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sleepflower

gay saying, i know, but:

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rant

i have a shitty situation.

basically, i am in love with a girl, and she's in love with me.

but she does not apparently love me enough to be monogamous with me (which is what I think I want). i absolutely love hanging out with her, but when she's talking about how she wants to fuck so-and-so or even heavily flirting or even fricking seducing people right in front of me, i get insanely jealous, pissed, depressed, etc.

one such incident happened tonight, and i'm tired of it. but i don't know what to do. i love being around her when we're alone and all, it's heaven... but when we're apart i can only guess what she's off doing, and sometimes my fears are even confirmed before my very eyes.

should i just cut her off and stew in my misery, waiting to move on?

tell her off so i can kill any fantasy of a monogamous relationship in my head?

just keep seeing her, having my ups and downs?

am i being selfish, wanting her all to myself? should i just take what i CAN get, and be happy with it?

being with her is ruining my idea of love. it's been cheapened in my mind. apparently my love isn't special enough for her to want only it, and her love is a dirty, whorish love, and i don't want it, but at the same time, i want it so bad.

this is what i get for falling in love with a slut. it's like being a drug addict. i'm high as a kite when i'm with her, but sometimes have bad trips and then when we're apart, things are terrible... and i just wait for my fix again, and the cycle begins anew.

there's probably stuff i've forgotten, but i'll fill in the blanks if anybody raises any questions that need clarification, that is, if anybody gives half a shit about it at all. in any case, i just felt like bitching and i do already have a plan that involves my 'religion.'

/rant

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Awwwww :comfort:

I have been in a similar place to you, which is why I feel I can give you the advice you need.

My advice to you is to get out of this relationship. Full stop. There are no ifs and buts, just get out.

This is no kind of relationship to be in. She is using you for what she can get, and although that sounds harsh it is important to understand this. And as long as you keep going back to her, she will keep using you.

I know it is hard when you feel so good when you are with her. But she acts like you should be grateful that you have her. She flits around from bloke to bloke, and still comes back to you, and you should be grateful for that? Like you are priviliged to have her presence?

There will never be any trust in this realtionship and, at this point in time, she is not capable of bringing any love into it.

You need to get out of it and find someone who is prepared to share themselves and their lives with only you. And when you feel love like that, you will wonder why you put up with this girl who shares herself around.

You deserve better, she doesn't deserve you, and once you break free, you will realise that. You are infatuated, but I promise, it will wear off.

I hope this has helped.

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mm.

thank you.

i have definitely considered totally cutting her off -- but it's so hard when she keeps wanting to do stuff with me (about every 2-3 days), is worried about me when i suddenly disappear for days at a time (this is when i have to get away from her, but i always break down and see her)... that kind of thing.

but yeah, thanks. i'll definitely consider just ditching her, and am.

more ideas still wanted.

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come on man think about it, shes taking you for a ride. Im sorry to break this to you but if she loved you she wouldn't be going off with other guys. Trust me on this, you should just tell her where to get off and just leave her alone. Find a new girl who will stay faithful to you, i know you like this girl and probably cant see anyone else being able to make you as happy as she does but trust me there are so many better girls out there which would suit you a lot better. Once you get out of this situation you will realise how stupid you have been for letting her shit all over you like this. Its hard to move on at first but if your getting depressed about her anyway then just do it, it will make you feel better in the long run. I have been in this situation a couple of times and its awkwad but its always better to just get out of the situation, switch your phone off and stuff so she cant get in contact with you to ask you to go and do stuff with her. I know what its like with girls you like and you have them on lika a pedestal and no matter what they do you will just keep going back but you really have to think about what she is doing to you, shes really messing with your feelings and she knows it and the fact that she talks about other guys infront of your face makes it seem all very deliberate. The test is think about if i guy did the equavilent to you and hurt your feelings (say by having sex with your gf or whatever) what would you do? Dont just let her get away with it because she is a woman, im not saying hit her or anything lol but if one of your guy mates hurt your feelings as bad as she has i guess you wouldn't see them again. :wacko:

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mm.

thank you.

i have definitely considered totally cutting her off -- but it's so hard when she keeps wanting to do stuff with me (about every 2-3 days), is worried about me when i suddenly disappear for days at a time (this is when i have to get away from her, but i always break down and see her)... that kind of thing.

but yeah, thanks. i'll definitely consider just ditching her, and am.

more ideas still wanted.

just tell her the way you feel. Tell her that she the way she acts with other ppl bothers you a lot and that if that is the way she wants it then you dont want to have a relationship with her. If she is one of the type of girls taht want attention from everyone around, run to the hills :P

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ahh.

you guys are making me feel a lot better about ditching her. haha. i feel guilty thinking about it by myself, but it's looking like a better and better option.

but how to break it to her...? explain? avoid her completely? in any case, we were both really good/close friends before all of this crap, so i don't want to cut her off, but if it's the only way, i'll do it...

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i wouldnt even tell her your not going to see her just dont, definatley just switch off you phone and stuff so she cant contact you and let that be that. I assume this is one of the first girls you have had strong feelings for? because i know if you had learned about women you wouldn't be letting this happen, its a phase all guys must go through but once you get rid of her you will feel a lot stronger, never again will you let a woman piss you about. If you keep going back to her your feelings will never heal, its like a scab if you keep picking at it then it will never heal but just leave it alone and it will heal up a lot quicker. I can guarentee you if you do just leave her alone that in a few months you will think to yourself what the hell was i doing with her seriously :clap:

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ahh.

you guys are making me feel a lot better about ditching her. haha. i feel guilty thinking about it by myself, but it's looking like a better and better option.

but how to break it to her...? explain? avoid her completely? in any case, we were both really good/close friends before all of this crap, so i don't want to cut her off, but if it's the only way, i'll do it...

if you wanna cut her oof completly you could:

1. ignore her calls and just stop talking and seing her

2. tell her that her attitude is annoyin and you dont wanna be round her

otherwise you 2 could try n remain friends but i doubt things will be the way they where before you started seing eachother.

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Ey sleepflower,

I have had a similar problem up until recently, it went on for a year and a half. I knew this girl was a slut when i first met her but i was alone in a new city and the easy sex and someone to hang out with was chill, but she used to flirt with other dudes all the time and i worked it out, chicks like this do all the flirting and stuff for attention, they need constant attention from guys to make themselves feel good, this girl used to tell me she loved me and i still believe she did. She was just fucked in the head, tried to kill herself when i finally broke it off, but im glad i did. Trust me man you need to get out of it as soon as you can then after a while youll forget about her.

Good luck

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Ey sleepflower,

I have had a similar problem up until recently, it went on for a year and a half. I knew this girl was a slut when i first met her but i was alone in a new city and the easy sex and someone to hang out with was chill, but she used to flirt with other dudes all the time and i worked it out, chicks like this do all the flirting and stuff for attention, they need constant attention from guys to make themselves feel good, this girl used to tell me she loved me and i still believe she did. She was just fucked in the head, tried to kill herself when i finally broke it off, but im glad i did. Trust me man you need to get out of it as soon as you can then after a while youll forget about her.

Good luck

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ahh.

you guys are making me feel a lot better about ditching her. haha. i feel guilty thinking about it by myself, but it's looking like a better and better option.

but how to break it to her...? explain? avoid her completely? in any case, we were both really good/close friends before all of this crap, so i don't want to cut her off, but if it's the only way, i'll do it...

From the way you feel about her, I don't think being her friend is an option to be honest. When I had to ditch a fella because of this exact same scenario, I found seeing him was to painful and I couldn't move on at all.

The only way I got through it was to cut myself off completely.

I know you say that she gets worried when you don't call her etc, but please don't be fooled by this. She is only worried cos she doesn't want to lose the casual thing she has got going for her. Think about it, you are always there is she hasn't got anyone else to go out with, you are always at her beckon call.

I know this may be hard to hear, but you need to face up to the fact that she isn't worth an ounce of your feelings!

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ahh.

you guys are making me feel a lot better about ditching her. haha. i feel guilty thinking about it by myself, but it's looking like a better and better option.

but how to break it to her...? explain? avoid her completely? in any case, we were both really good/close friends before all of this crap, so i don't want to cut her off, but if it's the only way, i'll do it...

From the way you feel about her, I don't think being her friend is an option to be honest. When I had to ditch a fella because of this exact same scenario, I found seeing him was to painful and I couldn't move on at all.

The only way I got through it was to cut myself off completely.

I know you say that she gets worried when you don't call her etc, but please don't be fooled by this. She is only worried cos she doesn't want to lose the casual thing she has got going for her. Think about it, you are always there is she hasn't got anyone else to go out with, you are always at her beckon call.

I know this may be hard to hear, but you need to face up to the fact that she isn't worth an ounce of your feelings!

very true. She sounds like she wants attention and to be liked by every guy so by ignoring her she probably calls you and just wants to be reassured that you still like her so don't pander to it, as soon as you show your face to her again she will just be going on about having sex with other guys so whats the point. Dont think if you dont see her for a couple of days she will change because she wont.

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dude keep seeing her but do what she does. go out meet other people and when u eventually meet someone you want to have a REAL relationship with ditch that chic

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dude keep seeing her but do what she does. go out meet other people and when u eventually meet someone you want to have a REAL relationship with ditch that chic

Thats good in theory, but may be hard to do.

The fact is, he says he loves this girl. His feelings are going to be so strong that he will find it hard to see other people as well due to the feelings of guilt and also because he will hard it hard to feel anything for anyone other than her. She will be on his mind constantly as he will only want her.

When I told myself i would behave in the same way as the guy I was seeing, I found it really difficult as he was always on my mind, and I didn't have the heart to mess around with anyone else.

If he can do it, then its a great theory and justified. But at the same time do you want to lower yourself to her level?

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How can you say you actually want to be with this girl and ultimately love her? if you just called her a slag????

Just a thought, I would ditch her if she is taking you for a ride!

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How can you say you actually want to be with this girl and ultimately love her? if you just called her a slag????

because that's the only thing i don't like about her. other than that, she's great. i feel completely at ease around her, she gets me, i don't have to act phony at all around her. it's a wonderful, liberating feeling.

and i'm slowly coming to understand that i probably won't be able to even see her / talk to her for a long time. basically, i want to put a band-aid on the situation until i'm at college (less than two weeks) and can start seeing other people... not rush into anything, but y'know. i think cutting her off with an explanation (because as i've said before, we are really good friends and if i'm going to do something drastic like this, i'd at least not want to leave her in the dark) will be the best plan.

when i do it, i'll update.

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i didnt read all of the posts but i did read the first one. she sounds nasty and if i were you i would break it off with her completely before you get an std. there are plenty of girls out there with way better personalities than that girl.

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