Ever since I was fifteen years old I've been ashamed of my skin, having this disease also made me really focus more on my facial features in general as I was growing into a young adult. And that's when I started noticing how ugly my facial features were even if I didn't have pimples. I started to resent my parents for giving birth to me. It took me almost twenty years to finally understand that I didn't win the genetic lottery. My self-importance doesn't want to accept that I'm inferior because of my appearance, but I've learned to understand societal standards and expectations and my role in the social hierarchical scale. But regardless of the realizations, I'm still ashamed of my skin and my ugly facial features. I've always been taught to be ashamed. It feels like I'm doing something wrong just by wanting to go outside, as if someone like me should be too embarrassed of myself to even think going outside is an option. My parents didn't help either. They reinforced shame in their children and my mother still does, she doesn't know any better. But I don't want to be ashamed of my face anymore or my features. I don't want to apologize to anyone for making them feel uncomfortable because of how my face looks. I want to tell my mom to stop being a bitch and so hyper critical about what she sees as flaws in her son. I want to genuinely accept what I look like and genuinely feel happy without worrying about how shitty my face feels and how shitty it looks. I'm tired of having to hide whenever I see someone. I'm tired of not having a life, but I'm also scared of rejection. I hate when people get grossed out by me.