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How to get on with my life

Sorry this is gonna be a bit serious and long-winded. Well thanks to 10 years of cystic body/face acne my life is now at a bit of a major crossroads and I really need some honest advice. Here's my situation- regarding acne- after 2 years experimenting with diets and food I have my acne under moderate control and t's no so bad now, though I have to be very strict with what I eat. Anyway, I'm 23 and just graduated from University. Thanks to the acne, my shyness (when younger), staying at home and the fact I didn't like to drink (coz it broke me out bad) I spent my whole time at uni like a recluse. I never made even one friend, never had a girlfriend and in the last 5 years have been to pubs and nightclubs about 20 times at most. I have no real friends, am still staying at home, have no money, no job and no idea what to do with my life. I feel and know I have missed out on so much but now that my acne is not so bad and I'm not so shy I'm eager to catch up, however everybody my age is beyond the stage I am at in life, which makes me feel a bit awakard. I feel shit staying at home and too old for it and know I have to move out to move on but I have no friends to move into a flat to. Also, I eat a kinda weird or 'healthy' diet due to the acne and eat no junk food which makes socialising hard especially when meeting new people.

I also have no idea what to do for a job. As, I want to catch up on the fun I missed out on I have no intention of getting a serious career job so don't know what to do. I've been trying to get bar work or temp office work or something but that isn't something I particularly want to be doing. Another probelm is as I haven't had a serious girlfreind this always plays on my mind, even more so since I've been abraod a few times recently and been really sucssesful with the girls. I always had a very poor self-image due to the acne so always avoided social sitautions but now I know I could've had girlfriends if only I had got myself out. This makes me feel shit for all those years that have been wasted.

Basically I'm in a huge rut. I'm constantly thinking about how I need to get a girlfriend or be pulling lots of girls, need friends, need to be going out more and having fun etc...just to make up for all the lost time of severe acne years. Unfortuately I know life dosen't work like that. So, I'm gonna just have to go and get on with it and whatever happens, happens. But my ambition to have all this is really killing me.

I'm thinking of saving up money to go work abroad in Canada or Australia or perhaps going to Asia or somewhere to to teach English just to start over. But I kinda don't want to be running away, i'd like to have a life here but it seems to hard.

So, anyway I dunno what anyone can say. I just needed to get my feelings out as I have no one to talk to really. Anyone relate to what I'm saying or have any good advice from experience?

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I can definately relate to your situation in many ways such as distancing yourself from social situations. Acne sort of does that to you, but you need to face your fears and overcome this "barrier" that is preventing you from socialising. All these years you have let acne to control your life, and now that you have control over your acne, you need to get out there and just be yourself. You only have one chance to live your life so live your life to the full and be happy, and don't think that you are less worthy than other people the same age as you:

You have been able to deal with the psychological difficulties of having acne, which makes you a very strong person. And just because you like to eat a healthy diet doesn't make you a freak or a weirdo, people should accept you, no matter what, if they don't, they can f**** off.

You could do volountary work in poor countries which will not only give you moral boost, but help you meet new people, make friends and boost your confidance. Also going to a foreign location means you wont be stuck at home and the experience of travelling will give you stuff to talk about when you meet new people. You wont be "running away" from your home, when you get back from your travels, you will have new perspective on your home life.

I really dunno what to say, i don't know you so i am only giving advice based on what you have said.

But you should just definately get out there, i know things in life are easier said than done.

btw thanks for sharing this with us

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I know how you feel, Im 18 now and have literally been in isolation the last 2 years and am just started to ease myself back in to life just now, but I usually just jump straight in the deep end and want everything good to happen and turn perfect all of a sudden to make up for all the wasted years, wanting to be out pubbing/clubbing every week.. making friends as quick as possible, pulling, getting phone numbers, everything! its making me spend so much money which I havnt got, so im thinking of getting a job in a pub too and ive sent my application form off to go back to college! Its still really stressful and there is a void there where im thinking i dont measure up to the people my age or that its my fault for missing out on so much cause i didnt have to but like you it was just my own poor self-image and I just ended up hurting myself for nothing.

Im not going to switch into feeling really good over night though i'll have depressed moments too we've just gotta make sure they dont effect us too much or make us give up again, the more we keep going the better our life will get its just gonna take time we need to keep pushing ourselves and just try and be grateful for how much improvement we have made and what we have at the moment. I wanted to travel around the world too or just get away, move to another country even to study or whatever, but I think that was just out of fear, being scared to face everything here and now and thinking the grass is greener on the otherside but its not true cause I used to HATE my town.. but it was only cause i was so terrified of seeing people up town that I knew that i thought would think negatively about me because of my skin or whatevr, but now that im up there more and getting used to it im starting to like it around here but Im still overly ambitious, obsessive and perfectionistic about all aspects of my life and looks and it causes ALOT of STRESS!!

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At least you're on the right track since you've acknowledged your current situation and look forward to making some drastic changes in your life. Remember to always keep a positive attitude and keep yourself proactive. If you feel you can make those changes in your life by working abroad, go for it. Also, don't feel pressured about having to have a girlfriend or some companion. You need to work out what you want to do with your life before you can commit to a girl. Just go step-by-step.

You claim to have kept your acne under moderate control. Great news and I'm very happy for you. Since acne was your one vice that kept you from really putting yourself "out there," I hope you gain much more control over your acne.

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Guest No Pride

First get some anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medication. Xanax or paxil or prozac or something. Yeah Yeah drugs arent the answer, but when you're fucked up, they are the answer. Once you start feeling good, start working out, eating healthy, drnking water all day, flexing and feeling good about yourself. With the increased feelings of happiness work on your confidence. Get a new job, it doesnt have to pay well. I made some really good friends just hay baling on a farm one summer @ 10$ an hour. Had a fucking blast, getting wasted and stoned with work friends after working hard all day in the sun (sweat/sun helps clear up acne too btw). Small steps man, small steps. What has to change first is your attitude, then your body, your mind and finally your outlook.

You are in your 20's, they will never come again. Im not going to drown in misery just because im ugly and neither should you. Get out there and experience life and dont feel bad just because drugs are the only thing to kickstart your life.

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thats a good idea, when i was depressed at 20, i wanted to make a major overhaul in my life and i lived in Japan...worked, studied and met new ppl...i found myself. an di hope u do too...sometimes u just need a change in environment, a fresh start..good luck

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summer69 when people see u who think negative of u would do they do say and how do u feel

going through the same thing i had acne scars a few months ago and i am terrified someone from my school will see me.

took me a year to get clear just getting back into things

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Consider other options before doing drugs. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who can relate to you, age is just a number and does not dictate how people will behave.

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Hey guys thanks for your feedback and words of advice. Summer69 everything you said totally applies to me but you are only 18, you definately should not feel you have missed out on anything. You are still so young and at the perfect age for getting on with the things you want to do in life now and still have many fun youthful years ahead of you. If only I were still 18!!

I guess my major problem out of all the things that go through my head is the 'girlfriend' problem. I've become unhealthly obsessed with the situation. I'm constantly feeling the need to be with a girl. Even, the few times I have been out or go to a freinds or anyplace if there's no girls there to meet or no chance of me being with a girl I feel shit. This is also preventing me making friends because as much as I need and want to make friends my head is always distracted when only around other guys. I can't even play a game of football or watch a movie or anything without thinking about needing a girl. Another problem with this is it's not exactly a good mentally to have when meeting girls. Though, when I'm talking to girls who are interested or kissing, doing other stuff etc it's bascially the only thing that makes me feel good or confident, ...Basically as much as I want friends and to hang out with guys if I have no girl I still feel shit and kinda lost. Funnily enough though, after I've been with a girl it feels like no big deal, yet a few days later and I feel the need for it again. It's pretty sad i know but I reckon due to my years of isolation and loneliness I just need the feeling of being loved or liked and girls give that easier and quicker than friends can obvioulsey.

Another thing, about moving town. In the past year or so I've travelled a fair bit every now and then just to get away from my situation. When I'm in a new town I feel great and so less self-conscious. In my home town I can hardly walk about the streets without feeling self-conscious and stressed. Having been brought up here and studying here I see the same places and same shit eeryday I have done my whole life which is kinda boring, despite being such a cool city. Also, if I leave the country I will have no choice but to get my own place which I can't see happenig for a while whilst I stay here. So, it seems it could be good for me to move away. If I had the money I defo would leave the Uk for Canada or Oz but as I have no money the only option is to go to a place like Asia to teach english. And I'm unsure if I could or would want to be a teacher and if I want to live in a non-english speaking country. So I don't know what to do???

Sorry, for another rant....

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