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Well first I would like to introduce myself. My name is Suhail Ahmad Chaudhary.. i'm 17 years old. I currently live in Decatur, IL. Its a pretty small city of around 90,000 population. I'm Pakistani American and I was born in Springfield, IL but moved and spent all of my life so far in Decatur. Heh.. well i've suffered from acne really bad when I was in my younger ages. From around 6th grade up to the end of my sophmore year. It has really eased down honestly.. and well i've been to the skin doctor on and off during that period from 6th grade until my sophmore year but I've never steadily made visits or steadily followed my prescription and of course my parents didn't give a shit enough to really take me.. i had to pester them to do it as a kid and they never made sure I took my treatment and as a kid.. you know how difficult it is to do such things on your own. Till this day I do not know why my parents neglected me like this because it has literally destroyed and ravished my life. Well to move on even deeper....

I currently suffer from scars under both sides of my eyes... majorily these are were my current scars lie. On the left side of my face it seems that I suffer from "deep" acne scars. The skin is scarred very badly on my left side under my eye.. I don't know exactly what type of scars I suffer from. On my right side is where the pain is really at... I had a huuuuuuge nodule or cyst i'm unsure of which. Anyways the result after it disappeared was a dent or a deep hole in my face.. I wish I had pictures to show you but there is basically a dent in my face under my eye. The rest of my face is pretty fine.. I still suffer from occasional acne.

But these two areas under my eyes.... they've destroyed my life. Socially, mentally, and spiritually. What do I do? I don't know anymore. It causes me pain to look into the mirror. I can't even look in the mirror without feeling a horrible amount of pain. I feel like i'm being punished but I don't know why. Has God punished me ? My life has been wrecked because of this.. people look at me differently.. its hard to be myself around people. I am insecure in every aspect of my life. It has destroyed me. It is the main problem in my life right now.. and it is a source to many other problems in my life and I wish I could do something to get rid of these scars.. anything to stop the pain.. to look normal, to be normal, what I would give is beyond measure.

These scars have made me contemplate suicide several times and even attempt it in the past. These scars have hurt my relationship with my family and other people. They've made me very angry and aggressive. They've made me angry at the world.. and at God. I just want to know why. I've cried countless nights. I've pleaded with God in prayers to do something... and nothing has happened. What are my options? Where do I go from here? My grades at school are suffering and my future is growing very dim because of the horror these scars have wreaked into my life.

I just want guidance from somebody.. I can't go on like this. Its not fair.. its not right. I shouldn't have to be afraid of going into the public. I shouldn't have to hide behind my insecurities like this. The words to describe the suffering i'm going through emotionally, physically, and spiritually are non existant.. words can't describe the stress, and the pain.

A little poem I thought out while writing this...

My faith has been shattered and my life battered by these scars.

I feel like better days are far away and I'll never be the same

Its a shame because I was a young kid with a life ahead of him

For whatever reason God decided make my life dim

and as I bleed and lie on the floor I don't hear his roar

I don't see hope I just gloat my past deciding how long i'm going to last

I feel like i'm past due and its all so true

Why am I here? I don't care

I just want to be normal

am I asking for too much? so be it

free me of it this pain has no gain and I just want to be in the fast lane

where I don't have to be ashamed of how I look

I feel like I've taken the free fall and lost all I took

As I lie here alone cold and as bold as I can be

I no longer can see the brighter day

My soul is naked as I do my best to pray

What have I done wrong in this life?

I feel like I've lost all my strife

Where does it end or begin?

I just want to blend in and be normal

I guess its too much to ask for?

If it is then just give me a mask

I can't take it anymore i'm tired of being alone

Give me my freedom I just want to be in that zone

I'm in a Kingdom of pain and I don't see any change

I don't know how my life got deranged

But I know I'd give anythin to see a better day and feel a real change

Heh just wrote that poem now to show some of my emotional pain.

What do I do? How do I deal with this? What are my options? Can anyone help me? If not i'm afraid i'll be lost.. please help me.

If you want to see pictures of my check my page out at www.myspace.com/thetruthunfolded however they are not "clear" quality pictures therefor u can't see my current scars...

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oh... :(

at first i felt the same but now its ok.u must send som pics of ur scars inorder to get proper help.

dont feel so depressed

p.s u almost made me cry :(

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Yeah... I need to get pics of the scars.. I know one of the major scars is that was caused by a cyst or nodule is a deep icepick like scar but its circular in shape. The other scars on my left side are caused by "regular" acne over a certain period of time so I don't know what you call that...

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I'm sorry so for you Suhail :comfort:

The only thing I can reccomend is that you post some pics in the scar forum. There people will be able to give better advice about what treatments would suit you best and who you need to see for them etc.

Good luck.

Lucy x

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I'm sorry so for you Suhail :comfort:

The only thing I can reccomend is that you post some pics in the scar forum. There people will be able to give better advice about what treatments would suit you best and who you need to see for them etc.

Good luck.

Lucy x

Well thanks for the comfort.. I know I make it sound really bad.. but i'm a perfectionist so I am over exaggerating alot in some ppls eyes but thats just the way I am =[

but even at that.. the scars are bad and any normal person can tell you that.

I got a post there also I guess. I just need to get more visible pictures but at 17 am I even allowed to start treatment? Isn't that " active " acne stage and doesn't that mean I can't start any kind of treatment?

Anyways thanks for the help I appreciate it from everyone. :)

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