Jump to content
Acne.org
Search In
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
bustamove

One of the best experiences of my life

Recommended Posts

I love washing my face. I'm so neurotic about my moderate acne that it's the only time I allow my face to be touched. Since junior high, I've followed a daily skin routine in the hope of having clear skin. Each morning when I wake up, I look at the mirror. As I wash my face, I check for progress, but mostly I cringe at the sight of new pimples. Most recently, I've been using Cetaphil, but I can still remember the subtle differences between old favorites like Purpose and St. Ives Apricot Scrub. And, of course, good old benzoyl peroxide. I'm in college now, but the act is still the same. I wash my face, and for thirty seconds in front of the mirror, I'm confronted by my image. Acne. Ugly. Undesirable. And that's how I start every single day, reminding myself that I'm unattractive.

Later, I'll be in class, sitting next to that cute girl. She notices me because I'm smart and I speak well about subjects I'm confident about. It's unfortunate that I cant display that same confidence in myself. She notices when I ask her out (or more likely, when I don't even initiate conversation because I already believe she thinks that I'm ugly). It is amazing: the effect of some facial blemish perceived through a mirror at 7:38AM that later determines a conversation I have with someone at 2:30PM. Action at a distance and absolutely amazing. It's also got to stop as soon as possible.

Last weekend, I took my first hit of LSD. I was with experienced friends for most of the trip and had an amazing time. Later, when I was alone, I was feeling sweaty and gross wanted to take a shower. I went into the bathroom and for the first time while tripping I saw a mirror. I was stunned. Without blinking, I examined every inch of my face, turning my head to see every corner of skin. It was horrifying. I couldn't believe how red, pockmarked, and diseased my face looked. Having started Accutane two weeks ago, I knew I would be sensitive to the sun, but I had no idea my face would react so suddenly. This hideousness is what people see when they look at me, I thought. I kept staring and the thoughts became locked in a negative loop: pain, oil, red, bacteria, dirt, infection, ugly, worthless, anger. From some distant part of my self, I felt these constant inner thoughts hurting me, and I confronted them.

With my eyes locked on the mirror, I screamed at the face “Fuck you, demon. Get out! Who the fuck do you think you are, bitch?. I began a liturgy to myself that went like this: I am a good person, I am tall, strong, athletic, handsome, funny, musical, and intelligent. I focused on my parents, my best friends, and the many good things that people have told me over my life. It took discipline and self-control, but I destroyed the negative thought loop and began to bask in this new aura of self-discovery. I had changed the acid visualizations. Still looking at the mirror, I luxuriated in the presence of my youthful face. My short blonde hair was a halo above casting light on my radiant skin. I was beautiful. It was more than just vanity, I actually felt good about myself and my body. Triumphant with my victory, I stepped into the shower for to reward myself with one of the most mind-tingling experiences ever.

So as not to be taken out of context, I had this experience during a time of heavy self-analysis. I've realized that acne is really only a small part of the whole that is your person. You might as well be concerned about your shoes, your hair, your clothes, or your body, because people notice these just as much as a few marks on your face. The initial vision I saw on acid was an intensified representation of my self-perceived appearance. It's pretty unfortunate to think I had such low self-esteem. Today, my face is somewhere between the two extremes I saw, but I'm optimistic. I'm starting a new morning routine that includes some meditation. It is my real hope that Accutane will cure these mental problems I have, but in the mean time, I'm changing my perspective as well.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If I say I can fly does it that make it so? If I embed in my mind a better outlook on the future, a optimistic vision does that make it reality? If I recite rituals of sacrifice condemning a individual I dislike to death, does it do anything?

Congratulations on your revelation, you are right acne is a very minute part of our lives. However make sure the confidence you are building is not folly. If you build a house on a unstable foundation you are asking for disaster.

It seems to me like you are giving up, screaming, crying, shouting does not do anything it is a waste of time and effort. However it seems to me you are reciting the ritual about the wrong things, Acne will hinder you, Acid will destroy you. It seems to me like you are building an escape from reality, and that's not how the world works. I am not a Priest nor your parent, but if you are around friends who are involved in this type of thing you are around the wrong types of friends. To be truthful, I don't know you and I probably would not care if you died the next day. The world is harsh and relentless, it's a fact. Everything is a competition, doing Acid or LCD is like cutting of your leg in a marathon race you will lose.

Anyhow, best of luck to you my friend.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I love washing my face. I’m so neurotic about my moderate acne that it’s the only time I allow my face to be touched. Since junior high, I’ve followed a daily skin routine in the hope of having clear skin. Each morning when I wake up, I look at the mirror. As I wash my face, I check for progress, but mostly I cringe at the sight of new pimples. Most recently, I’ve been using Cetaphil, but I can still remember the subtle differences between old favorites like Purpose and St. Ives Apricot Scrub. And, of course, good old benzoyl peroxide. I’m in college now, but the act is still the same. I wash my face, and for thirty seconds in front of the mirror, I’m confronted by my image. Acne. Ugly. Undesirable. And that’s how I start every single day, reminding myself that I’m unattractive.

Later, I’ll be in class, sitting next to that cute girl. She notices me because I’m smart and I speak well about subjects I’m confident about. It’s unfortunate that I can’t display that same confidence in myself. She notices when I ask her out (or more likely, when I don’t even initiate conversation because I already believe she thinks that I’m ugly). It is amazing: the effect of some facial blemish perceived through a mirror at 7:38AM that later determines a conversation I have with someone at 2:30PM. Action at a distance and absolutely amazing. It’s also got to stop as soon as possible.

Last weekend, I took my first hit of LSD. I was with experienced friends for most of the trip and had an amazing time. Later, when I was alone, I was feeling sweaty and gross wanted to take a shower. I went into the bathroom and for the first time while tripping I saw a mirror. I was stunned. Without blinking, I examined every inch of my face, turning my head to see every corner of skin. It was horrifying. I couldn’t believe how red, pockmarked, and diseased my face looked. Having started Accutane two weeks ago, I knew I would be sensitive to the sun, but I had no idea my face would react so suddenly. This hideousness is what people see when they look at me, I thought. I kept staring and the thoughts became locked in a negative loop: pain, oil, red, bacteria, dirt, infection, ugly, worthless, anger. From some distant part of my self, I felt these constant inner thoughts hurting me, and I confronted them.

With my eyes locked on the mirror, I screamed at the face “Fuck you, demon. Get out! Who the fuck do you think you are, bitch?�. I began a liturgy to myself that went like this: I am a good person, I am tall, strong, athletic, handsome, funny, musical, and intelligent. I focused on my parents, my best friends, and the many good things that people have told me over my life. It took discipline and self-control, but I destroyed the negative thought loop and began to bask in this new aura of self-discovery. I had changed the acid visualizations. Still looking at the mirror, I luxuriated in the presence of my youthful face. My short blonde hair was a halo above casting light on my radiant skin. I was beautiful. It was more than just vanity, I actually felt good about myself and my body. Triumphant with my victory, I stepped into the shower for to reward myself with one of the most mind-tingling experiences ever.

So as not to be taken out of context, I had this experience during a time of heavy self-analysis. I’ve realized that acne is really only a small part of the whole that is your person. You might as well be concerned about your shoes, your hair, your clothes, or your body, because people notice these just as much as a few tiny marks on your face. The initial vision I saw on acid was an intensified representation of my self-perceived appearance. It's pretty unfortunate to think I had such low self-esteem. Today, my face is somewhere between the two extremes I saw, but I’m optimistic. I’m starting a new morning routine that includes some meditation. It is my real hope that Accutane will “fix� these mental problems I have, but in the mean time, I’m changing my perspective as well.

What a great post, my friend. You should really consider becoming a writer. It was very fluid, descriptive, and vivid.

Anyway, I'm glad to hear your trip was somewhat of a positive revelation, unlike the other member who recently posted their horrific LSD experience.

If I say I can fly does it that make it so? If I embed in my mind a better outlook on the future, a optimistic vision does that make it reality?

I think you have a better chance of making it a reality as long as you believe in yourself.

It seems to me like you are giving up, screaming, crying, shouting does not do anything it is a waste of time and effort. However it seems to me you are reciting the ritual about the wrong things, Acne will hinder you, Acid will destroy you. It seems to me like you are building an escape from reality, and that's not how the world works. I am not a Priest nor your parent, but if you are around friends who are involved in this type of thing you are around the wrong types of friends. To be truthful, I don't know you and I probably would not care if you died the next day. The world is harsh and relentless, it's a fact. Everything is a competition, doing Acid or LCD is like cutting of your leg in a marathon race you will lose.

I don't think he's giving up, he's just breaking the cycle of negativity going through his mind. Everyone reacts differently with their emotions; for him, yelling at himself in mirror, reciting the positive things about himself, is somewhat of a new found glory. And I also don't agree that he's building an escape from reality - it's his first time doing LSD, which is something you don't frequent with... at least nobody I know does. We're here to experience life, and for some people, drugs are a way to know the unknown, to see the unseen, to hear the unheard, taste the tasteless, and so on. They can be extremely spiritual and enlightening, or they can be the complete opposite.

To live, is to risk.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What a great post, my friend. You should really consider becoming a writer. It was very fluid, descriptive, and vivid.

Anyway, I'm glad to hear your trip was somewhat of a positive revelation, unlike the other member who recently posted their horrific LSD experience............

I don't think he's giving up, he's just breaking the cycle of negativity going through his mind. Everyone reacts differently with their emotions; for him, yelling at himself in mirror, reciting the positive things about himself, is somewhat of a new found glory. And I also don't agree that he's building an escape from reality - it's his first time doing LSD, which is something you don't frequent with... at least nobody I know does. We're here to experience life, and for some people, drugs are a way to know the unknown, to see the unseen, to hear the unheard, taste the tasteless, and so on. They can be extremely spiritual and enlightening, or they can be the complete opposite.

To live, is to risk.

I agree.....that was really well written.......I was one of the ones who did frequent with LSD. For almost two years of my life I used it a few times a week. I've probably "tripped" over 300 times. I can totally identify with the way he felt when he looked in the mirror (and I never even had acne then....not one pimple). An LSD trip is not an escape from reality, but rather an experience of hyperreality. Everything is so increadibly real.........You notice things that you'd never notice otherwize.........

I grew up having a severe learning disability (so severe I was put on the Autism spectrum at age 5 and never taken off)....so I'm supposed to have mild autism. I don't at all and I was just misdiagnosed, but for some reason LSD got along very nicely with my brain and my learning disability (called hyperlexia in case you were wondering). The fisrt time I used it I was 13. Suddenly I could concentrate. I could focus my attention on something (math mainly, and science followed). I became able to learn advanced calculus (like beyond differential equations)....and understand physical chemistry. I took the SAT's on it and got a 1490. I realized during one "trip" that my learning diability wasn't a diasablility at all......it was a gift.

Most of my highschool experience was an acid trip (don't try this at home kiddies....I had to drop out at 15 dispite my newfound gift)......

I don't condone the use of LSD and haven't used it in almost 10 years (I'm all clean now), but as far as I'm concerned I'm fine today.....I'm not clinically insane (at least I wasn't the last time I checked), and I don't have any brain damage (that I know of anyway)......It made me realize things about the way my brain works........

I'm glad you realized your beauty (or handsomness.... ;) ), and you were able to look past your acne.....sometiimes I'm able to do that, but not as a often as I'd like.......like when I'm haing a really good hair day and my sebum is just beginning to seep through my makeup.......giving my face a child like glow (this works best when there are no cystic lesions).......

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If it takes an acid trip to make you know you're bueatiful -

then by all means, I'm glad you got there. :) Just don't get too dependant on it.

I do agree about the writing - very bueatiful.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree.....that was really well written.......I was one of the ones who did frequent with LSD. For almost two years of my life I used it a few times a week. I've probably "tripped" over 300 times. I can totally identify with the way he felt when he looked in the mirror (and I never even had acne then....not one pimple). An LSD trip is not an escape from reality, but rather an experience of hyperreality. Everything is so increadibly real.........You notice things that you'd never notice otherwize.........

I grew up having a severe learning disability (so severe I was put on the Autism spectrum at age 5 and never taken off)....so I'm supposed to have mild autism. I don't at all and I was just misdiagnosed, but for some reason LSD got along very nicely with my brain and my learning disability (called hyperlexia in case you were wondering). The fisrt time I used it I was 13. Suddenly I could concentrate. I could focus my attention on something (math mainly, and science followed). I became able to learn advanced calculus (like beyond differential equations)....and understand physical chemistry. I took the SAT's on it and got a 1490. I realized during one "trip" that my learning diability wasn't a diasablility at all......it was a gift.

Most of my highschool experience was an acid trip (don't try this at home kiddies....I had to drop out at 15 dispite my newfound gift)......

I don't condone the use of LSD and haven't used it in almost 10 years (I'm all clean now), but as far as I'm concerned I'm fine today.....I'm not clinically insane (at least I wasn't the last time I checked), and I don't have any brain damage (that I know of anyway)......It made me realize things about the way my brain works........

I'm glad you realized your beauty (or handsomness.... ;) ), and you were able to look past your acne.....sometiimes I'm able to do that, but not as a often as I'd like.......like when I'm haing a really good hair day and my sebum is just beginning to seep through my makeup.......giving my face a child like glow (this works best when there are no cystic lesions).......

Do you ever get "flashbacks"?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I’ve realized that acne is really only a small part of the whole that is your person. You might as well be concerned about your shoes, your hair, your clothes, or your body, because people notice these just as much as a few tiny marks on your face. The initial vision I saw on acid was an intensified representation of my self-perceived appearance. It's pretty unfortunate to think I had such low self-esteem. Today, my face is somewhere between the two extremes I saw, but I’m optimistic. I’m starting a new morning routine that includes some meditation. It is my real hope that Accutane will “fix� these mental problems I have, but in the mean time, I’m changing my perspective as well.

+

Badass epiphany. Simply badass.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

One time, on an LSD experience in high school years ago, I watched myself age in the mirror. I hated what I saw, but I later realized I was visualizing who I would become if I continued on the path I was on at the time. Seven years later (and all of those bad habits dropped), I'm fortunately not looking like that rough guy I saw in the mirror that day. However, my skin's still bad. Sometimes I long for a lucid, psychedelic experience to put it all in perspective. It truly reminds you of what matters in the big picture, which is that nothing matters. But while I hold this knowledge close to my heart, I choose to keep it in the back of my head, because as far as tomorrow is concerned, I'd like to have clear skin when I meet with my boss to help keep the job I love to pay the bills to live how and with whom I wish.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

One time, on an LSD experience in high school years ago, I watched myself age in the mirror. I hated what I saw, but I later realized I was visualizing who I would become if I continued on the path I was on at the time. Seven years later (and all of those bad habits dropped), I'm fortunately not looking like that rough guy I saw in the mirror that day. However, my skin's still bad. Sometimes I long for a lucid, psychedelic experience to put it all in perspective. It truly reminds you of what matters in the big picture, which is that nothing matters. But while I hold this knowledge close to my heart, I choose to keep it in the back of my head, because as far as tomorrow is concerned, I'd like to have clear skin when I meet with my boss to help keep the job I love to pay the bills to live how and with whom I wish.

Amazingly well said. Thank you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Do you ever get "flashbacks"?

Nope never......the first time I got a migraine I thought the aura was a flashback......but it was just that.....the aura of a classical migraine............anyone who gets classical or optical migranes see's auras.....not just ones who've taken LSD......

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

because dropping acid is such a great idea... :rolleyes:

You don't understand. Look, doing drugs doesn't sound all that great, but sometimes they help put things into perspective. Some of us (including me) have such a distorted view of ourselves and the world, that tripping or getting high is one way to realize that it's just fucking acne!!! It's not always about escaping reality, it's more about understanding what matters and what doesn't. There are so many more important things in life that we should be happy about than what pops up on our goddamn skin (I'm talking to those who have mild to moderate acne). So if the occasional glimpse of a higher dimension allows you to see the "big picture," then so be it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Personalized Advice Quiz - All of Acne.org in just a few minutes

×