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leopolda

"I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore!&quo

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Hello everyone. For those who may remember me from this summer, I was the one who got married in August and had a big excision in June. I was updating my results and promising to post photos (sorry not to have). My skin was looking pretty good and I was very excited and then my beloved grandmother passed away fairly suddenly weeks before my wedding--I was devastated. I'm still reeling from it. I have to say, now that I'm emerging from the sadness, that something like this certainly puts things into perspective for me. I feel enraged that I allowed myself to waste so much time just suffering (time I could have been spending with loved ones). I am enraged that someone as young and with so much to live for such as Marc could have felt so desparate as to take his own life. I am enraged at people who seem to dismiss this disfiguing condition as superficial. I am back from my hiatus and I AM PISSED!

I am now determined to get over this. I wish I were strong enough to just say "fuck it! I'm fine the way I am!" but sadly, I am not.

I have struggled with feeling guilty about having procedures done, thinking "oh, I'm so vain. I don't want to be one of those people who 'nips and tucks' any deficiency, etc." And of course the expense nags me.

For me, taking the step of having the excision was an extreme measure. And while the initial results have not held up as well as I would have liked, it is an improvement and I consider it a first step.

I am finding myself lately falling back into the same depressed, self-esteemless rut that I was in before and I'm nervous that I may continue to waste more precious time. So here is what I've resolved:

I am going to take this next year (perhaps more if need be), and I am going to do whatever I can do to minimize my scars (I don't have lots of small ones, I have several really big ones). I wil no longer feel guilty or "vain" about "cosmetic" surgery. I will save my money for whatever procedures I think will help me, and I will not feel bad about spending it on the intended purposes. I will be more honest with key people about how this affects me (my husband, family, and very close friends). I will have realistic expectations about my improvement. And finally, I will consider this work I am having done on the outside supplemental to work that I am doing on the inside.

Sorry for the random, rambling post. For me, sometimes rage is the only thing to prompt me to action

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EXCELLENT POST AND A GREAT, KICK-ASS ATTITUDE, LEOPOLDA!! You got me feeling all kick-ass myself!! I'm with you...I want to DESTROY these fuckin' scars and what I HAVE ALLOWED THEM TO DO TO ME all these years!! I must be a vain bastard because that's the most important thing on my mind these days (I'm sorry, but I can't help it).

Before this thing happened with my face I was trying to get into extra work and TV commercials. The scars killed that and now I have chosen the solitary pursuit of freelance writing to "earn my keep". I wish I knew how to post photos to this board...I would send in one from 10 years ago and one recent one...to show everybody how these scars have screwed up my face AND my morale. I've scanned the photos, but don't know how to post, ec.

Anyway, GOOD LUCK, Leopolda. God bless.

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Excellent post! I too am mad as hell at these scars and to what it has done to me mentally and physically. I have been at that point for a long time now where I will do ANYTHING to get rid of them and find my old self again. I used to be such a friendly, outgoing person. I used to go out all the time and socialize with my friends...acne put an end to all of that. sad.gif I have done several treatments already....several 70% glycolic peels, 2 VLS lasers, 2 microdermabrasions and a Thermage. I don't even want to know how much money I have spent doing all of these treatments. However, I look in the mirror and can still see where each and every zit used to be...it depresses me to tears somedays. However, i refuse to give up hope that one day I will be "normal" again and walk around with my head held high instead of buried in my hair. Don't ever give up hope.

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Hey sick,

Please dont for a second think I'm trying to tell you how to relate to the condition (we all know its a rollercoaster of emotions and is completely personal in the way it affects each individual) but something you said really got to me, you said you 'used to be really friendly and outgoing' all I can say is that you dont want to compound any issues that acne may be giving you socially by changing your state to a negative one around others - go out there and be friendly and outgoing, if other people choose to react differently due to your appearance then they are not people who deserve your love or even your attention but dont prevent yourself from giving love and attention to those that deserve it.

Hope I haven't gotten too personal but having been someone who has suffered from the condition for 15 years (basically half my life....jeez that thought sucks), I hope I have learnt some valuable lessons in how to cope mentally with the challenges that it throws up.

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Thanks Johnnery and Sick,

It does feel good finally to just let myself be really mad--better certainly than just sad, meek, and resigned. I'm sick of feeling ashamed, and even more, I'm sick of being made to feel (I do this part to myself) that I'm vain or shallow or simply weak because I cannot just be happy with how I look. I do not think that scar revision is in the same category as nose jobs, face lifts, lip enhancements, boob jobs, etc (no offense to anyone who's had any of these). I'm not going for perfection, just acceptable--normal. I know I'll never get my own unscarred skin back, but I really think I'd be happy with a certain amount of improvement.

Also, with regard to the money, there's only so much I CAN afford, but up til now I've tortured myself over spending what $ I have and I've certainly forgone treatment that I think would help because of guilt over the price. But I was thinking, I have friends who have had extensive dental or orthodontic work done and others who have had weekly therapy sessions for years on end. None of this was covered by insurance, but to their thinking, they didn't have a choice--it was just a life expense.

I don't drive a fancy car, I don't buy expensive clothes, I NEVER travel, I don't go out to fancy dinners---I live a very frugal life and I never just indulge.

I figure this is a life expense and I'm worth the expense. So there!

Good luck to us all and go screw the insurance companies who have labeled this problem merely "cosmetic!"

Oh, and Lonleyman: I'm sorry not to hae responded to your inquiries. I will post an update and answer your questions in the excision thread "Excision wow I'm so happy" so as to keep the info consolidated in one place.

--leo

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Antz

Sometimes getting angry is a good thing - I like to think 'Well to hell with acne, I am not going to let it win, I am going to go out and do everything that I would have done before acne'. It helps me to think of guys out there who have lost limbs and still ski, swim etc, these guys aren't sitting at home wondering if anyone is going to stare at them at the pool or at the slopes, they're sticking one finger up to the world and saying bring it on, sure I've had a setback but I am not changing who I am because of it. That kind of attitude inspires me when I am feeling like staying in the house because of a zit.

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