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Corporeality

Guilt after being rejected?

When someone has rejected you, do any of you feel like s/he has the moral upper hand and that you should be ashamed of yourself for having attempted to persue a person so out of your league?

I mean, it's normal to feel like a loser if you've been turned down, but is it normal to feel despicable? I know in an intellectual way that it isn't, but it doesn't stop that 'I'm no better than a rapist' feeling when a girl says no to me.

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When someone has rejected you, do any of you feel like s/he has the moral upper hand and that you should be ashamed of yourself for having attempted to persue a person so out of your league?

I mean, it's normal to feel like a loser if you've been turned down, but is it normal to feel despicable? I know in an intellectual way that it isn't, but it doesn't stop that 'I'm no better than a rapist' feeling when a girl says no to me.

I can't say I've ever had those thoughts cross my mind exactly. But you shouldn't feel that way. One should always be flattered when another expresses affection or esteem. The one doing the dumping should feel like an arrogant bitch.

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I am yet to be rejected in a classic sense because I've never asked anyone out. However, I have been rejected by the objects of my affections many times. For example, I've overheard disparaging conversations about yours truly that I wasn't meant to hear on more than one occasion. I've even been subtley rejected when I haven't done anything to indicate I was interested in the first place! That's got to be a record or something.

The strange thing is these 'rejections' don't come as a surprise to me, nor do they particularly upset me anymore. I think the correct feelings would be relief (?), and yes, shame. The shame comes about from my daring to entertain the thought that I might be right for this person. I would find myself thinking 'What was I doing anyway? It's a good thing this person wants nothing to do with me.'

In my mind I'm not relationship material and as such, I often feel bad for the person I'm attracted to, simply because I'm attracted to them. How messed up is that? In my little world, anyone whom I consider datable is instantly precluded from ever being involved with me. I would never willingly subject such an amazing person to my flawed self. I'd only bring them down, and I don't want that.

People deserve the best. And the best is something I just can't offer.

As to your question, no, it's not normal to feel that way. Even so, obviously I'm just as bad as you are in this regard, if not worse. The truth is the majority of people aren't as highly self-depreciating as you or I (forgive me if I've caused offence by tarring you with the same brush).

Note: re-reading my post has left me uneasy. I feel like I'm destroying whatever positive thought we had left. :lol:

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When someone has rejected you, do any of you feel like s/he has the moral upper hand and that you should be ashamed of yourself for having attempted to persue a person so out of your league?

I mean, it's normal to feel like a loser if you've been turned down, but is it normal to feel despicable? I know in an intellectual way that it isn't, but it doesn't stop that 'I'm no better than a rapist' feeling when a girl says no to me.

You got it all wrong. When someone rejects you, they are out of YOUR league. You are too good for them and they are too blind to see your future potential. You should just be like 'whatever' or 'that's cool' and move on like it didn't bother you. Because, remember you are the one that is in the better league and by them rejecting you, they are just doing you a favor and leaving you before you leave them. Case closed.

:ninja:

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When someone has rejected you, do any of you feel like s/he has the moral upper hand and that you should be ashamed of yourself for having attempted to persue a person so out of your league?

I mean, it's normal to feel like a loser if you've been turned down, but is it normal to feel despicable? I know in an intellectual way that it isn't, but it doesn't stop that 'I'm no better than a rapist' feeling when a girl says no to me.

You got it all wrong. When someone rejects you, they are out of YOUR league. You are too good for them and they are too blind to see your future potential. You should just be like 'whatever' or 'that's cool' and move on like it didn't bother you. Because, remember you are the one that is in the better league and by them rejecting you, they are just doing you a favor and leaving you before you leave them. Case closed.

:ninja:

I like that philosophy. :) and i agree!

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You got it all wrong. When someone rejects you, they are out of YOUR league. You are too good for them and they are too blind to see your future potential. You should just be like 'whatever' or 'that's cool' and move on like it didn't bother you. Because, remember you are the one that is in the better league and by them rejecting you, they are just doing you a favor and leaving you before you leave them. Case closed.

:ninja:

Necromancer: You're assuming you have more to offer -- and in a way, better than that person. 'You are out of my league,' is a coping mechanism. It's the same as telling yourself what you want to hear, and believing it -- a good strategy used to comfort oneself in times of rejection. Did you ever think that maybe she's doing you a favor by preventing yourself from furthur embarassments? That s/he's too good for you? And that you are out of their league. Probably not.

The answer lies in how you choose to interpret the situation.

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You got it all wrong. When someone rejects you, they are out of YOUR league. You are too good for them and they are too blind to see your future potential. You should just be like 'whatever' or 'that's cool' and move on like it didn't bother you. Because, remember you are the one that is in the better league and by them rejecting you, they are just doing you a favor and leaving you before you leave them. Case closed.

:ninja:

Necromancer: You're assuming you have more to offer -- and in a way, better than that person. 'You are out of my league,' is a coping mechanism. It's the same as telling yourself what you want to hear, and believing it -- a good strategy used to comfort oneself in times of rejection. Did you ever think that maybe she's doing you a favor by preventing yourself from furthur embarassments? That s/he's too good for you? And that you are out of their league. Probably not.

The answer lies in how you choose to interpret the situation.

that is rediculous. i agree with necromancer.

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You got it all wrong. When someone rejects you, they are out of YOUR league. You are too good for them and they are too blind to see your future potential. You should just be like 'whatever' or 'that's cool' and move on like it didn't bother you. Because, remember you are the one that is in the better league and by them rejecting you, they are just doing you a favor and leaving you before you leave them. Case closed.

:ninja:

Necromancer: You're assuming you have more to offer -- and in a way, better than that person. 'You are out of my league,' is a coping mechanism. It's the same as telling yourself what you want to hear, and believing it -- a good strategy used to comfort oneself in times of rejection. Did you ever think that maybe she's doing you a favor by preventing yourself from furthur embarassments? That s/he's too good for you? And that you are out of their league. Probably not.

The answer lies in how you choose to interpret the situation.

Well, I live my life knowing I'm the best thing to ever be created in the history of mankind. You gotta have that mentality in order to get anywhere in the world. If you let what someone says hurt your feelings, then you are wasting time of which there is very little left in all our lives. So when you say I am comforting myself, I am not. I am telling it like it is. Sometimes two people just don't have anything in common. Not everyone is going to like you and not everyone is going to hate you. Even some of the most liked people in the world are just as equally hated. You'd be surprised how many people hate Muhammad Ali, Michael Jordan, or stars like Tom Cruise. You might also be surprised how many people love President Bush even after all the things that have occurred since his election. You gotta believe those that reject you are out of YOUR league because you're the one that has unlimited potential - right? And if your potential is unlimited, how can anyone be better than you? Case closed.

:ninja:

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Thats why dont approach so fast, get to know the person better and you find out the answer yourself without her saying anything. Then make your move.

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Well, I live my life knowing I'm the best thing to ever be created in the history of mankind.

And you actually think that's a good thing? Arrogance and narcissism are traits to cultivate? Since when?

Acting like you are 'too good' is a defense mechanism [misanthropy is right]. It might make you feel temporarily better, but it is delusional and makes for a VERY unlikable person.

It is better to feel some hurt and move on, rather than delude oneself with narcissistic grandiosity.

BTW, all people get rejected. It is part of life, a cruel part of life, but a part nonetheless.

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Guest No Pride

I get rejected on looks a lot, but deep down I know I am a great guy, chivalirous, interesting, intelligent, funny, cocky sometimes, teasing/playful , hold my own, confident. So I just figure that they are way to superficial and dont deserve a guy like me anyways. They deserve a good looking asshole that will beat them and treat them like shit. Thats why I always overlook the really hot girls because I know that they are superficial bitches. I still flirt with em because its fun but I dont think I could ever have a relationship with a hot girl. Ive only met one really hot chick that is down to earth and friendly to all and shes currently one of my best friends and I love her. Guys, give average looking girls a chance. The ones that take care of themselves but dont go out of their way to look hot and shit. They are simply the best.

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Well, I live my life knowing I'm the best thing to ever be created in the history of mankind.

And you actually think that's a good thing? Arrogance and narcissism are traits to cultivate? Since when?

Acting like you are 'too good' is a defense mechanism [misanthropy is right]. It might make you feel temporarily better, but it is delusional and makes for a VERY unlikable person.

It is better to feel some hurt and move on, rather than delude oneself with narcissistic grandiosity.

BTW, all people get rejected. It is part of life, a cruel part of life, but a part nonetheless.

I am not arrogant or narcissist. I am confident and know that I can be the best at anything I practice at or train for. You shouldn't feel hurt and move on. What is the point in feeling sorry for yourself and moving on to more depression. It is better to smile and walk away like it didn't mean anything. The girl/guy might be attracted to that because they won't know what is going on or who rejected who. "Here is some girl/guy with red marks, acne, and not that good looking smiling and walking away from me? What is the deal?". Case closed.

:ninja:

I get rejected on looks a lot, but deep down I know I am a great guy, chivalirous, interesting, intelligent, funny, cocky sometimes, teasing/playful , hold my own, confident. So I just figure that they are way to superficial and dont deserve a guy like me anyways. They deserve a good looking asshole that will beat them and treat them like shit. Thats why I always overlook the really hot girls because I know that they are superficial bitches. I still flirt with em because its fun but I dont think I could ever have a relationship with a hot girl. Ive only met one really hot chick that is down to earth and friendly to all and shes currently one of my best friends and I love her. Guys, give average looking girls a chance. The ones that take care of themselves but dont go out of their way to look hot and shit. They are simply the best.

Exactly. Case closed.

:ninja:

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its not about power neromancer, there is a chance that someone might just not like you, its not about you not being good enough for them or vice versa

it is this kind of thinking from acne sufferers, that keeps ourselves down int he dumps.

i can understand that you feel bad, that is because, your esteem is weak, i got that too. Enough practise, strengthens it.

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The one doing the dumping should feel like an arrogant bitch.

So girls and boys should feel that they have to date persons they got nothing in common with, do not like or whatever just because they are arrogant bitches if they don't? That's just stupid.

You are too good for them and they are too blind to see your future potential.

That's a great attitude if you are the perfect human being. Most likely you have not achieved perfection and you would be better of fixing what might be the reason the person didn't like you, because it might be a valid one.

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I get rejected on looks a lot, but deep down I know I am a great guy, chivalirous, interesting, intelligent, funny, cocky sometimes, teasing/playful , hold my own, confident. So I just figure that they are way to superficial and dont deserve a guy like me anyways. They deserve a good looking asshole that will beat them and treat them like shit. Thats why I always overlook the really hot girls because I know that they are superficial bitches. I still flirt with em because its fun but I dont think I could ever have a relationship with a hot girl. Ive only met one really hot chick that is down to earth and friendly to all and shes currently one of my best friends and I love her. Guys, give average looking girls a chance. The ones that take care of themselves but dont go out of their way to look hot and shit. They are simply the best.

Great post. Mirrors my thoughts exactly.

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You got it all wrong. When someone rejects you, they are out of YOUR league. You are too good for them and they are too blind to see your future potential. You should just be like 'whatever' or 'that's cool' and move on like it didn't bother you. Because, remember you are the one that is in the better league and by them rejecting you, they are just doing you a favor and leaving you before you leave them. Case closed.

:ninja:

What he said!

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Well, I live my life knowing I'm the best thing to ever be created in the history of mankind.

My assumption was correct; You're an egotisitcal whore. Here's a term you should familiarize yourself with, considering you're full of it:

Denial: An ego defense mechanism that operates unconsciously to resolve emotional conflict, and to reduce anxiety by refusing to perceive the more unpleasant aspects of external reality.

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Well, I live my life knowing I'm the best thing to ever be created in the history of mankind.

My assumption was correct; You're an egotisitcal whore. Here's a term you should familiarize yourself with, considering you're full of it:

Denial: An ego defense mechanism that operates unconsciously to resolve emotional conflict, and to reduce anxiety by refusing to perceive the more unpleasant aspects of external reality.

Thanks. Your comments are appreciated :surprised: . You are like the 1000th member to say that about me. I don't need to familiarize myself with Denial. I am not denying anything. I am the best and there isn't anything anyone else can say to make me think otherwise. I may be hated, I may be loved, but I am always respected. Case closed.

:ninja:

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I get rejected on looks a lot, but deep down I know I am a great guy, chivalirous, interesting, intelligent, funny, cocky sometimes, teasing/playful , hold my own, confident. So I just figure that they are way to superficial and dont deserve a guy like me anyways. They deserve a good looking asshole that will beat them and treat them like shit. Thats why I always overlook the really hot girls because I know that they are superficial bitches. I still flirt with em because its fun but I dont think I could ever have a relationship with a hot girl. Ive only met one really hot chick that is down to earth and friendly to all and shes currently one of my best friends and I love her. Guys, give average looking girls a chance. The ones that take care of themselves but dont go out of their way to look hot and shit. They are simply the best.

A considerably better attitude than Necromancer. But still a touch extreme. Superficiality isn't exactly a virtue, but it doesn't warrent abuse. If you've only met one "hot chick" that isn't a shallow bitch, you should widen your social circle. Look at who Heidi Klum is married to. And why can't you have a relationship with this hot girl/ best friend?

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Guest No Pride

I get rejected on looks a lot, but deep down I know I am a great guy, chivalirous, interesting, intelligent, funny, cocky sometimes, teasing/playful , hold my own, confident. So I just figure that they are way to superficial and dont deserve a guy like me anyways. They deserve a good looking asshole that will beat them and treat them like shit. Thats why I always overlook the really hot girls because I know that they are superficial bitches. I still flirt with em because its fun but I dont think I could ever have a relationship with a hot girl. Ive only met one really hot chick that is down to earth and friendly to all and shes currently one of my best friends and I love her. Guys, give average looking girls a chance. The ones that take care of themselves but dont go out of their way to look hot and shit. They are simply the best.

A considerably better attitude than Necromancer. But still a touch extreme. Superficiality isn't exactly a virtue, but it doesn't warrent abuse. If you've only met one "hot chick" that isn't a shallow bitch, you should widen your social circle. Look at who Heidi Klum is married to. And why can't you have a relationship with this hot girl/ best friend?

Because shes one out of a million. There are tons of hot girls out there and most, ive found, are superficial and believe they deserve the best looking guy and the most money. I dont want a relationship with her because shes MUCH...MUCH better as a friend of mine.

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Why are people taking such a complicated outlook on this issue?

He went up to a girl. She rejected him because she either didn't vibe with him or he's just not her type physically or on a personal level. He leaves rejected. Of course she had the upper-hand on him but who cares? Are people going actually going to look into the issue that a guy confidently approached a girl but just couldn't get something going with her?

Corporeality, props to you my man. Walk tall homie because I bet she at least admired your confidence. Good shit.

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