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hey,

thought I should register since I visit here often.

my acne has improved alot since I was 13, now 20 its very slight but its psychological effects still linger.

I use to go to the gym and had a good social life with no depression and was happy. (1 year ago)

now I struggle to go out if I don't look or 'feel good' i.e university, buying stuff, hairdresses, new years :( . I often turn down social invites (I hate making excuses) which is going to give my friends the wrong impression, so im kinda a rare sight, even tho I know im not ugly, its just all in my head.

because i stopped going to the gym, I feel weak and skinny, which has decreased my confidence and body image. This is why I think I have been playing computer games too often, trying to escape into another character who can start over and play with friends no matter what you look like.

recently ive been getting pretty depressed and having trouble sleeping. I thought I'ld tackle my problems one at a time: I thought 6 weeks ago, jesus im 20 and im playing computer games, would I tell a chick I played them? no. so I stopped.

I use to drink alot, but realizing being out all night/morning in town the next day you look like complete shit and wasn't really worth it. So I have cut down my drinking massively.

I don't exactly know where im going with this, i just need some advice!

because before I know it, I'll be 21 (which is a big celebration in New Zealand) and have no party and still be the same.

thanks for having the time to read. really appreciate any advice!

* when I work full time in the holidays I dont seem worried and go 6 days a week. which I dont understand.. maybe because im too tired to think about it or being occupied at work I dont have any mirrors to look at?

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"even tho I know im not ugly, its just all in my head"

i dont understand this. if you realize this than what is the problem

what I meant was subconsciously I know I dont look like a monster (not trying to blow my own horn) and I can feel attractive when I'm happy and in good shape. But most of the time I feel the opposite.

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well sorry dude that doesnt make mushc more sense if you can says "subconsciously i know i dont look like a monster" than thats not subconstiously at all. you know your not ugly. i can understand you saying i 'feel' ugly but i know im not.

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sorry im really bad at explaining things.

ok, I know im not ugly.

but when my acne gets bad and my face gets oily I feel ugly and then a snow ball effect happens and I start thinking im too skinny, weak, tall, lanky and so on. Does that happen to anyone else??

hopefully that makes more sense dude.

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yea i know what you mean dude i feel the same way all the time. i guess i have my days where i think i look prety good than other days when i absaloutley hate the look of myself

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yeah it sucks, and trying to do everyday shit is hard now, whats worse is to go to the gym I needa buy the right clothes, shoes and when you sign up you have to take of your t-shirt and have them measure your weight and fat and see how unfit you are..

But once I get into routine I know ill feel good and have confidence and will probably laugh that I was worried about that shit.

but ffs im a man, why is going outside such a big deal some days lol.

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I'm glad that you've realized you're unhappy with your life and want to change it- cutting out drinking is a really great start, as is trying to understand your low self-confidence.

It sounds to me like the gym wasn't just a place where you worked out. My brother claims that he works out because it makes him feel better physically and emotionally (psh, I know he's just trying to pick girls). Maybe you cut out a place where you relieved tension when you stopped going. Returning sounds scary-- do they really measure you? :shock: -- but it'll really be worth it in the long run if it's part of your healing process.

I don't know how much of this is related to acne and how much is just general low confidence, anxiety, and stress. You don't seem that concerned with acne itself (you said it's slight now), but rather your image as a whole. Social anxiety is very common, and I guess we don't hear much about it because, well, people are too anxious to talk about it. Staying in the house on Friday nights doesn't mean that you have some serious mental disorder or that you're a weirdo- it just means that you're not up to going out right now, and that's okay.

You're probably right when you say that being busy distracts you from worrying about yourself. Just getting a regular schedule and having less time to think about how you look will probably help immensely.

I have no qualifications other than having recovered from severe social anxiety, but the best advice I can give you is to take little steps. Sign up for the gym, but don't force yourself to go for seven hours a day. Call a friend, even if you don't go out that night. You don't have to become a wild party animal over night to feel better about yourself, and remember that above all you are doing this for yourself. Try and listen to yourself without letting irrational thoughts overpower you, and always keep your best interests in mind.

;) And now for my shallow bit, you probably have a gorgeous sexy NZ accent as well. Use it! :wub:

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yeah it sucks, and trying to do everyday shit is hard now, whats worse is to go to the gym I needa buy the right clothes, shoes and when you sign up you have to take of your t-shirt and have them measure your weight and fat and see how unfit you are..

But once I get into routine I know ill feel good and have confidence and will probably laugh that I was worried about that shit.

but ffs im a man, why is going outside such a big deal some days lol.

dude im sure its not a must that you get measured, just tell them your fine and youd just like to work towards your goals without the help of a trainer. i work part time at a gym and wed never tell someone that they HAD to get their measurements done

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Schango....

I love you! :D

Thank you so much for your time and thoughtfullness, I honestly think you have solved me, its almost like you know me (am I that easy? haha). It's awsome to know you care, your words have truly touched me and have made so much sense.

are you sure you dont have any qualifications? cause I would have paid to hear that.

whenever I have any bad thoughts I'm gunna remember what you said.

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Schango....

I love you! :D

Thank you so much for your time and thoughtfullness, I honestly think you have solved me, its almost like you know me (am I that easy? haha). It's awsome to know you care, your words have truly touched me and have made so much sense.

are you sure you dont have any qualifications? cause I would have paid to hear that.

whenever I have any bad thoughts I'm gunna remember what you said.

I think you've made me feel much better than I've done for you. :wub:

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Just remember that computer games : decaying muscles, pale skin, no social value while gym is : exercise, physical attractiveness, and endorphine rush. It's all in your head.

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Just remember that computer games : decaying muscles, pale skin, no social value while gym is : exercise, physical attractiveness, and endorphine rush. It's all in your head.

thanks bustamove, thats given me more motivation (I like the 'decaying muscles' comment haha). Having non-geeky friends who have girlfriends and still play, made me think I could do it, but its just not helping me.

oh and schango I still love you heh, already feeling alot better. :D

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