? hehe love it! :)

it's not that i "really want" accutane, but more that i dont know what to do anymore.

nothing has seemed to work for me and i know that accutane has a lot of success stories.

i am just sick of having constant breakouts. i want some clarity.

i will ask my derm about it.. i have an appointment tomorrow.

ps. ya it is dr suess. it's amazing

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know how you feel. It sounds sad but I think back to when I was little and I was a happy kid, didn't have a clue about what was in store for me... I used to think about getting older and be so excited, I had tons of stuff I wanted to do, thought everything was going to be so fun. Bah. When I was small I could just be myself and not ever have worry about anything major, I didn't realise that pretty soon my life would turn upside down and become shit. It's like I'm in a fucking vegative state, just breathing, eating, sleeping and shitting with nothing meaningful inbetween. I never really got the chance to do 'normal' teenager stuff because literally as soon as I turned 10 or 11 I got smacked with a ton of things that completely fucked me up, severe acne being icing on the cake. :doubt: I don't know what's worse though, having a little while of being clear while being a teenager or never being able to have that. But whatever. Now though, I feel pretty much the same as you described.. like 'I've lost my soul', sounds pretty cheesy but I have no idea anymore of who I am. I've become really introverted to the point of being reclusive, my acne may be clearing up now but these mental scars that are left from it amongst other things are pretty deep and I don't think I'll ever be able to shake them off. :( It was bad enough having one or two of the problems I had but I can deal with that, it's just that to feel sick after seeing myself in the mirror and hating myself so much most of the time to the point where you start to avoid going out with friends and stuff just makes it a whole load worse. I spend a lot of my time moping around feeling sorry for myself cause I'm not motivated anymore, I'm just 'numb' really. So a huge part of it is my own fault for usually giving up so easily but I just couldn't help it...

It sucks balls.

Butt... on a lighter note haha I definately think that you should go for accutane, it's really not that bad at all. I was at rock bottom regarding my skin and it was the only thing that actually managed to lift my spirits somewhat and it's slowlllly sorting my skin out so that it's not physically so much of a problem anymore. If you've tried a lot of other things and are willing to put up with a bit of dryness and maybe a few achey joints then definately go for it. Hope you feeling better soon

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've never gone to a dance, never gone to a school sporting event, none of that bullshit. And I've only gone to the movie theater once with friends.

Part of it is acne, but most of it is me, and my attitude.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

accutane isnt as scary as some make it out to be. i avoided going on it for years. finally at 25 i did. my skin went from maybe 25-30 zits on my face to 0. 8 months it took, and i was clear. do your research, talk to your parents and go and do it as soon as u can. a year from now u will be in the place that u want to be. i would have given anything to be your age and reading this post right now..it really will change your life..but right now u have to be strong and not slip into any depression. even at your worst, just know that it's not going to be like this forever.

i couldnt beleive how i was 2 yrs ago and how i am now. so dont put it off any longer..i tried everything and this is the only thing that worked for me.

hi tenshi,

did your acne come back after you got off the accutane? and when did you stop the drug? i'm half toying with idea. despite being "mild" (and occasionally "moderate"), my acne is SO damned persistent, and each zit leaves an apparently permanent red mark. :wall: it's been about 11 years now; i've had enough.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Personalized Advice Quiz - All of Acne.org in just a few minutes


×