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saddoll

a clear face but bad bacne?

im a 20 yr old girl who's been suffering from bacne for like.. 10 years. the thing that really gets me is.. i have a completely spotless face, a face with skin that many ppl said they envied.. and to be honest, i have a quite pretty face and a great body shape. ppl always say that im perfect, and of course, thats because theyve never discovered about my disgusting bacne, something that ive never exposed to anyone. it hurts like hell inside when i get compliments about my good looks over and over again, knowing that i have something so nasty hiding under my clothes... like seriously i get chronically depressed bcoz of this. it feels like im cheating people or sth.. bc i feel soooo unpretty 247 bc of my bacne.. and when guys hit on me (which happens almost everyday)...i feel like.. im so not worth it..... and its all bc of my stupid back!

i would say that im the perfectionist type of person and i try to be perfect in every aspect of myself... but my bacne has been something that ive had NO control of.. like when u think that its finally getting better and one morning u lift ur shirt up and find big cysts right in the middle of ur back that have developed just over the night.. i get even more depressed and sometimes i cry.. feeling like theres no one there that i can talk to about this.. its embarrassing, and it always seems so uncommon.. when so many grls r wearin cute lil tank tops and halters in the summer.. and me.. always in tops that could cover my back.. i wonder how much longer this is gonna affect me.. i really wanna know.. its been forever..

i have a boyfrd for three years and i know he loves me to death. i dont know if he knows about my bacne even tho we do get intimate a lot. this is bc.. most of the time, my back feels smooth after i mad exfoliate.. and i dont think pimples are the real problems of my back.. its the lil blackheads and stuff that i constantly try to get rid of by scratching them off or squeezing the heads out. i donno how my arms have become so flexible with doing this.. i know its hard for a lot of people to reach their backs with their hands.. but for me, its easy.. maybe its bc ive been doing this for as long as i can remember.. and due to the squeezing of the black/whiteheads in order to have skin that "feels" clear to the touch.. my back is left with [ A LOT ]of unsightly scars that only fade away over a long period of time. and as i mentioned before, i do occasionally get bigger pimples, like cysts.. those r the most horrible things.. cuz u can actually feel them..

so back to the boyfriend issue.. well since i am a perfectionist and since i know my bf has always viewed me as being "perfect" inside/out.. ive been doing VERY STUPID things to cover the fact that i have bacne.. i use body makeup to conceal marks on my body EVERYTIME before sex.. and of course, i normally take a shower after just to make sure the makeup doesnt make my back breakout more.. and my body does feel kinda smooth after i exfoliate and apply makeup on.. and of course, looking pretty flawless IN DIM LIGHT.. im always afraid to have lights a bit brighter on bc im always afraid he'd find out.. also, ive been avoiding to have sex in positions that could possibly spill the fact that i have an ugly back.. and of course, i would always find reasons to not have shower with him... its been very frustrating.. it feels like i can never feel the kind of closeness that i truly want inside without ridding this back problem... and its been hurting me every second of my life...

i know my bf.. we've been together for so long.. and i know he loves me no matter wat.. we've been through a lot of things.. never argued throughout these years.. and everytime i got mad about the stupidest things, he would apologize even if its not his fault.. he works hard, helps me with housework and plans to have a family with me one day...and i do not remember ONE TIME that he got angry at me.. even tho i know sometimes i do stupid things that mightve hurt him... hes like the most perfect bf.. BUT bc of my bacne.. i feel like i do not deserve him.. like i don't even wanna like myself.. and i always question myself why i deserve such a great guy? and why does this guy thinks that im so flawless, when obviously im so not! this bacne thing is like this HUGE NASTY SECRET that ive been hiding from him.. like i feel guilty all the time.. and i know that its not like i could control it.. its in my genes.. my mom had really bad bacne when she was young..

my bf isnt completely perfect on the outside.. he's had pretty bad acne before too, on the face.. but now its getting much better.. and when his skin on his face was really bad, i never felt any less attracted to him. i know that if i reveal this "nasty secret", he'd probably just support me and wouldnt love me less bc of it.. its myself and my low self-esteem thats holding me down i know.. and i think i really need some help from ppl like u guys who have the same prob as me...

i joined this forum bc i really wanna know if im alone with all this. i feel stupid and depressed.. very ugly.. and very very lonely... i wanna see.. if theres any pretty girls out there.. seeming like theyre perfect to the public.. yet.. sooo embarrassed about their bacne and have been sooo very depressed about it.

lets chat if u feel my pain :( boy or girl.. lets be a family.. i am deadly in need of help and support :'(

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Well now, haha I do feel your pain. But I really think that you should be thankful that it's not on your face hun. seriously. I would take the pimples from my face and put them on my back anyday. Although I would rather the acne just be GONE all together. I can relate to you story somewhat, I know how hard it is. In high school I was considered "hot" and I had a popular boyfriend, and a great life. I had alot of fun going out, being with friends and yeah I got hit on alot. Then at the age of 19 acne came and ruined everything. I am almost 21 and have wasted the past year and half on trying to get rid of it. I went on Dan's regimen which cleared me 100%, however it ended up dehydrating my skin so much that I got lines on my face... oh gawd. So then I quit, and am now sufferign with breakouts again. It has literally ruined my life, I no longer eat what I want, I try to eat things that supposidly wont break me out, I dont feel attractive anymore, and I rarely go out and have fun anymore, I spend my Friday and Saturday nights at home usually. Yes acne sux, it ruins alot of people lives. I wonder if they put people on accutane for back acne? Maybe you should go to a derm and see what they say about that. :) Anyway, just thought I would stop in and tell you about my story, the only difference is, is that mine is on my face. So seriously be thankful it's not there.

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Well I wear wife beaters all the time and everyone nos i have bacne...They just got used to it..even my girl...My dad was tellin me about goin in the shower to open up the pores and then using rubbing alchohol just on my back..It probably burns like a bitch...but it wuld dry everything out

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Wow. I stumbled across this site by accident but i totally feel your pain. Im a 24 yr old guy from London. I know what it feels like to have Ok-ish skin on face and terrible on back, and i mean terrible. And where do these cysts bloody come from..its like you wake up in the morning and theres one there in 8 hours!!! I mean c'mon gime me a break!

Its difficult in summer as all guys are shirtless and i want to be cos i mean its HOT here but you just cant. What to do? Ive had a course of Accutane when i was 19 but left with alot of pigment scarring on back.

You have from what it sounds a really supportive boyfriend which is cool and i think to be honest he preobably knows more than what you think he does. Its harder being single as this prevents you from going into a relationship as im scared that they will see this and run a mile (and why put urself throught that right?!)

Well anyone else out there with same problems or reply if you can.

Cheers

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:) thanks guys! its so good to know that there are ppl out there that share similar problems.. im so glad i found this site.. or else, i think the depression in my head would turn me insane eventually

i've found something that has been helping me tho.. this is wat i do:

1) oxy acne clear pads to clean my back 3 times a day (esp in the summer.. i do it whenever i feel that my back is sweating)

2) oxy BP lotion (2%) on the already-healing pimples

3) at night, i use neutrogena body clear gel exfoliant (new type with beads).. it really helps smoothen the imperfections

4) i exfoliate with a body scrub three times a week

i havent seen anything new in a while *fingers crossed" and it seems to be working pretty well.. i hope it's gonna improve from now on...... please.......

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Well now, haha I do feel your pain. But I really think that you should be thankful that it's not on your face hun. seriously. I would take the pimples from my face and put them on my back anyday. Although I would rather the acne just be GONE all together. I can relate to you story somewhat, I know how hard it is. In high school I was considered "hot" and I had a popular boyfriend, and a great life. I had alot of fun going out, being with friends and yeah I got hit on alot. Then at the age of 19 acne came and ruined everything. I am almost 21 and have wasted the past year and half on trying to get rid of it. I went on Dan's regimen which cleared me 100%, however it ended up dehydrating my skin so much that I got lines on my face... oh gawd. So then I quit, and am now sufferign with breakouts again. It has literally ruined my life, I no longer eat what I want, I try to eat things that supposidly wont break me out, I dont feel attractive anymore, and I rarely go out and have fun anymore, I spend my Friday and Saturday nights at home usually. Yes acne sux, it ruins alot of people lives. I wonder if they put people on accutane for back acne? Maybe you should go to a derm and see what they say about that. :) Anyway, just thought I would stop in and tell you about my story, the only difference is, is that mine is on my face. So seriously be thankful it's not there.

ur post made me feel a lot better.. and i know i should be thankful.. but the thing is.. having acne that cant be seen everyday makes me feel like im hiding a monster inside of me.. its a terrible feeling..

when u have acne on ur face, ppl notice right away.. true frds accept u bc they love u for who u are.. and the superficial ones are immediately filtered out.. but when u have bacne.. and a flawless face.. thats a different story.. u draw all sorts of ppl in.. and u dont know if they love u bc they think ure good looking or they love u for the real u..... and if they find out one day... the shock would even be greater, wouldnt it?

and thanks for ur advices grl!!! ure awesome

Wow. I stumbled across this site by accident but i totally feel your pain. Im a 24 yr old guy from London. I know what it feels like to have Ok-ish skin on face and terrible on back, and i mean terrible. And where do these cysts bloody come from..its like you wake up in the morning and theres one there in 8 hours!!! I mean c'mon gime me a break!

Its difficult in summer as all guys are shirtless and i want to be cos i mean its HOT here but you just cant. What to do? Ive had a course of Accutane when i was 19 but left with alot of pigment scarring on back.

You have from what it sounds a really supportive boyfriend which is cool and i think to be honest he preobably knows more than what you think he does. Its harder being single as this prevents you from going into a relationship as im scared that they will see this and run a mile (and why put urself throught that right?!)

Well anyone else out there with same problems or reply if you can.

Cheers

i think in the future, it would b best to let ur partner know about it before u go into a serious relationship with grl.. if she loves u for u, she wouldnt care..

i shouldve done that with my bf years ago.. but instead i was stupid and started off concealing and concealing.. and now im left with trouble.. i cant do this for life! and im afraid if i tell him about it.. he'll think im a weirdo, not bc of my bacne, but bc of my action of concealing it.. he probably would feel that i havent been close to him as i havent let out the real me throughout these yrs.. ive always known that he wouldnt care.. its my stupid mind thats keeping me from being my true self

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Hey saddoll, I've got your problem as well. At least with the skin. I'm 22, and I've got a mostly clear face all the time due to carefully sticking to a specific program. . . but my back's been horrible for about 6 years now and I've always hidden it from everyone but my family and extremely close friends. There's been nothing I could do, and I never wanted accutane since I knew it would break my face out like crazy.

BUT lately I've figured something out.

I figured the main difference between the skin on my face and on my back was that my back was covered up and sweating more. Now, during the day, this isn't easily avoided. But like you said, I'd wake up the morning too, and I'd find new pimples every day.

Just this week I made an effort to sleep on my stomach, without a shirt at night, and let my back breathe just like my face does all night. In only 3 days I can feel a difference. . . new zits are NOT forming overnight (during the day, a few) and my skin is getting a chance to heal for once, while I sleep.

It's tough learning to sleep on your stomach if you're not used to it, I'm not doing that great so far - I wake up a lot, and its kinda hard on my neck. But I'm learning to fold my pillow a certain way, and I think it'll work. I was concerned about my face breaking out and so far its not been a problem. I wash my sheets and pillowcase every day so that oils don't build up on them over time.

As far as products, here's what I do for my back:

Night:

neutrogena body scrub with salicylic acid

Oxy 10% benzoyl peroxide wash (supposed to be for the face, but its kinda harsh. . . great for the back)

Morning:

I just rinse off, to get rid of anything still on my skin that could cause bleaching

Sometimes I use seasalt as a light scrub in the morning too.

I don't apply spot treatments with BP just because I don't have the patience. I do have the flexibility though, its definitely been achieved over the years of picking and fussing as well. Good luck, and watch out for bleaching from the BP.

Also. . . Vitamin C and zinc are good for preventing acne, and for healing the skin. You can actually take quite a bit of C, and it might help.

Good luck.

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Hey saddoll, I've got your problem as well. At least with the skin. I'm 22, and I've got a mostly clear face all the time due to carefully sticking to a specific program. . . but my back's been horrible for about 6 years now and I've always hidden it from everyone but my family and extremely close friends. There's been nothing I could do, and I never wanted accutane since I knew it would break my face out like crazy.

BUT lately I've figured something out.

I figured the main difference between the skin on my face and on my back was that my back was covered up and sweating more. Now, during the day, this isn't easily avoided. But like you said, I'd wake up the morning too, and I'd find new pimples every day.

Just this week I made an effort to sleep on my stomach, without a shirt at night, and let my back breathe just like my face does all night. In only 3 days I can feel a difference. . . new zits are NOT forming overnight (during the day, a few) and my skin is getting a chance to heal for once, while I sleep.

It's tough learning to sleep on your stomach if you're not used to it, I'm not doing that great so far - I wake up a lot, and its kinda hard on my neck. But I'm learning to fold my pillow a certain way, and I think it'll work. I was concerned about my face breaking out and so far its not been a problem. I wash my sheets and pillowcase every day so that oils don't build up on them over time.

As far as products, here's what I do for my back:

Night:

neutrogena body scrub with salicylic acid

Oxy 10% benzoyl peroxide wash (supposed to be for the face, but its kinda harsh. . . great for the back)

Morning:

I just rinse off, to get rid of anything still on my skin that could cause bleaching

Sometimes I use seasalt as a light scrub in the morning too.

I don't apply spot treatments with BP just because I don't have the patience. I do have the flexibility though, its definitely been achieved over the years of picking and fussing as well. Good luck, and watch out for bleaching from the BP.

Also. . . Vitamin C and zinc are good for preventing acne, and for healing the skin. You can actually take quite a bit of C, and it might help.

Good luck.

thanks a lot 1decade2many!! i think im gonna get a stronger BP soon..

But with the sleeping part, wouldnt ur blankets touch ur back all the time and prevent it from breathing? cuz for me, i hav a habit of sleeping with a blanket on or else ill catch a cold.. is it just me or do u not sleep with blanket on top of u?

its worth a try tho.. i dont care about getting sick! i just wanna be clear!!! :cry:

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Ever thought of talking to him about it, and why you hid it from him?

That's what I would do. But I'm usually very open, so my relatives, girlfriend, and even friends know about it.

Make up is also a no no for acne. Just let your skin breath, with short sessions of sunlight. That's how my body acne is going away. That plus accutane.

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Ever thought of talking to him about it, and why you hid it from him?

That's what I would do. But I'm usually very open, so my relatives, girlfriend, and even friends know about it.

Make up is also a no no for acne. Just let your skin breath, with short sessions of sunlight. That's how my body acne is going away. That plus accutane.

hey tickingclock! ive been considering about talkin to my bf about it.. i wanna wait till i feel more comfortable and ready tho...

my bacne actually isnt that bad i think.. ive grown out of the worst years when my whole back was covered with bumps... now its just an occasional pimple or two.. it is the scarring that really bothers me.. like it feels smooth but the brown spots really frustrate me.. however, i think i should count myself lucky compared to many other ppl..

i will try to let my back absorb more sunlight by hanging out in my balcony more.... thanks for ur advice gurl!

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Saddoll,

I'm a guy and usually my problem is I'm too HOT. . . but I understand that most girls are usually cold, so I'm not sure how to help. I just don't use a blanket or anything, I just lay there on the sheets.

And the BP is a bodywash which makes it really easy to apply. It's pretty strong. . . my back's getting kinda dry, and for now its fine because its helping. But eventually I might have to switch to something less harsh. I'm not sure, I might adjust, too.

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Saddoll,

I'm a guy and usually my problem is I'm too HOT. . . but I understand that most girls are usually cold, so I'm not sure how to help. I just don't use a blanket or anything, I just lay there on the sheets.

And the BP is a bodywash which makes it really easy to apply. It's pretty strong. . . my back's getting kinda dry, and for now its fine because its helping. But eventually I might have to switch to something less harsh. I'm not sure, I might adjust, too.

so how did u get ur 10% BP? did u need a doctor's prescription or do u usually just get it from a drugstore???

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No prescription. . . its in some stores. You said you used OXY products, if its the same OXY, this is their face wash. I just use it on my back.

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hey saddoll,

i totally feel what you're talking about. though my problem is slightly different, i, too, feel deceptive. i don't have terrible bacne, but in addition to my ever-blooming active acne (somewhat suppressed by the CSR), i do have terrible facial scarring from old acne. i don't have the deep, pitted "ice pick" kind of scars, but basically my entire chin's natural state is bright red, and the rest of the area encircling my mouth is various shades of red and tan/dark (some of it due to the CSR, but that's another story).

anyway, it really sucks because my skin is naturally extremely fair. not ghost-white, like a goth or something, but like... creamy light. so that without makeup, the redness totally stands out starkly against the backdrop of the rest of my face. and to be honest, the rest of the skin on my face is flawless, like yours!

it depresses me because, like you, i classify myself as a "pretty girl," and this issue has caused my confidence to plummet. granted, 1) i didn't even begin to get the acne till i was about 17 (i'm 28 now), 2) the acne itself has never been "severe," and 3) it has always pretty much been contained in the lower half of my face. but the scarring! i just don't understand why it had to cause this permanent pigment change. i mean, without makeup i really don't feel like i look normal. when i'm out with a bare face, people don't talk to me; they talk to my chin, or at least glance at it from time to time while we talk. it's so embarrassing! the scarring has changed my entire way of interacting with others, and makes me feel like in order to appear halfway normal (well, what should be my normal self), i have to wear makeup wherever i go. when i wear it, it doesn't even matter if i'm peppy and "on" that day; people react to me differently, guys look at me, pick up on me, etc. without makeup, i feel invisible (unless i open my mouth & start talking... lol. i have a pretty vibrant personality. but even then, i don't feel as though i get that particular kind of attention from guys...)

this is all doubly embarrassing because, due to the area the acne is in (chin + it encircles the mouth), if i have no makeup on, from a certain distance it appears as though i have a 5 o'clock shadow (think fred flintstone). and no girl wants that!!!!

anyway, i basically feel like when i meet new guys, i have to check my mirror constantly to make sure my makeup hasn't melted off or whatever, to make sure "the facade" is still up. i hate that, b/c i'm a really open, down-to-earth person, and the makeup makes me feel like i'm living a lie. the worst part is, like you, i feel like i have the body, the personality, and the face -- but that's only with the makeup on. without it, the redness/discoloration makes me feel like my natural state just isn't adequate.

ok, i think i'm repeating myself now, so i think it's time to get some rest.... just wanted to let you know you really aren't alone -- and your post made me feel the same way, too -- so thanks. maybe we can talk again soon (feel free to PM me if you want)... hugs! :)

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hey saddoll,

i totally feel what you're talking about. though my problem is slightly different, i, too, feel deceptive. i don't have terrible bacne, but in addition to my ever-blooming active acne (somewhat suppressed by the CSR), i do have terrible facial scarring from old acne. i don't have the deep, pitted "ice pick" kind of scars, but basically my entire chin's natural state is bright red, and the rest of the area encircling my mouth is various shades of red and tan/dark (some of it due to the CSR, but that's another story).

anyway, it really sucks because my skin is naturally extremely fair. not ghost-white, like a goth or something, but like... creamy light. so that without makeup, the redness totally stands out starkly against the backdrop of the rest of my face. and to be honest, the rest of the skin on my face is flawless, like yours!

it depresses me because, like you, i classify myself as a "pretty girl," and this issue has caused my confidence to plummet. granted, 1) i didn't even begin to get the acne till i was about 17 (i'm 28 now), 2) the acne itself has never been "severe," and 3) it has always pretty much been contained in the lower half of my face. but the scarring! i just don't understand why it had to cause this permanent pigment change. i mean, without makeup i really don't feel like i look normal. when i'm out with a bare face, people don't talk to me; they talk to my chin, or at least glance at it from time to time while we talk. it's so embarrassing! the scarring has changed my entire way of interacting with others, and makes me feel like in order to appear halfway normal (well, what should be my normal self), i have to wear makeup wherever i go. when i wear it, it doesn't even matter if i'm peppy and "on" that day; people react to me differently, guys look at me, pick up on me, etc. without makeup, i feel invisible (unless i open my mouth & start talking... lol. i have a pretty vibrant personality. but even then, i don't feel as though i get that particular kind of attention from guys...)

this is all doubly embarrassing because, due to the area the acne is in (chin + it encircles the mouth), if i have no makeup on, from a certain distance it appears as though i have a 5 o'clock shadow (think fred flintstone). and no girl wants that!!!!

anyway, i basically feel like when i meet new guys, i have to check my mirror constantly to make sure my makeup hasn't melted off or whatever, to make sure "the facade" is still up. i hate that, b/c i'm a really open, down-to-earth person, and the makeup makes me feel like i'm living a lie. the worst part is, like you, i feel like i have the body, the personality, and the face -- but that's only with the makeup on. without it, the redness/discoloration makes me feel like my natural state just isn't adequate.

ok, i think i'm repeating myself now, so i think it's time to get some rest.... just wanted to let you know you really aren't alone -- and your post made me feel the same way, too -- so thanks. maybe we can talk again soon (feel free to PM me if you want)... hugs! :)

dear clear_dream,

ur story definitely made my day. i can totally relate to ur pain.. i constantly feel like im living a lie too.. i feel guilty about putting the body makeup on EVERYTIME and i still keep doing it bc thats the only way i can feel normal without clothes on! without makeup, i dont even feel comfortable looking at myself in the mirror.. i always feel like i dont deserve any compliments.. my bf always questions me.. why i have such low esteem when there is nothing wrong going on in my life.. he told me over and over again.. that he thinks hes so lucky to have me (this guy was a player b4.. he used to be a party guy and was always surrounded by the hottest chicks.. that makes me even more self-conscious about myself.. since he was around with so many "flawless" ppl.. i feel like i have to keep up with that.. and be "flawless" too.. ) bc of my bacne i also feel that its inadequate for ppl to think that im pretty.. bc ironically, i probably feel like the ugliest person around.. when i see a girl with a tube top but an average face.. id think," i wish i was her.. maybe her face isnt that pretty but at least.. shes clear.. she looks so confident." i really wonder how long this acne thing is gonna haunt me... i really dont wanna live like this forever.

i, like u, also ALWAYS go to the washroom to check if my makeup has vanished from time to time.. it makes me very self-conscious and bc of it, i always feel so tensed and over-worried about him being able to notice my makeup.. therefore, i never got the kind of closeness that ive wanted with him.. like when he thinks that im into it and all, im actually worrying about my back throughout the entire act when we're getting intimate.. i feel like im faking everything.. and its not the real me... but sadly thats the only way ill ever feel comfortable naked in front of a person.. doesnt matter if he knows about my bacne, i will still keep on doing it.. till the day when my back is clear (i wonder when it'll be).. knowing that makes me even more frustrated, bc, like u, i would aslo consider myself being very down-to-earth and open.. doing this makes me feel like im wearing a mask 247, which doesnt match my personality.

on the positive side, my back has been improving a lot since last week when i got a huge cyst in the middle of my back and some blackheads around it.. now theyre mostly gone and my skin feels clear to the touch again.. it actually doesnt look that bad now.. and it looks like it is wanting to get better... i hope that it is only gonna get better and better...

and for ur face, i think that the makeup that i use might help u. its called COVER FX (which is a concealer) which u buy with a setting powder called SETTING FX. i donno where ure located or if u culd find this makeup at where u live, but i got mine from shoppers drug mart. the makeup is really good for concealing.. it makes skin look almost flawless.. and with the setting power, the makeup doesnt run off even when ur skin is wet.. cuz im guessing u mite be afraid that when u make out with a guy, ur makeup would get messed up and ud feel horrible... the makeup that im talking about doesnt run off that easily even when my back is touching my sheets!

and i would really suggest that when u finally meet someone that u like, tell him the truth RIGHT OFF THE BAT.. cuz u dont wanna be like me.. living a lie, even with the closest person in my life. it makes me wonder who i really am all the time.. and im getting more confused by the day.............

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i've been reading this forum for a few weeks but i never felt compelled to register until i read your story - it could be my own. i'm also a 20 year old girl and i've had bacne since i was about 12. although the skin on my face isn't flawless, i can deal with it as long as i have some makeup on. my back, however, is a different story. it can range from severe to mild, but it never completely goes away (and of course, i have plenty of red marks and hyperpigmentation that will remain even when active acne is gone). it may sound ridiculous to some people, but it honestly holds me back in nearly every aspect of my life. it means no bathing suits, no backless shirts or tank tops, and certainly no close physical contact with guys. but you sound like you have a really supportive boyfriend, and i would encourage you to tell him about your bacne even though you've hidden it for so long. it would probably be the hardest thing for you to do, but i would imagine the relief would be worth it.

during the cooler seasons, it doesn't really affect me as much, but every summer it's almost unbearable. it is so frustrating to see girls wearing tank tops and bathing suits while i'm sweltering in a high-necked shirt with sleeves. i am tired of making up excuses to avoid the pool and the beach...i'm tired of hearing people ask me, "aren't you HOT?" since i can't wear what everyone else can wear. i, too, feel like i'm harboring a terrible secret...and i've gone to great lengths to avoid its exposure. i feel like i am a fairly attractive girl, and guys don't understand why i push them away before anything serious can develop. i do understand the emotional pain of having acne on the face, as i struggled with that for a while too (although it's under control now). but with bacne it really does feel like i have a terrible dirty secret, and that i am deceiving everyone around me.

onto something a little more helpful...

i've been trying some of the methods discussed in this forum to get rid of the bacne and i now believe that each individual must find his or her own individual solution. sea salt did nothing for me, while head and shoulders made it a little worse and made the texture of my back kind of leathery. a few weeks ago i started using a bottle of neutrogena's body clear body scrub that i had bought a few months back and that has been the most effective product so far. i rub it in after shampooing and conditioning my hair and then let it sit for about 5 minutes, then rinse. it didn't work when i first bought it, but after a few weeks of sticking with it i do believe it's helped a lot...though i have a long way to go. hopefully you will find a regimen that works for you.

in the meantime, keep your chin up and i'll try to do the same. be thankful for your boyfriend, who sounds incredibly sweet, and seriously consider sharing your secret with him. i really hope that my story made you feel a little less alone. we can all get through this together!

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i've been reading this forum for a few weeks but i never felt compelled to register until i read your story - it could be my own. i'm also a 20 year old girl and i've had bacne since i was about 12. although the skin on my face isn't flawless, i can deal with it as long as i have some makeup on. my back, however, is a different story. it can range from severe to mild, but it never completely goes away (and of course, i have plenty of red marks and hyperpigmentation that will remain even when active acne is gone). it may sound ridiculous to some people, but it honestly holds me back in nearly every aspect of my life. it means no bathing suits, no backless shirts or tank tops, and certainly no close physical contact with guys. but you sound like you have a really supportive boyfriend, and i would encourage you to tell him about your bacne even though you've hidden it for so long. it would probably be the hardest thing for you to do, but i would imagine the relief would be worth it.

during the cooler seasons, it doesn't really affect me as much, but every summer it's almost unbearable. it is so frustrating to see girls wearing tank tops and bathing suits while i'm sweltering in a high-necked shirt with sleeves. i am tired of making up excuses to avoid the pool and the beach...i'm tired of hearing people ask me, "aren't you HOT?" since i can't wear what everyone else can wear. i, too, feel like i'm harboring a terrible secret...and i've gone to great lengths to avoid its exposure. i feel like i am a fairly attractive girl, and guys don't understand why i push them away before anything serious can develop. i do understand the emotional pain of having acne on the face, as i struggled with that for a while too (although it's under control now). but with bacne it really does feel like i have a terrible dirty secret, and that i am deceiving everyone around me.

onto something a little more helpful...

i've been trying some of the methods discussed in this forum to get rid of the bacne and i now believe that each individual must find his or her own individual solution. sea salt did nothing for me, while head and shoulders made it a little worse and made the texture of my back kind of leathery. a few weeks ago i started using a bottle of neutrogena's body clear body scrub that i had bought a few months back and that has been the most effective product so far. i rub it in after shampooing and conditioning my hair and then let it sit for about 5 minutes, then rinse. it didn't work when i first bought it, but after a few weeks of sticking with it i do believe it's helped a lot...though i have a long way to go. hopefully you will find a regimen that works for you.

in the meantime, keep your chin up and i'll try to do the same. be thankful for your boyfriend, who sounds incredibly sweet, and seriously consider sharing your secret with him. i really hope that my story made you feel a little less alone. we can all get through this together!

hey lemon_lies,

when u were talking about ur summer pains, it seriously felt like i was reading my mind out.. just today is a great example... i had work.. and i was wearing a deep-V knee-length dress - spaghetti strapped (im so glad i got over with chestne now.. before i used to not be able to wear anything lower than my collar bones!!!), and OF COURSE with a blazer-like thing on top of it.. ( im so glad this summer, little cropped blazers are hot at the moment.. u know.. those that are very short-bottomed and just cover around ur boobs?.. i was wearing something like that today.. short sleeved ) even tho i did look summery, with my sandals.. i felt like i was melting!!!.. cuz it was so hot.. and i envied everyone around me.. who could walk freely with tank-tops, tube-tops... me?? i was wearing TWO LAYERS in a hot summer day like this.. and when my bf picked me up from work, he asked me, " why r u wearing that top, ARENT U HOT?" i said no. but inside, i was dying to take that damn blazer off...

and with the hair, i've been always growing it out bc i feel more "safe" with long hair.. feeling that it could cover at least half of my monster. i had really long hair before, but then one time, this crazy hairdresser cut too many layers at the bottom and i didnt like it.. and so i got my hair cut to shoulder-length in attempt to grow it out again with more volume and a fuller bottom! when i first got that short hair-cut.. i felt like dying!.. i felt naked on the back even with clothes on! i was sooo not used to it, i went to get hair-extensions right away.. but i hated them bc they hurt my scalp and feel soo dry and nasty compared to my real hair! i got them taken out.. and since then i havent had a haircut.. now my hair is on its way back to really long and im happy about it.. i swear to god, im not gonna stop growing it till it reaches my waist at least! i feel so much more "protected" with the hair.. i just cant live without it...

see.. thats wat bacne did to me.. i basically plan everything AROUND it.. its like the center of my life.. how pathetic

however, my personal method of controling the acne is going pretty well.. the oxy pads and bp.. AND OF COURSE NEUTROGENA.. even tho i havent tried the body scrub ure using (which i will very soon), ive been using its body clear gel exfoliant as a bodywash and its been great. ive been seeing huge improvements *fingers-crossed*.. and actually, I THINK, if it continues to stay clear of pimples, i will CONSIDER wearing a tube-dress or something pretty that exposes more skin when me and my bf go out for dinner in a DARK restaurant, of course.. i still wouldnt dare wear them in sunlight.. thats gonna be a while.. but ill think ill try.. right now, on my back, there are some light brown pigments spotted randomly.. but no new growth.. *touch wood*.. but one thing is that, i have a small keloid on my right shoulder (from some stupid squeezing when i was younger?!!?? i never knew it would cause a KELOID!!!!!!) but then my bfs back has like 4 of those.. so i guess its no big deal.. i know a lot of clear ppl who have those.. but since ill probably feel uncomfortable exposing that when my back is clear (hopefully one day... ) cuz its a raised bump that doesnt go way, reddish in color but then again only around 3mm in diameter, ill consider getting a shot from a derm to flatten out that hypertrophic scar.. i heard it works.... do u know anything about those shots that kill keloids, lemon_lies?? does anyone here know??

DONT EVER GIVE UP Lemon-Lies. it started at 12 for u... but for me, it started at ageTEN!! but im finally seeing some improvements.. after 10 years... i think the oxy pads really work for me.. and neutrogena.. always the best.. but the most important thing is that im not touching it anymore.. which gives it space to heal.. sounds like ur regimen is helping u a lot too.. so keep up with it and dont ever stop till u have clear skin!!!.. i will do the same too!! thanks for ur post! we can do it!!!

:angel:

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thanks guys! ur long posts have been very sweet and helpful! i never knew there are so many ppl out there who are just like me.. i always felt like i was alone with all this, like a weirdo! now at least i know that there are ppl like u guys to go through this horrible period of life together with me.. and support each other.. i feel alive again, finally. its been too long. im so glad i found this site...

even though that we might not ever meet one another in real life, u guys r my frds bc before talking to u guys, i was as good as dead..

im so grateful! :pray:

*NEVER STOP TILL CLEAR BACK!*

my goal : to post a picture of a clear back when i finally get over with this disaster.. i know its gonna take a long while.. but thats a goal that ill be working towards.

anyone wanna have the same goal too?

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Now let's same, i am in almost exact situation as you (besides the fact that i also have acne on my face, but it's manageable now)

I've had bacne since the start of puberty? It's so long ago i can't even remember (i am 20 now)

first it was just small little bumps and then 'festered' to become severe bacne with cysts and whatnot by the age of 16-17

it was hell for me then because like most girls, i start to be more conscious about how i look and like to know boys :redface:

but because of my bacne, i've rejected quite a few guys

i know people say they'll like you regardless if you have bacne or not, and if they leave you because of it, then they're not worth it

but i just can't get over it myself, i don't want to get hurt and feel worse than i already do because of my bacne :cry:

every summer, like you saddoll, i envy people who can wear tanks and singlets, anything that shows my back or low cut for that matter, because basically the only things i can wear are sleeveless (that covers most of my shoulders) or short sleeved t-shirt

i see my friends with flawless backs and i will always stand out in my group of friends because i am always the one that's covered up the most... :doubt::doubt:

i've done almost everything i can for my back, i've spent $1000+ of IPL (which didn't work)

full body acupunture, which worked a little for a while but my bacne came all back again after like a month :mad:

BP gel, which was difficult because i was worried that it would bleach all my clothes and also it didn't really work for me

i didn't start accutane because i couldn't get to a derm in my area (the waiting list was a year) :doubt:

BUT finally i found my solution to bacne, and it's EXFOLIATION

everyday when i shower, i scrub my back with a brush for 2 full minutes, and making sure every area of my back is scrubbed (with a bit of body wash)

and since i started (around 6 months ago)

i found that my breakouts really did cease, with only an occasional pimple or two once a month

it also seemed to help with my red marks, which i found has faded quite a bit ever since i started

although i still have a long long way to go before my back is completely clear (of both acne and marks) i am working on it

perhaps i should take a before and after picture...but i fully support you saddoll, hope you can show us all your clear back very very soon!! ;)

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i think in the future, it would b best to let ur partner know about it before u go into a serious relationship with grl.. if she loves u for u, she wouldnt care..

i shouldve done that with my bf years ago.. but instead i was stupid and started off concealing and concealing.. and now im left with trouble.. i cant do this for life! and im afraid if i tell him about it.. he'll think im a weirdo, not bc of my bacne, but bc of my action of concealing it.. he probably would feel that i havent been close to him as i havent let out the real me throughout these yrs.. ive always known that he wouldnt care.. its my stupid mind thats keeping me from being my true self

Don't worry about this! Here's how you can get out of this little problem: buy some jojoba oil and tell him that you want the two of you to give each other back massages. Don't do anything to your back and don't tell him anything about your back. I bet you anything he will give you the massage without comment (and without feeling grossed out or anything). Then you're free of your lie.

If he asks you what's up with your back, then just say that you don't know but you're working on it. I doubt he'll say anything.

I speak from experience about this. When I was in my 20s my face was clear (except for an occasional pimple here and there). However, I often had pimples on my back and upper arms. I lived in Texas where it gets really hot in the summer. I remember tank top envy! Anyway, I was weird about letting my boyfriends see my back. But one day my boyfriend at the time convinced me to go swimming at the lake with him. He saw my back in broad daylight (I tried to keep a shirt over my swimsuit for a long time, but he was teasing me about it). He didn't say a word. He still loved me and still complimented my looks. We eventually broke up, but it had nothing to do with my back, LOL.

Believe me, your bacne is a bigger deal to you than it will be to him.

About back treatments --

**Make sure that your body soap and shampoor are free of sodium lauyel and/or sodium laureth sulfate. When I switched soaps and shampoos my bacne reduced.

**Try putting apple cider vinegar or some other kind of exfoliant on your back every night. This has helped me with my scars.

**Consider getting back facials, if you can afford them. I have a friend with a pretty back and she says that these are her secret. She started getting them a few months before some gala event –– an event to which she intended to wear a dress with a low back. She even got her BF to help apply some sort of cream that the facialist gave her.

Good luck!

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im facing the exact same thing as you are, my face is ok, but ive been hiding my back for everybody for years now. My last girlfriend actually broke up with me because i didnt seem to want to get too imtimate with her; that was because of my bacne insecurities ofcourse.

Its great that you have a bf like that, he sounds perfect, you should talk to him about it. i know i regret i never have talked about it.

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Wow, saddoll, reading your post was like... it's my same exact problem. My face is fine, etc, I feel like it's really nice in fact, and I'm a fairly harsh judge, and it's clear, pretty, whatever, but my back is a different story. I didn't have any problems with my back until a few years ago. When i started scratching the little white heads that would come out. That's when it got bad. I started getting acne there. The worst part is the marks it leaves. I have brown marks ALL over my back. I can't wear anything. My ability to wear shirts has gone down to almost nothing beyond t-shirts. From completely backless shirts, to sports bras, to now even showing my shoulders is weird. I don't know what to do. The worst part is, I have an amazing boyfriend and he loves my body but he even said when I was first getting to know him that he has a thing for backs. I almost died. He's complimented on all the body parts he liked and he said he liked my lower back. That hurt a lot. Because I felt like he was saying my upper back was gross and he didn't like it. God this sucks. I just want it to go away so bad. WHAT DO I DO FOR THE MARKS AND ACNE?

P.S. Does sunning work? Or does that just make the marks darker?

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to JANERO:

i also feel that i always stand out in my group of frds bc of the many layers that i have to wear even in the summer!!! .. i would try to cover up my "weirdness" by telling ppl that im afraid to tan cuz i love having fair skin, but in reality, i really, really envy grls who have a nice glow from tanning and exposing their skin in the summer! if i didnt have this back problem, id probably be one of those grls who ALWAYS hang out at the beach during hot summer days. bc of it, i have to lie to my bf that i dont like the beach at all....

i also find that exfoliation works really well! ive been exfoliating for a year.. using both body scrub before i take a shower and a body soap that contains exfoliant beads in the shower.. i do that at least 3 times a week.. and thats how my bacne has basically stopped... HOWEVER still a lot of brown pigments are left behind.. so theres still a long way to go.....

just keep on doing wat u are and im sure one day, we can both fight through this and be confident again! thanks for ur post!!!

p.s. lets compare pictures when we're clear!!!

to HOPEFUL_ONCE_AGAIN:

thanks for ur advices! the massage sounds great and i might try it... seems like a great way to let him know without making it seem like a big deal... but im afraid the jojaba oil would make me break out, or would it not??

these days, i have a feeling that my bf knows but he doesnt think its a problem at all. i was walking around naked after shower and intentionally walked away from him so he could see my back.. but he made no comment about it.. or maybe he really couldnt see it.. cuz hes a bit nearsighted and my back isnt that bad anymore.. just some spots.. even tho im still VERY self-concious about it.. i dont think i will talk about it with him like its a huge problem if it continues to improve like how it has been.. eventually, i will show my back without any body-makeup to ease myself into exposing it.. *fingers-crossed*.. im also feeling *hopeful once again*, just like ur name...

thanks for ur post, now i know there are actually many grls out there who have bfs who are having very similar problems.. and that the bfs usually dont care as much as we think they do.. afterall, no one is perfect and i think sometimes we're just too hard on ourselves..

good luck!!

to WHATSFORDINNER:

aw.. u shouldve told her when she asked u why u never wanted to be too intimate.. but i know its hard.. since its wat ive been struggling to do too... but u should b lucky that ure a guy.. since guys dont have to wear backless stuff and tshirts are normal for u guys in the summer.. and im sure if u told ur ex-gf about it she wouldnt mind if she really loved u.. honestly, i think grls care much less about appearances.. so u should tell ur next gf about it! i dont think she would think that its a problem at all and it would be a great relief!

my bf had really bad acne *all over* his face last year and i didnt care about it even tho i know it affected his confidence greatly. i still thot that he was just as attractive as when i first met him!

to MAGICBIRD:

oh dont think that hes saying he doesnt like ur upper back by saying he likes ur lower back! i think hes being sweet by saying a positive thing about ur back... u should count urself lucky bc i even got some brown spots on my midback AND lower back!

sounds like u have a great bf and from wat u said, i think he already knows and hes trying to make u feel more confident by focusing on ur good body parts! so dont try to twist it by thinking that he might mean he doesnt like ur upper back.. im pretty sure he doesnt care...

have u tried exfoliating ur back? try a body scrub for oily skin and use it when u shower.. i find that it really helps reduce scars!!! tanning works too, apparently.. but i wouldnt do it cuz even tho it helps camouflage it temporary, its bad for the skin cuz it dehydrates and leaves ur skin feeling rough and dry, esp when uve got acne there... ive tried it before and i wont do it again

just start taking better care of it from now on and im sure its gonna improve.. remember ure not alone! all of us here have the same problem........

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How many times have you posted this same exact thread?? Once is enough

twice.. i know once is enough..im new and i thot i could delete threads but apparently i cant.. i think my story fits better under the emotional & psychological effects

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