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hey pple... i just need some support.. very upset right now... i have hormonal cystic acne on the sides of my face... usually cover it with my hair and makeup so you cant see it when lookin at me from the front too much... but i hate when the wind blows my hair... i get all paranoid... anyways im in tears right now i just want all of this to be over... i started getin acne when i was 13... it was pretty bad.. but most of it went away when i was 17.. although i still had breakouts.. then when i turned 19 (almost 2 yrs ago) all hell broke loose... i started gettin cystic acne on the sides of my face... severe cystic acne... its soo depressing.. i tried bp .. proactive..topicals... diane 35 and spironolactone for 2 months but quit because of mood swings and lots of weight gain - and it wasnt working.. im on minocycline right now to take down the swelling - not working that great either..

the next step is accutane- which i wanna start in sept cuz its summer now and i know you have to avoid the sun while your on it.. im soo sad and scared to go on accutane... i had a derm appt the other day and he told me he wont put me on accutane without being on birht control..but i really dont wantto be on bc ever again... and i hate how my derm was talkin to me like im an idoit... explaining everything soooo slowly (like cmon now im a university student!!!) and even the way he was talkin about my acne made me feel bad... hes a derm im sure hes seen worse things then acne but he made it seem like my case of cystic acne was the worst case ever explailing to me how i have a "very severe case of acne that needs to be treated with accutane asap" ... he was even looking at me with pity... i broke down as soon as i got out of his office...

maybe im in denial about how bad it is.. i try to avoid mirrors because i get obsessive and cry...

my bf loves me but i cant help wonder why hes with me and i always think about if hes gonna leave me for a pretty girl with great skin... i know i shouldnt be thinking like this but i cant help it... i wish this was all over its ruining my life... my bf and freinds want me to go out with them and to go swimming and camping and i refuse to go because of my skin... this is takin over my life and i dont even want a job because my confidence is gone from this... i feel soo bad hiding from the world not wanting to leave my house because of this acne.... i feel so ugly... i cant even leave my house wihtout caking on makeup to try and cover it up (even thou you could still see it) and im soo sick of pple telling me "you should try this or that... for your face"... iv almost tried it all except accutane and even after accutane some pple get acne again right?... when will it just go away and when will i finally be able to tie my hair up and go out without makeup... when will pple stop looking at my face with disgust..

any support would be appreciated :cry:

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im 19 now and i all of a sudden broke out in cystic acne which i think is going to leave some scars...im not too happy about that either.....

although the only thing to do is to try to better yourself.....

i have a derm appointment on monday, and theres no way in fucking hell im leaving his office without an RX for accutane.

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this kinda thing has to be handled carefuly, if he thinks your too despressed he won't give it as depression is a side effect, maybe look him bluntly in the eye and say your losing the will to live? give him a print out of everything you've 'tried' so the only solution left is tane?

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i wish i could tie my hair up as well especially now that it's summer. people always tell me to stand straight, chin up, pull my hair back, etc. but i just don't have the confidence. i need to cover my face with my hair because it's hideous.

you're not alone in this battle.

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im sorry that u have to go through all this but know your a better person than most of those "clear-skin" people and that this will not last forever... be lucky u have friends and a boyfriend who care for u... shouldn't let acne get in teh way if u have that

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sigh i have shyt all over my face too.i realli noe how u feel,shutting ownself up and avoiding the whole world.anw,try not to cover ur face with ur hair..its gonna make ur acne worse..if u dun have the confidence perhaps u shld tie up ur hair and not let any hair touch ur face at home..at least u have a bf despite ur acne,i dont even have a bf before :( and i gonna turn 18 this year.gd luck,dont shut urself.try not to use so much makeup,i dont use it but i have used liquid foundation only several times and they made me broke out.. :( perhaps u can tell ur bf abt ur problem if u feel secure enough to tell him.all the best!

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my bf does know the problem and hes very supportive... but its just sooo stressful .. just to know that he knows my deepest and darkest insecurity scares me sometimes...makes me feel so vulnerable.... i know that confidence is sexy and i lack that and sometimes i get worried that eventually my "perfect" bf will get sick of my insecuries and leave me .... oo it hurts just to think about it... and as for my friends..i feel like im slowly losing them because i always make excuses not to go out.... so they call me alot less to go out now cuz i usually make excuses :( ... (maybe their taking it personally? i duno) ...

i really wish i could be a better friend and gf by going out and being less self conscoius but my acne is controlling me... i just hope i find my answer soon :pray:

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Don't worry natalie. I can relate a lot, exp. with the feeling as if your losing your friends. I also don't want to go out sometimes and everyone on here knows how it really sucks to be insecure about your face. :(

Try accutane seriously. Don't think things "what if it doesn't work?" It will. Be confident and glad that you have a bf that really cares about you and understands what your going through.

Also, you mentioned how your derm was pissing you off, don't worry all derms and doctors are like that. Or at least, all that I've been to have examined my face like 2 inches away, so uncomfortable but eh whatever.

good luck though :pray:

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thnx alot ... i will try to get accutane in sept... since its sunny out now it wouldnt be a good idea for now.... i love the sun..i just wish i could go to the beach and not be so self conscious about my face ... doesnt look like ill be heading to the beach this year

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