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In high school, I guess I was the typical loner. I mean, people liked me, but I couldn't really relate to anybody...save a few people. I went to one of those catholic schools ( :ninja: boys only, hee...and nobody in my family is even christian, it's just public schools here are pretty much falling apart).

People just knew me as the bass player who could tear it up. :dance:

I wasn't really lonely, and I'm not lonely now either. I just like being alone, I guess.

God this is a horrible rant. :snooty:

My anthem is Phish's "Brian & Robert".

Ha, I'm a loser.

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kinda..

yeah, being gay in high school sucks... even though you meet people who may seem like your friends.. generally it is harder for us overall to feel comfortable with ourselves around other people (esp. guys).

i wasnt a LONER but i def didnt talk to a lot of people outside of my friends and looking back i wish i could have been more outgoing and friendly towards other people.

but high school is a completely FAKE controlled society. Completely. It is not real and is by no means an accurate reflection of how real adults are like in the real world.

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I'm quiet and anti-social in that I'll rarely initiate a conversation and I hardly ever smile.

My sister told me that a lot of people think I'm rude and arrogant. Honestly, I can somewhat understand the rude comment, but it's not right how people assume you're an arrogant arsehole simply because you say very little. Unfortunately, human nature dictates that the majority revere extroverts and coversely shun introverts and/or those with social phobias. In my opinion this therefore severely skews what is viewed as 'polite' and 'acceptable' behaviour in our society.

But to address the orginal post, at the point I'm at in my life now, I genuinely would prefer to be left alone and ignored by everyone. I'd be quite comfortable not talking to anyone, ever.

This is not the healthiest way to feel, but it's an honest answer.

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I was a definite loner in high school. I had one friend... who was a bigger loner than I. Because I had other people try to be my friend but for some reason it never got farther than a hello in the hallway.

The loner days got a lot worse in senior year when I skipped a total of like, 60 days of the year.

Now I'm still a loner because all I do is work everyday and then come home and rot in front of the computer.

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The funny thing is I was not a loner in HS and i was not a loner in college. But now that i'm out of school and working full time, i feel like a loner because most of my college friends have moved away. I find meeting people very difficult now that i'm not in school anymore.

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Guest Michael Jackson

My schools catholic but not all boys.

school girl outfits?

*boner*

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I also spend most of my time alone....I wake up alone, I work and I come home alone. What I have learned is who are my true friends. They accept me for who I am and they realize I'm not entirely comfortable in social settings so when I need to make such appearances, they constantly ensure I'm okay.

I guess the world is made up of all kinds....not everyone likes to be social or to be the center of attention 24/7. I think there's nothing wrong with being alone so as long as we are truly happy and we recognize our limitations and symptoms and intervene appropriately should depression or other mental afflictions occur.

Lastly, who thinks their skin condition has led them to feeling this need for isolation?

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Lastly, who thinks their skin condition has led them to feeling this need for isolation?

My isolated-self really came to the fore when I started to notice girls romantically. Of course I've always been interested in women for as long as I can remember, but I mean seriously dating and having an intimate relationship emotionally and physically. Unfortunately, this all happened at a time when I developed bad cystic acne over a good percentage of my body. I'm talking my face, back, upper arms, upper thighs and even my buttocks. It was pretty damn terrible and very unsightly.

So even though I wanted to talk to girls, I couldn't, because I was so ashamed of how I looked. Hence, this inability to form relationships with women, or even talk to them in a friendly manner without feeling self-conscious, grew and compounded until the anxiety gradually took over my life. As such, I hate going out and I very rarely go to clubs, which at my age is one of the things most people expect you to be doing. My pool of friends has slowly dwindled as I cut myself off, even though I do have some great ones left. On the other hand, I generally don't have a problem with things like going to the shops, but if it's an attractive girl or someone my age I feel embarrassed, like I shouldn't be seen in public. It feels awful. When I was in college I would even wait until the hallway was clear before using the communal bathroom, and it eventually got to the point were I would only shower late at night or very early in the morning.

Although my acne has now cleared up, I have very bad scarring over the places I mentioned. Plus, I'm woefully thin for a guy of my age and I have no 'shape' for lack of a better word. Think stick-figure. I think this has to do with my not caring about eating, though I definitely do not have an eating disorder. Anyway, the mere thought of anyone getting close to me, hugging me or kissing me makes me feel ill, because then that person will be seeing first-hand and close-up what I so desperately try to keep hidden. Of course, at the same time I strongly desire all those intimate gestures listed above, and I desperately want to love and be loved. As you can imagine this is somewhat tortuous.

I guess my way of dealing with these issues is just to shun social contact, and this has led me to feel uncomfortable and awkward around people. Then when you add in the fact that I have not lived life and experienced a lot of things most people have (i.e dating, girlfriends, kissing, sex, etc) because of my condition, it just grows and grows. I mean, let's say I get over my physical issues. Even then, how can you begin to explain to a potential mate that you've never hugged or held hands or done any of those things? This all just feeds back into my anxiety -- it's a like a self-fulfilling prophecy or a catch-22 (or something like that). It's like I'm trapped in a black hole with no hope of getting out. It's not a nice feeling.

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People who don't know me that well might call me a loner - usually they just think I'm a quiet guy. My friends and family know that I'm not. I've never liked being with large groups of people so I just stick to the few people I'm close with and feel comfortable around. But since I broke out so badly last year, things have changed I guess. I don't go out as much, only to eat or exercise. I'm pushing some of my friends away because I don't want them to see me the way I look now. The worse part is that I know I could end up losing my friends the way I'm acting now but I can't seem to change it. If or when I clear up, my friends might be gone.

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like im not a loner, i have a bunch of friends and all. but sometimes i just prefer NOT to hang out with everyone. i dont like being around people all the time. it just pisses me off.

and actually like in high school i was once part of the 'in crowd' . but i OPTED out. because i just didnt like it, didnt feel myself around them. i just wanted to hang out with normal people.

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Guest tvirus_outbreak

In high school, I guess I was the typical loner. I mean, people liked me, but I couldn't really relate to anybody...save a few people. I went to one of those catholic schools ( :ninja: boys only, hee...and nobody in my family is even christian, it's just public schools here are pretty much falling apart).

Did you get a boyfriend there?

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Yeah, pretty much.

I was pretty much alone all of high school. I never went out until maybe my senior year, but even then it was sparringly. My first year of college was pretty much the same. I made like no friends when I went out of town for school. I just decided to cut my losses and move back home. The sad thing is I actually wanted to go out, but could just never find the right people. At the beginning of the summer I would party and hang out with my one friend who I really talked to in high school, but then I don't know what happened. All of a sudden I got extremely depressed. I mean suicidally depressed because of my skin. Now I don't go out at all. I'm alone all the time except when I'm at school, and all I do is homework or study on my weekeneds. I don't want to be a loner, but this is what acne has done to me.

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In high school, I guess I was the typical loner. I mean, people liked me, but I couldn't really relate to anybody...save a few people. I went to one of those catholic schools ( :ninja: boys only, hee...and nobody in my family is even christian, it's just public schools here are pretty much falling apart).

Did you get a boyfriend there?

No, but almost....ah, that's a long story.

Lots of eye candy there. :wall:

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Guest tvirus_outbreak

In high school, I guess I was the typical loner. I mean, people liked me, but I couldn't really relate to anybody...save a few people. I went to one of those catholic schools ( :ninja: boys only, hee...and nobody in my family is even christian, it's just public schools here are pretty much falling apart).

Did you get a boyfriend there?

No, but almost....ah, that's a long story.

Lots of eye candy there. :wall:

Do tell

I like long stories :)

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In high school, I guess I was the typical loner. I mean, people liked me, but I couldn't really relate to anybody...save a few people. I went to one of those catholic schools ( :ninja: boys only, hee...and nobody in my family is even christian, it's just public schools here are pretty much falling apart).

Did you get a boyfriend there?

No, but almost....ah, that's a long story.

Lots of eye candy there. :wall:

Do tell

I like long stories :)

Well...hmmmm..

This random boy in the year ahead of me started talking to me. We kind of knew each other, but not really. I knew his older brother because I jammed with him and his band.

Anyway, he would call me and and go on these long rants about people and the world and what have you, and we clicked. It was weird.

So we pretty much became best friends. I told him I was gay, and he said "I might be gay, I don't know." He would say little innuendos off and on, you know, shit like that. Around that time he was pretty messed up emotionally, so we drifted a little. We talked off and on, but we got into this big fight over the phone one night. It was the first time I ever really made him mad; we were yelling at each other over the phone.

Anyway, I was in love and not having him around was making me insane, literally. So I wrote him a letter that explained my feelings (as a friend) and I said I valued his friendship. We started hanging out again, but it was strange. I could tell he wanted to reply to the letter like he said he would, but the reply never came.

He came close, however. One night we were hanging out and he launched into a story about how he was out on his bike and met this older guy who turned out to be gay. They talked for a few hours, but he later emailed him saying he couldn't hang out with him because he was "confused". But of course he trailed off at that point, so it was unclear what he meant. This floored me. I was thinking, "Dude, how many ways can we NOT talk about this?!" At the end of the story, he said he would call me and tell me things he was "confused" about. Of course the call never came, and the next time I talked to him he bullshitted around the subject.

So we kind of lost touch, but he has the habit of calling me out of nowhere after a few weeks to catch up. But I haven't heard from him in over a month because he's at school right now. He's coming home in a week so he'll touch base for sure. I think I'm going to push for a reply to my letter. I mean, he's obligated... :wall:

I mean, if he is gay, which I'm pretty sure he is, I know it can rough accepting it. But I can't really put myself in his shoes because I've known I was gay since I was like 10ish.

that long enough for you? :ninja:

But yeah, before he and I were friends, I had NO social life whatsoever. I made some new friends, but most of them are away at school now.

I need a cigarette after thinking about that, haha.

I need a cigarette after thinking about that one. :lol:

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Yep that's long enough

Love is a beautiful thing when you're a loner. I've come to that conclusion. When you find that compatibility in a world of frustration, it makes this earth a pretty damn good place.

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in 10th i joined the cheerleading team (haha.. gay male cheerleader; yup, that was me) because there was another guy cheerleader i wanted to get to know and i was pretty sure he was gay and he was a hawtie.

of course, he graduated the same year, i didnt know he was a senior.. stupid me. oh well, i made great friends on that team the following two years though.

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i guess i am a loner, i can talk to people and be friends but i rather be with my own thoughts and day dream... also in school at 1st break i sneak home because i got no one to hang with and at lunch i go home or on fridays i go with a few friends to the shops.

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If you're just staring at your walls

Observing echoing footfalls

From tenants wandering distant halls

Than this one is for you

If children playing all around

To you is noise not pleasant sound

And you'd be lost on the playground

Then this one is for you

All alone the life you lead

A silent diner where you feed

You bow your head pretend to read

this one if for you

Slip past strangers in the street

There's no one that you care to meet

Longing for your TV seat

this one is for you

that song looks good, i'll have to download it. i've never really heard any of Phish's work before....:)

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