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I need help with a problem I am having. My best friend is a girl and I am a guy. People think I am just her friend because I am trying to be with her. I only want her as a friend, nothing more. Yet, when she doesn't give me alot of attention or doesn't answer my call right away I get depressed and feel bad. Her opinion is also very important to me, way more important than anyone elses in my life. Is there something wrong with me? If so how do you fix this? Is it that I am so desperate for a friend because of my years of not having any because I did not want to expose anyone to my acne that I overvalue other peoples opinions of me? Does everybody have these feelings?

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I need help with a problem I am having. My best friend is a girl and I am a guy. People think I am just her friend because I am trying to be with her. I only want her as a friend, nothing more. Yet, when she doesn't give me alot of attention or doesn't answer my call right away I get depressed and feel bad. Her opinion is also very important to me, way more important than anyone elses in my life. Is there something wrong with me? If so how do you fix this? Is it that I am so desperate for a friend because of my years of not having any because I did not want to expose anyone to my acne that I overvalue other peoples opinions of me? Does everybody have these feelings?

I'd definately say although u may not want to hear this it sounds like u like her a little bit more than just as a friend

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Guest Sincerely_Me

I'd definately say although u may not want to hear this it sounds like u like her a little bit more than just as a friend

^ I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I feel the same way...you may like her as more than a friend. But then again, you can only be the judge of that.

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Guest tvirus_outbreak

I need help with a problem I am having. My best friend is a girl and I am a guy. People think I am just her friend because I am trying to be with her. I only want her as a friend, nothing more. Yet, when she doesn't give me alot of attention or doesn't answer my call right away I get depressed and feel bad. Her opinion is also very important to me, way more important than anyone elses in my life. Is there something wrong with me? If so how do you fix this? Is it that I am so desperate for a friend because of my years of not having any because I did not want to expose anyone to my acne that I overvalue other peoples opinions of me? Does everybody have these feelings?

It really does sound like you're in love :wub:

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You love her but you don't feel like you are good enough for her. U don't just wanna make a move because you will be destroyed if she rejects you. First you have to change yourself. get some confidence. I know its easier said than done but its the only way, dude

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I need help with a problem I am having. My best friend is a girl and I am a guy. People think I am just her friend because I am trying to be with her. I only want her as a friend, nothing more. Yet, when she doesn't give me alot of attention or doesn't answer my call right away I get depressed and feel bad. Her opinion is also very important to me, way more important than anyone elses in my life. Is there something wrong with me? If so how do you fix this? Is it that I am so desperate for a friend because of my years of not having any because I did not want to expose anyone to my acne that I overvalue other peoples opinions of me? Does everybody have these feelings?

Do you have many friends? Any other close friends? Would you call her a close friend, or just a friend you'd like to have as a close friend?

I don't think your feelings are all that unusual. Certainly everyone overvalue's the opinions of others now and then, especially if they don't have a lot of a friends at the moment.

Anyhow, the best way to handle this situation is to probably just talk to her. Do it privately when no one else is around, of course. Explain how you feel and your concerns. Hopefully she'll understand. There's a chance she won't understand or won't want to deal with your problems, but if that's the case, then she is a lousy friend and your deserve better, imho. Seriously though, if you are good friends, then talking to her is far and away the best way to go. Just don't tell her that she's unattractive or anything else like that (e.g. be mindful of her feelings). If you need help figuring out how to approach her about this, then I am sure we can help that too.

Lastly, remind yourself everytime you call her or everytime she takes a while to get back to you that you are not the center of her world. It's ok if she has other things to do in life, or is busy. Afterall, everyone is busy now and then.*

-Drachasor

*Once you have convinced yourself that it is ok if she isn't available on your whim, you can start considering wether she prefers being around people besides you. This latter part is tricky and advanced for a lot of people though, as it can be a lot easier to see what you want to or fear to find, wether or not it is actually the case. For that you have to be able to be as objective as possible, including having the ability to not draw any conclusion if you can't tell.

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Do you have many friends? Any other close friends? Would you call her a close friend, or just a friend you'd like to have as a close friend?

I don't think your feelings are all that unusual. Certainly everyone overvalue's the opinions of others now and then, especially if they don't have a lot of a friends at the moment.

Anyhow, the best way to handle this situation is to probably just talk to her. Do it privately when no one else is around, of course. Explain how you feel and your concerns. Hopefully she'll understand. There's a chance she won't understand or won't want to deal with your problems, but if that's the case, then she is a lousy friend and your deserve better, imho. Seriously though, if you are good friends, then talking to her is far and away the best way to go. Just don't tell her that she's unattractive or anything else like that (e.g. be mindful of her feelings). If you need help figuring out how to approach her about this, then I am sure we can help that too.

Lastly, remind yourself everytime you call her or everytime she takes a while to get back to you that you are not the center of her world. It's ok if she has other things to do in life, or is busy. Afterall, everyone is busy now and then.*

-Drachasor

*Once you have convinced yourself that it is ok if she isn't available on your whim, you can start considering wether she prefers being around people besides you. This latter part is tricky and advanced for a lot of people though, as it can be a lot easier to see what you want to or fear to find, wether or not it is actually the case. For that you have to be able to be as objective as possible, including having the ability to not draw any conclusion if you can't tell.

She is a close friend and I have to remember alot of the stuff you wrote in this post. The only thing is I really have never had alot of friends and I like hanging out with her because she always tells me I'm attractive and my acne isn't bad at all and she treats me like I'm normal.

One of the reasons I am so paranoid about her is that while I know I am her friend, she has a friend that does not like me and has said bad things to me about my friend and myself. She says that when this girl trashes her it just rolls off her back. That honestly bothers me because people have said horrible things about me my whole life and I don't want to spend anymore time around people that treat me bad. I don't understand why she continues to spend time with this witch knowing the way she treats me. Should I just detach myself from her?

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why does her freind no like you. maybe shes jelous

I think it is a jealousy issue that I spend so much time with her. She thinks and has said before that I am just using her as a friend to try to sleep with her. That is not at all true as I am not attracted to her in that way and I have a girl that I am talking to. She reminds me of the prom queen in school that looks down at all the ugly, non-popular kids. Well thats me so I feel that she just doesn't like me and she doesn't like the fact that my friend likes me.

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Hiya.

I think you sound like a really caring, feeling person that needs to build his confidence so that you don't rely so much on this relationship you have with your friend. I'll try to explain what I mean. I think that on the one hand its sweet that you value your friend so much and it shows that she must be really special to you. On the other it must build up a lot of pressure in your head and that pressure will inevitably overspill onto how you act around her which could potentially spoil your closeness. No matter how much she may care about you, no one wants to be responsible for anothers happiness to the degree that they are scared of hurting them with every little action. Do you know what i mean? I can only say this with so much conviction cos I think i have felt the way you do in some of my relationships.

I think the best way forward for you is to recognise what it is in yourself that your friend likes and enjoys and then build on that. One way of doing this is to remember that she is just seeing your qualities for what they are , she isnt inventing or creating them, therefor she isnt the only one who will see them. If you let yourself open up to other cool people , they will also see you for the attractive, likeable and fun person you can be. And then with time, you will find that those friendships help build your confidence too, and the support you get from them will stop you feeling reliant and worried about the friendship you have with this girl.

I hope this helps. I know i tend to go on a bit, but I wanted to make sure I was clear.

Best wishes. You sound lovely and I get the impression you just need to believe it.

Jo x

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Very good advice from others here, also I've felt the same way for a friend but I jumped right in, she also had a friend that didn't like me so I didn't like her either and I made sure she knew that whether it would be me or my close friend telling her. I hate making someones life miserable but I did destroy there friendship because thats how much I wanted mine too last unfortunately I dated the close friend and we broke up only to find out they were friends again but who cares you move one eventually.

If your really scared of losing her as a friend is a different story but a true friend will stick around also if you kind of like her you will get more out of a relationship than a friendship. Think that if she talks to you about another guy she likes will that hurt you if it does then you like her. If thats the case tell her and screw her friend well you know what I mean, don't think about her at all.

With all this in mind it also depends how old you are and if you just met her or if she has been your friend for many years, either way you have the right to like her as a girlfriend if she is not with somebody, if she is then you get to hate someone else too LOL.

Let me know?

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I don't know your situation fully..

but I have this really annoying guy friend... who "liked" me and drove me insane.. I woud be walking around school to my classes and he seriously would randomly pop up every few seconds to talk to me.. it got really annoying to the point where I would go like all the way around school to get to my classes to try and avoid him.. and I remember he had stressed me out so much, that, that night when I got home I started crying and almost had an emotional breakdown.. I couldn't handle it and I didn't know what to do... everyone always made comments about him.. and would try to force me on him.. and it was really hard to deal with... so if you decide to try and become more than just friends... DON'T DO THAT.

Anyway.. I don't think it necessarily means you "like, like" her... you can love someone, and not "LOVE" someone.. it just sounds to me that you are REALLY good friends.. and love her as family or a BEST friend.. if you don't have romantic feelings for her, you probably don't "like, like" her... atleast, yet.

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I'll add it's bound to happen you will like her otherwise you wouldn't be so worried about it. Friends will at one point decide if it can lead somewhere, it's easier deciding on a friend than a stranger at a club.

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