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saddoll

flawless faces hiding their bacne - its like a monster!

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im a 20 yr old girl who's been suffering from bacne for like.. 10 years. the thing that really gets me is.. i have a completely spotless face, a face with skin that many ppl said they envied.. and to be honest, i have a quite pretty face and a great body shape. ppl always say that im perfect, and of course, thats because theyve never discovered about my disgusting bacne, something that ive never exposed to anyone. it hurts like hell inside when i get compliments about my good looks over and over again, knowing that i have something so nasty hiding under my clothes... like seriously i get chronically depressed bcoz of this. it feels like im cheating people or sth.. bc i feel soooo unpretty 247 bc of my bacne.. and when guys hit on me (which happens almost everyday)...i feel like.. im so not worth it..... and its all bc of my stupid back!

i would say that im the perfectionist type of person and i try to be perfect in every aspect of myself... but my bacne has been something that ive had NO control of.. like when u think that its finally getting better and one morning u lift ur shirt up and find big cysts right in the middle of ur back that have developed just over the night.. i get even more depressed and sometimes i cry.. feeling like theres no one there that i can talk to about this.. its embarrassing, and it always seems so uncommon.. when so many grls r wearin cute lil tank tops and halters in the summer.. and me.. always in tops that could cover my back.. i wonder how much longer this is gonna affect me.. i really wanna know.. its been forever..

i have a boyfrd for three years and i know he loves me to death. i dont know if he knows about my bacne even tho we do get intimate a lot. this is bc.. most of the time, my back feels smooth after i mad exfoliate.. and i dont think pimples are the real problems of my back.. its the lil blackheads and stuff that i constantly try to get rid of by scratching them off or squeezing the heads out. i donno how my arms have become so flexible with doing this.. i know its hard for a lot of people to reach their backs with their hands.. but for me, its easy.. maybe its bc ive been doing this for as long as i can remember.. and due to the squeezing of the black/whiteheads in order to have skin that "feels" clear to the touch.. my back is left with [ A LOT ]of unsightly scars that only fade away over a long period of time. and as i mentioned before, i do occasionally get bigger pimples, like cysts.. those r the most horrible things.. cuz u can actually feel them..

so back to the boyfriend issue.. well since i am a perfectionist and since i know my bf has always viewed me as being "perfect" inside/out.. ive been doing VERY STUPID things to cover the fact that i have bacne.. i use body makeup to conceal marks on my body EVERYTIME before sex.. and of course, i normally take a shower after just to make sure the makeup doesnt make my back breakout more.. and my body does feel kinda smooth after i exfoliate and apply makeup on.. and of course, looking pretty flawless IN DIM LIGHT.. im always afraid to have lights a bit brighter on bc im always afraid he'd find out.. also, ive been avoiding to have sex in positions that could possibly spill the fact that i have an ugly back.. and of course, i would always find reasons to not have shower with him... its been very frustrating.. it feels like i can never feel the kind of closeness that i truly want inside without ridding this back problem... and its been hurting me every second of my life...

i know my bf.. we've been together for so long.. and i know he loves me no matter wat.. we've been through a lot of things.. never argued throughout these years.. and everytime i got mad about the stupidest things, he would apologize even if its not his fault.. he works hard, helps me with housework and plans to have a family with me one day...and i do not remember ONE TIME that he got angry at me.. even tho i know sometimes i do stupid things that mightve hurt him... hes like the most perfect bf.. BUT bc of my bacne.. i feel like i do not deserve him.. like i don't even wanna like myself.. and i always question myself why i deserve such a great guy? and why does this guy thinks that im so flawless, when obviously im so not! this bacne thing is like this HUGE NASTY SECRET that ive been hiding from him.. like i feel guilty all the time.. and i know that its not like i could control it.. its in my genes.. my mom had really bad bacne when she was young..

my bf isnt completely perfect on the outside.. he's had pretty bad acne before too, on the face.. but now its getting much better.. and when his skin on his face was really bad, i never felt any less attracted to him. i know that if i reveal this "nasty secret", he'd probably just support me and wouldnt love me less bc of it.. its myself and my low self-esteem thats holding me down i know.. and i think i really need some help from ppl like u guys who have the same prob as me...

i joined this forum bc i really wanna know if im alone with all this. i feel stupid and depressed.. very ugly.. and very very lonely... i wanna see.. if theres any pretty girls out there.. seeming like theyre perfect to the public.. yet.. sooo embarrassed about their bacne and have been sooo very depressed about it.

lets chat if u feel my pain :( boy or girl.. lets be a family.. i am deadly in need of help and support :'(

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you have to tell him, relationships are about trust and leaning on one another.

i donno im so afraid to talk about these problems. even when my bf had really bad acne on his face, he never talked about it and i never mentioned it.. and it turns out to be fine.. like i feel that he'd feel more comfortable without anyone mentioning... cuz thats how i would feel.. bc im sooo emabarrassed about it..... even tho i dont think my case is severe at all compared to many other sufferers here.. there're darker pigments of my skin from the picking.. and several healing/flattened pimples.. that's why i could hide it pretty well under some concealer..

but i think the body makeup is really unhealthy.. like the way how i cant accept ANY of my imperfections is scary.... i feel like a weirdo

how i am afraid for him to see me in brighter light is even more painful.. heres the thing, i realized even if i talk about it with him, i still wouldnt take a shower with him/ openly expose my back to him .. cuz i cant even stand it MYSELF.. its all in my stupid mind.....

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I think you guys have been going out long enough for him to not care whether you have bacne or not. I'm kind of like you because I'm a perfectionist too and tear myself apart every time I find something wrong with me but then I realize that no ones perfect and forget about it. It's different when people look at you because they see the whole you, unlike when you look at yourself and focus only on your bad traits. If you get hit on as much as you say you do then you sound like a pretty chick and shouldn't worry so much about your bacne. Try focusing on all of your good traits like your face or your body because your bacne isn't going to be there forever. Also if you really feel up to it casually bring up your bacne to your boyfriend and I guarantee you he wont care. Seriously I have some stretchmarks on my hip and I always hated myself for them but apparently my boyfriend didn't even know I had them or maybe didn't care who knows maybe they aren't even that noticable and I'm just tearing myself apart. Guys don't really seem to pay as much attention to little details about you, especially during sex that's why he probaby never noticed them because he was staring at your hot body instead. You act like your bacne is some terrible secret when really it's nothing you can control and nothing you've done wrong. Usually secrets have something to do with cheating haha

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If you relationship is all about "hot and heavy" and its not worth it. If your that good looking your looks will easily overshadow your bacne easily. And your bf should easily understand your bacne problem and not let it get in the way. Just be happy because theres plenty of people who would kill to be in your position.

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you must stop squeezing your black heads, i've foundt hat the more you squeeze your blackheads then they will come back faster

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Sounds to me like he's a doormat. You might aswell reveal your bacne to him because he won't dare say anything for fear of losing you.

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I could care less if i go out with a girl with back acne (unless its extremely severe) & im sure so would most guys,it's not even 1/10 a problem that causes in the face.Look at things from the bright side you have a gorgeous face,body & bf who loves you unconditionally so whats the problem ?.Maybe its some clothes you wear which are causing this back acne,if it bothers you TOO much check with a doc, and since it does you should also try to make him/maybe tell him to limit back scratching you while getting intimate this could lead to scarring.

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My advice is gonna sound a little strange but here it is anyways. Listen to "fell on black days" by soundgarden trust me that song will make you feel better.

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Personally I'm not intimate with anyone, but I do have fears about being so one day, so I can understand the problem :( I don't have much advice for you, but have you considered that maybe he already knows and won't say anything to avoid hurting you? He might be more perceptive than you give him credit for. Obviously this is eating you up inside, and the only way to lose this horrible feeling would be to talk to him. I'm afraid if he rejects you because of a superficial flaw, he is not the man for you.

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I think you should be honest with him, but if hes the kind of guy that gets easily freaked up, then maybe not? Maybe ease him into it.

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Guest Grow_To_Overthrow

Is vanity a known cause of bacne? :think:

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omg thanks guys, u guys r awesome. im new here and i didnt expect so many answers in such a short period of time. its really good to have ppl like u guys who have similar problems to talk with.. cuz honestly, other than my mom, ive never really talked about it throughout these 10 years AT ALL. that was some really long venting.. and im happy that u guys took the time to read it.. thanks again!

i know my problem is all in my head. i think my bacne has already improved alot compared to when i was a teenager bc i started using neutrogena body clear and stopped picking as much.. but still when something comes up, like a little bump and u can see a blackhead, i still try to get it out.. and it usually comes out clean but i would have ANOTHER dark pigment left there after.. its like this stupid cycle that never ends.. maybe i really should stop touching it altogether.. and go see a derm.. maybe laser could fix it up or sth? has anyone done laser on ur back before??

those were some really good advices that u guys gave.. i will consider talking about it with my boyfrd.. but i dont think thats the key problem.. i think getting myself to accept it is the key.. even tho its been 10 years.. i still curse myself every day as if its my fault that i dont hav a clear back..

i always think if i dont have bacne:

- ill be able to wear anything i want in summer

- ill be tanning on the beach with a cute bikini

- ill feel much better about myself bc ill be confident - fabricating confidence everyday is not an easy thing... i would die to know how it feels like to be truly confident..... maybe one day... sigh*

- ill allow the closeness that ive always wanted with my bf.....

but on the brighter note, i recently found a way to control it better.. i use oxy acne pads to clean my back three times a day and BP to dry out the healing pimples and my back does feel kind of smooth after two days of using the combination.. at night when i shower, i continue using my neutrogena body clear gel exfoliant (new type that has beads in it) .. its pretty good.. and i exfoliate with body scrub three times a week..

i havent seen anything new in two days *touch wood*.. and i hope it'll start getting better and better from now on.....

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you should exfoliate your back and try sitting out in the sun (when no one is around if it bothers you) and just accept the fact that you have bacne. its really not a big deal, it will go away eventually. i used to have some bacne too but it went away after i started letting my back breathe by exposing it to the sun and not wearing things that cover my back. also you could grow your hair longer to cover it? i know it doesnt solve the problem at all but it will help you disguise it in some way and maybe make you feel better about yourself. maybe not. i dont know.

the oxy pads do help as well ^^ just read your post now

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Have you tried birth control? Since you're sexually active, you're probably already using something. Go to your gyn, then, and ask for a birth control pill that will also help your skin. (I use ortho-cyclin, and it's cleared up my back beautifully.)

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Have you tried birth control? Since you're sexually active, you're probably already using something. Go to your gyn, then, and ask for a birth control pill that will also help your skin. (I use ortho-cyclin, and it's cleared up my back beautifully.)

Did ortho cyclin clear up your face by any chance? I am thinking of trying that instead of Yasmin (it may be too expensive)

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Have you tried birth control? Since you're sexually active, you're probably already using something. Go to your gyn, then, and ask for a birth control pill that will also help your skin. (I use ortho-cyclin, and it's cleared up my back beautifully.)

my family has a bad history of cancer and my mom has always warned me not to take birth control.. even tho it did cure her bacne.. but she got cancer after.... family doc said that there might be correlation between pills and cancer.. and i should be more careful since my family has the history...

im tempted to try.. but i donno if i really should......

ilx, how was ur bacne before? mild or severe??

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hey saddoll

i used to b a lot like you.. i would fret and obsess over small things that i thought were preventing me from becoming fully confident with myself.. yes, i used to have bacne like you too, i dont nemore, but quite honestly, my life isnt that much different. i still wear the same shit and dont wear the same shit.. all in all it doesnt make 1 difference in my life, even tho i thought it would. so i can tell you, im sure that bacne is not ur problem. i think you just need to accept that you're never gonna be 100% happy with yourself because you can always find things to invent as alleged "imperfections". everyone has their own hang-ups and is over critical of themselves. i think u should concentrate on ur other postive traits instead of only focusing on the negative. ur bacne will eventually go away, guarenteed, but i think itll be easier for u to be comfortable in your skin if you only realized how good u already have it. this was my problem too, and it took things to get reaLLY bad for me to realize just how lucky i was before. like seriously, bacne CANNOT compare to acne on the face.. it just doesnt. so just be glad you were spared that at least, and try to appreciate all of ur blessings, because with or without bacne, you're still the same person! this minor thing should not hold you back.

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you should exfoliate your back and try sitting out in the sun (when no one is around if it bothers you) and just accept the fact that you have bacne. its really not a big deal, it will go away eventually. i used to have some bacne too but it went away after i started letting my back breathe by exposing it to the sun and not wearing things that cover my back. also you could grow your hair longer to cover it? i know it doesnt solve the problem at all but it will help you disguise it in some way and maybe make you feel better about yourself. maybe not. i dont know.

the oxy pads do help as well ^^ just read your post now

oh maybe i could try some tanning in my balcony...

and for the hair, ive been growing it out forever.. ive kept it long most of the time.. and its really one thing that does make me feel a lot better...

thanks =)

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hey saddoll

i used to b a lot like you.. i would fret and obsess over small things that i thought were preventing me from becoming fully confident with myself.. yes, i used to have bacne like you too, i dont nemore, but quite honestly, my life isnt that much different. i still wear the same shit and dont wear the same shit.. all in all it doesnt make 1 difference in my life, even tho i thought it would. so i can tell you, im sure that bacne is not ur problem. i think you just need to accept that you're never gonna be 100% happy with yourself because you can always find things to invent as alleged "imperfections". everyone has their own hang-ups and is over critical of themselves. i think u should concentrate on ur other postive traits instead of only focusing on the negative. ur bacne will eventually go away, guarenteed, but i think itll be easier for u to be comfortable in your skin if you only realized how good u already have it. this was my problem too, and it took things to get reaLLY bad for me to realize just how lucky i was before. like seriously, bacne CANNOT compare to acne on the face.. it just doesnt. so just be glad you were spared that at least, and try to appreciate all of ur blessings, because with or without bacne, you're still the same person! this minor thing should not hold you back.

thank u kat17.. its true that i can never b 100% happy about myself.. not just physically.. but with other things too.. like how i organize things.. like at school, i always think that my notes arent good enough even tho other ppl think that theyre very neat... its really freaky.. the way how i try to be perfect in everything...

its true that i should concentrate on the things that are GOOD and not always suffocate myself with the few bad things..... really gotta learn

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