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Mandy Ann

So frustrating .. self esteem issues

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I have an extremely low self esteem. I am very hard on myself and am never ever satisfyed with my image (not just my face).

About 3 years ago up until 10th grade.. even a little of the beginning of last year..My self esteem was at an all time low.. I would seriously stare at myself in the mirror for about an hour just crying my eyes out not being able to breathe because I thought I was so ugly. That happened very often... I got to the point where my mom was on the verge of sending me to a mental hospital/get a psychiatrist.

I have gotten a lot better since those times.. I have been learning not to care so much and just accept myself for who I am.. but I still have those major self esteem issues. I hatee acne (obviously).. I hate my nose.. my body, my legs, my hair, etc.

My body has been a concern to me over the past year though.. I stopped eating fast food months ago and have been trying to stick to healthy foods to loose weight (though thats extremely hard to me because im a very very picky eater and I pretty much live on mac n cheese and mashed potatos). I also dance in my room everynight just to get some exersize and because its fun lol. I have definantly been loosing weight.

Tonight I go in the kitchen to get some "fat free" wheat thins to eat as a snack.. and my grandma yells at me not to eat so much because im fat. I seriously looked at her shocked, one, because I know that I don't concider myself to be fat. I yelled at her for calling me fat, and then we said some things back and forth and she ended up calling me a fatass.

She has been calling me fat though for the past couple years.... everytime I start to feel a little better about myself, she has to come and make me feel like shit all over again. Some days I feel like im going to have a mental breakdown. It just gets frusterating... and the thing is, she KNOWS how horrible my self esteem is. grrr... and she knows how much she hurts my feelings when she calls me fat. :doubt:

(I live with my grandma by the way)

Sorry im just having one of those nights lol.. I'll probably feel better tomorrow hopefully.

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I'm sorry.

sometimes older people can be a little more brutal than people closer to our generation.

but mostly I blame it on society...i mean, we make people suffer because of what's acceptable and what's not. It's complete bullshit. Oh well...

I understand though, I have low self esteem, mainly because of my face...its orrible, much like most of the people on here think about hemselves.

whatever, I'd like to say 'fuck it' but its so hard not to look in the mirror and go "SHIT".

hope you feel better soon, usually when I sleep it off I'm fine.

;)

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I have an extremely low self esteem. I am very hard on myself and am never ever satisfyed with my image (not just my face).

About 3 years ago up until 10th grade.. even a little of the beginning of last year..My self esteem was at an all time low.. I would seriously stare at myself in the mirror for about an hour just crying my eyes out not being able to breathe because I thought I was so ugly. That happened very often... I got to the point where my mom was on the verge of sending me to a mental hospital/get a psychiatrist.

I have gotten a lot better since those times.. I have been learning not to care so much and just accept myself for who I am.. but I still have those major self esteem issues. I hatee acne (obviously).. I hate my nose.. my body, my legs, my hair, etc.

My body has been a concern to me over the past year though.. I stopped eating fast food months ago and have been trying to stick to healthy foods to loose weight (though thats extremely hard to me because im a very very picky eater and I pretty much live on mac n cheese and mashed potatos). I also dance in my room everynight just to get some exersize and because its fun lol. I have definantly been loosing weight.

Tonight I go in the kitchen to get some "fat free" wheat thins to eat as a snack.. and my grandma yells at me not to eat so much because im fat. I seriously looked at her shocked, one, because I know that I don't concider myself to be fat. I yelled at her for calling me fat, and then we said some things back and forth and she ended up calling me a fatass.

She has been calling me fat though for the past couple years.... everytime I start to feel a little better about myself, she has to come and make me feel like shit all over again. Some days I feel like im going to have a mental breakdown. It just gets frusterating... and the thing is, she KNOWS how horrible my self esteem is. grrr... and she knows how much she hurts my feelings when she calls me fat. :doubt:

(I live with my grandma by the way)

Sorry im just having one of those nights lol.. I'll probably feel better tomorrow hopefully.

I can relate, I also had some grandparent issues....Although my grandfather was a dreamcrusher basically and had some serious issues that I don't even want to delve into....They too commented on my acne and it made me feel like shit...I think that the older generation in general has no idea about what makes us tick and they just need to shut the hell up IMO...btw if your grandma makes you feel like shit again, let her know about it and never let her do it again, you don't have room in your life for clueless old fuckers like them, live your own life and screw what they have to say.

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Yea older people don't understand weight issues, mainly cause they didn't have to worry about getting overweight back in there days. Atleast it's better than that time my great aunt mistook me for my brothers girlfriend.

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Yeah.. I have told her billions of times to stop putting me down like that .. but I guess she forgets or something. I do know for a fact though that my grandma is a perfectionist.. and she wants me to be perfect. She compares me to EVERYBODY.. shes upset because I dont have a boyfriend when my neighbor friend does.. shes upset that im not some sports all-star.. she wants so badly for me to be in the popular crowd. :think: I don't understand why though, its my life, not hers.

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Yeah.. I have told her billions of times to stop putting me down like that .. but I guess she forgets or something. I do know for a fact though that my grandma is a perfectionist.. and she wants me to be perfect. She compares me to EVERYBODY.. shes upset because I dont have a boyfriend when my neighbor friend does.. shes upset that im not some sports all-star.. she wants so badly for me to be in the popular crowd. :think: I don't understand why though, its my life, not hers.

Cause she's from the we parent to make sure our kids have a better life than us generation.

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Yeah.. I have told her billions of times to stop putting me down like that .. but I guess she forgets or something. I do know for a fact though that my grandma is a perfectionist.. and she wants me to be perfect. She compares me to EVERYBODY.. shes upset because I dont have a boyfriend when my neighbor friend does.. shes upset that im not some sports all-star.. she wants so badly for me to be in the popular crowd. :think: I don't understand why though, its my life, not hers.

hmmm...I hate when my dad asks if I have a girlfriend... :mad:

I think he gave up asking.

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aww Mandy, you should try doing different stuff, like walking or going to diff places with your friends.. don't let cliques mark your life,

hope ya feel better soon :)

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Yeah.. I have told her billions of times to stop putting me down like that .. but I guess she forgets or something. I do know for a fact though that my grandma is a perfectionist.. and she wants me to be perfect. She compares me to EVERYBODY.. shes upset because I dont have a boyfriend when my neighbor friend does.. shes upset that im not some sports all-star.. she wants so badly for me to be in the popular crowd. :think: I don't understand why though, its my life, not hers.

hmmm...I hate when my dad asks if I have a girlfriend... :mad:

I think he gave up asking.

What the hell is a girlfriend?

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Yeah.. I have told her billions of times to stop putting me down like that .. but I guess she forgets or something. I do know for a fact though that my grandma is a perfectionist.. and she wants me to be perfect. She compares me to EVERYBODY.. shes upset because I dont have a boyfriend when my neighbor friend does.. shes upset that im not some sports all-star.. she wants so badly for me to be in the popular crowd. :think: I don't understand why though, its my life, not hers.

hmmm...I hate when my dad asks if I have a girlfriend... :mad:

I think he gave up asking.

What the hell is a girlfriend?

lol I don't know. I think it's something you spend money on, and then it dumps you because you are a loser. At least in highschool.

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Yeah.. I have told her billions of times to stop putting me down like that .. but I guess she forgets or something. I do know for a fact though that my grandma is a perfectionist.. and she wants me to be perfect. She compares me to EVERYBODY.. shes upset because I dont have a boyfriend when my neighbor friend does.. shes upset that im not some sports all-star.. she wants so badly for me to be in the popular crowd. :think: I don't understand why though, its my life, not hers.

hmmm...I hate when my dad asks if I have a girlfriend... :mad:

I think he gave up asking.

What the hell is a girlfriend?

lol I don't know. I think it's something you spend money on, and then it dumps you because you are a loser. At least in highschool.

Like those pretty ladies on the corner of my street who beg for money all the time???

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mandy, i hope you feel better! i think sometimes people dont even realize what they are doing when they say stuff like that, though thats no excuse.

thats good you're feeling healthier about yourself! im just learning acceptance. hang in there! :)

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Guest Michael Jackson

mandy you seriously dont need to worry baout your weight. you are very attractive.

aww thank you! :wub:

you are, I tell you all the time.

I had my second worst breakdown last night.

they suck.

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mandy, i hope you feel better! i think sometimes people dont even realize what they are doing when they say stuff like that, though thats no excuse.

thats good you're feeling healthier about yourself! im just learning acceptance. hang in there! :)

Thanks! Yeah It feels great when you start to accept yourself more. I'm trying to go to school with my head up high and not care. I still don't have enough confidence to not care completely and still go to the bathroom often to look in the mirror.. but im improving a LOT! =)

you are, I tell you all the time.

I had my second worst breakdown last night.

they suck.

They dooo suck. I totally knew right away that you were having some kind of breakdown last night.. after the first couple threads about the CSR and stuff... im glad you are feeling better today though! :D

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Guest Michael Jackson

i think i need to stop coming to the org in between steps lol

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Yeah.. I have told her billions of times to stop putting me down like that .. but I guess she forgets or something. I do know for a fact though that my grandma is a perfectionist.. and she wants me to be perfect. She compares me to EVERYBODY.. shes upset because I dont have a boyfriend when my neighbor friend does.. shes upset that im not some sports all-star.. she wants so badly for me to be in the popular crowd. :think: I don't understand why though, its my life, not hers.

maybe she wants to live through you :shrug:

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dont worry bout it u look great dont lose too much weight losing weight can be a bad thing too as we get older its natural to pack on a few lbs/kgs just maintain a helty weight dont stick those fingers down your throat ;)

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Hey, anyone that feels it okay to openly insult someone like calling them fat usually has some notable issues with their own personal appearance. And by the way, if anyone thinks you are fat they are seriously mistaken and i commend you on trying to be healthier and eat right anyways. Chimichanga burritos and cold fruity pebbles are staples of my existence. :dance:

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I know exactly how you feel. I come from an asian background, so my mum's side of the family are all naturally slim. Me, however, inheriting my dad's genes, I have a slightly "curvier" figure, and yes I have thighs, hips, and an ass. But they think this is "fat". They're not used to seeing such body types. It did upset me for a while when my mum called me fat when I was going through puberty, and heck, they've even made comments on my acne...But I've reached that stage where I'm like "I'm me, like it or lump it." We're given what we've got, and we should embrace it. Alot easier said than done, it takes time to develop a self-satisfaction, perhaps even a lifetime, heck, I'm still in the process of accepting my body as it is, but I'm on the way. I just think that we all need to be thankful that we have functional, healthy body parts that work; I know I do.

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mandy hon, you are gorgeous, and have a very cute smile. Dont let your grandma get you down, i think a lot of ours do. My grandma is super fat and she smokes but still has the audacity to point at my face and tell me to stop eating chocolate and candy. She also gave me a box of generic soap once during thanksgiving. She told me to wash my face with it.

im a guy, and i also obssess over my face and my hair and i think im ugly, and I think red marks are marks from satan. A lot of us feel the same way you do. I just have never been called out on anything from anyone so harshly as your grandma, and i think that was very wrong and completely out of her place. Im so sorry to hear about it, and especially with how sweet you seem, you dont deserve that kind of treatment.

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