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horrible dating insecurity AFTER acne mostly gone

Hi everyone,

I've been reading these boards for several months, but this is my first post, so here goes: :cool:

Has anyone else experienced horrible insecurity in the dating world even AFTER their acne has improved or disappeared?

I had mild to moderate acne (with hyperpigmentation and oily skin) for almost 8 years, and it really killed my dating life. (FYI, I'm a girl.) A handful of guys were interested in me during that period, but I kept them at arm's length because I figured they were just attracted to me as "the best they could get"...I really wasn't attractive at all - it wasn't just the acne.

Just within the last 4 months, my acne has almost totally cleared up thanks to new treatment. :dance: I'm just counting the days before the hyperpigmentation goes away. I feel like I should get "out there" and meet people, but I'm just as terrified of rejection as I was when I had acne. On top of that, since I've never really dated, I don't know the "language" of dating...you know, the things you talk about, the signals you give...I have no clue whatsoever.

Does anyone have tips for developing dating confidence post-acne? After all these years, I feel my libido has withered away. :(

Thanks!

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Congrats on posting and Welcome!

I think the only way to develop confidence in the dating world is to go into it regardless of your inexperience and fail. Look forward to failure. The way to defeat failure is to learn from it. So look at each failure as an learning lesson. With each lesson learned, you're that much more closer to success. Soon the successes will pile up, and you will be confident in your abilities.

No excuses.. Get out there tonight, and give it your all. Realize what your life would be like if you didnt master these skills. Those thoughts alone should compell you even more to succeed.

Keep us updated on your progress. ;)

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im the same

i spent so long locked away thinking my face was bad when it was.

that now i stil think its bad even wen i have like one pimple an some redmarks.

i stil lock myself away like im waiting for perfection.

its wierd coz its only one side of my chin

my left side of chin heals dead fast

but the right side takes ages and holds onto redmarks

its rather strange.

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i stil lock myself away like im waiting for perfection.

^yep, even now i'm kinda clear now, i'm still waiting to be just that bit more, the better your skin gets the better you feel you need it to be before you go out.

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My skin could clear 100% and be back to the way it was before acne, I still wouldn't be the same. its not even about acne anymore for me, its just the thought that on top of everything else and all the bullshit I already was going through in life, I had to get acne on top of it all. Makes me feel cursed sometimes. So its a shitty thought, I could be given a brand new face tomorrow i still wont be able to get the bad thoughts/memories out of my mind.

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On top of that, since I've never really dated, I don't know the "language" of dating...you know, the things you talk about, the signals you give...I have no clue whatsoever.

I would not worry too much. There is no single language of dating and (very) only few people are used to dating frequently. Most people life in long and lasting relationships and if they break they arent used to dating more than you. Stay cool do not try too hard and DO NOT TO TRY COPY THIS MTV DATING SHOWS they are pathetic.

Do not play games and stay who you are. If there is no physical attraction on both sides (and you will notice this fast) then forget it. Do not take this personal, because it is not personal. If there is physical attraction there is always the opportunity of adventure, but if you aim for a relationship make sure his/hers personality really fits yours, too. Otherwise someone WILL get hurt.

Rejection IS painfull, but you also should stay realistic in your expectations. In the end one should kow his/her "dating market value".

Date a "shoe that fits you". If you look ok and you have a nice personality date someone who looks ok with nice personality. Do not try to date this super looking asshole.

And never try to raise your market value by being super nice, running (hopelessly) after you "prey" - you only will get used.

Do not try to raise your value/selft esteem by being cokey. It does not work either.

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ugly duckling syndrome i guess. i know people that were ugly(not acne) when they where younger then got hot and never knew it.

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yea i feel the same way i have this bad insecurity of the other person being seen by the people that saw me with bad skin

i dont even know if i should tell her i had bad skin.

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On top of that, since I've never really dated, I don't know the "language" of dating...you know, the things you talk about, the signals you give...I have no clue whatsoever.

I would not worry too much. There is no single language of dating and (very) only few people are used to dating frequently. Most people life in long and lasting relationships and if they break they arent used to dating more than you. Stay cool do not try too hard and DO NOT TO TRY COPY THIS MTV DATING SHOWS they are pathetic.

Do not play games and stay who you are. If there is no physical attraction on both sides (and you will notice this fast) then forget it. Do not take this personal, because it is not personal. If there is physical attraction there is always the opportunity of adventure, but if you aim for a relationship make sure his/hers personality really fits yours, too. Otherwise someone WILL get hurt.

Rejection IS painfull, but you also should stay realistic in your expectations. In the end one should kow his/her "dating market value".

Date a "shoe that fits you". If you look ok and you have a nice personality date someone who looks ok with nice personality. Do not try to date this super looking asshole.

And never try to raise your market value by being super nice, running (hopelessly) after you "prey" - you only will get used.

Do not try to raise your value/selft esteem by being cokey. It does not work either.

Haha! I wasn't planning to turn to MTV anyway, but thanks for the tip! :)

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After all these years, I feel my libido has withered away. :(

Thanks!

hahah.. i feel ya sister!

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