Jump to content
Acne.org
Search In
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
MrRandom

Delicate situation. Advice please

Recommended Posts

Hey guys, I havent posted in a while... mainly because ive been on B5 and thus far my results are amazing. Im just getting into my second month and I couldnt have hoped for a better outcome. This is not why im posting though.

A week or so ago I met this girl up at school. We get along great, shes cute and has an awesome personality. She does however have some acne, and i can tell its really effecting her (that part is obvious, and i know everyone here can relate). Now, seeing as how I used to be in the same situation, obviously I can relate as well, and im obviously understanding of this situation. The only part that bothers me is that it bothers her. (i just assume it bothers her... i mean i can tell obviously when we hang out and stuff.. she hasnt said anything to me about it directly, which i wouldnt expect her to)

So, here is the delicate situation part. I would like to somehow tell her about b5, but im not sure how without making it sound like i want her to change because of me. I strongly feel that this would make her feel so much better in the longrun, but obviously this isnt an easy thing to bring up, and i dont wanna bring it up the wrong way and somehow ruin my chances of being with her.

Any girls (or guys) out there with some advice on what I might say/do? Thank you very much for any insight on the situation, it would be greatly appreciated.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wouldn't mention anything unless she asks you first.

If you bring it up, it shows that you notice her acne, and since you are trying to offer treatment, that it bothers you. I uderstand that this isn't the case and that you want to help, but most likely she will view it negatively.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Any girls (or guys) out there with some advice on what I might say/do? Thank you very much for any insight on the situation, it would be greatly appreciated.

Awwww you have got to be the sweetest guy I've come across in a while. She's one lucky girl to have a guy like you.

That's a tough call because it can go both ways depending on her personality. Hmmm if you just mention it then she will think you are trying to change her and are unhappy with her skin. I think a right moment willl come along when you will be able to tell her in a way that won't make her feel that way. So wait for the moment. (lol my boyfriend just read my reponse over my shoulder and said "that has got to be the most generic worse reponse ever"). lol

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey guys, I havent posted in a while... mainly because ive been on B5 and thus far my results are amazing. Im just getting into my second month and I couldnt have hoped for a better outcome. This is not why im posting though.

A week or so ago I met this girl up at school. We get along great, shes cute and has an awesome personality. She does however have some acne, and i can tell its really effecting her (that part is obvious, and i know everyone here can relate). Now, seeing as how I used to be in the same situation, obviously I can relate as well, and im obviously understanding of this situation. The only part that bothers me is that it bothers her. (i just assume it bothers her... i mean i can tell obviously when we hang out and stuff.. she hasnt said anything to me about it directly, which i wouldnt expect her to)

So, here is the delicate situation part. I would like to somehow tell her about b5, but im not sure how without making it sound like i want her to change because of me. I strongly feel that this would make her feel so much better in the longrun, but obviously this isnt an easy thing to bring up, and i dont wanna bring it up the wrong way and somehow ruin my chances of being with her.

Any girls (or guys) out there with some advice on what I might say/do? Thank you very much for any insight on the situation, it would be greatly appreciated.

Try to bring up the fact that you used to struggle with acne, it it was annoying, but then you found something to help it. You can just bring it up casually try to ease into the converstaion... she doesnt have to know that you're mentioning it for her sake. Maybe she will sak you about it... depending on her personality of course. I am a very open person and if I were her I would totally ask you about it... but then again everyone I meet knows that I hate the way my skin looks... I feel better with everyone knowing how I feel.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Maybe one day you could take your B5 when she is there and just casually say something like "so many goddamn pills" in a jokey way or something...she might ask what they're for and then you can tell her, without it in any way being about her skin.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

alright thanks ill keep that in mind. i mean weve been hooking up for a week or so now and i was planning on actually asking her out within a few days or so. i figure if i do bring this up at all, then it should at least be after i already asked her out, so that way she realizes i like her regardless... but yea ill see... i gotta go do my fuckin laundry :/

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't agree with others.

Unless it is implied, she won't think you're bothered by their acne

It would be like worrying that suggesting a cure or doctor you know about to a friend of yours who is losing his hair is like implying that you're bothered by his baldness

That's nonsense, and if there isn't enough trust, complicity and respect, so that a suggestion of this kind may be interpreted as an indirect offense, in the relationship then it's better to find another friend.

All you have to say is "I know acne is bothering you and I'd like to suggest you something that might help you"

Many people here seems to forget that often the esthetical implications of acne are the minor problem, acne is painful, is bothersome ... it hurts, it makes you feel oily, dirty ...

it's like a decay ... having a black tooth is the last of your problems ...

if she trusts you then she'll bothered more that you haven't told her about something that may really help her with a DISEASE she's suffering from especially when she'll realize that you haven't told her because you didn't trust her reaction.

That's the best way to play havoc with a good relationship believe me ...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't agree with others.

Unless it is implied, she won't think you're bothered by their acne

It would be like worrying that suggesting a cure or doctor you know about to a friend of yours who is losing his hair is like implying that you're bothered by his baldness

That's nonsense, and if there isn't enough trust, complicity and respect, so that a suggestion of this kind may be interpreted as an indirect offense, in the relationship then it's better to find another friend.

All you have to say is "I know acne is bothering you and I'd like to suggest you something that might help you"

Many people here seems to forget that often the esthetical implications of acne are the minor problem, acne is painful, is bothersome ... it hurts, it makes you feel oily, dirty ...

it's like a decay ... having a black tooth is the last of your problems ...

if she trusts you then she'll bothered more that you haven't told her about something that may really help her with a DISEASE she's suffering from especially when she'll realize that you haven't told her because you didn't trust her reaction.

That's the best way to play havoc with a good relationship believe me ...

That's REALLY idealistic.

And they don't have a relationship. They met a week ago. To bring this up so early would be death.

If you want this to work out, wait a while.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That's REALLY idealistic.

And they don't have a relationship. They met a week ago. To bring this up so early would be death.

If you want this to work out, wait a while.

Okay but if i care for someone I want to help him/her I don't care if that will negatively affect me, the risk it's worth it.

Let's say that B5 is what would work for this girl

Let's say that MrRandom never find the courage to tell her about it

Let's say they lose contacts and met each other against after 10 years

Let's say she still has acne and is still desperate (but hasn't to courage to admit it) about it

Let's say that Mr.Random says

"you know I could have spared you 10 horrible years of acne and sufference if only I had found the courage to tell you about it 10 years ago and if only I had trusted your reaction knowing you considered me a friend and did know whatever I said was because I cared for you"

now what would be her reaction?

and how Mr.Random would feel for the rest of his life?

sometime it's better to focus on mature choices rather than gender stereotyopes and superficial reactions ...

even if she would get a bit offended at the beginning that would just be a superficial meaningless cultural thing, but deep inside she would love to be suggested something effective to her even if that meaning destroying the self-created illusion of unawareness

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i dont think it's a good idea to bring up the topic mainly on skin. even hearing the word "skin" or "skin care" or "makeup" from my fe/male friends was already a few minutes of torture to me. id rather bring it up myself than get the feeling that they're implying something to get me to think that im not taking enough care for my skin.

you know what made me feel comfortable? when my friend told me in an online chat, "hey remember the last time we met with --- ?" i said, "yeah". he said, "ok, he thought your face looked smoother. what did you do anyway? were you like in love? i didnt even notice any change until he told me that." i said, "haha! ok i got this oral drug right after we did thesis at our home coz i started getting milia then huge cysts on my chin." he was like, "really, you had those cysts? i didnt notice that." just an added info, that guy friend of mine is noticeably an ex-acne sufferer coz i can still see the red marks left by his acne. from then on we felt comfortable sharing our experiences with skincare, treatments, etc.

ok that was like a different story from yours. i suggest that you go out with her with a laptop or you bring her to place where you can search over the internet on B5 then pretend that you're doing some research. then maybe ask help from her to summarize its benefits or you can quickly say, "whoah! i never thought B5 can do stuff like this..blahblahblah" then mention the word skin in a fraction of a second! or perhaps the effects of taking B5 on your oil glands or something like that (sorry i dont know much about B5)... :D just pretend your doin this research for school or for someone else.

good luck man!

EDIT: it does matter to a person how another gets his/her message across to her.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That's REALLY idealistic.

And they don't have a relationship. They met a week ago. To bring this up so early would be death.

If you want this to work out, wait a while.

Okay but if i care for someone I want to help him/her I don't care if that will negatively affect me, the risk it's worth it.

Let's say that B5 is what would work for this girl

Let's say that MrRandom never find the courage to tell her about it

Let's say they lose contacts and met each other against after 10 years

Let's say she still has acne and is still desperate (but hasn't to courage to admit it) about it

Let's say that Mr.Random says

"you know I could have spared you 10 horrible years of acne and sufference if only I had found the courage to tell you about it 10 years ago and if only I had trusted your reaction knowing you considered me a friend and did know whatever I said was because I cared for you"

now what would be her reaction?

and how Mr.Random would feel for the rest of his life?

sometime it's better to focus on mature choices rather than gender stereotyopes and superficial reactions ...

even if she would get a bit offended at the beginning that would just be a superficial meaningless cultural thing, but deep inside she would love to be suggested something effective to her even if that meaning destroying the self-created illusion of unawareness

Well, if she had acne for 10 years she would most likely have heard of or tried B5.

They have known each other for 5 or 6 days. They aren't really friends or in a relationship yet. You are making it sound as if they are commited and still being overly idealistic. You're exagerating.

Like all your "Let's say..." Sure, if you stack every possible variable in your favor, of course it makes your suggestion sound good. You're stacking the odds. Also, you cannot possibly know how she would feel "deep inside". Come on. People get offended when they are suggested something they didn't ask for. Sure, we don't always ask for help when we need it, but getting it thrown at us by someone she has known for a few days would be weird and uncomfortable at best.

How he approaches it is paramount. To just come out bluntly and talk about acne would most likely be terrible.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On second thought I agree with Ariventa

Somehow I had the impression that Mr.Random friendship with this girl was strong and intimate

I rest rest by my opinions that with an intimate and strong friend of whatever gender there must be enough trust and affinity so that talking about anything (including this) should not be a problem or felt as an offence

But I can understand how 7 days is not a time long enough to be that spontaneous

I would wait 3 or 4 weeks

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Definitely a touchy situation! Despite you maybe telling her that you think she's beautiful and that a few blemishes don't take away from her beauty but that for her sake, and because you went through it yourself, you'd like to possibly help spare her from going through the pain of acne.... she still might feel really hurt because of the fact that it came from a possible romantic interest, and she might doubt your true motives. You might "say" her acne doesn't bother you, but I'm afraid she might very well think it does. Men are visual, and most women are aware of this... if a man suggests to us a way to make us "prettier," (and yes, Danny, haha, I know it's a disease, but it's still a cosmetic one :)) we might wonder if our looks are maybe "too" important to the guy we're with, and that'll make a girl really doubt your motives for wanting to be with her.

On the other hand, if you totally put your needs aside and act unselfishly, then you might be willing to risk losing her in order to help her. It's hard to see someone suffereing from a disease, having the answer, and not telling them! I think it could come from anyone else and be okay, but not from you. If you think there might could be something there, I wouldn't say anything, because it could really damage the relationship between you two. However, keep your ears alert, because if she ever complains about her skin (and she probably will pretty soon), then you could say that you think she's beautiful, but that if it bothers her, you got rid of your acne with B5, and maybe it might work for her too. And if the B5 doesn't work, then green smoothies (My "Fabulous Skin Food" Post) probably will! :)

You sound like a really great guy. She's a lucky girl. I hope things work out between you two and good luck! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

yes I am hoping that she does bring it up. this is not a situation where i would like to go out on a limb and return with negative results. That is a very good idea... if she does bring it up ill say it doesnt bother me but this is what i did... I mean im not sure if shed be comfortable talking about it. Like i said, weve only been hanging out for alittle over a week but we do get along well and talk alot, so im getting to know her better fast.

i guess ill just wait it out for now and see if for some reason she mentions it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

yes I am hoping that she does bring it up. this is not a situation where i would like to go out on a limb and return with negative results. That is a very good idea... if she does bring it up ill say it doesnt bother me but this is what i did... I mean im not sure if shed be comfortable talking about it. Like i said, weve only been hanging out for alittle over a week but we do get along well and talk alot, so im getting to know her better fast.

i guess ill just wait it out for now and see if for some reason she mentions it.

Sounds like a wise move. Hope it turns out well. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Personalized Advice Quiz - All of Acne.org in just a few minutes


×