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It seems that some people can be friends with exes and everything is natural and comfortable. But in many instances, it seems that ex boyfriends/girlfriends will ignore their ex. They might say hi to everyone except their ex at a party or purposely not look in their exes direction for fear of eye contact.

Usually the ex who is being ignored is confused about this treatment and desires to just be friends or casual acquaintances. They find it strange, but can do nothing about it so will just 'move on'.

So my question for all you acne smarties out there (and there are lots of really intelligent people on this board), is why do some exes do this ignoring treatment. What is the point? It seems easier to just be polite and decent rather than act like the person doesn't exist.

NOTE: Some exes can do both, being polite and ignoring off and on. This is even weirder.

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Okay. Here it goes:

Usually one of the parties involved is not happy with the way things turned out. Anger and hurt hang on for a long, long time and the best way and sometimes easiest way is to ignore the source of it. If I am hurt that much by someone I find it very hard to be in the same room with them. You have all of these emotions pent-up inside of you that you can't let out and you can't express because a) your ex doesn't understand b) your ex doesn't care c) fear that they will ignore you once you begin talking about it.

It's self-preservation. You have to become emtionally unattached and the easiest way to do this is by disconnecting yourself from that person in any way possible. When you feel that much pain it is so so so SO difficult to plaster on the smile and act like everything is the way it was. It's not. A lot people feel like they are allowing that person to feel okay about what they did if they treat them the same. That's hard, too.

Personally, I don't want to be around my ex right now. Thinking about it makes me want to break into tears. Being around him would only make that worse. And I don't like to cry in front of people so, unfortunately, I take that pain and that sadness and turn it into anger which usually makes me very bitter and I don't like being that person. The best way to make myself okay is to be completely unemotional toward that person. It helps me break those ties that I originally had with them.

People who are good at keeping heavy emotions out of relationships are the ones that find it easier to just jump right back into the friend mode...and they also find it easier to jump into another relationship. People who had real emotions invested into the relationship are the ones that feel the most pain and just can't understand how the other person could hurt them like that. We have to rebuild ourselves and move on, again and again and again. I envy those that can keep a safe distance and have limited emotional attachment because every time I go through this it gets harder and harder.

Exes who do both, being polite and ignoring the other...well, I've been there, too. One day I'm okay with the other person and then the next everything comes flooding back to me and I have to build myself back up to being okay again.

The ending of a relationship sucks. IT SUCKS. And people have to do whatever they can to make themselves okay again...and making sure that the other person is happy and feels good about themselves usually isn't in the cards....especially if the other person was the one that broke it off.

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Wow, acidjazzercise, that was a great explanation. Very thorough.

In my case, when I've been in very emotional relationships and we've broken up, the last thing I want to do is ignore the person. My inclination is to want to see the person regularly and bring a nice closure to the relationship while our contact gradually tapers off. This seems to be the most painless way to go about a break up for me so when I've had to deal with the 'ignore her' method, I get very frustrated. I'm always a bit shocked at how a very warm hearted and open person and do a 180 and just ignore me completely. Some of these exes even claimed to like being friends with exes, but then when we broke up they changed their tune.

Equally perplexing for me is the guy who shows a little interest in me by flirting and maybe asking me out. If I turn him down politely due to having a boyfriend already he'll seem okay with it and cool. But then his behavior afterwards indicates otherwise. He might ignore me and I'm left wondering why that's necessary when we definitely didn't share any deep emotions for each other.

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Dogsncats your stuck on the person. If they are ignoring u it is over and time to move on. It is rare that a relationship can end in a friendship. Unless it is totally mutual on both ends and nobody is hurt then it cant work even as friends. Obviously u got hurt move on and find someone else or risk looking pathetic to the other person which wont bring them back anyway.

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Exactly. You see, by maintaining a "friendship" after a relationship ends, whether subconsciously or consciously, keeps you in the game from your point of view. The idea that the other peson will come back. If I'm still here and I'm still a good person and I still act like a great friend, they'll want me back. You can't do that to yourself. You are not being fair to yourself. Everything they do will hurt. Not being with you and having it thrown in your face over and over again will hurt. Finding out they are dating someone else will hurt. You have to be stronger than that. You have to have more pride than that. If some guy can't see the beauty and uniqueness in you and LOVE it then there is no sense in keeping a relationship of any kind going. Go out there and find the one that will and, honestly, ignore the ones that don't...ie, your exes.

Oh, and the guys that treat you different after you've turned them down: they don't care why you turned them down, the only thing that sticks with them is that they were turned down. No one likes rejection and very few people know how to handle it. Don't worry about it. Not everyone is going to like you all the time and sometimes it makes sense and sometimes not but that's their problem. Not yours. The fact is the man was attracted to you, worked up courage to ask you out, and you had to turn him down. It's still rejection. You're only doing what you know is right and he'll get over it.

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