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Spydar

Spydars Roaccutane Journey

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Hi everyone,

I wanted to post a diary of my progress whilst on the Acne cure drug “Roaccutane�.

Background on me.

Sex: Male

Age: 26

Weight: 74kg

Height: 184cm

Complexion: Fair/Slightly tanned when in the sun.

Skin condition: Very sensitive skin. Moderate Acne on face (Cheeks mainly) and on the shoulders and back. Couple on the chest.

Metal Health – Suffer From Anxiety/Depression

Acne History.

I have had acne since the age of 15. Around 17 I had it really bad. I am not going to go into details about what types of acne I had/have because acne is acne. It doesn’t matter what type you have. It all does the same. It leaves red dots on your skin and it makes you feel very depressed about your body appearance. I don’t care what people say “it’s hardly noticeable� or “Its not that bad�...when you look at yourself all the time in the mirror...the only thing you are looking at is the acne on your skin. Not how nice your eyes look...or how great your haircut is.

When I was 20 I took my first batch of Roaccutane. It worked!! But because I was young...at Uni...And was well, stupid! I didn’t follow the script correctly...taking Roaccutane whenever I felt like...and well after 3 months stopped taking it all together. (Accept for a couple of times I had minor break outs after the 3 months...I took a weeks worth here and there) So yeah...as you can see I was stupid...because now I am 26 and for over 2 years now I have suffered from acne again. So for only 4 years I had ok skin... (During the 4 years still had the slight break out now and then)

Before my first lot or Roaccutane and after I used all the stuff we know of. Antibiotics...skin peels....scrubs..washes. I did Microdermabration as well which I did when I finished my first lot of Roaccutane...which helped fine out any scarring and blemishes I had on my skin. That helped slightly. Went on the antibiotics...that didn’t help at all. And for two weeks before I started taking Roaccutane again I started using Calamine Lotion which showed some improvements on my back and shoulders.

Mental History

One of the important reasons why I have decided to go back onto Roaccutane is because my mental health has not been the best. For approx 12 months now I have been suffering from anxiety...which tends to lead to depression. Ok I know you are probably thinking “Should you be going back on Roaccutane....I hear that stuff causes depression�. Trust me I thought about that. But you know what...I think half my problems stem from poor body image...as a result of acne. So I am in the mind set now that if I can take anything to get rid of it...it will only make me feel happy! And I know the stuff works as I have taken it before. I won’t go into too much about what anxiety is or how it impacts my life. But I suffer from the usual symptoms which you can find on the internet if you want.

Also linked to all this is the fact Acne cripples my life. I don’t want to go out...I don’t want to meet people whilst I have acne...it just ruins your life. I moved to Sydney recently so I want to get out and meet new people but cant because I feel “ugly�. So this is another important reason why I need to clear my skin up. I NEED TO IMPORVE MY SELF ESTEM AND BODY IMAGE!!

Well enough about me...lets start the journey. (I started writing this on day 6)

Day One, 23/10/06 (first Dermatologist visit)

After waiting 2 weeks to see this dermatologist I am excited to know if they can cure my acne. Although I am thinking Roaccutane, I hope she does prescribe me something else. I explained I had used everything under the sun...prescribed & over the counter....I wasn’t in her office for more then 5 minutes and ...yep she goes “You need Roaccutane�.

Although a part of me (the frustrated about having pimples) was happy that I was prescribed Roaccutane, the anxious/depressed side of me was not. As I mentioned earlier I have been suffering from on again/off again anxiety...which I find tends to leave me a little depressed. I expressed my concerns to the dermatologist who dismissed the claims that Roaccutane was linked to depression and suicide....saying “Why do you think those people are depressed ...is it because of a drug...or is it because they have had acne for years?� I tend to agree about the later....we all know how depressing having acne can be....I just think with the side effects that Roaccutane does i.e. =. Dry skin...nose bleeds...it can add more pressure to an already fragile and depressed mind.

Skin looks ok. Back is clearing thanks to Retain-A and Calamine lotion. But spots and scars still on my face.

So anyway...day 1 and I took 2x 20mg Tablets. Here goes....

Day Two,

Took two tablets in the morning. During the day I noticed a slight dryness in my lips. I remember from last time my lips cracked and looked terrible. So I have started applying Carmex Lip Balm now....especially on the skin around the lips...so they don’t crack etc. I rather apply now...then wait till my lips get bad then try and recover. Also had a bleeding nose today. Started putting moisturiser up there too.

Face looks the same as yesterday. Spots spots spots.

My anxiety is hanging around a little today....I went to my new counsellor here in Sydney. So had a talk about things including my pimples etc and how they are impacting on my life and how I live. The bottom line is..I am on a journey not only to cure my acne but my anxiety and anything else which acne is impacting on.

Day Three

Took two Roaccutane at breakfast today. Anxiety is floating around this morning. But got to work...And started noticing my eyes drying...and then my vision got weird....really weird. Then I started feeling pains the stomach. Well I knew it was going to happen....BAM! I had an anxiety attack. Took the rest of the day off work. I had made my mind up to stop taking the Roaccutane as I thought it was my making me sick...and I had an allergic reaction.

Skin is still the same.....not allot to report there.

Day Four.

Spoke with my Dermatologist...who first told me my blood tests were fine. Secondly she dismissed my symptoms as all being anxiety. Which after I thought about it...was true. I was worrying about Roaccutane too much...that any slight changes I noticed...I exaggerated them! So to reassure me I have been on the net reading other peoples journals/diaries about there Roaccutane journey which helped me realise that this drug is going to HELP me feel and look better.

My skin is till looking the same. Spots scattered over my beard line. And on my back and shoulders.

Took one tablet tonight. I thought maybe taking 40mg at once was a shock to the system. So I am slowly ramping up the course. Also If I take them after I get home from work...I should sleep through some of the symptoms.

Day Five

Went to work...skin is looking ok as I am apply some small amounts of make up to dull the large red blemishes. Noticed my shoulders and back is clearing a little. Face is beginning to break out more with other smaller pimples coming up in places that have been clear. So I assume it that this is the “initial break out� that happens when you are first on. Had another bleeding nose today at work so I am going to apply moisturiser up there more regularly.

Can someone please kick me in the head!!! I have to stop squeezing!!! My skin is very sensitive...if I touch my skin with too much pressure...it goes red. So squeezing hard... (If I had half a brain I would realise) leaves the horrible red scars!

Came home tonight and took one tablet. Noticed after an hour on the computer screen tonight...that my focus etc was a bit weird. I have read that your eye sight at night can be affected. So I stopped using the computer.

Day 6 (Diary entries Real-time now) 28th October 2006.

This morning I thought that I was relaxed enough now about taking Roaccutane that I took another one this morning with the plan to get back on 40mg of the stuff...but taking 1x20mg Tablet in the morning and the other at night.

No weird symptoms this morning. Although I got a bit depressed as my face seemed more sensitive (aka red) and the red scars looked worse. I don’t appear to be breaking out any more...just the stuff that came up yesterday. Although shoulders and back show good signs of already improving.

Lips are getting dryer...but I have already gotten in the practise of applying Carmex so they look good.

This afternoon I looked again in the mirror and my face had settled down a little...not as bad. SO I have decided I am only having one shower per day...at night. And I will moisturise at night etc...So that in the morning...my face should be less red because I haven't been irritated by shaving or hot water...or moisturising. My hair seems to be a bit itchy too....scalp must be drying out.

My mental state has changed from being worried about taking Roaccutane...to excitement. Especially since I have started writing this diary. Although today is a sunny Saturday and I find myself being a hermit and staying inside....because of this mornings’ issues with my face. This is what I am hoping will end....me feeling like I don’t want to go outside because I have an ugly zit face!

Took my second tablet tonight with dinner. I have noticed I have a couple of bumps coming up on my forehead which has been clear of pimples for a while. Back seems to be less red...but a couple of bumps coming up. I HAVE TO STOP SQUEEZING!!!

Lets see what the morning brings. Because I am wanting to meet up with friends!

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I know you know it but you really DO have to stop squeezing. I didn't listen to my own advice when I did Roaccutane and without doubt the worst scars I have are the ones I sustained while on the course.

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Martin...yeah I know. And I have been real good!! havent squeezed any on my face.

Day 7

This wasnt a very good day for me. I woke up at around 4:30am feeling very sick. It also triggered another panic attack. But a friend of mine came over and he hang out with me. I have noticed the "IB" more today. Although I am finding my pimples are not as big now.

Have decided not to take any today...and I am going back to only 20mg per day. I think taking two yesterday really kicked me around...making me feel ill today.

Skin is getting dryer...and my lips are needing more Carmex. My head is gettin itcher and itcher. Took pics...so will upload soon.

Boy I am drinking alot of water.

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